If you had asked teenage me what my twenties would look like, riding a tour bus around the country singing for a living wouldn’t have even crossed my mind. Meanwhile, in my twenties, I could have never fathomed living in Chicago and writing for a jingle house when I hit 30. Now, here I am closing in on 40 and life has surprised me once again.

I’m finishing my last year of law school and have already landed my dream job. Harlan Dodson — the Harlan Dodson — of Dodson Parker Behm and Capparella — called up my judge and asked if he had her blessing to bring me onto his team. Of course, Chancellor Martin began her legal career with Dodson Parker so she told me firsthand that there was no better place for me to be. That’s all I needed to know.

The past four months have flown by training under Harlan and being fully immersed in complex estate planning and business succession. Although it feels like I can’t learn fast enough, I’m trying to maintain a balance such that my family, friends and schoolwork get the appropriate time and attention, too. (Translation: I don’t sleep much, but I never really did before anyway.) I figure that as long as I’ve got a little extra grace from the people who love me and a hard working eye cream, I’m golden.

So, here’s to 39 tomorrow. I can already tell it’s going to be an unparalleled year and, mostly, I’m just thrilled to be here.

This isn’t supposed to be profound or some larger metaphor about the Matrix. It’s more like an awareness that continues to creep in.

Let me explain.

When I was younger, I had extremely hard lines. Yes. No. Black. White. Do. Don’t. Good. Bad. It was all very simple. But as Judge Marshall Davidson so aptly put it one night in class, I now have “the disadvantage of a legal education” and I’ll never see the world the same again.

If a friend needs to borrow my car, I start running all of the liabilities in my head.

I no longer send emails if the conversation is one I’m not 100% good with being in the record. Forever.

Overall, my delivery is more thoughtful, my tone is more careful, and I can genuinely see both sides of most arguments.

It might be easy to read this and think I’m going soft or I’m slowly slipping toward the middle. I think I’m finally starting to see the bigger picture.

There was this case in Torts where a lady sued a clothing manufacturer when her nightgown caught fire while she was cooking. I remember reading the facts first year and thinking she was an idiot. The nightgown was oversized, she was wearing it inside out, and her stovetop had an open flame. What kind of dumb dumb does that? I’m now rounding out my third year and the only thing I’m sure of is that I could totally be that lady.

Let’s be real. I have a closet full of giant robes that were purchased online for uber cheap and could very well be flammable. I have also been so tired that I put one on inside out and headed downstairs bleary-eyed with coffee being the only goal. I have a gas stove top with a flame that is larger than the base of our French press. You see where I’m going with this? It’s easier than you’d think to do “dumb things”.

Now add in that I’m a mom, which means I have seen. some. shit. Literally. Parenting has a way of humbling you quickly. Like most things in life, it’s much easier to see what everyone else is doing wrong — how awful they are to [fill in the blank] — and how you would never [fill in the blank]. I have eaten “I will never” countless times at this point. Because the reality is, you don’t know what you’d do until you’re in that situation. You can’t know. So, it’s a much wiser course of action to keep your mouth shut until then.

For example, I started this discipline technique when my daughter was a toddler where I’d count down from five. If I got to one, she got a spanking. It only took a couple times for her to catch on and that was that. In public, I’d simply have to say “5…4…” and she’d snap back to behaving. And I thought I was just that good.

Enter my son. Oh, he complied with this whole arrangement for a bit. And then, he started doing individualized situational analysis. i.e. if he thinks he’s put enough distance between us and I start the count, he makes a run for it. In fact, his newest trick is to just stick his fingers in his ears and keep going like he legit can’t hear me. Today he made it to the street before I caught up.

All of this to say, I’m not as smart as I once thought I was because now I know better. I, too, can have a two year old who darts out into the road at any opportunity. It’s not just for “bad parents”. Life is turning out to be far more of a sliding scale than an either or.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. I’m not the Buddha here. I still judge people all the time in my head. However, I tend to get off my horse a lot quicker these days when that same voice reminds me to give more grace because it only takes a split second for your nightgown to catch on fire.

It’s funny actually — I had just reached out to a friend and peer at NSL about when to start looking for a position within the legal world. Having been in music for 16 years, I didn’t know what to expect. I wanted to have realistic expectations while keeping a clear shot of the moon: classic overachiever.

Lo and behold, I get a call. The call. There was a judicial clerkship opening May 1. It was a two year position perfectly coinciding with my remaining two years of law school (NSL is a four year night program).

Eeek — “but was I ready?!” Okay, that wasn’t actually my first inner voice question. That was more like “am I qualified?”

Leaving out the madness in between and fast forwarding to the good part — about last summer…it’s been life changing! I know I’m enthusiastic and tend to use exclamation points more than a grown woman should, but just the one is an understatement. Seriously. I cannot rave enough about clerking for Chancellor Martin in Part II of the Davidson County Chancery Court.

I didn’t want to say (write) anything until I was confident I had earned the position. And with Tennessee being a right-to-work state, it remains mine to lose. But these past few months have been invaluable. Pretty sure I should be paying them for the privilege.

In case you’re wondering, the judge is incredibly warm and bright — brilliant and patient. I learn something new from her everyday. The staff is composed of some truly good humans who are genuinely fantastic at their jobs. We’re talking best of the best. They have taught me so much already.

And oh-my-god are these people fun! This isn’t boring, stuffy suitland like my subconscious probably feared. In fact, I haven’t met someone like that, yet. My part knows how to party (after the docket is done, of course). Plus, we keep a major cache of candy and there is no shortage of good fashion.

So, that’s it! I’ve officially transitioned from music to the law. And while it was sooner than I’d planned, it wasn’t nearly as hard on my heart as I thought it would be. Honestly, I thought it would hurt more. I guess I didn’t realize how ready I was. Sure, I’ll always be a creative at my core, and I’ll still scribble lyrics on the closest paper I can find when the feeling hits me. But this, too, feels like home, and I’m just so happy to be here.

Here’s hoping this finds you safe and loved, enjoying exactly where you are in life!

XX,

Jules

These days my fridge is adorned with any number of items — from magnets to greeting cards to my kids’ art — and I won’t lie: I dislike all of it. I’m sure there’s a parenting book somewhere that says I shouldn’t admit that last one especially, but I am…because I do.

Surely I can’t be the only mom who wishes the school would just throw that stuff away so I didn’t have to!

Yes, I’m a *CHB, but hear me out: there isn’t a single square foot in my house that hasn’t been invaded by these little people who pay no rent! Brightly colored plastic toys, bits and pieces of arts and crafts, abandoned sippy cups, hidden pacifiers, a lone shoe that is oddly wet; I’m not making this stuff up, guys. Of course, those are just some of the pleasant offenders. God only knows what that stain on the rug really is, why that corner of the living room smells like fruit cocktail and the cat licks it repeatedly, or if the smudged fingerprints on every kitchen surface and appliance will eventually be permanent.

Can’t a girl just wear a silk blouse and not be in reasonable fear of attack from an ill timed toddler sneeze?! Sigh. I’ve had to learn to get creative.

1. I wait until the last possible second to get dressed for work in the morning and, if it’s designer/dry clean only, I keep my robe on over it until I cross the threshold out of the garage and am certain there’s no chance of being chased into the driveway.
2. I only allow myself to deep clean once a week and I set a timer on my phone. If it doesn’t get done then, it will have to wait til next week toilet rings be damned.
3. I “rotate” the kids’ art/decor on the fridge such that all proud pieces get their moment on display. Not everything at once; not anything in perpetuity. (After that, mommy recycles it because we all have to do our part for the planet.)

In fact, that’s pretty much my mantra for this season of life. I regularly remind myself it’s finite. Or as my mom would say, “this too shall pass”.

I know, I know — I’ll be sad one day when my vacuum marks last for months, and there are no small lego pieces lying about to curse in the middle of the night. But seeing as how my youngest adeptly released and opened the filter canister on my upright while I was busy using the hose attachment, and he somehow managed to shake its entire contents on everything in a 5 foot radius, I can’t imagine being too terribly broken up about it 😂

All relationships require sacrifice and compromise, even the ones where I was just sure I was the one in charge. But let’s be real: there’s nobody I’d rather do life with, and I don’t want it “my way” if that means I’m not with them. So let’s raise a glass (or three — shits been bananas!) to refrigerator art and messy love.

(*you’ll have to ask Bridget Murphy)

What?! YESSSSSSS! Break out the bubbly!

(I know the exclamations are already gratuitous…but I’m SO EXCITED!!!)

Took my last exam tonight and, if nothing else, I’m certain I passed. So now, I’m home in bed wearing an ugly robe, cuddling Noho Hank, eating snacks, and deciding which show to binge watch first. Woot! Woot!!

Seriously, I am the luckiest.

We’ve got some major plans that include blowing through all of my SAG mailers, making (and eating) christmas cookies until we pop, playing each of Liv’s favorite board games (Battleship is the current go-to), having epic dance parties in the family room, and never, ever, ever putting on real pants.

You read that right. We won’t be leaving the house. Nope! Not if I don’t have to anyway. I mean, if there’s a fire, I will definitely consider it.

(Still won’t have on pants, though.)

Yes, I, Julie Downs, am a self-admitted homebody. Maybe it’s due to the non-stop travel in my 20’s. Who knows? But I’m happiest here. In my jam jams.

And perhaps it’s a contradiction, but I also love hosting lots o’ company. Having always been a more-the-merrier type, my house filled to the brim with people I love makes my heart so full it could burst!

All the kitchen conversations over delicious, homemade food; all the cozy hangs on the couch by the fire; all the moments where you completely forget what time it is — what day it is!

Sigh. I am s.o. ready for this break. And I can’t be the only one! Come on, raise it up. Cheers to us — we made it, baby!! Bring on Christmas, New Years, and grocery delivery.

I sincerely hope your holiday is filled with all of your favorite things. Sending love and hugs (’cause I just said, I’m not leaving the house!)

XX,

Jules

Tonight started just like any other Monday. Got the kids fed, did a hand off with the sitter, packed up my school bag, and headed to Taco Bell before class (yes, I have a problem).

David, who is currently in EU, had stayed up late just so we could chat on my drive. I caught him up on our day back home and he told me how their show went.

Normal, right?

Walk in to class where I have a front row seat (thanks to arriving 90 seconds before the lecture began). Unpack my dinner, books, and computer thankful to have made it. Can’t remember if I put on deodorant but stop worrying about it when the door opens and a host of suits start filing in the room…

This is when things get weird.

One of my professors instructs us to turn off all recording devices and cell phones while a couple sizable dudes stand in front of the exits. Um…at this point, we’re all sort of looking around at one another wondering what is going on. And then I see him.

Chief Justice John Roberts.

I may have said holy shit. Out loud.

The sitting Chief Justice of the United States Supreme Court walks into my Evidence class while I’m eating Taco Bell, wearing overalls, and have freshly painted blue toe nails hanging out of my flip flops.

IS THIS REAL LIFE?!?

Blown away is an understatement. He casually stopped by our school to congratulate us on our accomplishments, encourage us in our studies, and make himself available for any questions we might want to ask him.

Not kidding. This actually happened. Tonight.

Bear in mind, the Dean of my school is a retired justice of the Tennessee Supreme Court and my evidence professor is a presiding criminal court judge in Davidson County — you’d think I’d be accustomed to these undeserved honors but they just keep piling on!

I took Crimes from the current D.A. and Crim Pro from the head of the Public Defenders office. Seriously, I could go on and on. Suffice to say, my school is ridiculous.

I’ve never felt so honored or proud or humbled by an event. This one really took the cake — and you know I know cake.

The Chief Justice was kind and well-spoken and shockingly down-to-earth. In a million years, I never expected I’d be in this position (on the front freaking row!) I’m so grateful for the Nashville School of Law and for my friends and family encouraging me to take this path 16 years later.

And I don’t care if it makes me a nerd…I jumped up and gave him a standing ovation when he left and I’m still freaking out.

Yes, I realize I’m about to say what no parent is ever “supposed” to say…well, technically, I’m writing it…

Jude Payne is my favorite baby. Hands down. No contest. Favorite baby ever.

Guys, it’s ri-di-cu-lous. He sleeps like a champ. He eats like a champ. He is happy all. the. time.

(Okay, not alllll the time but NEARLY!)

Don’t get me wrong — I adore Liv Payne. She blows my mind daily with how funny and smart and kind and thoughtful she is. A wonderful child —

But she was a hella hard baby!

That crazy lady didn’t sleep through the night — 8 hours uninterrupted — until she was 2 and a 1/2! Many days in 2014, 15, and yes, 16, I thought I might just fall over and die.

This, of course, is when coffee went from Starbucks “sometimes” to a pot of drip daily. Plus a macchiato. Plus Diet Mountain Dew. Just bad news caffeinated bears all around.

Sooooo, imagine my surprise when this baby is, dare I say it, EASY!

Sure, it’s still a 24 hour a day commitment where the sleep/wake/change/feed cycle can begin to blur but I’m just completely crazy about this kid so I feel unbelievably lucky to be able to do it.

When I walk in the room to take him out of his crib, he lights up with this pure joy that is contagious and suddenly I’m giggling, too. Yes, I’m sure I’d look like a total idiot to anyone watching this exchange but that’s just it — I don’t care! Paint me silly!!

I have no idea how I got this lucky in life. Truly. Believe me, I’ve got plenty of complaints and areas to improve but with the stuff that really matters — my people — I hit the freakin’ jackpot. The mother load (hahahah — get it?!?!?!)

My kids are just out of this world! A love I never could have imagined. My husband is a true partner who knows when to support me, when to challenge me, and when to just walk beside me. Mom and Dad have been my rock for the past 10 years and I wouldn’t be standing without them. Jeremy is beyond a brother — he’s one of my closest friends. And those are just the people I’m related to! Bridget, Nelso, Jade, Trezzy, Ash, Drew, Aliki, Sara, Delaney, Sam, Lisa, Ev, I could seriously go on and on.

Good people are everything! Ugh — I know, I’m a great big sap tonight, but can you blame me?

My babies will be 1 and 5 in the next 24 hours and my heart is full. Sending out lots of love and gratitude.

XX,

Julie

For those of you who know me well, you know I’m not often quiet. I’ve been told I even talk in my sleep. But today, I’m taking a moment to be still and to be thankful.

Exactly a year ago today, I was 5 months pregnant with my second child when my husband was in a horrible accident where a criminally reckless driver crossed over the median on Interstate 24 and collided with David head on at full speed.

Being suspended in the hours of uncertainty that followed were some of the darkest moments I’ve ever experienced.

Whether it was fate, a miracle, angels, luck — whatever you might choose to call it, I am forever grateful. David not only survived, he had relatively minor injuries considering the magnitude of the impact.

Fast forward 1 year and we have a happy, healthy 7 month old son who David witnessed come into this world. We are also knee deep in home renovations for our new place as our daughter Liv starts kindergarten in the fall.

So many gifts. So much gratitude. March 1st may not have nearly the same meaning for you and your life, but take a moment to reflect on everything you’ve been given because, in the words of Travis Tritt, it’s a great day to be alive.

XX,

Jules

HA! Betcha didn’t expect that last one. You were probably thinking alcoholic beverages. Wellllll…that, too!

It’s kind of funny actually. I’ve been trying to make a point to set aside time for songwriting despite kids, husband, work, school, move (more on that later). And one of the young artists I write with just asked if I’d always been a morning person (my day had started at 5:30am — thank you, Jude). My response was something like a laugh/snort. I’m not sure she believed me when I said five years ago, I didn’t even begin to come alive until midnight!

As corny as it sounds, that’s when my creative juices start to flow.

And I still fight it. Once the kids go down, I know I should make every effort to try and sleep shortly thereafter. But I don’t want to! I’ve done the rituals, the meds, the gambit. Going to bed at 10pm just isn’t natural for me. Sure, I can do it; no, I don’t like it. I’m holding out hope I can revert to my nocturnal ways when these babies become teenagers. I mean, somebody has to stay up and enforce curfew: might as well be mama. 💪🏼

Overall, I chalk it up to one more sacrifice you make for your kids. And I truly think it’s worth it..or I wouldn’t be moving to Brentwood. Once we had baby no. 2, it just didn’t make financial sense to hold out in our hood and pay for private school squared. So, we’re relocating to Williamson County and fully embracing our reality. Sometimes, I can’t tell if David is terrified or horrified or both. But you know me — I’m excited!

Home isn’t your house, anyway.

I’ll be bummed to leave East with our friends and favorite spots, but I’d go absolutely anywhere with D and the kids. (Although, I do reserve the right to complain 😂)

I’d done it all.

Kids were fed, laundry was folded and put away, bottles were sanitized, I was showered and (moderately) presentable, Monday’s assignment was completed, both the dishwasher and the sink were empty…

Honestly? I wasn’t sure what to do with myself!

Now, of course, I’m going to put this into the universe and tomorrow will be pure madness. Seriously, though, I thought this first six months of Jude’s life/first semester of law school/last half of David’s tour was something I’d be lucky to survive, let alone enjoy.

And don’t get me wrong: it’s hard. But it’s really fulfilling, too.

Maybe because I’m a second time mom. Maybe because this kid is already giving me one six-hour chunk of sleep a night. Maybe because my friends and family have been so loving and patient and supportive. Maybe because my daughter has become this genuinely lovely little person. Maybe because I’ve stopped chasing the music industry. Maybe because I know myself better than I ever have.

I’m sure it’s a little of everything, but here’s my current reality:

This year I’m set to make the least amount of income in my entire adult life. I’m also still 10lbs up with a comically flabby belly. The lines on my face are more pronounced than ever before and I haven’t had a “me” day in who knows how long. I’m constantly cleaning, caring, studying, working and rarely sleeping…and I’m so content.

Of course, none of this would look or feel the same if I didn’t have a fantastic partner working hard both when he’s on the road and when he’s at home. Or such dedicated parents who take my calls at any hour and will talk about anything. Or such a giving best friend who loves me and my kids consistently. Or such a sweet babysitter who keeps the place running when I’m at school two nights a week for four hours a night.

And that’s just some of my people!

(Big sigh.) I guess what I’m saying is that I’m not only staying afloat, I’m actually getting a chance to enjoy the view.

So. Thankful. To everyone in my life who continues to meet me with kindness right where I am. Whether that’s moving the lunch time or coming to me for a meeting or giving me grace when it comes to answering (or finding) my phone or writing an encouraging message. It matters.

So while my floors may be smudgy (sidenote: don’t ever get dark, glossy hardwoods), my heart is happy. I’m going to continue to just take this one day at a time, one task at a time, one meal at a time — and I have no idea what tomorrow will look like — or next week — or next year — but can you believe it?!?!

I’m doing this!