Moon beckons, beckoning quiet whispers night,

In mosaics of talk, talking shadows light,

Shake sleep, sleeping not, but awake in flight,

Gracefully perch, perching in moon’s soft sight.

You and silence, silently sinking deep,

In divine love, lovingly immersion steep.

This poem is made of my yearning for Laylatul Qadr, known as the Night of Power in the Islamic Faith during the last 10 days of Ramadhan. This night holds immense blessings, worship and prayers done on this night are considered more valuable than those done on a thousand months.

How do I manage expectations for this month

When life improves, wealth increases: having bigger homes, and higher incomes, and everything gets better. It’s an unavoidable trait that our expectations will rise alongside those improvements.

Thus, the subtle thought often arises “I may have more than I used to.”

The same thing happened to me in my writing journey here. At first, my ultimate reason was to practice my English writing ability. As this account grew, my expectations became higher, “I wanna be paid as others.”

However, everything turned dark as I discovered Indonesia isn’t an eligible country on Medium.

How much have my expectations risen after nearly almost a three-month journey here?

Does my happiness rely on a Medium paycheck?

Absolutely no, because I keep on track to write here.

Another day, I visited other articles and noticed their high stats and earnings, which made me worry about mine, as they were lower and under 100 reads. Consequently, I lowered the stakes to sustain what I had achieved in the past month.

What’s the reason behind this?

Because, over the past few days, my writing performance has become low and slow due to various reasons. I thought that altering my expectations would make me feel happier while writing and reduce the intense anxiety. Furthermore, changing my expectations will alter how I interpret the current circumstances.

This drives me to reflect on my own perspective of success rather than feeling envious of others’ achievements.

I’m aware that success isn’t always measured by material or tangible things. Deepening connections with other writers through giving and receiving encouragement means more to me than meeting my higher expectations.

Besides, I find the improvement in my writing ability. The awkwardness I felt at the beginning slowly turned to a bit of courage.

Thus, I need to celebrate small steps and victories.

I’m not saying that having high expectations is bad. No, I’d say it’s amazing because it leads us to make significant progress.

However, don’t let expectations rise faster than your circumstances without appreciating your small wins and happiness. It will make your life miserable.

“The expectation is a mental game that everyone is forced to play so you should be aware of the rules and strategies.” (Morgan Housel)

I realized that my effort wasn’t as much as I expected. My content post declined and sometimes I felt disoriented. But I’m still surviving to reflect on what I’ve to change to get a better result.

“Your happiness depends on your expectations.”

Embracing happiness alongside the process itself is more essential than my higher expectations.

Best Wishes,

Marisa

What I Need to Do to Achieve Happy Writing and Persist on Medium was originally published in Write A Catalyst on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

One night, I congratulated my close friend on her birthday. In appreciation, she invited me and our mutual friends to a cafe, where she treated us. The gathering lasted until almost midnight. However, the interaction left me feeling drained and exhausted.

Conversely, whenever I have tasks to complete and work with certain friends, I feel inspired and uplifted. It’s as if their energy and enthusiasm linger on, boosting my spirits for a while.

The quality of our connections with people can significantly impact our mood and productivity levels. While we may possess a strong intrinsic motivation to achieve our goals, it is often affected by extrinsic sources such as friends, colleagues, and mentors.

In Ali Abdaal’s book ‘Feel Good Productivity,’ I found how important rational energy is to boost our productivity and keep us on track.

Here, we explore various ways to incorporate it into your everyday life.

1. Find Someone to Collaborate with

When Ali worked in writing his book ‘Feel-Good Productivity,’ he joined the remote Writers’ Hour group. Every weekday, four times a day, the group gathers on Zoom video call. Then, for 50 minutes people in the group started working on different things.

This session helped him a lot to gain focus and stay energized during the writing process.

The practical element to implement this way is:

Seek your friend or online group to be your teamwork (the task doesn’t have to be the same).

This way can give a sense of teamwork and when others are in trouble. You wanna help them out and so forth.

The benefits also happened to me. When I want to commit to something hard for a month. Looking back on my past experiences, I tended to break my commitment just after the first 10 days. However, I tried to seek a friend who I could work with. We have to report to each other each day about our progress. This method could energize me, even if I’m a bit sick and sluggish to work on.

2. Helping Others

By the time my English speaking was A2 level, I offered my friend who wanted to take the IELTS test to be her speaking partner. Without a doubt, we connected since then. Doing the simulation speaking test. I was her examiner and she trained me to answer questions well. Alongside I also learned about many stuff, specifically speaking IELTS.

I know how difficult finding a speaking partner, that’s why I gave my friend the offer.

Helping others not only keeps me on track, but offers a powerful tool for growth, social change, and feel-good productivity as Ali Abdaal mentioned in his book.

According to Neuroscience helping others could release oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine. These feel-good hormones have the effect of boosting our mood and reducing stress.

3. Doing Kindness at Random People

Another way to make ourselves feel good is to act of kindness towards random people. Whether it’s offering your friends to hang out when they get bored, holding the door open for a stranger, or making a colleague a drink. Incorporating these into our daily can give us a feel-good sensation.

Ask yourself, what kind of random act you can do for people to make you a good every day?

Engaging in relational energy is beneficial to getting job satisfaction, and widening connections with others, particularly achieving success.

3 Ways to Maintain Relational Energy for Better Productivity Based on Ali Abdaal was originally published in Word Garden on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

On Sunday my throat felt scratchy. My limbs started echoing like thunder. Aches rolled in waves, leaving me longing for relief. Everything turned to low and slow motion, every chore felt like climbing a mountain. Despite making the simple movement, I put in much effort.

I took medicine with the huge hope of getting better sooner. Because my fingers and brain were craving to create crafts. I also pondered my goal for this month. It strengthened my desire to do more despite the circumstances.

As my eyes opened the following morning, the heaviness gripped my nose and left me hard to catch my breath. My throat was irritable as if my body begged me to rest, wrapped in blankets. As my eyes back closed, a voice of wind whispered to me. It recounted the spark of my obsession and I got up.

30 minutes have been in my head since then.

I took a shower, and then my fingers tapped on social media to seek inspiration. I was determined to do it comfortably. I came into confinement, sitting with a sense of toughness despite my discomfort circumstances.

Word by word, word became sentence and grew to paragraph. I frequently paused for moments to clear my nasal blast and lean back on the chair. Finding the white page no longer empty left me both with relief and content. It went beyond my 30-minute rule.

I found that words seemed like a drug, the core of all my decisions, guiding me. Words have the power to empower me. They convey the message to purify the dirt of my past and the soil of my mind.

Despite the gnawing flu, my heart is yearning for words. Since I was a child, I’ve belonged to my words. it springs my steps through nature’s curves and bends.

Best Wishes,

Marisa

The Core of All My Decisions was originally published in Know Thyself, Heal Thyself on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Each time my writing session ends, there’s a sense of joy and relief. Despite fear and doubt gripping me at the beginning. I can brighten the dimly lit room of my mind by re-reading and expanding my words into the craft that surprises me. At such moment, I realize my existence is lined with words and I’m fated as a writer.

Before sleep my brain constantly comes up with the aroma of fulfillment and yearning to write for the following morning. I’ll always keep writing, whatever it gets difficult.

This core drives me to write in another language as my journey here. To boost my account and elevate my energy I come up with the idea of being the Medium Partner Program. Unfortunately, the process isn’t as easy as I expected. Because Indonesia isn’t eligible for MPP. Afterward, I’ve been looking for numerous strategies to deal with. However, it still does not work out.

“Will I stop writing even if Medium doesn’t give me a paycheck?” I asked myself.

“I will not, never,” I replied confidently.

Despite this hurdle, I share here my compelling reasons to persist in writing on the platform.

1. Building Another Homeland

Foreign language is like a delicate muscle; it gets weaker if we don’t use it. That’s the point that drives me to land on this platform. My English should be practiced in the real world. My limbs should experience more to write and think, spending most of the time in English, just to make myself comfortable living in another place.

Home isn’t built overnight but little by little, brick by brick. Those bricks will become walls and a place where I can take off my stuff and chill out inside.

As a newbie, I don’t want my work to remain in silence, and the best way is to hit publish here and communicate with people who are willing to read mine.

2. Engage with the Large English Community

Diving into the vast English community has been an illuminating part of my journey. By engaging with people here, I’ve not only found a room to practice and polish my English but also connect to individuals overseas.

Engagement is a doorway to gaining feedback and encouragement. It has led me to enrich my understanding of different cultures, ideas, and perspectives, pushing me to explore various writing styles and themes to create my own voice.

In addition to intrinsic motivation, extrinsic motivation plays a role in the success journey as well. That’s why my writing journey will never end solely due to the absence of financial rewards.

3. Writing Serves as Emotional Therapy

Throughout my entire life, there have been no activities that could bring fulfillment except writing. I can understand my memories, unresolved emotions, and what comes in between. Fear always grips me each time I put my vulnerability and weaknesses into words. However, I feel a sense of openness beyond just sharing through English.

“What passes without being put into words, without being transformed and, in a certain sense, purified by the cruciable of writing. Only words that endure seem real. They have a power, a value superior to us.” Jhumpa Lahiri

Benefits Beyond Monetary Gains

There are numerous advantages to contributing on Medium:

1. Building a portfolio of my work to gain various opportunities such as freelance gigs and book deals.

2. Honing my English writing skills and reaching deeper connections with readers.

Regardless of the absence of financial rewards, my presence on Medium is driven by a genuine desire to achieve personal and professional growth and hoping a lasting impact through my writing.

I’d like to express my heartfelt thanks to Fabio Cerpelloni for sharing his journey as an English writer. His article is like fuel, inspiring a relentless spirit in me as a lifelong English learner.

I’ll Keep Writing, Even if Medium Holds Back My Paycheck was originally published in Word Garden on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

As I delved deeper into my second language immersion, I now enjoy reading various types of books, such as memoirs, novels, science, self-development, and poetry. Furthermore, I also explore diverse platforms like The New York Times, literary magazines, and Medium. My keen curiosity to discover different writing styles and personal experiences drives this exploration.

Doing this has had a significant impact on my creative mindset.

The Drawback

Before diving into the benefits, it’s important to note a drawback. It takes me more than a few months to complete those books. Also, it’s because of my reading style — I pay a lot of attention to the words used and how the writer makes me feel. I find myself savoring each sentence, word, and paragraph.

Regardless, the slow reading pace is a doorway to deepen my creativity spectrum. As a voracious annotator, I’m using input as a vehicle for improving my writing skills. The part of the books I highlight leads to getting a bank idea and ways to make better crafts.

It’s like seeking treasures in different parts of nature, forests, mountains, and deserts. Going on long adventures helps us understand the world better.

1. Awake My Sensory Spectrum

In terms of fiction and poetry books, they deepen and awaken my sensory journey. I often find myself pausing at particular sentences to highlight phrases and scenes that strike me, leading to imaginative visions of objects and activities. As a result of my daily activities, I frequently slow down to observe my senses and what’s happening around me.

While the vocabularies that come up may not form complete structures, phrases such as “waves crush the shore” evoke a sense of ease, akin to the rolling clouds in silence.”

2. Shifting My Lens in a Unique Way

Reading non-fiction books, especially personal essays and self-development, not only improves logical thinking. And also offers valuable insights drawn from personal observations of the world.

It can also change how I usually do things, like making birthday cards or thank-you letters. I learned the syntax and rhythm of how writers capture each thought. I underline the sourness, bitterness, and sweetness within their craft.

I also capture my life experience uniquely by using a specific metaphor and changing the way I think about people. I occasionally place myself in their shoes to acknowledge their feelings and emotions.

I’d like to get the excitement from the inspiring scenes and sentences that travel into my work. Despite depicting the realities of our world, each book has a unique style from which to learn.

Amidst my writing sessions, I often reopen the inspiring books to find the element that matters to me. My hands will not type smoothly without keeping the books in a pile close to where I work.

2 Hidden Benefits of Reading Diverse Genres Impacting My Creative Headspace was originally published in Word Garden on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

In late December, as my minor thesis came to an end, I was determined to embark on another journey, crossing a different ocean. This crazy desire derived from my yearning, and fear of losing my new sensibility and identity. My eyes were bright as I looked up at the sky, despite it being slightly dark. The color will turn diverse shades, just like my new journey ahead.

I left all my old belongings, stuffing them into a container. Moreover, I packed only half of what I needed in my suitcase. For over 20 years, I’ve never made such a daunting decision — to allow myself to walk a new path, streets, and buildings, and greet new people. This decision, in addition to giving me a sense of discomfort also brought relief and joy.

What frightens me ‘What if I don’t have supportive friends?’ ‘Am I ready to be alone forever?’ The questions came up to the surface and gripped me. However, I reassured myself that my journey would be valuable and worthwhile despite leaving my privileges behind.

As I arrived, I realized how different I was. My style and face did not look like anyone else in a new place. What touched me deeply, was when the conversation began between me and another foreigner. They warmly welcomed, seemeing both landlord and guest. They showed me each detail of the area in the house. My voice and accent didn’t disrupt them that even listening to me and responding wholeheartedly.

Another ocean I cross is imagery from my writing here. I choose a Medium website. This community has captivated me since 2022, fulfilling my crazy need. And brings me close to the language I am most fond of. Previously, English works settled at the bottom and remained silent.

Regardless, engaging in this community has been transformative for my life. I’ve created distance from my primary language, abandoning my side hustle as a writer in Bahasa, to dive heartily into another ocean. My impulse was sparked by a profound curiosity about finding a new style and voice.

Living in a new place isn’t easy. My body adjusts to the unsettled weather and circumstances. My courage grows bolder with each step I take. Despite the slow progress and the frailty of my lines, I often feel frustrated and anxious to fit in.

However, each time I hit publish, I always find excitement and feel cherished by the words and support of people here. Receiving claps and comments from individuals of diverse cultural backgrounds truly lifts my heart. They appreciate my unnatural voice. As a result, my works are no longer confined to private drafts, and I am no longer alone on this journey.

Medium is the best platform for communication take place. I found supportive friends and embrace the big English community here. Initially, it seemed like landlord and guest, along the way getting through their honest experiences, vulnerability and celebrating each other success lead to another metaphor, my second home and family.

I don’t consider myself an expert English writer because my work is far from perfect. However, my passion for learning through avidly reading others’ works and commenting on this platform countless times is one of the best ways to connect to my adopted language.

I realize that learning in this fashion implies a perpetual state of growth. And my seeds start thriving after passing through diverse seasons. I cannot resist waiting for them to bloom.

Best Wishes,

Marisa

The Joy of Crossing Another Ocean was originally published in Write A Catalyst on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Yesterday, I found myself feeling disappointed about my TikTok statistics. Yet, after producing two videos, I took a look at no notable improvement in likes or views. Despite my commitment to evaluating each video I made, and my efforts to incorporate relatable ideas, the content did not meet my expectations.

I shared my concerns with a friend who has been working as a beauty content creator for almost three years. She advised me that perfection and complete mastery aren’t necessary at the beginning. Going through evaluations can enhance our content, but it should be done gradually.

Watching various editing tutorials is helpful, yet overburdening our minds to the extent of feeling overwhelmed will prevent us from progressing in creating continuous content.

“Consistency is a key for a beginner.” She pointed out.

You are still learning how to attract people to your craft, and how to be persistent in doing something you have never done it before.

Don’t complicate your journey with the need for ideal style and perfection. Just go ahead and create using the knowledge you have.

I discovered many content editors and saved their advice and tutorials, which is beneficial. However, the amount of information has slowed me down from moving forward.

Then, I start writing down ideas and topics for the tips and tutorials I need. To enhance my editing skills and prevent me from falling into the trap of mindlessly scrolling.

Making small changes in each step will lead to sustainable progress, rather than making one big change all at once.

So, begin the small process and stick with it. There’s no need to search for “the perfect editing video.” The key is to keep making videos, and as you do, incorporate the best elements and strategies that could enhance your skills. Remember, consistency is your first step towards excelling in everything.

I Don’t Need to be Good at Editing to be a Content Creator was originally published in Long. Sweet. Valuable. on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Over the past few years, a specific question has been rolling in my mind. Although I didn’t actively seek an answer, the question resurfaced, especially when I saw a woman with a disability and her two daughters walking around my neighborhood, which is where the question originated.

Each morning, before dawn, she sits on the sidewalk with two girls in uniforms, who are probably around eight and nine. To pass the time, both of them play with the soil nearby. Sometimes, one of them struggles to stay awake. They wait for the free breakfast delivery from a famous restaurant in my hometown. When the delivery arrives, they head to school, which is just a five-minute walk away, while their mother goes to work alone.

Every time I see the way she walks, it pierces me, and I am hit by a barrage of questions. Regardless, I feel echoes of my own mother in her energy. Despite her pain and flawed body, it’s as if her effort shines throughout the entire universe.

On this early morning, after jogging I went over to greet her. In the brightest way, she smiled back at me. And I asked what was behind her beaming face. She shared with me about her first daughter’s achievement as the first runner-up in calligraphy. I noticed a sense of pride as she described her firstborn relentless spirit in practicing her craft.

What shocked me was that she disclosed her work experiences in diverse countries 20 years back. When she intended to move to Canada, she was physically abused by her husband, which ultimately led to the amputation of her left leg.

Her husband left home and she has been raising her two daughters alone ever since.

It makes my heart fall to bits.

How strong she is, to stand back on her feet despite the adversity caused by the man who stabbed her, leaving her marked both physically and emotionally.

The scars seem like a shadow that will never leave her alone.

Regardless, in the midst of unsettled waves, she survives and sacrifices to live and give comfort to women who come after, education and proper food.

As I headed back home, my rolling mind turned to silence. I felt like floating over my feelings. As if they were about to explode. Without actively seeking the answer, nature encounters the answer towards me.

I Got My Answer from a Disabled Woman was originally published in Long. Sweet. Valuable. on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

On a cold Friday afternoon, as I found the provided seat, I leaned back with relief. I’m thankful for my friend who sits next to me, waving her way to inform me. This was a result of my absence from the event rehearsal yesterday. Ironically, on the day of the degree conferral, I was a bit late and rushed to come.

The stage fully caught my attention. Initially, memory played a recorded moment: I was in the same black-and-white dress code, drowned in curiosity about college life, and my obsession with English began. I was eager to be good at everything, particularly in becoming a social activist.

A number of semesters have flown by. The community I once engaged with and struggled in no longer exists. What remained of my desire for devotion is solely tied to my college. Alongside aspiring to become an established writer, fear of forever connecting to English arose. Despite navigating certain streets in Bahasa, I always avoided acknowledging English as a language relevant to my life

My friend’s voice broke the silence between us. We counted how long it would take us to arrive at this remarkable moment. At the moment of the thesis, amidst a storm of feelings from joy to desperation, we found laughter. The good principles of our perfectionist supervisor, woven into our work, serve as both torment and wisdom in my life.

In the midst of the event, countless blessings are swirling within me. I discovered the realization of passing through hardship to attain everything I ever wanted. I’m thankful for eleven semesters that led me to hit rock bottom, feeling lost and nearly dying, only to be reborn multiple times. I’m thankful for the obstacles I’ve overcome with relentless spirit, enabling me to see myself in a shining place.

Best wishes,

Marisa

Gratitude for Degree Conferral Moment was originally published in #Grateful4 on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.