a new kind of rehabilitation.

So, in my previous (and first) blog, I came to the conclusion, that I was enslaved to the virtual copy of myself, the online me. In fact, with my new found discovery, I decided to take a social media hiatus. Just like a drug, I felt a withdrawal sensation with just the thought of quitting. A strange reaction from a socially acceptable obsession. I braved the internal battles and put an end to it, cold turkey. I felt strong and pumped to see what this life has to offer. As a daily smoker, who is still trying to quit, I know how to spot addictive tendencies, this was the same. I deleted the apps from my phone and logged out from all my devices. To be quite honest, I found this first step easier than expected, I didn't even flinch (insert self tap on the back). As the days passed I observed myself, my moods, thoughts, and attention, not that I never did before however, this was a new experience, a fresh start.

The addictive manifestations

My dopamine stimulator has now transformed back into a regular device but I still found myself reaching for my phone and staring at it blankly. This action would go on for a few times a day. I would catch myself automatically typing "www.facebook.com" every time I opened a new tab on my internet browser. "Oh look! A nice tree, let me just capture that. The world MUST know of its existence". My muscle memory took over my actions when I wasn't aware. I felt mindless.

" Muscle memory is a form of procedural memory that involves consolidating a specific motor task intomemory through repetition, which has been used synonymously with motor learning."

The constant repetition of these actions that have been created by overusing social media platforms has been rooted in the core of my motor functions. Can you imagine what infiltration this addiction can have on the mind? Well, I was about to find out. As the days passed these automatic reactions started to lessen and I found myself working better, more focused. There was no need for me to stop every 20 mins to check my notifications. There are always going to be interruptions, especially at work, but by knowing the biggest intrusion wasn't there anymore, I didn't have a fragmented flow of attention.

I started to feel less compelled to focus on what I lack. How could I? I literally have everything I need. A roof over my head, a good job, and a beautiful, smart woman by my side. Not comparing myself to everyone around me left me feeling happier and more appreciative of what I have. It also pushed me to focus on what I really want. Having that time and space to think allowed me to put my attention towards figuring out my next few steps.

Thankfully I chose to go on this social media free adventure at the best time of the year, summer. Malta is an Island full of life, especially during summer time. A social hub in the middle of the Mediterranean. The anxiety feeling of the missing out (FOMO) wasn't there, I was meeting people on a daily basis and getting to know new ones. Real people, in the real world. I was ‘forced’ to put myself out there rather than eavesdrop on potential connections behind a screen. Through these real interactions, I got invited to events and heard about what was happening that week. Funnily enough, that's how we used to get to know about things before social media. While out grabbing a coffee one morning I noticed an ex-colleague of mine sitting alone, I approached her and ended up spending the morning chatting which eventually led me to make a new connection and score some freelance work (that's another self tap on the back). Looking back, if I was glued to my phone, I might have not approached her and probably would have gone along with my day, endlessly scrolling.

All these worries that I initially had about quitting social media, now, started to seem quite irrational.

The scary truth

I created an online survey to gather some information on how others thought. It was interesting to see that the majority would check on their social platforms as soon as they wake up, spend 1–2 hours a day on social media and wouldn't last 2–5 hours without checking up on their platforms. When I asked the question, "How would you feel about not using any social media platforms?" I got responses such as, "scared", "lost" and "bored". The last question I asked was "Do you consider yourself addicted to social media?" and the majority replied, no.

I have had social media for the better part of my life and have used it in many ways. To chat, to check up if John is having a good time in Paris, to find work, read news and see who's single and not. It's only been two weeks without being online and as I mentioned earlier I can already see a major difference in myself. I feel that I already have more control over this addiction and I am ready to see where it takes me. I must admit, I cannot state for a fact that I won't be back on social media in the future. However, until I feel I have experienced enough time without it, this experiment will remain.

I was a bit worried that my train of thought and actions were a bit extreme. A human cyborg that forms part of a minority part of society.

Am I exaggerating? Is this all to do with social media? Is it really affecting us in such a way?

No, I am not, yes it has everything to do with social media and yes, the majority are affected.

Human offline.

A new kind of species.

A cyborg, by definition, is “a fictional or hypothetical person whose physical abilities are extended beyond normal human limitations by mechanical elements built into the body”. However, in a technical sense, humans can be seen as cyborgs in various types of situations, including the use of artificial and wearable technology (such as smart watches and google glasses) and the use of laptops, mobiles, and tablets. We have reached a time where the use of technology to connect with the rest of the world has become part of our daily routine and social media alongside the internet has made this all possible.

One small step for Sam, one giant leap for social media.

I have been an avid user of nearly every social platform out there, from the early myspace to Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Snapchat, WhatsApp and Instagram, all working towards keeping me connected and “alive”. I remember getting home from secondary school and starting up our Hewlett-Packard desktop PC (Running Windows 95) and arguing with my siblings to get off the phone so that I could finally kick start the dial-up connection. I would wait for about 15 minutes while listening to that screeching sound (if you haven’t heard it in your head by now, you have no idea what I’m talking about: please click on the link) to eventually connect to the world wide web. I would log in to myspace or MSN messenger and get my daily 10-minute dose of overusing emoji’s and making a fool of myself while trying to flirt with girls I liked. An innocent leap into a “social” journey. As the dial-up connection got faster and eventually turned into broadband cable internet, we could simultaneously call and browse the net, a glorious time to be alive! Being one of seven children and owning one PC, “internet time”, was hard to come by. This precious time was kept to a minimum, however as the years progressed, wi-fi and cellular networks invaded our planet and smartphones started easing into society. Unlike my flirting skills, the internet was on a roll, an unstoppable technology that connected human beings across the globe. Access to unlimited knowledge was at our fingertips and the world became a whole lot bigger.

If I’ve managed to capture your attention thus far, great! This is my first attempt at sharing a tad more than a status update. Now, I could very easily flood this blog with statistics and meaningful quotes (I still might add one or two), however, as a reader I am far more susceptible to connecting with a story. So here is mine and how I believe social media has slowly turned the human race into cyborgs.

Enter Facebook, not the first of its kind, but definitely, the one that shifted society’s axis. A social media platform that, at its basic level, allowed people to connect with each other and share parts of their life. A photo here, a status there, it all seemed pretty harmless.

It was around the beginning of 2008 when I first joined Facebook and I was instantly hooked. A 17-year-old boy, full of testosterone and the freedom to share my thoughts online. A recipe for disaster! Back then, Facebook was still being explored on my tiny island Malta (a dot on a map in the middle of the Mediterranean) and its use was quite minimal, apart from obnoxious teenagers sharing futile aspects of their life, such as myself.

As Facebook expanded and updates kept pouring in, such as its own inbuilt messenger service, there was no turning back. A monster was created. By the end of 2012, it had reached 1 billion active users, all sharing intimate highlights of their life.

I too felt the need to share everything, who else was going to listen to me? My loving family? Probably, but I was young and carefree so I turned to Facebook for everything. I was nourished by notifications and aroused by the dopamine effect. Everyone is doing it, how bad could it be? I had no idea that this page on a screen was slowly irritating my fickle mind. As the statuses increased so did my appetite for more and more scrolling. There was a virtual world out there and I would get lost in “spying” on people's highlights. Constantly questioning my self -worth. It only got worse when Facebook turned mobile-friendly, a new world in the palm of my hand, how was I ever going to let go? I posted the best photos and deleted the ones that didn’t accumulate the required recognition. A social currency that blurred the lines between the virtual world and reality, and I was in the middle of it. I had 2000 “friends” half of which I never spoke to, still, they were my audience and my ego wasn’t going to feed itself.

Enter Instagram, enter snapchat, more platforms, more notifications, everyone competing to keep the dopamine hits as long as possible. I wasn’t alone in this new trend, everyone around me was walking around glued to their devices. Walking, eating and driving face-planted to a screen. How could they not? It was entertaining. Social Media became so ingrained into society that it became normal and being without out it made you odd, a hermit. How are you going to make friends? Get invited to events? Speak to people? How audacious to think that you can survive in this world without these platforms. My phone became my technological enhancement, I wouldn’t go anywhere without it and on the off chance I did, I would still feel phantom vibrations. I was basically carrying around a little dopamine stimulator in my pocket. I became a cyborg (with slightly better flirting skills).

The good, the bad and the ugly.

It would be outrageous to state that social media hasn’t done great things for me. As a creative and in a world full of them, I used these platforms to my advantage. I connected with people who liked the same things, I shared my work in the hope of gaining new clients and I saw what their market had to offer and tweaked my strategies. It was going well, really well! With the world at my fingertips, I felt like I was thriving, and at no cost, or so I thought.

Something was amiss, my workload got more intense but I couldn’t keep up. I was distracted and my attention span was getting worse. How can this be? I’m a real-life cyborg with the world in my pocket! Through years of being online and connected, I was a product. Watched, manipulated and analyzed. The funny thing is, knowing this I still complied, I was conscious of my choices and willingly gave myself away. It’s quite crazy when you have the time to stop and think about it (here’s your chance, think about it). The constant comparison to other people's spectacular moments left me, at times, feeling like my life wasn’t good enough. Questioning every decision. Where they really my own?

A brute force attack on my subconscious by the very same technology I was glued too. The intricacy of the algorithms these platforms have to collect and utilize data was far beyond my comprehension. Enter, behaviour modification and loss aversion.

“Artificial positive and negative reinforcement contingencies to increase desirable behaviour”

This sounds a bit too familiar, the use of “rewards” and “punishments”, likes and no likes to modify the way we behave. A complete invasion on the way we think and act. I still didn’t think it was that bad until I started to think about quitting social media. That’s when the qualities of addiction sprouted. It was far worse than I initially thought. An internal battle of conflicting ideas. How will you find work? You will have more time to do things! What about all your photos? And your friends? You are going to be the last to know things, don’t do it! It has become so normal to be stuck to our devices that we don’t question what it would be like without them, or the use of less of them because let’s not be crazy, there’s no way I could have written this far without the help of the world wide web. I was convinced that social media was an integral part of my life however, as I dug deeper I unveiled a whole new side to these behaviour modification empires and realized I'm consumed, an addict.

The second stage of recovery is recognizing that there is a problem.

I’m ready to wean off this drug.

Cyborg offline.

P.S. I lied all along, I was always good at flirting.