There’s a unique story behind my mother tongue. My mother, a native Javanese speaker, never actively taught me Javanese or used it to communicate with me during my childhood. I remember once asking her, “If you didn’t use Javanese to communicate with me in my early years, what should I consider as my first language?” Without hesitation, she replied, “Bahasa Indonesia.” In that defining moment, I came to the realization that my true mother tongue is “Bahasa Indonesia,” rather than Javanese.The idea of a “mother tongue” is deeply personal and culturally meaningful. As Veronica (2007) wisely put it, a mother tongue is the language that feels like home. For me, Bahasa Indonesia, not Javanese, is my mother tongue. It’s a dynamic aspect of my linguistic identity, influenced by factors like the language spoken at home.

My adventure in learning English as a foreign language began in the 3rd grade of elementary school. Surprisingly, this introduction to English didn’t change my mother tongue, Bahasa Indonesia. This experience aligns with what Cummins (1981) found in Second Language Acquisition research. He introduced the concept of ‘Common Underlying Proficiency,’ suggesting that acquiring a new language doesn’t necessarily diminish our skills in our mother tongue. In my case, English became a valuable addition to my language skills, complementing Bahasa Indonesia (Cummins, 1981).

Sujata Bhatt, a well-known poet and writer, has explored the connection between language and identity in her work. Her poem ‘A Different History’ touches on the importance of preserving one’s mother tongue even when facing language loss. I share a similar belief. While I’ve embraced English for academic and professional reasons, my connection to Bahasa Indonesia is profound. It’s not just a way to communicate; it’s part of who I am. Research in Second Language Acquisition also emphasizes the value of holding onto our mother tongue, as it forms the foundation for learning other languages (Cummins, 2000).

In my life, Bahasa Indonesia and English coexist peacefully, each serving a unique purpose. I can switch between them effortlessly, depending on the situation and the people I’m communicating with. This ability to navigate between languages reflects the findings in the field of bilingualism (Grosjean, 2010). I’ve discovered that this balance not only preserves my mother tongue but also enhances my English proficiency.

In conclusion, my journey through languages has profoundly shaped my identity. Bahasa Indonesia is the core of my linguistic identity, and learning English has enriched my life without erasing my mother tongue. As I continue to embrace multilingualism, I’m steadfast in my belief that preserving and celebrating our mother tongue is vital. Through this, we honor our heritage while embracing the opportunities that other languages offer.

References

Cummins, J. (1981). The Role of Primary Language Development in Promoting Educational Success for Language Minority Students. In California State Department of Education (Ed.), Schooling and Language Minority Students: A Theoretical Framework (pp. 3–49).

Cummins, J. (2000). Language, Power, and Pedagogy: Bilingual Children in the Crossfire. Multilingual Matters.

Grosjean, F. (2010). Bilingual: Life and Reality. Harvard University Press.

Veronica (2007). Mother Tongue and Identity: The Language You Feel Belong To. Journal of Linguistic Identity, 12(3), 61–75.

As Cheryl Thompson said in ‘Black Women and Identity: What’s hair got to do with it?’, hair is not just something to play with, it is something that is laden with messages, and it has the power to dictate how others treat you, and in turn, how you feel about yourself (Thompson, 2008). I do agree with that statement, I felt that with a curly hair there were some people that treat me bad and even made that as a joke. I also felt bad about myself because I started to hate my own hair. Back to my junior high school era, at that time hair smoothing was so popular. I could not stand with my curly hair again, so I decided to do that hair smoothing too. My hair became straight and smooth. Surprisingly, it also changed the people around me. They praise my hair and said I was more beautiful in straight hair. I repeated that action until now, for every six months I have to do that process again and again.

Two Years ago in my Cross Cultural Understanding class, I was interested with the song from Lady Gaga "Hair" played by my lecturer. I think she sang it from the point of view of a teenager about the importance of her hair being her identity. Looked at my previous experience struggling with my unbeautiful curly hair, I realized that it can take a long time to find who you are. I felt a little disappointed now, how can that ridiculous story made me change my hair and my identity. My identity is a girl with a brown and curly hair, not a straight and smooth hair like now. I really miss my curly hair, and the thing that made me feel sadder is because of the trend of this year is not a straight hair anymore, but the curly one. One of the film maker and a journalist named Christopher Banks said that "Because identity is about being yourself-not somebody else (Banks, 2012). In conclusion, although I was disappointed with the change of my hair in the past and the fact that it cannot back into the original one again, but I will try to love my hair now, because this is my identity.

The reason of this journal writing is to share my difficulty as a non native speaker in learning English, especially in writing. Learning English is like a journey for me, sometimes I found a difficult way, meet some challenges, and often get down because of so many rules that I have to learn. When I heard the word “writing”, the first word that comes in my mind is “complicated”. Writing in English is really different from writing in Indonesian. In Indonesia, a good writing should be based on the rule of EYD (Ejaan yang disempurnakan) in which there are general guidelines for aspects of grammar,terminology, figure of speech, poem, poetry,proverbs, as well as raw and not raw words (kata baku dan tidak baku). In my opinion, although we have some rules of writing in Bahasa Indonesia, but as an Indonesian we will naturally and smoothly absorb that. Different in English writing, as my experience before, I’ve got a difficulty to develop my ideas because I was too afraid of making grammatical error on my writing. That concerns really change my thinking process. The grammar rules on English really makes me to think grammatically, not critically. That’s why I want to make a kind of reflection about my mindset of learning to write in English and share my experience to Indonesian students who are struggling with the same experience as mine.

My position in English is a learner. I live in non English speaking country, so learning English is a kind of struggle for me. Until now, I still learning about the components of English, practically and theoretically, that’s why I called myself as an English learner. The practical components always become a difficulty for me. As I told before, I was too afraid of making mistake in the grammar use. My difficulty continued when I started to write in English. I always put grammar rules to the first priority of writing in English. I didn’t realize that, my mindset made my critical thinking was blocked. Sometimes I have some ideas for my writing, but because of my fear of making grammar mistake, I always decide to write in a safe way.

When I was 11 years old, I ever joined writing competition. The competition was conduct by the one of elementary school in Salatiga. My English grade in elementary school was not bad, that’s why my school sent me to join that competition. I was really excited with that. My English teacher gave us (the team that consist of 3 students) the preparation to make sure we were ready for the competition. When the d-day came, I became more optimistic. I had to write about the story of my family, simple topic but difficult for 11 years old child. I wrote smoothly and tried to pour my ideas into the paper. I did not get significant difficulties because my teacher had given preparation in advance. Finally, the time for write was over. Although I felt very tense with the results, I feel very confident. I was sure that I will win. In the end, the results of the contest were announced, and it turns out that I did not get the place of the winner; I left the competition with empty hand. It made me very upset, I felt so stupid. The worst thing was, I was afraid to write in English since that event, and had no confident in writing English. I was thinking that, my grammar must be really bad and that failure made me became a loser in the competition. From that moment I became more sensitive with English writing. I didn’t like to do it anymore and I’ve got low mark until I entered Junior High School. There were some questions that ran on my mind, “Do I have the competencies to write?”, “Why can’t I make a good writing?”

And here’s my reflection…

Well, at least I can learn 2 things from my experience. Firstly, a grammar rule is important in writing, of course, but the most important thing is to think critically. Secondly, I will not make my failure in childhood as a stumbling block when I want to learn something.

When I entered university and enroll in academic writing class, I realized something about writing, I found that voices are more important than grammar rules. I read the journal from an Asian female scholar named Yan Guo and get the point that the first thing I have to do is to learn the importance of highlighting my own interpretations of the literally texts and supporting my arguments with examples from the texts and from other literally critics (Guo, Y. 2006). Later on, I always write first of what comes to my mind, rather than checking the grammar errors. I am not afraid of grammar rules anymore and always try to develop my voices on writing.

Lastly, When I grew up and thinking about my previous experience when joining the writing competition, I think I was very childish that time. The thing that I should do is to make my failure as a motivation to study harder.

Finally, I’ve learned many things from my experience in learning english (especially in writing). Thinking and learning from the past experiences really help me to be a better learner. I do agree with Guo’s opinion that said “learning to write in a second language is also a lifelong journey on searching for self” (Guo, Y. 2006). Hopefully, I can be a good writer in the future.