Today, I’m feeling down. I’ve I got realized that I am struggling with maintaining order in my everyday tasks. My family regularly provide guidance on how to handle things the right way, yet I find it challenging to retain their recommendations in my memory.I truly have a sincere desire to make these improvements for their benefit, but regrettably, I find myself consistently making the same errors despite my genuine intentions.

I am facing difficulties in my job too. My seniors always say I’m too quiet and low confident, and they want me to do things more quickly. But I don’t think they realize just how much work pressure I’m dealing with. This means I haven’t really been able to make friends at work or have time for creative stuff. And my confidence has already taken a hit because of all the data entry and the company culture of always saying “yes sir.

It seems like nobody really cares about what I truly want to do. I believe that only Allah can guide me in this journey. My goal is to have a remote job so I can be financially secure. I also want to help empower children by giving them an education who live on the streets or don’t have parents.

All these things happening around me are getting messy, and it’s making me feel more and more angry every day.

I’m feeling confused and my true self seems to be disappearing because of what everyone else thinks. I .dont know what should i do. just Allah can help me to get out of this.

Regards.

A messy and imperfect girl

I am struggling with the worst issue of my life "Marriage". In my close circle, I observed weird issues in their marriage life. someone is seeking love in their whole life, or another one is irritating due partner's possessive behavior. Most couples don't have anything to discuss. They have zero compatibility levels. But still, they are spending their lives because of kids and society.

In our society, compromises are considered a good thing.Like at the start of a marriage, if a girl or man finds something weird about their relationship and they try to end that, people will say stay a little more. things will get fine but trust me things never get fine. In this way, relationships get toxic and more weird.

If someone says no to any proposal, again this society gives a lecture. "every marriage needs compromises. After marriage, everything will be fine".But what if things will not get fine?? Will you take a guarantee for our relationship.?

I don't want to spend my marriage life without love and affection. I want to live each and every moment with my partner. I want to laugh with him. We should have something to discuss. We should have feelings and respect for each other. Now I don't want to do the family deal which will not give me real happiness. I don't want to become part of them who are just spending their lives not living.

Maybe I wouldn’t find a suitable partner for me.but whatever they will find for me, I will take the final decision which depends on my parameters. because no one knows what I want except me. Every person deserves happiness, love, and respect .and i finally believe now i also deserve all these things.No more compromises!.

Every person sets so many rules and regulations for girls.I am living an independent life. Doing job and social work moreover also enjoying my Life. Trying to do what I want to do. But everyone is taking me wrong. Because I am not according to their Good Girls Rule Book.

I have fear if I become what people want to make me. I will lose myself & happiness. Might be I am wrong regarding our society But I am happy. I loved myself.

If the average life is 60 years, then I have to enjoy and felt every moment. But I will try to do all things that Allah asked me to do so I can make my afterlife good. So Just pray for me instead of judging me and passing comments on my character.

Take care!

Dear Reader,

From my childhood, I constantly observed a race and competition around me. It was always encouraged me in school and little in the starting period of college. I was the front person of that race (paraku glasses wali larki jis ki waja sy family ky dosron bachon ko dant prte). But later on, during my graduation, some terrible things happened to me. I was completely shaken. I started questioning myself..my existence.

All of those questions realized me, I never did anything which gives me my own identity …I am just an ordinary person who lived between people who love an ordinary lifestyle. everyone has a similar track…Struggled for study study study(theory not practical) than an ordinary job (which looks good for Rishta thing)And then marriage (mutual agreement between families )and then struggled for kids(who will do same things because sab krty hen)..and it's not my fav end…..

so… let’s come back to graduation. Well after that I started my startup with my respected teacher and closed friend kainat and then continued with my brothers. but here is a twist. Things were not like that we expected. Because ideas are easy but implementation is hard.

Well, we started the business with too little investment. I remember when we arranged and decorate our working site (like you saw in movies exactly like that) .when we did marketing in every possible way..when we get our first order on the first day that happiness can’t describe in words when I received money from the first order…some days was terrible too..like many people deceive us too badly..but God helped us in all situations and things get solved.

After 2 years, the Business was shut down due to some genuine problems. But it’s not the end…because what I learned through this journey will never go. Now I know my worth. yes, I can say, my life was Remarkable, not ordinary.

Now, I am working for small kids in an orphanage. One day they will say too their lives were remarkable, not ordinary.

And that day will be the last chapter of my life story. It will be my favorite end.

Shifa,

Dear Reader,

Did u know, sometimes we hurt too badly with small things ?

I hurt a lot when people do bad commenting on actors and politicians' profiles. I hurt when we think someone’s life is our property and we can demoralize them. I hurt when Social media soo called entertainment pages make fun of people. And All that rubbish comments take courage from target people …Courage to live life….

In Asians countries,there are no rules and regulations, for soical media ..Here your life is not yours…Everyone have right on your life more than you..

A lot of judges live on earth.Who Always ready to judge Your actions ..And then declare you a criminal .On facebook and insta pages,you will find these judges easily.

Please think twice before posting about someone life and actions.Becasue your one worng move take somone to suicidal or depression situation.

Thanks for Reading me carefully.

Shifa

Dear Reader,

I was under stress for the last few months. Because I was forgetting what truly I am. I was continuously trying to become a good daughter, sister, and friend. I was sacrificing my all dreams and wishes on a daily basis. Because I want everyone to remain happy, and no one to get hurt due to me. But Do you know? no one even noticed that I am continuously letting go of all opportunities. In all this process, I lost myself..and due to this, I lost my connection to ALLAH.

Before 2 weeks, I realized something was wrong with me. Dammm…..where was that couraged girl Who could do anything without any hesitation? Oh, Allah. Why I don't talk with you in the last few months? What I did with me…

Someone inside me replied then. Why are you thinking that Allah is disconnected from you? You are just trying to make things better. Nothing is wrong with it. But …Don't forget you. Don't forget your dreams, my lady. Love yourself and be thankful. Live every moment for you and for your loved ones. Life is the name of balance. If you become selfish you will not be happy and if you will do extra sacrifices then you will lose your own personality.

so now…..I am trying …I am trying to make new paths, dreams, and wishes. I just need you to trust me. I just need to Be hopeful. Please ALLAH help me. Help me that I can maintain balance.

Thank you, my stranger, for reading me.

Shifa

Life Journey-Letter 3

Dear Reader,

Today I am going to tell you about mehwish . she is an unbelievable, mental piece and high-level dramatic girl. She came to civic public school when I was in the second standard I guess…we were not so closed. Actually, at that time I tried to stay away from her. And the reason was she laughed every-time and slapped again and again who sit with her. Damm …like I said she was a mental piece. Well, one day..in the fourth standard she holds my arm outside the school with her running noose friend Iqra and starts saying (Chalo aj to main tmhy apny ghar ly kr jaon gi) After so much effort, I saved myself from mad girls. haha

well, My school changed after the 5th standard. I and kainat moved to chiniot islamia and mehwish moved with my bestie eashrt to Wapda school.Allah have better plans..I find kainat who changed my life and mehwish find best person . Then after 2 years, we all are again combined in-home tuition . Nasir bro teaches us in kainat house. .In tuition I used to sit with kainat and we daily do fight with multiple things like shoes, books, and many more. We were not less than wild cats.We usually watched our favorite drama (ISS PYAR KO KIA NAME DUN)between break hours in tuition.Uff on that time our imaginary hero is like arnav singh raziada who will be kharoos,dashing and romantic.ohh… That memorable moment….

After that, we all got admission to the same college. and I moved with Kainat to gcuf uni, mehwish to fast uni and eashrt to madina uni. I disconnected with mewish for 3–4 years almost.Because we both was busy with out lives. Mewish became friend of pivak(my school and college fellow)in fast .

Then,finally one day she came into my house i guess in nov,2017.she told me about her personal life, her thoughts, and her stories. I realized i met with another girl..I always thoughts she is feeling less and a selfish girl like all toppers are. But no, I was wrong..Then she comes to my house on weekly basis. One day she shared, she wants to work for a social cause and then we planned to go orphanage.I shared my wish with haseeb ul hassan and he shares this idea in amal class.so in this way our skill training project start. From that day to the present date, she gave me donations regularly from her pocket money and salary.

We have so many memories like on eid cenima blunders,gatwala slides..orphanage car stuck embarrassment moment or my rough driving ..ludo competition in fast uni and benefit of wazify in ludo …we have so much to recall.

She is too caring for everyone. She hides her pains in laugh and smiles. But now, I don’t get irritated by her continued laugh.

She mostly said that she has an evil soul. That is not true..She has a pure soul. When I talked with her, I find myself close to my ALLAH. Because in her talks, her love for ALLAH motivates me.

She has extreme courage and patience. She challenged her problems every day and I hope one day she will beat them. InshaAllah She will succeed to find what she wants. And you know, what she wants….She wants a peaceful life.

I proud of you mehwish .I feel proud that you are my friend. Really..I am

Yours sincerely,

Shifa Anwer