My dreams speak to me

first softly, but when ignored

they possess my soul.

when you’re at your end

and feel like you can’t get up

that’s where you find grace.

trying and trying

is sometimes in vain, instead

just be and accept.

black woman so strong

black woman, so broken down

black woman as is.

a mother’s true love

a father’s true love, only

for a lucky few.

in my bed I stay

bed. rest for some, sleep for most

a prison for me.

my main enemy

is my brain, it lies all the time

my heart speaks the truth.

writing is not fun

unfortunately, the goal

is to tell the truth.

crazy is a word

that people don’t understand

like mental illness.

There’s an inner war

for control of ShaRhonda

I hope love beats fear.

true love is a gift

so rare, so precious, that many

have never seen it.

critical thinking

requires questioning things

which makes life very hard.

Brian’s jokes, fart jokes

both make me feel better than

xanax ever has.

being present is

a luxury afforded

to those without bills.

education should

be about ability

not about money.

there are lots of ways

for you to be imprisoned

most involve our fears.

fear is a monster

powerful and in us all

to win, turn on light.

is a mother a cook

does a mother have to clean

can’t a mom just love.

disability

such an ugly sounding word

i prefer unique.

I missed birthday calls

From my father growing up

I don’t miss them now.

Girls called daddy’s girl

Feels me with such jealousy

Daddy’s girl; not me.

When I needed him

He was not available

Now I don’t want him.

Having health problems can force you to have some “spiritual awakenings.” For me, there are a lot of things I physically can’t always do for my children: like cook, clean, get them dressed, etc. Unfortunately, to me, those were the things that I most associated with being a “good mother.” Before I was parent and/or a parent with physical limitations, I was very clear on the role of a “good mother”; and good mothers “do things” for their children.

But, for reasons beyond my control now, I can’t always do things. Somedays, I can’t even get out of bed. And I have had to grapple with the guilt that accompanies that. To me, parenting=doing things. However, with a lot of help from therapy and prayer, I am beginning to create a new definition for being a “good parent.”

Which led to me to review my prior definition of what it means to be a “good mother.” I now believe parenting is on a personal spectrum. And, the desire to be a “good parent,” or the pain of not coming from a “good parent” is driving a lot of us, mothers AND fathers, sons AND daughters, to have a lot of unnecessary grief and pain. Parenting is not comparative. Parenting is personal and it is doing what “you” can do, even if it is only a little bit.

Parenting is, to me, providing life and love. I am trying hard to adopt a “love-based parenting” philosophy. My love-based parenting, means that I give my children love, I love myself, and I love my parents for exactly who and what they are and for doing what they can. For me, I am a “good mother” because I got my children here. I carried them in my stomach and birthed them. That’s what I could do. Even if I can’t “do physical things,” I tell my children I love them everyday. For those two things, I consider myself “a good mother.”

Sure, if I look at what my friends and other healthy mothers do with their children, I can feel inadequate. But, in the end, what good does that do? What do we get by feeling guilty or cheated out of something?

My spiritual epiphany is this: Parents do what they can do. We are all terribly imperfect people. Most parents, mothers and fathers, do the best “they” can do. Sometimes “the best they can do” isn’t very good. Especially if you are comparing it to “the good mothers.” But whatever they do, or didn’t do, is what it is.

In the end, our mothers and our fathers did something right, they got us here. And the same for us parents carrying guilt about not doing enough for our children, especially today for the mothers who feel guilty and are getting beat up on, or the children of those mothers who see all the beautiful tributes to “good mothers.”

Each of us are made very specific DNA that makes us who we are and that DNA is something to be grateful for. So today, we can say something to ALL mothers. Even if it is just thank you, mom, for helping to create me, because your DNA helped make me pretty cool. I extend that same grace to myself with my own children. Our parents got us here, now the next part is up to us. We can live with anger, regret, disappointment, about something that we didn’t have OR we can fill the gaps and mend our wounds. I choose to use my very limited energy on love.

#happymothersday

White women role in racism is beginning to get the attention, study, and correct analysis, to honestly tell the story of American racism. People are outlining the role of White women in housing segregation, support of racist politicians and policies, verbally, financially, and physically.

I would like to add to this conversation the role of Feminism and Racism. Specifically, by looking at the role of White Feminism that we have been taught to celebrate as social justice fighters for ALL women. However, feminism, even and/or especially, the beloved Suffragettes that we study during Women’s History Month, have never been for ALL women. Feminism, has been for White Woman, usually upper middle class, White Woman, but additionally, they have racist, White Supremacy views, policies, and worked against the freedom of Black women.

The narrative of “benevolent, non-racist Women” is especially present during March, that is Women’s History Month. Just as Black History Month celebrates the contributions of Black Americans with the goal of ending racism, Women’s History Month celebrates women’s contributions with the goal of ending sexism. Women’s history, contributions and values are all part of the work to create the f-word: feminism.

By definition, feminism is “the equality of sexes.” Even in 2018, feminism is presented as an all-encompassing definition, a team of all kinds of people who believe in the equality of genders. But feminism has never been an all-inclusive group fighting for the rights and equality of all women. Feminism in mainstream culture leaves out the experiences of women of color. And throughout the history of the fight for women’s rights, that fight was too-often exclusively for and about White women.

In our society, where whiteness is considered the norm, white privilege distorts all kinds of efforts toward equality, including feminism. Being non-racist takes years of hard work, research and introspection. Feminists who haven’t done that work to address their conscious and unconscious racial biases promote a version of feminism often referred to as “White Feminism.” White Feminism leads people to prioritize issues that affect white, cis and affluent women. Here are some examples:

• While the pay gap between white men and white women dominates headlines and conversation, this gap is beginning to close. Yet Black women work more hours than white women and their pay gap with white men has grown.
• White Feminism assumes the term “reproductive freedom” means access to birth control and safe, legal abortion. But Black women’s experience of being denied the right to reproduce is excluded from this definition. Their experiences include forced sterilization, unwanted coercion into using higher-risk methods of birth control and welfare policies that penalize women for having more children.
• Discussions about workplace flexibility and “work-life” balance for working women who are white and affluent ignore the long and often irregular hours worked by women in low-wage jobs. They also overlook the role women of color play as nannies, house-cleaners and other domestic help for white women professionals. Many professional women could not do their jobs without the long hours and low pay put in by the domestic workers they employ. Women of color in the professions know their history and fear taking advantage of flextime as long as it is viewed as a handout.

While all of those issues are important, they are issues that are top priorities for ciswomen and middle and upper class White Women. They aren’t top-of-mind for the majority of women in the United States, who earn less money and come from different racial and ethnic backgrounds. They also exclude women who have different experiences of being a woman.

Because of the role of racism and white supremacy in America, it is impossible to study sexism without also studying racism. While Women’s History Month tends to focus on White Feminist leaders, Black Feminists (who sometimes use the term ‘womanist’ to distinguish themselves from White Feminism) have been fighting for both race and gender equity since the founding of the United States. Too often they have been forced to choose whether to identify as Black or as women. To add insult to injury, for Black women, not only were their issues ignored largely by the White Suffragists historically and by White Feminists today, but the issues that are priorities for Black women are attacked by White Feminists acting from racial bias. Ironically, those feminists claim feminism while attacking other women.

The Myth of the Helpless White Woman

Often, White women have been shielded from their role in their racism due to the narrative that says they are helpless, vulnerable and in need of saving. That narrative has harmed White Women who were interested in breaking gender norms. More importantly, it has also been a tool of racist oppression of Black Americans.

The narrative of White women as helpless, vulnerable and in need of saving is dead wrong. Historically, White women were not silent or apathetic about racism. Today, as a group, they continue to participate actively in the perpetuation of racism and White supremacy.

Historically, although White women were unable to own property or “work” for themselves, they have always played the role of employer and boss over Black women. Throughout American history, White Women have held positions of power over Black Women. Viewing issues of employment in the United States over time, White women have nearly always chosen White Supremacy and racism over Women’s Rights or Feminism.

During slavery, White Women may not have officially owned slaves, but they were the bosses of the house. In these positions of power, White women re-enforced racism by how they treated house slaves, or their employees. White women, who our textbooks would try and tell us today were for “family values” and “traditional nuclear families” overwhelming, participated in the inhumane, cruel act of separating black families, mothers from their children, the especially brutal separation of mothers from their newborns. Additionally, White Women, remained quiet and compliant, as their husbands, sons, brothers, engaged in the serial, mass rape of enslaved Black women.

During Reconstruction and the Great Depression, Americans of all races, classes and genders experienced hardship. These difficult times for the entire country would have been a prime opportunity for White Women to unite with Black Women to improve the lives and outcomes for all women. But White women still chose White Supremacy and racism.

The institution of social work was created and maintained by White women who had at best a limited vision of racial justice or equity. Its founder, Jane Addams, was a privileged white woman, as were many other leading early social workers. Although she helped found the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People and condemned lynching, her understanding of the lynching issue was very limited, and Ida B. Wells’ efforts to expand it were unsuccessful.

Racist biases in early social work led to official participation in the eugenics movement, which persisted as late as 1957. Social workers have also had power to make decisions about forced sterilizations of women of color, a practice that continued in hospitals through the early 1970s.

The social programs launched by the New Deal policies of the 1930s created a wonderful opportunity for White Feminists to move from bossing Black women solely in their homes to holding power over them as social workers and bureaucrats in child welfare and poverty alleviation programs. Similar powers are exercised by nonprofit directors and by teachers and principals. These White women had — and still have — the power to determine whether a Black woman is parenting “correctly,” doing her nonprofit job “correctly” and whether her children are learning “correctly.” In essence, they hold the power to determine whether Black people will survive and thrive.

Even today, we see an over-representation of White women in positions of power as teachers, social workers and nonprofit directors. In these roles, they continue to have power over Black people and often wield it without an understanding of the history of privilege and oppression that permeates their role in these so-called “helping professions.”. It is imperative that we acknowledge the historic racism that was and remains part of the Feminist movement, as well as how White women’s racism affects Black folks, and especially Black women currently.

When discussing the racial achievement gap in schools, the tools we use are extremely one-sided, with the onus being the “problem” is with the Black folks. The most popular assumption and assertion currently made by researchers is “the racial achievement gap is a cause of the complication due to Black parents and students and being low-income.”

Which leads to number of “interventions” aimed at Black students, parents, and their environment. But there is a huge, ginormous, missing factor that is used to measure both racial achievement gap AND to create “interventions” to alleviate the gap.

THERE IS CURRENTLY NO MEASURING OF RACISM OF TEACHERS, STAFF, ADMINISTRATORS, AND POLICIES and the effects of that racism on the academic achievement gap.

WIth all due respect, I am calling bullshit.

And, I am so excited that I think I finally found a way to prove the bullshit “achievement gap is because of low-income” theory is not only the wrong tool, but it is also a way of letting White people off with no accountability or personal actions required of them.

Before I get into my “racism measuring tool, (which I am totally cool being called the Dawson Measuring Tool. Too much, too soon? )” I want to clearly lay out my assertions, methodology, and theory. At the end of this piece, I will also include the tools for actual researchers to further my theory and find exact numbers.

Current popular theory: The racial achievement gap is due to Black people being low-income and in poverty, which creates additional factors that impact academic success in Black students. If we eliminate, or minimize, the factors due to poverty, then we can improve the racial achievement gap.

My theory: Racism specifically white people and white run public education institutions, are a significant factor in the racial achievement gap. Thus, racism specifically, needs to be included in all studies regarding the racial achievement gap. Racism, of individuals and institutions in public schools, plays a significant role in the racial achievement gap.

My hypothesis: Income or poverty is not an adequate explanation for racial achievement gap.

My methodology (a quasi study:) is that currently, the data used for the racial achievement gap does not segregate race from class. More pointedly, we can not assume that all Black kids are low-income. We need to create a new subset of student that more accurately give us a picture of how Black students are performing academically. I am calling this subset, Middle Class Black Students (MCBS).

If we segregate data by race AND class (separating non low-income Black students from low-income Black students) and there IS STILL AN ACHIEVEMENT GAP, the racial achievement gap can’t be explained by poverty; we need to take serious racism in schools and create interventions and solutions targeted at alleviating racism.

There are plenty of examples that demonstrate this subset (MCBS) have the ability to academically excel.

However, my speculative assumption is where there Black student academic excelling, there are higher numbers of Black teachers and administration and/or schools intentional about identifying and alleviating racism with White staff. This date further supports my argument that racism, by White staff/teachers/policies and institutions, is part of the problem of the racial achievement gap.

I am defining racism using Dr. Nicki Lisa Cole’s definition:

Racism refers to a variety of practices, beliefs, social relations, and phenomena that work to reproduce a racial hierarchy and social structure that yield superiority power and privilege for some and discrimination and oppression for others. It can take several forms, including representational, ideological, discursive, interactional, institutional, structural, and systemic.

Racism exists when ideas and assumptions about racial categories are used to justify and reproduce a racial hierarchy and racially structured society that unjustly limits access to resources, rights, and privilege on the basis of race.

Based on this definition, I will give an examplesof racism, both individually and institutionally, in Oak Park District 97 (Oak Park, IL), and I would assume other districts with similar demographics.

Uncomfortable truth about White liberal racism:

It is very hard to find ANY White person who will admit to being racist or being an active participant in racist policies that disenfranchise and discriminate against Black people. Even President Trump, with all the factual proof supporting his racism, refuses to accept the label, “racist.” Luckily, his racist supporters are a little more forthcoming with the explicit racism, and he is proudly placing them in administrative positions and supporting their views.

However, in reality, most racism isn’t as simple as people burning crosses and calling Black people niggers. Liberal White racism, in particular, is especially difficult to name publically. Now, there is no doubt among people of color, Blacks in particular, that there is liberal white racism. The gap and problem I want to highlight here, is there aren’t many liberal white people who will admit that they are racist and are participating in racist actions. This problem is exasperated by the fact that most NPO/NGO/ Public instutions are overwhelmingly ran, managed, and financed by White liberals, who have done little to no intensive anti-racism reflections that lead to policy changes.

This issue is huge and includes so many different groups. I am choosing to highlight a very small sample and a specific institution, Oak Park District 97 (Oak Park, IL) elementary schools. I am choosing Oak Park because it is in my community and I have done some research and work on their racial achievement gap.

Oak Park, Illinois, is one of those, self-identified “liberal enclaves.” Diversity, in theory, is important. Black Lives Matter signs, Rainbow flags, and Dump Trump signs can be seen on houses throughout the village. However, like many other self-identified liberal enclaves, “Evanston, IL; Madison, WI; Portland,OR; Seattle, WA to name a few), there are factual incidents of racism by these liberal white people to the black community.

Which, most Black people already know, having a Black lives Matter sign, does not make you a non-racist. The only way to be non-racist is to actually do non-racist stuff. And to do, non-racist stuff, you have to clearly know what is racist and when you are participating in racist action with actions based in research. (see racism defintion)

I want to also explicitly state that I am talking about Black versus White racism. I understand that there are many different diverse races/ethnic groups that face institutional and individual racism, however, I feel unqualified to comment on the experiences on those forms of racism (ex: white verses hispanic) because that is not my experience or an area I feel comfortable commenting on because of my lack of cultural competency with those communities.

My hypothesis is that the racial achievement gap in Oak Park District 97 to middle class black students (and I suspect low-income Black students as well) is because of racism. Black students are falling behind the achievement gap, not simply because of income, but because of the racism by the teachers, staff, administration, and policies.

It is important to me, to use the word, racism, because that is what it is. In order for us to truly eradicate racism, we need to know it, we need to speak it, we need to call it when we see it, and we need to work on fixing it. White fragility (insert link) makes it difficult to discuss solutions to racism because of White people’s inability to name and identify their personal racism.

Like other white liberal communities, In the Oak Park School District 97, has been for a significant time trying addressing the racial achievement gap. However, most of their focus“elevating the racial achievement gap” work, has been processing workshop, focus groups, and “diversity pods” that allow residents (mostly white liberal people) feelings of racism and the administrations and communities feelings about in the schools and the racial achievement gap makes people feel very angry, frustrated, and wanting a change.

However, the fact remains, the processing of those uncomfortable feelings about racism in Oak Park schools, has done absolutely nothing to change the facts. Like many school districts in America, Oak Park district 97 is racist. And, I think I have figured a way to measure that in data using MCBS.

Again, my assertion is that income alone, is not a significant explanation to measure racial achievement. There has to be tools that measure racism in schools and staff/teachers. Being a non-racist, isn’t something that a person can just declare. Being non-racist requires intensive study of institutional, historic, systemic racism and white privilege, and being able to identify personal (implicit and explicit) racial biases.

My hypothesis is that if you separate school data by race and class, and create a subset of students of (MCBS), the racial achievement gap is still present in public schools. Based off the Illinois Report Cards, I can make a speculative analysis that proves my point.

Looking at every elementary school in Oak Park District 97, I tried to identify MCBS. Admittedly, my sample is not accurate and probably significantly lower than actual number. BUT, because people talk about the racial achievement being correlated/causation being income; I assumed that EVERY CHILD IN OAK PARK THAT IS LOW INCOME IS BLACK. I then identified the number of Black students subtracted the entire amount of low income students and created a very flawed, but important start to a subset of students, MCBS.

Looking at the racial achievement gap, and using the MCBS results, when applicable the achievement gap still existed. Unfortunately, the numbers don’t always add up equally, but there are two examples: Holmes and Hatch. Using the data to segregate MCBS, it highly suggest, that the racial achievement gap still exists. Again, I can only use the data provided and currently, the data does NOT identify race of low-income students.

However, even if every Black child in the district were low-income, there would still be a racial achievement gap. This means, to me, that we need to look at racism in schools and with teachers and create policies that address this racism.

Examples of Oak Park DIstrict 97 racism are:

• institutional racism: The fact are that, on average, Black students are 40 points behind White students in nearly every subject in every grade at every school, in Oak Park District 97. (https://illinoisreportcard.com/District.aspx?districtId=06016097002)
• Policy racism: The amount of Black teachers in school district: (there is scientific proof that more black teachers increase black students scores) https://www.brookings.edu/research/the-importance-of-a-diverse-teaching-force/ 2) https://theundefeated.com/features/the-campaign-for-black-male-achievement-is-changing-the-lives-of-black-men-and-boys/
• Individual race: The high discipline rates of black versus white students : They need to identify racial biases, both implicit and explicit, that can help to develop strategies to stop the racism current policies that over discipline Black students because of race.
• Individual and policy racism: The academic tracking which discriminates against Black children who qualify for accelerated learning program. (by being intentional about racism in individuals, the current policy of identifying “gifted/talented” students by teachers recommendations would be alleviated or at least recognized.
• Institutional/policy racism: The workplace racism, that silences staff and teachers of color when they highlight racism within the schools.
• Individual racism: The lack of self-awareness, or any attempt, to acknowledge racism; both overt and covert, known and unknown, by mandating cultural competency and racial biases examinations of teachers, staff, and administrators.

Now feelings and discussions about racism and the racial achievement gap are very important. However, when it comes to education, Black parents and Black Students deserve more than processing of individuals feelings about racism and the school. Black parents and Black students deserve results. Black parents deserve action plans that address racism, and interventions that address racism with White folks. I argue that there is no need for another conference/workshop/think group, to dissect the “racial achievement problem” as it pertains to Black people; to me, the solution is clear: we need to study/workshop/think group create policies about White people that will get rid of institutionalized and systemic racism.

It’s time to get serious about undoing the hard work of racism in White people and white institutions.

Let’s Study The “Racism Problem” in the Racial Achievement Gap

By ShaRhonda Knott-Dawson

“How can I be sexist? I have a mother, a wife and daughters!”

If you’re a woman reading that sentence, you almost certainly won’t have a problem finding the flaw in its all-too-common reasoning.

There are plenty of men in the world who love their mothers, wives and daughters while sexually harassing their work colleagues or offering women lower pay than men. There are even more men in the world who love their mothers, wives and daughters and have no idea their female work colleagues are being harassed by the boss or getting paid much less than they are for similar responsibilities.

Yet, somehow, when someone makes the parallel argument about race, it gets harder for most White people to notice the false logic. “How can I be racist? I have a Black friend, Black co-worker, or Black spouse” does not seem to prompt counter-arguments as quickly.

Just like being anti-sexist, being anti-racist isn’t something you can prove by your own word. Nor can you prove your lack of racism and sexism by citing your relationships with people from other races or genders. In both situations, actions speak louder than words. It’s the data surrounding your actions — both quantitative and qualitative — that prove the truth of your claims. There are White folks who aren’t racist (Tim Wise, Jane Elliot, Dr. Robin D’Angelo, to name a few) but they didn’t become “not-racist” by declaring it so. It took lots and lots of personal, professional, scholarly and uncomfortable work.

The Gap Between Words and Actions

When it comes to equity in schooling, Oak Park, Illinois, offers an example of the gap between words and actions. Like other “liberal utopias,” Oak Parkers are proud to put up their “Dump Trump” and “Black Lives Matter” signs and fly their rainbow flags. But that inclusivity is only surface-level, while examining and eliminating racism, both institutional and individual, is a non-starter.

Racism isn’t something that can be fixed with a #BlackLivesMatter sign in your yard; eliminating racism requires a lot of work that most White liberal people aren’t willing to do. My case in point is the racial achievement gap in Oak Park’s District 97, which serves elementary students.

For many years, Oak Park District 97 has acknowledged that there is a racial achievement gap. However, most of the work towards closing the gap has been focused on “processing” workshops, focus groups and “diversity pods” that allow residents (mostly White liberal people) to express their feelings about racism.

They want a change, and they will say so. Yet, like other White liberals, their words don’t come with mandates to take a hard look at themselves — either individually or institutionally — to change practices that don’t promote equity and provide reparations for Black families that have experienced racism.

Facts Are Still Facts

This year a 40-point gap exists between Black and White students across the district. Though that’s an improvement over the past few years, the gap remains huge.

Oak Parkers tend to explain away the gap by saying it is a gap about differences in income, not race. They offer a simple formula:

race + low-income status = racial achievement gap.

But income does not explain everything. Harvard researcher Ron Ferguson once estimated that only about half of the Black-White achievement gap could be explained by differences in income.

While low-income students do face barriers to educational equity, there are also middle-class Black students who are experiencing barriers to equity in their educational experience. Oak Park is not alone in this. Researchers like Ferguson and John Ogbu have examined racial achievement gaps between middle-class White and Black students since the late 1980s.

While older research tended to focus on cultural and family differences, recent research is finally beginning to examine issues like teachers’ unconscious biases toward students who are different from them by race and gender.

Black students are falling behind in academically, not simply because of their socioeconomic status, but because of a combination of racist institutional policies set in place by district leadership and individual racist actions by teachers, staff and administrators. Racist actions may be overt and deliberate, but they are also much more likely to arise from implicit, unrecognized bias against people of color.

We Need to Call It When We See It and Fix It

It is important to me to use the word racism because that is what it is. In order for us to truly eradicate racism, we need to know it, we need to speak it, we need to call it when we see it, and we need to work on fixing it.

White fragility makes it difficult to discuss solutions to racism because of White people’s inability to name and identify their personal racism.

Factual examples of racism — both individual and institutional — in Oak Park District 97 include:

• On average, Black students are 40 points behind White students in nearly every subject in every grade at every school.
• According to the Illinois School Report Card, Oak Park 97’s teachers are 80 percent White and 76 percent female. Research finds that generally, White teachers are likely to hold implicit biases against Black students, and that low-income Black boys benefit most from exposure to same-race teachers. It closes “the belief gap” in expectations for their futures.
• Data suggest there are inequities in discipline in Oak Park 97 schools. For example, at Julian Middle School, while overall rates of suspension were low, Black students were seven times more likely to be suspended than White students and Latinx students were 13 times more likely to be suspended than their White peers.
• Research shows the established practice of admitting students to gifted programs based on teacher referral discriminates against children of color. Although there is currently discussion about changing the delivery of gifted education in Oak Park 97, changing how students are identified has not become a focus of discussion. Broward County, Florida, pioneered the use of universal screening to identify gifted children, and saw the percentages of Black and Hispanic students accessing services skyrocket. Florida’s Orange County followed suit in 2012. By changing how giftedness is identified, Oak Park 97 could do a much better job of finding and supporting gifted students of color. Eventually that could put an end to high school Advanced Placement classes with only one or two Black students, as is too often the case today in Oak Park River Forest High School.

Instead of asking what Black families and Black students are doing wrong, why aren’t we asking what White teachers and school administrators and district officials are doing wrong?

if we are serious about alleviating the racial achievement gap, we have to be serious about alleviating racism. Racism is not a personal moral failing — it is the consequence of living in a society that has been steeped in racism, and White Supremacy, for the last 300 years.

Being non-racist requires intensive study of institutional, historic, systemic racism and White privilege, and being able to identify personal (implicit and explicit) racial biases. It also entails examining the effect of different kinds of policies — such as teacher recommendations vs. universal screening for admission to gifted programs — and making the commitment to stick with policies that promote equity, even when they are more expensive or time-consuming.

It’s time to get serious about doing the hard work to shift implicit biases within White people’s minds and change racist policies in White institutions, especially public schools that educate children of color. If we don’t acknowledge, understand and work actively to eliminate racism, then we won’t be able to fix the racial achievement gap in schools.

Saturday of the Holy Week is my favorite day. Weird, right? Well, to me, it best summarizes those of us who struggle with faith and worry.

All of Jesus’ follower’s believed he was the Messiah on Friday. Yet, he died. And he was buried behind a rock. It seemed like the story was over.

I imagine the grief, disappointed, and conflicted feelings the followers of Christ must have felt on Saturday. It looked like it over. There was no sign that Jesus was going to be resurrected.

Jesus had endured a humiliating and painful murder. His followers were helpless to stop it. And, it looked like the enemies of Christ won. On Saturday, it looked liked they had proven the Jesus was just a regular person. The Roman ruling class and the corrupt Pharisees mocked the faith of the believers and put the phrase, “Jesus of Nazareth. King of the Jews” over Jesus’ beaten, bruised, dead body. A great modern day translation would be, “Jesus of Englewood, Chicago. King of the Christians” hanging over the corpse of a state and church supported crucification of a leader who brought good news to the poor and the oppressed.

On Saturday, it looked like they were right. Jesus was dead. He was buried. And his believers had nothing but their faith that He was the Christ, in spite of the clear evidence that He was dead.

There isn’t a lot in the scriptures about what people did on “Shitty Saturday (tm. ShaRhonda).” But, no doubt, it was a shitty day. There were no celebrations, no boastful declarations, just shitty sadness. The Messiah was dead. Some believer, of course, were even questioning if Jesus was the Messiah if he died in such a horrible way.

I doubt there were many people who were anxiously waiting for a resurrected Christ; rather, they mourning a murdered Messiah. They had no idea what was going to happen tomorrow.

That’s what “shitty Saturday” is my favorite day. Because we, as believers of Christ, are in a constant state conflict between grieving the evil and terribleness we see with our eyes and the faith in the beauty and power of God we have in our heart. Often it seems like things in our personal lives, our country, our world, are final. That evil has won.

But thank God for his “Surprise Sunday!”

I try and remember when I am in a “shitty Saturday” time in life, that I serve the God of the “Surprise Sunday.” A God who takes what looks like the impossible and turns it into miracle!

Love to you all and Happy “Shitty Saturday!”

“Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19: 26

Christians all over the world like to celebrate two important parts of the Journey of Christ to the Cross. On Thursday, we celebrate the “Last Supper” and “the washing of the feet.” Both super important and extremely ritualized in the Christian tradition.

But I think the most important part of Holy Thursday, is when Jesus showed us His humanity. It is when Jesus showed us fear and vulnerability, and gave us permission to say, “I’m scared. I don’t want to do this God. Are you sure this is what I have to do? I’ll do it if You say I have to but I really don’t want to do it.” Repeatedly. Three times to be exact.

I find there are usually two extreme views of Jesus: Jesus, The Divine or Jesus, The Sufferer. Sometimes they go together but what I believe is the most important quality of Jesus, the Son of God, was his humanness. I like, Jesus, the Human.

It fills me with awe and wonder that:

Jesus looked at the same stars from the angle on earth that we do. Jesus drank water.
Jesus had a mother who breastfed him as a baby.
Jesus had to deal with church folks who wanted to trick him by using scripture.
Jesus was tempted by Satan.
Jesus was frustrated.
Jesus had friends.
Jesus had enemies.
Jesus had haters in his hometown.

And, one of my favorite part of Jesus, is that He had doubts and fears. Tomorrow, the story of His crucifixion will be on full display. The trail, the walk of shame, the nails, the ministry on the cross to the other criminals, the entire legal process that killed Jesus will be highlighted. Some Christians will focus on the pain he endured. Other Christians will focus on the role of the church. A few Christians will draw comparisons between the Roman Government and the US Government and the irony of our Christian nation having a Death Penalty while mourning our Lord and Savior who died via a government sanctioned Death Penalty. All of those are important and make excellent Easter Sermons for people to reflect on the impact of Good Friday and the obligations it requires of followers of Christ.

But tonight, I celebrate and reflect on something else entirely. I reflect on Jesus humanness. I feel closest to Jesus Thursday night because when He had this experience where he was scared and didn’t want to do it, He begged God for mercy. Because I get scared all the time! I am scared and don’t want to do things that God wants me to do. I was very clear that God wanted me to have Maya but I knew the pain, suffering, and turmoil it would cause my family. But I did it anyways. It sucked, it was painful and I suffered, but it was God’s will for me so I did it in spite of my fears. And to know that Jesus had the same feelings that I had, fear and apprehension, makes me feel so much closer to Him! I am so grateful for Jesus’ divineness, Jesus suffering, but, most importantly, I am grateful for Jesus’ humanness.

Love to you all on this Holy weekend. May we take our fears to God our Father, just like Jesus, and be obedient to God’s will and plan for our lives.

Biblical reminder:

“Then He said to them, “My soul is consumed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with Me.” Going a little farther, He fell facedown and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me. Yet not as I will, but as You will.” Matthew 26:38–39

Dear Mourning Mothers,

With the spirit of love, peace, and understanding, I write this letter to all of the mothers of the world that are in mourning, specifically, to the mothers who have had their children murdered. You, the mothers whose children died a violent, preventable death, whether they died as a solider in war or a victims of war, urban violence, or government sanctioned violence via the death penalty, I am with you. I write you, dear mothers, as a mother whose child was killed by terrible violence.

Our grief, our sorrow, is so profound that I believe that the rain of the sky is produced by the tears of all of the mothers who have lost our children to violence. To lose your child, in any capacity, is devastating. Children should bury their parents. That is the natural order. However, as believers, we know better than to try and know better than God. But still we ponder, why my child?

We, mourning mothers, know a grief and pain, in our souls, which can never be refilled. As a mother who also lost her son to violence, believe when I say, I understand the unexplainable pain.

· To you, the mothers who have had to watch their children go through a “justice system” that convicted them to death, I understand. They did the same to my child.

· To you mothers, whose child was marginalized and discriminated against because they came from the wrong type of community, I understand. Because my child, too, came from the “wrong” community.

· To you mothers, who have had to watch their children die, a slow painful death, knowing you are was powerless to stop it, I understand. I, too, had to watch my child die, a slow, painful, cruel, death.

· To you mothers, who feel the judgment of society, and more hurtful, friends and family, as they label your child a troublemaker, or say they deserved to die, I understand. I watched my son as the government officials, my church community, and his friends, even my own family, sneered and did nothing to save him.

I know what it feels like to have the judgment of society. The child that you carried in your belly, the one you nursed with your breasts, helped take their first steps, teach them their first words, the child that you love with all- no, more than you are, they judge. I know what it is like to watch people look at your child with contempt, evilness in their eyes and hardness in their heart, as your child dies. There is no greater pain than to witness the murder of your child by another. I pleaded and begged for God to take me instead of my son. But it was not to be so.

My son was my greatest teacher. He was a wonderful son! He was so full of love, so full of hope, so powerful in his love, that he just one glance my way, would fill my heart with a million lifetimes of love. With just one touch, I felt the power that fuels the sun. My son, from the top of head to his little toe, had a love more powerful than the force of the entirety of the universe!

Of course, when I first realized his gift of love, it filled me with fear. The world does not know how to deal with that kind of love. Our world is full of hate; full of greed, full of selfishness, and the world was not for people like my son. The world preys on those people that are love; those people that are from “bad or poor” communities; those people who speak against power and against greed.

The moment I held my child, I knew that his life would be in danger. Did you also have that premonition? Did you also warn your child to be careful? Did you warn them to watch what they said and how they acted around those in power? Did you warn them about how people treated people “like us?” Did you warn your child that the world is harder for the poor, for the marginalized, for the immigrant, for the powerless? Did you try everything in your power to protect them and ultimately realized it was in vain? Unfortunately, we, the mothers, can’t protect our children from violence. We can’t make the “system” be fair, show mercy, or see our children, like we do; as a product of our love made into a human. But I believe in a God that change hearts and turn pain into something beautiful.

When your child is killed, a part of your soul dies. There are more tear from the millions of mourning mothers throughout time, who have lost their children to violence, then rain drops that fallen on the earth. But like the rain, our pain, can be used to help nourish life.

While my child was being murdered, people laughed, cheered, sneered, and rejoiced. And as I watched my son hang on that cross, bleeding, I felt hate. We prayed together until he couldn’t speak anymore. Then I prayed. The other two men who also were sentenced to death, they prayed. Then their mothers and I prayed. I stayed until the end.

Right before he died, I looked into my son’s eyes, and what I saw surprised me. I expected to see a peace but instead I saw power! I saw that he still had his love! His powerful love could not be stopped, even through his crucifixion. The powerful force of his love, could not be contained in a mere human body. As his body died, the love that was in in his soul lit up the skies and all of the stars exploded by its power!

His murder could not stop his love. Your child’s death cannot stop love either. No one has the power to take away the love. Our pain is etched in the tapestry of the world, our pain, our tears, will be shared with everyone as the rain pours down on the earth. Our murdered children are seeds planted in the ground. The rain, our tears, coupled with the light, from our sun, and the love, from my Son, can nurture those seeds and turn them into trees of love, mercy, and grace.

Your pain won’t go away completely but it can be transformed into part of a movement. A movement to bring more love and eradicate violence on earth. My dear mourning mothers all over the world know that your tears are my tears; your pain is my pain; your child is my child; when you are in pain, I am pain with you. We did not endure this evil in vain. We will transform our pain into the tools for love, and win.

Yours in mourning, yours in love, yours in the name of my son, the Christ.

Mary, mother of Jesus of Nazareth

Jesus, had a wonderful, praying mother in Mary. She obviously had proven herself pleasing in God’s eyes with her faith, devotion, and love. So much so, that she was given the ultimate mission, to give birth to the Divine.

I have been enjoying learning more about Mary. Mariology, the study of Mary (that’s a real thing) isn’t very easy. It is really taking different religions and scholars and trying to put together a representation of what it was like for Jewish women in Second Temple Palestine. So I’m reading Biblical sources (which there are few), Jewish sources(also, surprisingly few. Lots of stuff of men but not much about the daily lives and rituals of Jewish women), and the Quran(The Quran has a whole chapter devoted to Mary and the immaculate birth!) Basically, there is a lot of stuff to go through. My goal is try and put it together in a book/essay/play/collage(joke), in a way is easy for Protestants and other people not familiar with Mary to understand.

The thing that I have discovered that excited me the most is the traditions of mothers praying Psalms. Most Christians remember praying with our own mothers, “now I lay down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep…” or “Jesus loves the little children. All the children of the world…” Jewish mothers also had prayers they said daily, and they were Psalms. One of the popular Psalms for mothers to recite daily with their children is Psalms 22, 23, and 24. I’m blanking on the term, but it in the Jewish tradition you read them all together, sometimes like a song.

So, on Good Friday, we remember that as our Lord hung on that cross, his loving, praying mother, Mary was there with him. In the Bible, the author’s say that Jesus cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” What I have learned, and this is when I start to praise shout, that statement is not a cry of help, BUT A PRAYER! JESUS WAS PRAYING!!! He was praying the Prayer that he had prayed with his mother his entire childhood. So image if you had to watch your child die, slowly, painfully, knowing you were unable to stop it, what would you do? Probably like Mary, start singing and praying comforting songs, like, “Jesus loves the little children.” For Mary and Jesus, that song/prayer were Psalm 22,23, and 24.

I urge you during your private reflection this weekend, to re-read the Psalms and re-image the scene on the cross, through the eyes of Mary, who was praying, singing, and trying to comfort her Son. And imagine how Mary felt when Jesus cried out to his mother, the lyrics to their prayer. The prayer that helped King David, the prayer that helped Queen Ester, and the ultimately, the prayer that contextualizes the crucifixion.

I pray that we are all able to reflect personally on this Holy weekend about the sacrifice of our Lord and the wonderful praying foundation of his mother, Mary.

“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish? My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, but I find no rest. Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One; you are the one Israel praises. In you our ancestors put their trust; they trusted and you delivered them. To you they cried out and were saved; in you they trusted and were not put to shame. But I am a worm and not a man, scorned by everyone, despised by the people. All who see me mock me; they hurl insults, shaking their heads. “He trusts in the Lord,” they say, “let the Lord rescue him. Let him deliver him, since he delights in him.”

Yet you brought me out of the womb; you made me trust in you, even at my mother’s breast. From birth I was cast on you; from my mother’s womb you have been my God. Do not be far from me, for trouble is near and there is no one to help. Many bulls surround me; strong bulls of Bashan encircle me. Roaring lions that tear their prey open their mouths wide against me.

I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint. My heart has turned to wax; it has melted within me. My mouth is dried up like a potsherd, and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth; you lay me in the dust of death. Dogs surround me, a pack of villains encircles me; they pierce my hands and my feet. All my bones are on display; people stare and gloat over me. They divide my clothes among them and cast lots for my garment. But you, Lord, do not be far from me.

You are my strength; come quickly to help me. Deliver me from the sword, my precious life from the power of the dogs. Rescue me from the mouth of the lions; save me from the horns of the wild oxen. I will declare your name to my people; in the assembly I will praise you. You who fear the Lord, praise him! All you descendants of Jacob, honor him! Revere him, all you descendants of Israel!

For he has not despised or scorned the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help. From you comes the theme of my praise in the great assembly; before those who fear you I will fulfill my vows. The poor will eat and be satisfied; those who seek the Lord will praise him — may your hearts live forever! All the ends of the earth will remember and turn to the Lord, and all the families of the nations will bow down before him, for dominion belongs to the Lord and he rules over the nations. All the rich of the earth will feast and worship; all who go down to the dust will kneel before him — those who cannot keep themselves alive. Posterity will serve him; future generations will be told about the Lord. They will proclaim his righteousness, declaring to a people yet unborn: He has done it!”

(Psalm 22:1–31 NIV)

TOMORROW IS ELECTION DAY! Yay! Everyone, please go vote! Due to mis-information, you may have questions if you can vote OR been misinformed that you can’t vote. Most of it is a lie. Please check and make sure you can vote before you don’t vote because someone lied to you.

HERE IS MY (ShaRhonda’s Handy-Dandy) GUIDE FOR WHO CAN VOTE AND VOTING RIGHTS IN ELECTION!

-If I have a felony?

Yes!

The only time you CAN’T vote is if you are convicted AND in prison at the time of the election. If you are home, you can vote.

-If I haven’t registered yet?

Yes!

They passed a new law in Illinois that you can REGISTER and VOTE on the same day!

-If I am 17 years old now but I will be 18 years old in November?

YES!

You can vote in the primary IF you will be 18 by the general election.

-If I’m not sure who to vote for the judges?

YES!

You can vote for 1 person on the ballot OR all the people on the ballot. If you need help deciding who to vote for, check with family, friends, and whichever party you most align with ideologically.

-If I can’t read and/or don’t speak English?

YES!

You can bring someone to the voting booth to help you vote! They also should have mulit-language ballots available in most polling places.

-If I have disability that requires me to need help voting?

YES!

You can bring someone to help you vote! You also have the right to vote with in an accessible voting booth.

-If I am homeless?

YES!

You just need to register your address as the place you are “at the most.” For example, if you sleep outside at the park on Wilson and Broadway, you can put that down as your address. You can even get mailed delivered there!

-If I want to vote for both a Democrat and a Republican?

YES! (sort of…)

You need to ask for a provisional ballot. It will be up to you to fill in the candidates you want from different parties.

-If I get in line at 6:58pm and the polls close at 7:00pm?

YES!

You are legally able to vote if you are in line BEFORE 7:00pm. By law, they have to let everyone who was in line vote!

*****Help, the election judges said I can’t vote, even though, you, ShaRhonda (Rondi), aka the smartest election person in the world, said I could. What do I do?

*first, thanks for the compliment! Ok, now here’s what you do:

You have three options when confronted with difficult election judges:

1) Call the Board of Elections hotline (Chicago- 312–269–7900; Cook County- 312–603–5656

2) Call (866) OUR-VOTE. They have lawyers that will be accessible to answer ALL inquires today!

3) If people are acting cray-cray? Call the police. Chicago, what a lovely city, is known unfortunately for some questionable election practices. If people are doing things that are ILLEGAL, (like candidates in the polling area, electioneering, judges telling you can’t vote democrat/republican, you can call 311 and request police help.