Body dysmorphia is a wildly unassuming pain-in-the-ass (to put it lightly).

And you’re here because you agree.

You want to change how it:

• Controls your life
• Ruins your appetite
• Changes how you feel

The good news: it’s entirely possible. The bad news is, once I show you how, you’ll have to find new ways to hate yourself… only kidding.

This change in thinking made my relationship with food and my body almost healthy. I found it just as surprising as I’m sure you will.

Full disclaimer: I took years putting this into practice. I won’t sugarcoat it (ha) it’s going to be hard work for you. Some days will be a battle, and your internal dialogue is likely to be unpleasant. The result of less food anxiety and self-loathing will be worth it, though.

Promise.

I found that body dysmorphia stems from perfectionism

I won’t assume what you look like, or how much you weigh, but I’ll take a wild guess about what you’re like as a person: you want more for yourself.

You’re harsher on yourself than you are on other people. When you let yourself down, that causes you to spiral into a cycle that’s tough to get out of.

That’s because you obsess.

I know you do, because I do.

But you don’t obsess over things you can control, no, of course not. You choose to be totally irrational and chase impossibly high standards.

And these high standards manifest as isolation… maybe not going out as often as you like… fighting with your friends and family.

Tell me I’m wrong.

While you hide from mirrors (or spend too long obsessing in them), your mind creates an environment where body dysmorphia can flourish.

The type of environment where we label foods as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ and punish ourselves accordingly. A slice of pizza? That’ll be 15,000 steps. Oh, you want the fries too… that’s at least a week’s worth of crippling guilt and shame.

It’s not enjoyable for you, and I speak from the perspective of both sides; it’s not fun for other people either.

The problem is… You can’t break the cycle. Even if you ate nothing but salad and air for the next 2 weeks, you’d find a problem. You go hunting for them. That’s the link between perfectionism and body dysmorphia I mentioned earlier.

My secret is… learning how to reframe moments.

To do this, we employ a technique called Exposure, Response, Prevention (ERP).

Take away its power by normalising your thoughts

When you use a Demon’s name, you take away all its power… It’s the same principle here.

The issue is… demons are scary. I’m afraid of larger-than-normal spiders, so confronting a demon is at the bottom of the ‘shit I’d like to do’ list. But the longer you leave it, the scarier it becomes.

It could be under your couch… in your shoes… bleurgh, gross.

The unknown makes everything worse. So, what’d you do? You sit with your thoughts. You let them happen. You expose yourself to them more often.

In CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), this technique is known as ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention). You intentionally face your terrible thoughts so you can control the outcome.

Sound confusing? Good, it’s not just me then…

Example: you track your steps. 10,000 or more every day. And on Sunday, you do 8,000.

What do you do?

A. Hate yourself for it and do 12,000 on Monday

B. Do nothing, it’s only 2,000 steps

C. See yourself as a failure and let that ruin your week.

You said A, didn’t you? Heh… we’re so alike.

The answer is B, sit in your failure — stew in it. Bask in the stench of your sloppy, undisciplined behaviour. This is the exposure. You mentally (and emotionally) accept the ‘failure’.

But I know you… You want to fix it either in the moment or the day after. You’ll do this by adding more steps or eating less calories.

So next, we normalise.

You do not punish yourself for it, either verbally or physically. Instead, I want you to commit to a normal day and say it out loud…

‘I’ll do my normal 10,000 steps tomorrow. I’ll eat normal food.’ I’ve even written this down on my really bad days.

Don’t be embarrassed if you feel like writing it down will help (it helps me).

Now, the tough part, the mental punishment.

Within the hour, your brain will take over. An onslaught of negativity. Fat ass. Lazy good-for-nothing… so on, and so forth.

This is where being a perfectionist will actually help you for once. You’ve probably tracked your steps this week (of course you have…), so look back over it.

Did you do more than 10,000 steps some days? Did you eat less calories? Did you freak out?

Stop. Stop right there…

(See how easy that was to trick you into old habits? Damn, I’m good…)

Don’t look for deficits or surpluses to ‘justify’ your failure. That’s not how this works. You’re gonna have to sit and feel uncomfortable. That’s how you build tolerance. That’s how you prevent your typical response.

If you ever struggle with feeling uncomfortable… just think ‘I could be doing wall sits…’ and then realise, your day ain’t that bad.

And finally… The most important thing is that you do not accept your thoughts as facts. Label your thoughts as feeble attempts to ruin your day. Your job here is to (hold on to your hats, folks…) do nothing.

Each time you do this, you weaken the connection between the obsession and the compulsion.

You’ll build tolerance for imperfection.

You’ll slowly get better at this. It could take an hour at the start. Then 20 minutes… then 5.

The point is, you’ll get there. And you’ll love yourself for it.

Boundaries are how I respect myself; compromise is how I respect us.

I had (okay, have) a habit of using boundaries as an excuse to get rid of people, which felt great in the short-term. But, terrible in the long run when I’d inevitably push people I valued away.

For a stubborn, red-blooded male like me, compromise feels like a dirty word.

Like a weakness.

Until I realised through sheer repetition that boundaries and compromise complement each other.

And so, I’m going to tell you how I found this out and how you can find this balance in your relationship more often.

Be willing to accept influence

Influence doesn’t mean control.

Your ability to influence and be influenced shows that you’re open-minded. Building rigid boundaries might feel powerful, but it’s actually linked to:

1. Poorer mental health
2. Taking thoughts as facts
3. Higher rates of anxiety

This need to be in control means you develop an intolerance for uncertainty (known as IU).

Think about the last time you tried to set a boundary but couldn’t predict the outcome. I’ll tell you when that happens to me: all the fucking time.

You can’t control people. They can’t (shouldn’t) be able to control you, either.

These 5 thought processes helped me tremendously. I’m sure they can help you too:

1. If your default answer is no, you’re protecting comfort, not values. Try willingness for a short, safe dose (sounds scary… it is scary… but it’s necessary).
2. If you only feel safe when people follow your rules, that’s cognitive fusion (taking thoughts as facts). Choose your actions by value, not your ‘rules’.
3. Don’t set murky boundaries. If you’re unclear, it feels like rejection. Be clear, then kind.
4. Don’t feel guilty for saying ‘no’. Instead, make your choice fair and aligned to your values… not your comfort.
5. Try having more uncomfortable conversations. This stops your anxiety spiking all over the place whenever you’ve got to say ‘no’ to something/someone.

Balance your relationships and self-respect

Saying yes to things and then changing your mind creates problems. It might not seem like a ‘big deal’, but trust me, it picks the scab of respect pretty aggressively.

It’s been done to me. And I’m sure you’ve experienced it, too.

It’s a reaaaaal suckfest.

This ‘yes-then-backtrack’ loop trains people to double-check everything you say, which will undoubtedly result in frustration for you. (But, let’s not forget, you created the problem. Duh.)

If you impulsively blurt out ‘yes, sure, ’ here’s how you stop that from happening.

Add friction before you answer. People don’t expect you to be available 24/7, 365 days of the year. Ain’t nobody that free.

Here are 2 ways I’ve changed my language to handle these situations lately.

Delay the commitment: it’s not a hard ‘no’, it’s a ‘I appreciate you asking me, let me check first and I’ll let you know tomorrow, does that work?’

Bounded yes: ‘I can’t do A, but I can do B and C if you’re up for it’.

Example: ‘I appreciate you asking, but I can’t do Friday! I can do Sunday or Wednesday if any of those days work for you?’

They work great to help maintain a healthy relationship with friends, family, and partners.

And if someone’s pressuring you for an immediate answer, now you can say no.

Always leave a path back

You’re not always going to get this right with people. You might hurt yourself (or someone else) as you learn how to balance compromise and boundaries.

I’ve learned always to leave a path back in case I mess it up. I repair early. I own it. And I offer a way to make it good, quickly.

This has to be with intent. It’s a dramatic mental shift to go from:

Blindly setting unreasonable boundaries → Acknowledging when you’ve gone too far.

Like everything, you learn this through practice. If you’re going to say no, say it with kindness. If you want to respect your values, make sure you’re willing to explain why.

The easiest way to bring this into practice is to say smaller truths sooner.

And there’s a formula I’ve created to make this easier:

What happened → One feeling → Small ask → Shared win

For example: ‘When [you didn’t invite me to your birthday party], I felt [like I had been left out]. Could we [go out for dinner next week instead] so [that we still get to celebrate together]?

Or if it’s to protect your energy/peace:

‘When [plans change last minute], I feel [stressed]. Could we [plan for the next time we meet] so [I’m not scrambling and in a low mood]?’

You can do this with anything:

1. Plans and energy
2. Time boundaries
3. Replying to texts
4. Physical space
5. Emotional check-ins

And if you need to diffuse a situation quickly:

‘I’m not saying you’re wrong. I’m saying I felt [stressed] and I’d like us to try [planning next time] so we’re both good.

The first part of that diffusion statement is suuuuuuper important.

It won’t be easy to master all three techniques.

I open the gate for compromise when it serves the relationship; I close it when it ignores my boundaries. When I built walls, I lost people. When I had none, I lost myself.

Gradually make small changes and purposely pay attention to what you did great and what you could improve on next time.

Cutting people out of your life is healthy.

I can do it guilt-free, whenever I like, to whomever I like. And I’ll sleep like a baby, too.

Too many adults I know are afraid of confrontation. Too scared to do what’s right for them. Instead, they’d rather live with disrespect, disregard and disingenuous relationships.

I’ve never understood it.

I’m not saying I haphazardly go around hurting people for entertainment. That’s psychotic. What I’m saying is: if someone oversteps a boundary, they gotta go.

So, if like me, you want to understand how you deal with ‘trimming the fat’ without losing sleep, I’ll let you in on some secrets.

Repeated disrespect is intentional

Second chances are not third, fourth or fifth chances. Mistakes are made once. After that, it’s intentional disrespect.

People are creatures of habit unless otherwise corrected. There’s an internal conflict between:

a) doing what they want

b) doing what’s right

We all have a degree of stubbornness and ego (don’t lie to yourself). It’s our inner child that’s responding to a telling off. When you confront someone about crossing a boundary, their 8-year-old self is in full control.

And it’s a choice they make. The people who want to be in your life will respect your boundaries, and the ones who don’t, won’t.

To the chopping block they go.

No special treatment

I no longer hold relationships with 80% of my family — including my parents.

And when people find that out, they’re shocked. ‘Ryan, how can you not want your Dad in your life?’ It’s simple: no special treatment. I don’t care if you birthed me or spoiled me on my birthday.

The thing I’ve come to learn is that people use past behaviour as a way to excuse their current behaviour.

That’s not how this works. I treat you based on how you’re treating me today. Not yesterday, not how you might treat me a week from now… only the present moment.

And my view on being disrespected runs deep.

When you start see-sawing between who you are, it creates friction. You’re either someone with order, or you’ll forever live in drama and chaos.

People don’t like hearing the truth

I’m incredibly harsh on myself, and I apply that standard to those closest to me.

But I do it out of love (which sounds crazy, but stay with me).

Whenever I call someone out, it’s because I want the relationship to get better, not worse. I don’t enjoy hurting people’s feelings, but I enjoy hurting my own even less.

So when I say ‘hey, I really don’t like this thing you did…’, the situation turns into a game show.

Will you pick:

Box A: ignore your wrongdoings

Box B: learn from the situation and move on

The truth isn’t meant to start a fight. Yet, it’s guaranteed to do so. People are so afraid of who they really are, so instead of becoming a better human, they’d rather disagree and fight.

I used to be like that. Until I realised, oddly enough, sometimes, other people are right.

If you find yourself constantly battling with someone’s inability to accept the truth, it’s Chop Suey time.

No regrets

I don’t regret cutting people out of my life who no longer deserved to be in it.

I understand that sounds cold. But we have a finite amount of time to enjoy ourselves. Nobody should get in the way of that. Your happiness shouldn’t be sacrificed for anyone.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation… especially people who don’t listen in the first place.

The allure of being successful, on the surface, is everything we want as men.

To be the alpha. The big dog.

I’m here to tell you today that it’s all bullshit.

Truth is, the higher you climb, the lonelier it gets. You’ll have more followers and associates but fewer connections—less meaningful relationships.

Why’s that?

Well… because your value is now attached to one of three things:

1. Your wealth
2. Your network
3. What you can do for someone else

People know the upside of being your ‘friend’ is that you could, potentially, better their lives.

These people are leeches.

But they’re hard to spot when your inflated ego is in the way.

I’ve seen it happen time and time again with people much more successful than I am.

Here’s what happens:

People come into your life (a happy accident, I’m sure).

They’ll buy you dinner, stroke your ego, and be there when you need them.

Then, the ask comes.

• ‘Oh, could you introduce me to…?’
• ‘Could you show me how…?’
• ‘Would you mind if I pick your brain…?’

Vomit. All over my keyboard.

And the problem is, you give in. You invite these bloodsuckers in.

Again, hello ego.

You help them with what they need. Then you notice, curiously, communication starts to slow down… they stop buying you dinners… they all of a sudden have less time for you.

You, my friend, have been well and truly ‘greased’.

And so, once you realise that, you start to view people differently.

Building friendships is impossible after a while…

… because you’re always on guard.

Accutely aware that most of your connections are an inch deep. So, what’d you do? You look around and see who else could be taking advantage of you.

You begin chopping people out of your life one at a time.

Not differentiating between:

1. Real friend
2. Bloodsucking, no-good, leech

At the end of this relationship massacre, what are you left with?

Nobody.

You feel accomplished…

‘I’ll never let that happen to me again.’

You’re an alpha, a man of his word.

So you keep that promise to yourself… for too long.

You see, we, as men, don’t like to admit a few things:

• When we’re wrong
• When our partners are right
• When we’re feeling vulnerable

We can get over points 1 and 2 (sometimes). But feeling vulnerable, like we’ve made a mistake, is a feeling so deep, so gutwrenching, that we don’t like the thought of someone else knowing.

The loneliness equation for men looks like this:

Somebody hurting you + your inflated ego x your inability to speak about it = another lonely man.

The reason you feel so lonely is because you’ve been trained, by yourself, nobody else, to feel like your value = your success.

It isn’t true.

You can be a disciplined monster and a man with depth and emotional intelligence.

I (and I’m sure you would) value good, genuine humans. I define ‘good’ as someone who:

• Would be there when I need it
• Keeps me in check
• Provides as much value to me as I do to them
• Happy for me when I win

Remember, being lonely is great… if you never want to see your true potential.

Last week I cried for the first time as a 33-year-old man.

It didn’t feel good. It didn’t feel liberating or expressive.

It felt as you’d expect: overwhelming.

I was overwhelmed by failure. Or, what I perceived as failure. I’ve made mistakes in the past (and lots of them), but this has dwarfed them all.

TL: DR; I overinvested in a business. It went to zero, unexpectedly. I’m back to square one. Starting again. A newborn in a world I’m unfamiliar with.

(Full transparency, I have no clue why I’m sharing this. Reassurance? To feel seen? To feel not alone? Who knows… but we’ll roll with it.)

I don’t have a structure to this ‘story’ because this ‘story’ is my life.

Because if you, like me, have experienced a failure that forces you to feel differently about life, I promise you’ll get value from what I’m about to share with you.

Firstly, in the last two weeks I’ve tried to understand how this happened.

Less about why.

That ‘how’ thread I pulled helped me let go of baggage I’ve carried for years—the unnecessary weight of insecurity.

Failure will inevitably knock your confidence (it basically set mine on fire).

But it helped me realise I was already failing long before my business toppled like a pyramid of cards in a wind tunnel. I failed because I’d lost sight of who I was.

I was so insecure and so weak that I latched onto things/ideas/people that didn’t have my best intentions at heart.

I was reaching for anyone I thought could solve this dilemma of mine.

The dilemma of unfulfilled purpose. I lifted every rock. Put my hands down every crack in the sofa to find it. And all I continued to find was disappointment.

So, when I managed to wipe the tears from my face, and thought about ‘how this happened’, the answer was in front of me for years.

It just took a monumental failure for me to finally realise it.

Secondly, failing at such a massive scale helped me reconnect with parts of me I thought died a long time ago.

The sensitive, capable of feeling, Ryan, I left behind in my twenties. The guy I thought I needed to let go of to be ‘successful’.

That guy:

• Sacrificed everything.
• Cared little about connection.
• Ignorantly believed he was immortal.

Welcome back to Earth, me.

And, again, I let go of that guy because people told me I was too sensitive. That I ‘take things the wrong way’. That being honest about my mental health was a weakness.

(Anybody noticing a pattern here? I am.)

I learned that what everybody told me was a weakness is, in fact, a superpower.

Being authentic and vocal about your mental health makes you brave. It makes you strong. It shows you’re looking for growth with an open mind.

You’re not just pretending to grow because you meditated once on a Monday and put it on Instagram.

Failure makes you think deeply. It makes you feel even deeper.

And that, in my eyes, is a success.

When people say ‘learn from your mistakes’, they’re right. But I’ve always felt it was pretty vague.

• What should I learn?
• Why should I learn?
• What if the mistake wasn’t my fault?

If you’re reading this in the middle of a failure, when it feels like your brain is pressing into your skull trying to escape, here’s the lesson I want you to learn:

Your failures are your successes. If they help you let go of things that no longer serve you. If you fail and learn something new about your ability to persevere or dive deep into your emotions, you win.

It might not feel like it (it still doesn’t for me) but, I have faith that this failure will birth a new me.

A me I’ve never met before.

And that’s what life is all about—not staying the same.

Even if it takes feeling like a failure to achieve it.

Proud of you. And I’m rooting for you from afar.

Ryan

Asking people to be proud of your successes is a one-way ticket to disappointment.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, nobody cares.

I’m not being dramatic, I promise.

I spent the best parts of my adult life seeking approval from someone. A friend, a colleague, a partner; that sweet taste of validation always tasted the same.

The problem is that it becomes like a drug.

With it, I was limitless. Without it, I was worthless.

Chasing validation promoted an unhealthy relationship with my self-esteem and self-worth. Which, as a ‘solopreneur’, did me no favours in an already dog-eat-dog world.

Rather than looking outward, I should’ve looked inward.

I should’ve stopped to see how far I’d come. But instead, I focused on how much further I had to go.

In truth, it was my fault. I became attached to the image of me being a hero. Unfortunately, a hero to me meant ‘having lots of money’.

I had no depth, soul, or authentic reason to keep going.

I stopped chasing success to chase validation. And I want to make sure you don’t fall into the same cycle that I once did.

You need a delusional confidence.

The more compelled I was by my dreams, the more delusional confidence I had.

I didn’t care if my business made a dime because ‘it’ mattered to me more than anything else.

That’s the romanticised version of how running a business is portrayed online. That feeling is real. That bond between you and your business is like a parent and child.

Your child can do no wrong. And you won’t let anybody tell you otherwise.

But it didn’t come naturally to me.

I’m naturally a chronic overthinker. Don’t get me wrong, being an overthinker has its advantages. Romanticising business isn’t one of them.

This feeling of adoration must come from within you. You’ve already lost if you rely on others to validate your business idea, goals, or path to get there.

If you find yourself any of these questions, it’s a red flag:

• How can I make my business more like theirs?
• What happens if I can’t make a successful business?
• What can I do to speed this up?
• How can I make the same money as someone else?

Anything that stems from fear or comparisons needs to be cut short.

If you love it, you’ll never lose.

I found this narrative warming.

I wish someone had diluted business chaos into a short sentence about love for me 3 years ago.

If you fall out of love with an idea or the execution, it’s not what you’re meant to do. There’s no point in forcing it. The more you have to force an idea, the less likely you’ll remain consistent.

By far, consistency (and patience) are the skills entrepreneurs lack the most. It’s why so many businesses fail.

And people force businesses for one of three reasons:

1. They’re chasing money. The business they build doesn’t matter.
2. They’re trying to impress the world by doing something cool.
3. They think running a business is easy and success is a given.

Take me, for example. I’ve been doing SEO as a profession for a decade. Which means 95% of my friends are in the same field. A lot of them are millionaires. And I wanted a piece of their pie.

Turns out I didn’t actually want to start a business in SEO.

I just wanted to be a millionaire. And because I was only chasing the end result, the journey was frustrating and boring.

I often forget:

• How many years they’d been building their business?
• How many failures they’ve experienced?
• How different they are to me as people.
• That their goals might be bigger than mine.

All that logic that kept me unapologetically myself went out of the window. I was trying to be rich at the cost of my authenticity. I generalised success rather than defining what success looked like for me.

Success looks different to everybody. I implore you not to start a business with only money in mind.

How you make your money is more important than how much money you make.

Nobody’s expecting anything… except you.

We’re our harshest critics as entrepreneurs.

Our standards are higher. Our patience is thinner. Our expectations keep growing.

The question is, who the hell are you doing this for?

The last time I checked, other people’s opinions of you didn’t pay the bills. Unless, of course, you’re an OnlyFans creator. In which case, disregard that last part.

We move the goalposts so frequently that we forget nobody else cares. Sure, people might root for you. But how you achieve success is personal. Onlookers don’t care about the nitty-gritty; they care about the end result.

It’s validation that keeps us looking sideways rather than forwards. It takes us back to our childhood…

‘Look, Mum–look what I did. Aren’t you proud of me?’

If we’re honest, the expectations we put on ourselves are to show off. Our own misguided interpretations of success fabricate them.

‘I worked 16 hours today, I hustle’ or ‘I made $1,000 this week, I’m so rich’ are common online themes. That isn’t business. That’s deception. Hustleporn offers you no benefit as a creator, solopreneur or entrepreneur.

My advice?

Unfollow anybody who falls into this category. You won’t think it’ll impact your expectations, but it does.

(I’m speaking from firsthand experience).

Once you realise nobody’s watching, it should stop the need for validation. And once you realise these ‘get-rich-quick schemes’ are all a facade, you’ll feel a greater sense of calm.

If you enjoyed this story, consider leaving a like or a comment! I want to help many people fix the balance between their mind and their business.

7-Figure Solo Freelancer Secrets Nobody Else Will Tell You — But I Will.

The secrets of a 7-figure solo freelancer.

Everybody wants to make a million dollars.

But I wish more people knew what it took to get there.

Despite what the internet will have you believe — earning 7 figures is no easy feat.

You can’t just learn a new skill.

You can’t just buy another course.

It won’t happen next month. It might not happen at all.

I can tell you from first-hand experience, that making a million dollars isn’t what it’s hyped up to be.

Here’s the thing… not being stinking rich doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a person.

Life doesn’t care what’s in your bank.

And neither should your family, friends, colleagues, or partner.

If your value depends on the commas in your paycheque, I’ll be that guy — find new friends.

So, with that overtly honest introduction, I’ll lift the curtain. I’ll tell you exactly what running a 7-figure solo business is like.

I’ll show you how to prepare yourself early for the journey ahead.

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Secret #1: Always manage your expectations

People ruin their chances of success by expecting too much (too soon).

It’s great to have ambition.

But very few people have realistic ambitions.

‘Either I have it now, or I don’t want it at all…’

This confuses me.

Most people are frustrated with their lives, careers, and environment.

Yet, they’re happy to let this continue for years.

Even decades.

But if I say to people, ‘This might take 2 years before you see success or the big paydays…’ it’s like I’ve snatched their dreams from their minds and set them on fire.

The shock and disbelief that this doesn’t happen overnight is, quite frankly, concerning.

Although I can’t blame them, the narrative amplified on social media is that this shit’s easy.

Got an idea for a business?

Build a less-than-average landing page, write a few emails, regurgitate the same product that everyone else sells and, hey presto, you’re a millionaire.

And all it took was you spending $500 of your hard-earned cash for someone to tell you that.

Honestly, nothing makes me sadder.

Rather than shelling out a month’s wage for someone to help you rush the journey, why don’t you settle into it?

My advice would be to reverse engineer your dream life and create scheduled check-ins with yourself.

If you want to make $100,000/year, cool; what are you willing to do to achieve that?

Be real with yourself.

If you’ve never excelled at much (a bit like me), don’t hype up your abilities.

You’ll burn yourself out trying to rush something you can’t do.

A fair timeline would be:

• Month 1 to 3: expect to earn zero dollars.
• Month 4 to 6: you’ll likely replace your income.
• Month 6 to 8: sustained income.
• Month 9 to 11: earning slightly more than your job.
• Month 12 to 14: you’re earning double what you did before.

12 months to double your current income… that’s not a bad deal*.

*as with anything in life, this isn’t guaranteed. I wish I could tell you it is, but then I’d be lying.

Secret #2: You aren’t “free”

The word freelancer is misleading.

In fact, the word ‘freelance’ historically means fighting for whichever country paid you the most.

Doesn’t that sound familiar?

Replace ‘fighting’ with ‘working’ and ‘country’ with ‘clients’ and, oh, look at that; we’re in 2024.

We (I say we because I’m one, too) exchange our time for money.

Nothing more, nothing less.

We can glamorise it in whatever way we like. But, without clients paying our bills, the only thing ‘free’ in our lives will be our calendars because we’d be unemployed.

Here’s the reality: the more money you make, the less time you’ll have to enjoy it.

It’s an age-old challenge that very few freelancers have conquered.

If you’re at the stage (or on your way there), I can tell you the easiest way(s) to stop this from happening.

• You delegate and forfeit some of your profit to pay someone.
• You earn enough to balance life and work.

It seems really simple on paper. But when you’re wrapped up in client projects, invoicing, or your fifteenth coffee of the day… you can soon lose control.

You have to make these decisions with intent.

Remember, failing to plan is planning to fail (I don’t know where that quote comes from, but it’s fitting).

From the beginning, you should know three things:

1. How many clients you’d like to work with.
2. The types of clients you’d like to work with.
3. How much money you’d like to earn.

Some will say ‘As much as I can!’ to all three questions. I say good luck.

In the context of your offering, you’ll know how much work you can deliver each day without burning out.

Is it 7 hours?

Maybe you feel comfortable working 10 hours. But are you also comfortable working weekends, too?

How about bringing your laptop on holiday with you?

You must know your limit and never let it spill into your life.

It’s time to delegate (or reduce your work) when you find it does.

Secret #3: Failing is a part of growth

Failure’s not an option.

It’s what every ‘successful’ person will have you believe.

From experience, I can tell you that growth isn’t easy or always predictable.

If you build a business with the expectation (remember what I said about those?) that you’ll only ever win, it’ll break your heart if anything goes wrong.

This life isn’t for the weak-willed. It takes a great degree of courage and delusional confidence to build a business.

I learned this very quickly.

I took every frustrated client email to heart. I put their business over my health at all costs.

It’s stupid, but I cared.

But I cared for (largely) the wrong reasons. I wanted to continue making more money than I ever had. And I was willing to sacrifice everything to keep it.

Once I let go of the idea that if my business fails, I’m a failure, everything became easier.

Our business isn’t our identity.

Another reason I was scared to fail was because of how other people would perceive me.

I’d built myself up to be this hyper-successful guy.

Which, to an extent, I am.

But I still enjoy eating snacks, kicking my feet up, and spending me time. As my business grew, I lost that.

If you lose the parts of you that keep you sane away from your business, you’ll have nothing to fall back on when (if) things change.

You’re not always going to have a pipeline of clients.

You’re not going to keep every client you work with.

Some months you’ll make $10k, and some months you’ll make $700.

The point is to be self-aware enough to understand why these happen and how to adapt.

Be humble enough to know this journey could last forever or be cut short.

Either way, don’t rely on the outcome.

Rely on your love for whatever you do to keep you going.

Secret #4: Money makes money

It’s not much of a secret, but it is.

When I first started, I spent exactly $0 on finding clients. I went from relying on savings to a $100k/year business without spending a penny.

‘Wow, this is easy. I can do the same thing and earn a million now, right?’ — naive me, 3 years ago.

I’ve heard that making your first $100k is the hardest.

I actually found it to be worryingly easy.

What I found hard was growing my business once it plateaued. I tried to do more of the same thing.

I did this for 6 months before I realised it wasn’t working.

The market looked different than when I started. The COVID boom slowed down. Nearly double the number of people had gone freelance (and thus, my competition).

And because I’d only grown my business organically, I had no idea what to do.

This is when I learned the hard lesson of spending money to make money.

When the chips are down, you need reliability.

To create reliability, you need cash.

To have cash, you need clients.

This is why you should invest in sales processes and lead generation systems before you ever need them.

We (I) got complacent once I started earning. I thought that I’d stay fully booked forever.

Complacency is where freelancers go to die.

I hope you’re much smarter than me. But, if you’re thinking, ‘shit, that sounds exactly like me’, here’s what you should do.

1. Learn as much as you can about sales funnels.
2. Build email lists from the beginning.
3. Test paid ads on all platforms (social and Google).
4. Understand how to create high-converting landing pages.
5. Put yourself in front of new audiences every month (podcasts, webinars).

You should build to give value, initially. If it means losing money to build an audience, then do it. Don’t be concerned with the immediate ROI; think about the long-term benefit of owning an email list of 3,000 people.

Remember, warm leads are a lot easier to convert than cold leads.

Secret #5: Plan for the ‘under-the-skull’ itch

My fifth secret.

Most freelancers start a business to fund something else. Be it real estate, digital assets, or something else.

It’s a means to an end.

Nobody in their right mind wants to be bound to clients forever.

Even if we love our clients.

The truth is we all want time back. That’s why we started in the first place. To be rich in time and free from the pressures of work.

I’ve built a brilliant business. I’m proud of that, and nobody can take it away from me.

But life isn’t static.

Humans are dynamic creatures—especially the crazy ones who are stupid enough to start businesses.

After a while, we develop that itch. You know the kind. It’s an under-the-skull kind of itch.

It’s the same itch that makes us take risks.

It’s less shiny object syndrome and more of a ‘find a new purpose’ disease. Freelancers can rarely explore new ideas in the thick of running their business.

Unless, of course, you delegate.

At this point, you’re no longer a freelancer. You’re now a leader in the very world you escaped from.

And I’ve always said I never, ever, ever want to build a business where I’m responsible for other people.

It will happen to all of us.

Don’t think you’re immune because you love your work (right now).

At some point, you’ll lay in bed and think, ‘Hmm, I wonder what else I could be doing with my life…’

And that’s the moment.

Don’t be ashamed of wanting to try new things, though. But be prepared for it.

• Set aside money to play with new ideas.
• If you hate your work, quit. You’re the boss, remember?
• Understand that change is a part of the business.
• Don’t try to juggle too many ideas at once.
• Acknowledge what else you want to do when you start.
• Have fun with it.

Secret #6: gratitude goes further than greed

How often do you truly step back and appreciate what you have?

Daily should be your answer.

But, like me, I bet you’re more concerned with ‘doing more’ than being happy with what you have.

Greed will kill the joy of the process. You’ll make stupid decisions for greed.

I got greedy. I’m not afraid to admit it.

I’d tasted a life I’d never thought achievable and wanted it in higher doses.

This unhealthy obsessive greed made me lose sight of why I started in the first place. I started because I loved what I was good at. And I wanted to do it my way.

The scary thing with greed is that it’ll catch you out.

You can easily derail without the right people to keep you on track.

And look, I get it.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting more for yourself. We’d all like a bigger house, maybe a nicer car, or more money in the bank.

But at what cost?

That cost is usually your happiness.

How often does this happen:

• You set yourself a goal to make $5,000 this month.
• You make $3,000 instead.
• Are you happy about the $3,000? Or sad because it’s not $5,000?

Or maybe, this:

• You want to find 2 new clients this week.
• You find none.
• But you’ve still got 5 happy paying clients.
• Are you happy about the 5? Or sad because you didn’t get 2 more?

Gratitude goes further than greed.

Be thankful for what you have achieved, and you’ll attract more.

If you set big, audacious goals, don’t be afraid not to hit them. Set unrealistic goals. The kind you know you’d struggle to hit.

Why?

Because you’ll operate with an ‘if it happens, it happens’ ideology. I’m not saying don’t work hard or set smaller (more achievable goals).

But the less pressure you put on yourself for that huge win, the easier it’ll become to succeed more frequently.

Things get pretty simple from there.

Before you read this article, know this. I’m not being ungrateful for my position. I want people to see the other side of being ‘successful.’

A quick recap on how I got to where I am.

In September 2020, I started an SEO consultancy after quitting my job at an agency.

By January 2021, I had generated close to $100,000. And by the end of my first year, I managed to break the $200,000 mark.

It’s now creeping up to the end of my second year, and I’ve more than doubled my income.

But I’ve worked myself into the ground to do it.

Is this what success is supposed to feel like?

Aren’t I supposed to be selling a course about ‘how you can do it, too?’

(I’d never do that. Not even if I had $1m in the bank. I’m not that guy.)

Over the last two years, I’ve learned a lot, probably too much, about who I am as a person.

I guess working alone for sixteen hours a day for seven hundred and thirty days will do that to you.

That sounds sad, right?

I see it differently.

I see it as an experience that I’m now able to share.

If I can use my growing pains to guide others, then, hey, it makes it worth it.

So, if you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to generate over half a million dollars as a freelancer, you won’t get a more detailed insight than this.

Stop chasing the money. It never ends well.

I’ll be honest, reaching $10,000 a month wasn’t that hard.

That’s not a humble flex.

Maybe I was lucky. Maybe I started my business at the right time.

I know that $10,000 was the number I thought would change my life forever.

I was wrong. Cataclysmically wrong, in fact.

Because I came from nothing, I genuinely believed that money would improve everything.

And so when that first $10,000 month came in, I was hooked. I dedicated every waking hour to growing that number.

$10,000… $25,000… $50,000.

I felt like I was on top of the world.

But I was completely blind to what it was doing to me. I became incredibly unhealthy.

I couldn’t go anywhere without 400 Slack messages, 25 new emails, and six new Calendly invites.

What that meant was that I missed out on everything around me. You know, the important stuff like enjoying somebody’s birthday meal or being out with your partner.

I never learned to let go. I wanted money all of the time.

It meant:

• I never delegated work to anybody.
• I didn’t trust anybody.
• I held onto stress which spilled into my personal life.
• I couldn’t go (and still can’t) five minutes without a tension headache.

But, hey, at least I was rich, right?

If you’re starting from zero right now, then assess your intentions. Don’t build your business with only financial goals.

I know you’ve got bills to pay and mouths to feed. And, if that’s your biggest concern, start with a side hustle.

The side hustle will give you time to:

• Know your worth.
• Find your ideal clients.
• Mitigate the unrelenting pressure of always earning more money.
• Figure out if this whole freelancing thing is worth it.

Use your extra cash to invest in ways to get your life back.

Freelancing, at its core, is an exchange of money for your time.

That’s it.

The problem with this business model is that you don't get paid without you being at work.

What this really means is that once you reach a certain income, you’ll have no life.

At least I didn’t, anyway.

I was more willing to give my time to the highest bidder than I was to my family and friends.

I knew it sucked at the time, but I was trapped in the mindset of ‘well, if I can just get to this number, I can relax a little bit….’

Again, wrong.

Over time I started to resent how successful I was. It was the most bizarre feeling I’d ever experienced.

And it’s not something you can easily explain to the outside world.

‘But you earn so much money….’

‘Other people would kill to be in your position….’

Those are the typical responses to me being honest about how I felt. I started to hope for less work. I hoped that people would stop bothering me.

So, I looked for ways to climb out of this hole I’d dug myself.

The extra money I was earning was now being held for:

• Investing into my digital assets.
• Looking for property opportunities.
• Looking for investment opportunities for those closest to me.
• Joint ventures.

I’m a stickler for saving money and it was time to let that go. I can’t stress enough the importance of letting your money work for you.

I’m not exactly Warren Buffet, but here’s a good piece of advice I can offer you.

Find your financial benchmark. Work out how much money you need each month to survive. That’s your goal.

Invest in things that will generate enough cash flow to cover your monthly expenses. If you ever decide to take a step back from freelancing, your bills are covered.

I know a lot of freelancers in my position.

There’s a shift going on and if you’ve got the skills and money, take advantage of it.

Fall in love with a handful of clients and grow with them.

More clients doesn’t just mean more money.

It means more pressure. More responsibility

It also means less time for you to deliver.

(Unless you’re building an agency, which I’m not. This is for solo-dolo freelancers.)

I’ll be honest; I didn’t like the number of clients I worked with. I had too many and wasn’t equally passionate about seeing them grow.

I had my favorites.

I work with:

• A brilliant financed company in the UK.
• A small telecoms business with such a brilliant group of people.
• A phenomenal real estate business in the US.
• A growing international software business.

They’re all easy to work with.

You have to realize that this shouldn’t be a numbers game. It comes back to the money mindset.

Don’t chase clients for the sake of it. If you don’t need fifteen clients, then don’t.

What’s better:

• A client with a good budget.
• A client with a good budget who trusts you.
• A client with a good budget, who trusts you, who wants to build with you.

I’m going with option three.

This allows you to not only grow your income with the business but provides you with focus.

The amount of freelancers who work with clients they hate is ridiculous.

If you want to earn money like the big boys and girls, act like one. You’re not impressing anybody with thirty clients and razor-thin profit margins.

It’s okay for your priorities to change.

This is a biggie for me.

My priorities have experienced a seismic shift in the last two years.

And that’s okay.

It’s scary, but it’s okay.

Even writing that down was hard. I’m finally acknowledging that I’m scared to lose business, and I’m scared to go back to square one.

I always tell people, ‘what’s the worst that can happen…?’

But when you’re earning $50,000 a month, it doesn’t seem realistic for things to be okay.

It feels like losing revenue is like losing an arm.

When, in reality, I’m the cause of the loss. I decided to embrace a new philosophy on life.

(I won’t go into that. That is boring.)

I know the world is crammed full of success stories at the moment. It’s like every time I open Instagram, another teenager is becoming a millionaire.

Don’t get wrapped up in that world.

Your progress and definition of success will always be the right answer. It’s right because it’s yours.

Your financial position doesn’t determine your self-worth, despite people telling you it does.

I’ll say this: be prepared for this to happen to you. I haven’t seen a lot of people talk about this change. But, from private conversations, I know this is more common than you think.

If you’re confident and have firm values, you’re in a great position. It means money shouldn’t be able to influence you into doing stupid and irrational things.

Trust me when I say realizing this after two years is a battle.

I wish I had known at the beginning about the possibility of me feeling this way.

More importantly, I wish I had someone to advise me on how to deal with it.

I guess my point is don’t feel afraid to take a step back. If life changes and you want to change with it, go for it.

My final thoughts

I’m not sure if this has been helpful for anyone other than me.

I genuinely hope that anybody going through growing pains now sees value in this.

In case my focal points weren’t clear, I’ll quickly list them off again:

• Chasing money shouldn’t be your only goal.
• If you want to grow, delegate.
• Invest in things that will give you time back.
• Don’t miss out on real life.
• Grow with a handful of clients.
• If your priorities change, be prepared.

I wouldn’t change the last two years. I’ve learned a lot about how quickly businesses can grow.

And how quickly the people who’ve grown them can change.

If you’re freelancing and experiencing any of these feelings, reach out to me. Genuinely, I mean that.

I hope you can take something away from this and bring it into your life.

As always, thank you.

Ryan.

Starting a business has been one of the most exhilarating and scary times in my life.

I went from a regular monthly salary at a prestigious digital agency to no clients and no security overnight.

But, believe it or not, I think I needed that in my life. If you’re like me, you’ll know what I mean. That burning unknown of ‘what if…’ stays stuck in your head no matter how badly you try to shake it.

I’ve always wanted more but betting on yourself is tough.

This is a reflection of the last 14 months. Whatever this is, I’m not sure. But I’ve learned a lot about business, money and, myself in the last year — there’s bound to be something I’ve done that’ll help someone, right?

This is going to be a no-holds-barred detailing of what it’s like being a solopreneur.

I’m going to dive deep into:

• How I found my first client.
• How I used LinkedIn to generate $100,000 in leads in 9 months.
• The importance of balance.
• The impact on my personal life and health.
• The highs and the lows of being a freelancer.
• Everything else I can think of.

Finding your first client is scary

I’m not a salesman and I’m not a confident person.

The thought of going out there and speaking to businesses is likely what deterred me from starting a business in the first place.

But, without customers, your business isn’t really a business.

You can have the most talent in the world but if you can’t sell yourself or your business — failure is almost guaranteed.

With that in mind, I focused on what I was good at; giving people value. Rather than hard-selling anything, my marketing plan was to give information away for free.

I didn’t have a timeline in mind. I just planned on doing this as much as possible until people took notice.

Sounds counter-intuitive, right?

Yeah, I thought that, too.

However, within a couple of weeks of me doing that, it sparked a conversation with three potential clients. I managed to secure:

• A website audit for $750.
• A retainer for $2,000.
• A retainer for $3,000.

And all three clients said the same thing: ‘I saw your posts on LinkedIn through a friend and liked what you were saying.’

Giving away value allowed me to break down the trust barrier immediately. I didn’t have to validate who I was (like you do when you’re cold selling) because they already knew.

So, by the end of my first month as a freelancer, I had secured just under $6,000 with $30,000 in retainers over 6 months.

That was my yearly salary at the agency I had left no longer than 21 days prior.

I owe my business to LinkedIn

LinkedIn has fundamentally changed my life.

By continuing on with my marketing plan (giving value away for free) I built my audience every single month. It went from 100 people seeing my posts to 1,000 to now, where I regularly get 15,000–20,000 people each time I post.

To be transparent, those 20,000 eyeballs on my posts generate between 5–7 leads per month.

Now, you might think ‘Ryan, those numbers are low…’

But in the first year of business to have 5–7 inbound leads a month is how you keep the lights on.

There’s this ridiculous notion that you have to go from $0 to $1m to be successful.

My goal was to earn my previous yearly salary but to do it on my own terms.

Anything above that in my first year was a bonus.

Anyway, I said I wanted to give helpful advice, so, here are three things you absolutely have to do if you want to grow your business on LinkedIn.

Drive engagement in the first hour of your post

I’ve tested this over the last year and, without fail, initial engagement to your post within the first hour can accelerate your reach.

Do this however you want. Hell, like your own post if you have to. I did (and still do sometimes when I’m feeling proud of my content).

I would get 5–7 likes with 2–3 comments in the first hour of posting every time that I posted.

I’d take the share link, head to WhatsApp, and send it to my incredibly small group of friends.

Chances are you’re more popular than I am. So, your engagement levels will likely be higher than mine.

Dedicate 30 minutes every morning to engaging with others

Even now, when I get comments on my post, I take the time to respond to all of them.

Or all of them that deserve a response, at least.

But, it’s also incredibly important that you go out and offer advice on other people’s posts, too.

And when I say advice, try not to be controversial. Try not to be too opinionated. Engage with people with the sole intention of being helpful and open to their views.

In the first 3–5 months, I would spend 30 minutes each morning finding posts that I knew had my type of audience.

Why?

Because I knew two things:

• It would build my personal brand to a very relevant audience.
• Potential customers could very well be in that audience.

The number of messages I’d receive on LinkedIn was crazy. I’d get anywhere from 10–15 messages a day through doing this.

Even if those messages weren’t potential customers then, there was the potential they would become customers in the future.

Use hashtags properly

I tested out a number of strategies with hashtags that failed.

But I found the sweet spot and doubled down on it.

Here’s what I can tell you:

• The position of your hashtags helps. Adding 20 at the bottom of your post is spammy and ugly.
• I’ve used 1, 3, 5 and, 10 hashtags in posts. I’ve stuck with a maximum of 5 and a minimum of 3 — anything below/above doesn’t seem to help.
• Pick the most popular hashtags for your audience. Dig through people’s posts, see which got the most engagement and, steal their hashtags.

Let’s talk cash

Everybody loves money talk.

In the interest of making sure I don’t give up too much, I’ll be bracketing my income so that I don’t give away individual retainers/projects.

In the last 12 months, I’ve generated just over $200,000 in revenue.

It’s by no means a multi-million dollar empire but, it’s near 10x my previous yearly salary working at an agency.

• Over $40,000 came from project work (audits, migrations, content planning).
• Over $150,000 came from retainers.
• Over $20,000 came from consultancy (calls, training, strategy).

Let me be clear — this isn’t me bragging.

This isn’t me trying to say I’m better than the next person. I’m not the richest guy in the world, and I’m under no illusions that these aren’t groundbreaking figures.

The reason why I shared this is that too many freelancers make the same mistake.

Underselling themselves to get clients. Or believing that they can’t earn good money from freelancing.

I’ve spoken to countless people about their business and the number of times I’ve heard: ‘Oh I have 30 clients, they’re paying me $500 each’ is insane.

30 clients?

And, in SEO, $500 isn’t a huge budget. This means clients weren’t getting the true benefit of working with a freelancer and, as a freelancer, you won’t have any freedom or life.

This brings me to my next point…

Find your balance early

When I started my business, I lost all interest in everything else.

I thought about nothing else. I wanted to speak about nothing else.

I was all go, all of the time.

Which, initially, wasn’t a bad thing. The desire to grow something from zero is exciting. But after six months of only sleeping five hours a night and working seven days a week — it catches up with you.

I completely isolated myself.

I regularly found excuses as to why I couldn’t do things. When the reality was, I didn’t want to go to social events in case my business burned to the ground.

Sounds stupid but it’s a very real and very unsettling feeling.

I was so afraid that this momentum would stop or clients would cancel that I worked myself into the ground. I was an excellent freelancer but a pretty shitty person to be around.

My best piece of advice is not to overthink your situation.

What I mean is, if a client cancels, or you don’t hit a deadline or, your business fails; it isn’t the end of the world.

The chances are you’ve started a business because you’re incredibly talented at what you do. If you lose clients, or you have to start again, do it. If you need to find another job to save pay your bills, do it.

There is absolutely no shame in any of it.

If you ever feel judged or insecure, just remember you tried. You scratched that itch. And you’ll either never be able to go back to a ‘normal life’ or you’ll realize it wasn’t for you and you find a job you love.

If I could do it all again, I would. But I’d do it differently.

I’d focus on my health first. I’d remember that money doesn’t define success. I’d remember that my family is everything.

Or, at least I’d try.

To help you do that here’s what worked for me:

• Have regular check-ins with your clients — get real feedback to eliminate unnecessary worry.
• Have structure in your day. You pick your hours. Build your day how you want it but never overdo it.
• Stop checking your emails when you’re having time away from work.
• Have genuine hobbies that you love and, when you have them, completely distance yourself from anything work-related. Don’t saturate a clear mind with thoughts of work when you should be relaxing.
• Get out of the God-damn house. Go for a walk, listen to a podcast, go to the gym — don’t spend 18 hours a day in your home office.
• Set boundaries early on with your clients. Set your communication precedent early on and, if they abuse that boundary, be sure to confidently remind them that you’re not available 24/7.

My final thoughts on being a freelancer

If you’re thinking of going solo, I couldn’t recommend it more.

You’ll never be fully happy if you don’t try. I’d rather be on my deathbed saying ‘I gave it a shot’ than ‘I wish I’d done this.’

In the early stages, selling is going to be a major part of your business. If you’re not comfortable with that, figure out how you can grow without being that person.

Find someone who can generate you leads and you pay them a referral fee for doing so.

You might lose a little bit of money but, if the volume is there, it’ll pay for itself.

There is absolutely a cap on how much money you can make alone. For me, I found it’s between $15,000 — $20,000 per month. If you have a team of people, the sky’s the limit.

I would say have an idea of what you’d like your business to look like in 3–5 years. If you’re planning to build a company, rather than a personal brand, be strategic about it.

Finally, networking is everything. Your network is your net worth (as they say).

I’ve been lucky enough to meet some incredibly smart people along the way.

I’ve built friendships that I think will far outlive the life of my business.

Nothing should be free. It should be mutually beneficial for you and the other person when you network. I found out very quickly that people lose respect for those who are connecting for their own selfish needs.

If I can do this, anyone can do this.

I’m not anything special but I took a chance on myself and it paid off. There’s absolutely no reason why it can’t happen for you, too.