I kept it a secret.

No one knew I was writing a book. Not my friends, not my family, not my colleagues at the language school where I teach English in Khon Kaen, Thailand. I wrote alone — in the early mornings before class, in the late evenings after my students went home, on weekends when the city was quiet. I wrote until it was finished.

Then I sent it to beta readers. I edited it. I designed the cover. I laid out every page myself. I registered the ISBN on my own. When I held the finished book in my hands for the first time, I felt something I had never felt before — the quiet, settled certainty that I had accomplished one of my life missions. I was delighted.

But almost everyone who hears the title asks the same question: “Money and God? Why would you write about that?”

It’s Not What You Think

This is not a religion book.

The word “God” in these pages is not tied to any religion. In the preface, I explain that I wrote questions down — real questions, the kind that kept me awake at night — and I got answers back. Not from a church. Not from a scripture. From a presence. A person, or an entity, that has always taken care of me. I called that presence “God” because I didn’t have a better word.

So no, this book doesn’t try to dissolve the dichotomy between religion and money. It does something simpler and more radical: it says that we are all enough. That we all deserve abundance. And that abundance is not something you chase — it’s something you uncover by connecting with the inner security that has been there all along.

The Moment Everything Changed

I need to tell you something I don’t usually tell people.

I wrote this book after I recovered from the first phase of schizophrenia.

During the relapse, I faced hallucinations that were terrifying. The kind that make you question everything — your mind, your reality, your place in the world. But through all of it, there was a presence. An energy that watched over me, encouraged me, guided me through the darkest hours.

At one point, that presence said to me: “You can make it out of this phase and become more powerful.”

I believed it.

When I recovered, the issue I still struggled with was money. So I wrote my questions down, and God answered. The answers became this book. I felt I had no choice — I had to finish it.

What This Book Is Not

This is not a self-help book. It’s not a religion book. It’s not a finance book in the way you’ve read before.

It’s a book about faith and inner security.

The core idea is simple: the more secure you feel about money, the more you attract it. Your power to attract abundance is beyond any obstruction — financial, social, circumstantial — as long as you can reach what I call the paradise island within yourself. That island was always there. You just haven’t looked.

Who This Book Is For

I wrote this for two kinds of people.

The first is the person who has lost faith in their own power. The one who feels broken, who has been told they’re not enough, who has started to believe it. This book says: you are more powerful than you know.

The second is the person who is struggling to make ends meet. The one who is exhausted from chasing, hustling, pushing — and still coming up short. This book says: stop struggling. Go deeper.

The roots of scarcity lie within, and they can be resolved within. Some of those roots come from how we were raised — the patterns, the beliefs, the things we were taught about money before we could even understand what money was.

In the book, God says: “You have to unlearn many things.”

That unlearning — the detangling of everything inside us that says we’re not worthy, not capable, not enough — is where the real work begins.

One Sentence

If I had to summarize everything this book taught me in a single sentence, it would be this:

You are now secured, and nothing can prevent you from your inner security here and now.

That’s it. That’s the whole book. The rest is just God explaining how to get there.

Talking Money with God by Prim Malikul — coming soon.

It was as if my bank account had a hole in it. Money would come in on Monday and be gone by Friday. Not on luxury items or reckless purchases — just… gone. Eating out when I didn’t need to. Buying things I didn’t care about. Subscribing to services I never used. Throwing bills at problems that didn’t require money to solve.

I kept telling myself I needed a better budget. A better system. More discipline.

But the problem was never the budget.

The Feeling You Can’t Name

When money landed in my account, I didn’t feel happy. I felt a nagging sensation in my chest — like I didn’t deserve it. Like the money was a mistake, a temporary visitor who would soon realize it had come to the wrong address.

So I would spend it. Not joyfully. Not carefully. Just… carelessly. As if getting rid of it quickly would relieve the discomfort of having it.

And it did — for about ten minutes. Then the guilt would arrive.

When I lost the money — whether through spending or through circumstances beyond my control — I felt something worse than guilt. I felt fear. Not the rational fear of “I need to pay rent.” Something deeper. Something that felt like panic in my torso, a tightness that I couldn’t explain.

It felt like being punished.

The Straight-A Student

To understand why I couldn’t hold onto money, I had to go back to when I was a child.

Growing up, the adults in my life had a simple message: if you are good, you will be rewarded. Be a straight-A student, and you will get what you want. Behave well, and you will be loved.

It sounds reasonable on the surface. But underneath, it taught me something dangerous: that receiving good things required being good. That I had to earn the right to have. That my worthiness was conditional.

My inner child learned this lesson well. She believed that she needed to be good all the time — and that being her true self, with all her messiness and imperfection, would make her a bad child. A child who doesn’t deserve rewards. A child who doesn’t deserve to receive.

So when money came to me as an adult — without me having to “earn” it in the way I was taught — my inner child didn’t know what to do. She felt like she was breaking the rules. She felt like a bad child receiving something she didn’t deserve.

And what does a bad child do with something they don’t deserve? They get rid of it. Quickly. Before anyone notices. Before anyone takes it back.

I Asked God

One night, sitting on my bedroom floor with my bank statement in front of me — the numbers not making sense because the math said I should have more but somehow I didn’t — I did what I always do when I can’t figure something out.

I asked God.

“God, there’s something strange. When I started earning more money, I started spending it away more easily, as if I could hold the money one second and the next second, it’s gone from my hands. Why?”

*”If you want to resolve this issue, I need to ask you: How do you feel when you spend money?”*

“Actually, when money comes into my account, I feel guilty and think I don’t deserve that amount of money, so I end up getting rid of it as quickly as possible.”

“That stems from a deep misunderstanding. When you were a child, did you ever feel unworthy of receiving good things?”

I sat with that question. And the answer came — not from my mind, but from somewhere deeper.

“If I think back, it was when I was very young. My parents had to work in Bangkok, and I had to stay in Khon Kaen with my sister and grandmother. Even though I expressed my desire for my parents to come back, they didn’t.”

“And how did that make you feel about yourself?”

“I felt that my needs had no value and that no one wanted to fulfill them. I felt that receiving what I wanted would make me a bad child.”

“That’s the core of the issue. You’ve always felt unworthy of good things, and when good things happen to you, it makes you feel like you’re becoming a bad person, right?”

“Actually, it’s deeper than that. I actually hate myself when I receive good things.”

“The word ‘hate’ is very strong, but since it’s your truth, let’s work with it. So, do you really hate yourself? I mean, deep down, do you hate yourself and not want yourself to receive good things?”

“Hm… Actually, that’s not quite it. I’m quite good at finding ways to make myself comfortable and happy. Does that count as loving myself?”

“Starting with tangible things, it’s good enough. So, when do you feel the best about yourself?”

“When I do something for others, like working on something for them or buying something for them.”

“And what about when you’re just being still, not doing anything or being anything?”

“Honestly, I don’t like myself much in those moments. I feel like I’m useless.”

“Good. Now let’s work on this further. Can you feel valuable even when you don’t do anything or be anything?”

“This question makes me uncomfortable. If I’m honest… no. I don’t feel good about myself if I’m not doing or being anything.”

“That’s very much to the point. This feeling is what makes you hate yourself when you receive good things. You feel that merely being yourself, without making sacrifices, doesn’t make you valuable enough. You started to misunderstand that you always need to give up everything in order to be worthy.”

I sat there, on the bedroom floor, and something clicked.

“Oh… to put it this way makes so much sense. That’s why I need to ‘sacrifice money’ all the time and can’t keep the money that should be mine for long, right?”

“Exactly. And if you want to resolve this issue, you need to correct your misunderstanding about sacrifice. You don’t need to give, do, or be anything for anyone to feel valuable. You can just ‘be’ in your own energy, and that alone is enough to make you a beautiful and perfect soul. Do you understand me?”

I didn’t fully understand it that night. But I remembered it. And over time, I began to live it.

This conversation is from Talking Money with God, a book I wrote for myself — and translated for anyone who needs to hear what I needed to hear.

The Punishment

When the money was gone, the panic would arrive. And that panic — I realize now — wasn’t about money at all.

It was the feeling of a child who has been caught being bad. The feeling of waiting to be punished.

Every time my bank balance dropped, my body reacted not like an adult managing finances, but like a child who had done something wrong and was about to be found out.

The tightness in my torso. The regret that I couldn’t control. The helplessness. None of it was about the money. It was about a belief I had carried since childhood: I am not enough, and if I receive something good, I will lose it because I don’t deserve it.

The Real Work

No budget could fix this. No app could track it away. No amount of financial discipline could solve a problem that wasn’t financial.

The real work was healing the child inside me who believed she had to earn the right to receive.

I started by talking to her. Not in a formal meditation practice — though I do meditate — but in small, quiet moments. When money came in, I would pause and say to her: You are enough. You don’t have to be good to receive this. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be here.

When I spent money, I would check in: Am I spending this from joy or from guilt? Am I buying this because I want it, or because I need to get rid of the discomfort of having money?

Slowly, gradually, the feelings shifted.

The nagging sensation faded. The panic when money left softened. The tightness in my torso loosened. Not because I forced it, but because the child inside me finally heard what she needed to hear: You are already enough.

What Changed

I won’t pretend everything is perfect. I still have moments where I catch myself spending carelessly. But now I notice. And when I notice, I pause. I breathe. I tell the child inside me that it’s okay to have. It’s okay to keep. It’s okay to receive without earning.

And something else happened that I didn’t expect.

When I stopped panicking about money, money started coming more easily. Not because I manifested it or used a special technique — but because when you stop gripping, things flow. When you stop pushing money away, it stops running from you.

I now trust that there are many ways money can come to me. It doesn’t have to be one source, one job, one strategy. It can come from anywhere — a new client, an unexpected opportunity, a conversation that turns into something. I don’t need to control the channel. I just need to stay open.

And it works.

I don’t feel panic anymore. I feel something I never thought I’d feel about money: relief.

One Word

If I could give you one word to take from this article, it would be this:

Enough.

You are already enough to receive. You don’t have to earn it. You don’t have to be good. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone — not even to yourself.

The reason you can’t hold onto money might not be about your budget at all. It might be about a child inside you who was told they had to earn the right to have good things.

Tell that child what they need to hear.

And then watch what happens.

If this resonated with you, I’d love to hear your story. What’s your relationship with receiving? Share in the comments — I read every one.

My Background

I’m a philosophy major graduate from a renown university in Thailand. After graduation, I worked as a 9–5 employee for 1 years, and then jumped directly into becoming a business owner. Read carefully, this is a VERY BIG STEP: when you become a business owner, you don’t know how much you would make each week. This looks like a risk, a VERY HUGE RISK. But I found comfort in not knowing about the future with this method: listening to our body.

Did it happen to you before that the numbers said “go” but the body said “no”? When you saw a 50% discounted bag and thought it was an irresistible deal? Yeah, I think absolutely everyone had this experience before: when you think with logic, purchasing the bag should be a right decision. But, why do you feel uncomfortable in your body? Why was there a nagging feeling like you were doing something wrong? This is how the body communicates with us about abundance: the right way is ‘going with the flow’: doing things your body feel comfortable with, even if your logic says no.

Going with the Flow?

In Taoism, an ancient philosophy rooted in China, there was a belief that we can have a good life by not resisting anything. Think like this: you are the water that flows through big and small rocks, and when you meet an obstacle, you just bend through with harmony. This way, we can avoid making a bad decision in life. Most of the time, we make a bad decision because we trust the head and not the heart. And the voice from the heart roots inside our body. If today you think you need a DJ controller and your body feel comfortable, go ahead!, even if it will leave you with 1$ in the account!

My experience:
After I purchased the DJ controller and played it with gratitude, in that week, there were over 200$ offers coming to my company, which was 2 TIMES of the amount of the DJ controller! I felt happier from making music and in that way, I attract more money.

Comfortable and Happy: The Important Emotions

In many books about abundant, there are sayings that ‘The more happy you are, the more you receive’. This resonates with me greatly. Yes! The more happy I am, the more money I made. Thank you, universe. I really deserve all the abundance and resources! And this is possible because I listen to my body.

For how to really hear the voice from our body, please stay tuned for the next week article by clicking ‘Follow’ or visit my website: https://www.primmalikul.com/

#MoneyMindset #Spirituality #Intuition #PersonalFinance #FeminineEnergy

พอเรากลัวความโดดเดี่ยว สิ่งที่ตามมาก็คือ ทำให้กลัวความสูญเสียไปด้วย เรากลัวสูญเสียคนรอบข้าง คนที่รัก ภาพของตัวเองที่แก่ตัวลงและคนรอบข้างจากไปหมดแล้วเลยเป็นภาพที่น่ากลัวสำหรับเรามาก

คำถามก็คือ มนุษย์ทุกคนต้องเผชิญกับภาวะที่โดดเดี่ยวที่สุดอย่างหลีกเลี่ยงไม่ได้ อย่างน้อยที่สุดก็คือวินาทีก่อนที่จะจากโลกนี้ไป แล้วเรายึดอะไรไว้ได้บ้าง? เรายึดสิ่งศักดิ์สิทธิ์ได้ไหม? หรือยึดภาพของคนที่รักไว้ได้ไหม?

จุดนี้เองที่ Inner Child Healing หรือการเยียวยาตัวตนในวัยเด็กเข้ามาให้คำตอบกับเรา สิ่งนี้มาเปลี่ยนแปลงความคิดของเราอย่างหนึ่ง คือ ‘ความสัมพันธ์กับตัวเองก็คือความสัมพันธ์อย่างหนึ่งเหมือนกัน’ ดังนั้น เราไม่มีวันโดดเดี่ยว ภายในตัวเรามีเด็กน้อยหลายๆคน เป็นจำนวนนับไม่ถ้วนที่ต้องการการเยียวยา ให้เราเข้าไปปลอบประโลม หรือแม้กระทั่งขอปัญญาญาณบางอย่างจากเขา

เด็กน้อยบางช่วงวัยรู้ดีว่าเขาต้องการอะไร เราแค่ไม่เคยปล่อยเขาออกมาแสดงตัวตน เขาเป็นธรรมชาติ และมีสัจจะ

หลังจากได้เยียวยา Inner Child เราก็ค้นพบว่าเราอยู่คนเดียวได้มากขึ้น มีบทสนทนากับตัวเองที่มีคุณภาพมากขึ้น และได้ค้นพบหลายอย่างในตัวเอง ถือว่าสิ่งนี้พลิกชีวิตเราไปเหมือนกันนะ

ฉัน: เธอไม่จำเป็นต้องพิสูจน์ตัวเองต่อหน้าฉันหรอกนะ เธออายุแค่ 5 ขวบ แค่เป็นเธอ และเป็นไปตามธรรมชาติของเธอ แค่นั้นเองเธอก็ดีพอสำหรับฉัน

เด็กน้อย: จริงด้วย ทั้งชีวิตฉันไม่เคยรู้สึกว่าตัวเองเป็นเด็กเลย

ฉัน: เป็นเพราะเธอรู้สึกว่าต้องทำอะไรต่อมิอะไรให้ได้ตามมาตรฐานของคนอื่นอยู่เสมอ เธอจึงจะดีพอ ตอนนี้เธออยู่ต่อหน้าฉัน ไม่มีความจำเป็นต้องทำอย่างนั้นอีกต่อไปแล้ว เราสามารถเป็นตัวเองได้เต็มที่ You are enough and good enough

เด็กน้อย: ฉันยังมีความไม่เชื่อในคำพูดนั้น

ฉัน: สังคมที่เธอเติบโตมาหล่อหลอมให้เธอรู้สึกว่าตัวเองไม่ดีพออยู่เสมอ แต่ไม่เป็นไร ฉันเข้าใจได้ เธอแค่ค่อยๆรับรู้และเริ่มเปิดตัวเองก็ได้ ค่อยๆซึมซับความรักจากฉันไปก็พอนะ Inner Child เด็กน้อยของฉัน ฉันจะเรียกเธอว่าเด็กน้อย เพราะเธอยังเด็กอยู่มากจริงๆ

(แล้วอยู่ๆ เพลงในร้านกาแฟที่ดังขึ้นก็คือเพลง Easy On Me)

อันที่จริงทุกสิ่งได้ถูกสร้างขึ้นและส่งมาให้เราก่อน (pre-sent) ตั้งแต่เราตั้งคำถามแล้ว ไม่มีอะไรที่เราจะ ‘ไม่ได้รับ’ เลยถ้าเราเลือกที่จะ ‘เป็น’ ในตอนนี้ (present) ลองคิดถึงคนคนหนึ่งที่ขอเงินสัก 10 ล้านจากพระเจ้า โจทย์ที่แท้จริงของคนคนนี้ไม่ใช่เงิน 10 ล้าน แต่คือ เขาต้อง ‘เป็น’ อะไร เขาถึงจะหาเงิน 10 ล้านได้ เขาต้องช่วยคนกี่คน และเขาจะ ‘เป็น’ คนยังไงที่จะช่วยคนจำนวนมากเท่านั้นได้ จริงๆแล้ว พอเราได้เข้าสู่พลังงานของการ ‘เป็น’ จริงๆ เรื่องเงินอาจจะดูกลายเป็นเรื่องเล็กๆไปเลย
.
จริงๆแล้วไม่ได้มีอะไรที่ต้องพยายาม สิ่งเดียวที่ต้องพยายามคือ ‘เป็น’ ตัวเองให้ดีที่สุด ทำยังไงเราจะ ‘เป็น’ ให้ดีที่สุดได้? คำตอบอยู่ในคำว่า ‘ถามและขอ’ ตอนนี้เราถามและขออะไรจาก Creator และสิ่งที่เราขอนั้น มันเป็นสิ่งที่เราต้องการจริงๆมั้ย ลองสำรวจตัวเองให้ดี สำรวจในทุกแง่มุม ทั้งมุมที่เจ็บปวดและรุ่งโรจน์ (pain and glory) แล้วเราจะพบว่าลึกๆแล้วสิ่งที่เราต้องการอาจไม่ใช่เงิน แต่คือการ ‘เป็น’ อะไรสักอย่างที่ตรงกับเนื้อแท้ของเรา