While being reminded of how fortunate I am, amidst so many incoming messages from across the globe on my 41st birthday, I thought it timely to tell you a little story.

In 1999 I met this raver hip hop queen, and after the most arduous courting dance ever we finally started dating. In 2006, eleven years ago, we got married with four wedding ceremonies over two coasts totaling nine events. We are so lucky to have three beautiful children in our lives, the support of our parents and siblings, and the friendship of people we’ve called family for decades.

The reality, however, is that the work that goes into two careers, three small children, and keeping the fire burning with your lover is immense and can be so hard. The last year has been really tough and the hardest in our eighteen year journey. It’s not something you’re going to see on Facebook or social media because let’s be honest, Facebook and social media, while useful with merits (especially on your birthday — ahem), can be a mirage of reality.

There’s a veneer of optimism shared to the world in the pursuit of getting likes, chuckles, hearts and wows. Everyone plays at different levels but the reality is that it’s still a game. Real life and death don’t happen with glossy photos of smiling children or majestic exotic vacations.

Real life happened to me alone with my partner where we made the decision I made when I first met her. The decision to put in work and do whatever is possible to stay together.

I’m not saying that the pics of our kids or moments of joy we share are forged; they’re not. Like many people they are just pieces of the whole story of life. Just because you don’t share photos of arguments or crying doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.

We have problems. Everyone has problems.

We are working to tackle those problems and I’m proud to admit that we’ve been speaking to a therapist as part of our journey of staying together. It’s the first time in my life and it wasn’t an easy thing. Looking back it’s hard to understand why I would have hesitated. Maybe that hesitation stemmed from being the first son, child of the 80’s, first generation Indian in America… you name it the list is long.

None of that matters or luckily stopped us.

I’ve learned a lot about myself and it’s helping us look towards each other instead of looking away, helping us get through a challenging time, helping us fight to stay together.

Life can be a fight and getting help is not a weakness. I have no shame in my feelings that wether it’s by family, community, or yourself — do what ever it takes to get any help you can.

Survive.

As a human I remain hopeful. Hopeful for my family, my partner, our community, the world and our species.

I by no means know everything. I’m sharing something personal in solidarity with everyone else that may be going through it thinking they’re alone. Everyday i’m working on doing my best. I’m really hoping that the honesty in these words can help anyone make a decision to get the help they need wether for their families or themselves.

Today what greater gift could I have than Puneet? This strong, beautiful, powerful partner, and my hip hop raver queen for life

Keep fighting. Help each other. Help yourself.
Let me know how I can help.

Much love

I posted this on my 41st birthday and because of the response this received I wanted to place it here on Medium in hopes that it could help anyone trying to navigate life in our modern connected world. My partner and I have been fortunate to learn from the Gottman Institute and highly recommend it as a place to start.

I’m not convinced that the antiquated notion of leaders being stoic figures that sit atop mountains is suited for our hyper and virtually connected world. If the goal is to inspire and help then I feel that needs to come from a place of accessibility and vulnerability.

I want my friends both single and together to feel they are not alone in their daily struggles and that hopefully as a community we can be there for each other.

Ideally these words help people I don’t even know.

In Love. Prem

With 3 small kids, 2 businesses, 1 smoking hot amazing wife and a perfectly healthy addiction to raving …

I don’t have a lot of time.

But as my man Anand said “we are now entering that 3rd quarter of our lives” and I can’t escape thinking a lot about how much time I have left on this planet.

There are those friends you are meaning to connect with who have passed on. There are successes you were sure you’d have achieved by now. Now add in a dose of thoughts of raising (and paying for) children while wondering how many really good years you have with your parents.

The whole concoction can cause a bit of a mind fuck.

At the beginning of this year I made a decision to be a lot more focused on time where i’m spending it and who i’m spending it with. I like to think a lot and I also have some good systems in place and a great wife that allow me to experiment.

So for my time hacks I thought about the following:

- what has naturally lined itself up to be taken advantage of
- what can compound multiple activities together
- how can I do this and not upset the delicate scheduling balance of family and business

Right away Snowboarding jumped the fuck up. How many activities can deliver the the joy of gliding across fluffy clouds, while drinking beers, and also be an unbelievable work out? Yeah. Exactly.

I’ve always enjoyed leaving the bubble of San Francisco to be in nature. It’s one of the biggest advantages of living in the Bay Area. Snowboarding is a great activity for the family as well.

As 2017 was approaching it was looking to be a massive snow year and I was fortunate to have a great partner in crime. My man Shawn Steele, who I work with, has homies in Tahoe, is a great rider, and owns a lifted Pathfinder snow stomping beast. I got a season pass to seal the deal. I’m super cheap and knew I could harness the motivation of not wanting to waste that money.

Leaving at 6am on Fridays meant we never hit traffic and by 10am, when most people were drinking their second cup of coffee deep scrolling on Facebook, we were already on the mountain. At the end of a day on the mountain, completely exhausted, there’s a sense of fulfillment like achieving something that had taken weeks, not just lasted 5 hours. After crashing in a sleeping bag on the floor we’d get up at 8am on Saturday, ride 4 more hours and be back in SF in by 5pm again going the opposite way of traffic. By time I got home the kids were waking up from their afternoon naps with plenty of quality time left in the weekend.

Something amazing happens when you concentrate a significant amount of time into an activity and are motivated to improve. You get better way faster; even as a 40 year old Dad. Before January of this year i’d never ridden features in the park or really hit jumps at all. I give a lot of credit to SnowboardProCamp, the best YouTube how to Snowboard channel I found. Even when I wasn’t on the mountain I was watching these videos visualizing new tricks and movements.

This experiment brought me back to how it felt sophomore year of college when I finally broke through playing the guitar. It’s like the more time invested the better I got. Getting into that zone both physically and mentally is one of the most rewarding things in life.

Being open to learning and growing is my 3rd-quarter-of-life game face mentality. I’m trying my best to not let fear stop me from starting. Even old dogs can learn new tricks.

Let me know what you think.
Hopefully this motivates you to try some crazy shit.
Just don’t send me the hospital bill if it doesn’t work out.