A friend’s batchmate gave up MIT to go make prosthetics in Guatemala. Because he simply loved doing that.

He chose his love, when he could have easily chosen the world’s validation. And he probably chose to pay the price for his love too.

That story has always stayed with me. Perhaps because I wished I was that person. But I didn’t have the intent to make that choice, or the willingness to pay the price for it.

In sharp contrast is another story from my own engineering days in Trichy. Once, a very old NASA scientist visited our campus in Trichy. I told him about the race to IIT, and how afterwards students just chill for 4 years because they worked so hard to get in and think they’ve arrived.

I can never forget his face. He laughed softly and said:

But that’s so foolish. You’ve just got in. Your journey has just begun. College is when you can really go deep into the subject you love!

15 years later, a realization this morning

This morning, while thinking about India’s education system and reading about an article that said that no Indian college is in the World’s Top 50 anymore, a rather deep realisation struck me. One that came not from studying the system, or looking at its governance or policies, but from looking back at my own life.

I began to wonder if the system was hollow because of something much more fundamental than institutional failures. Something that each one of us, who entered it, had contributed to.

Year after year, students have been selecting colleges and degrees based on what the “neighbourhood aunty” says — the same aunty who tells them who to marry and what to wear. This seemed innocuous to me at first. Because what’s so bad? They end up getting a good job and salary, right?

I was running super fast with a blindfold

If I look at my own life, I prepared for JEE because my dad told me it was the “best” and my math was good. I worked really hard, but didn’t get in. So I went to Trichy, lower down the ranks. For years after that, I suffered internally for not going to IIT and cursed myself.

But I realise now that the suffering was for the wrong reason. I just wanted to prove to the world that I could crack JEE — that I wasn’t dumb. So I did the next big thing I could, and cracked CAT. Again, not knowing why I was going there — leading to another lifetime of suffering that still stays with me. That I “wasted my engineering degree.”

Something inside felt small, it wanted to feel important— it thought the praise of those relatives would do it. It wanted to hear those “wah wahs.” It wasn’t honest enough yet to find what it really wanted. And honesty demands a price — it wasn’t ready to pay that price yet.

So what did this small guy do post-IIM? He found the best job on campus so he could feel a little more complete. And that’s how the story went, for years and years.

The Mirror Arrives

Years later, in my 30s, I learned from Acharya Prashant how we seek validation from society because something fundamental inside us feels incomplete — that small guy. The small guy does exist, and it spends its life trying to make itself feel big through this world.

So why can’t we see this tendency in ourselves? And even when we do see it, why do we so rarely have the intent to do something about it? Acharya Prashant says that the small guy needs a “Mirror”. Something that lays bare the real intent behind my actions. If someone had shown me this tendency when I was that 16-year-old deciding whether to write JEE or not, would I have seen it? Guess, I will never know.

But who did I have then? Lots of relatives with sheer awe in their eyes for anyone who went to a fancy college or got a fancy job. “Beti bada naam karegi.”

I suspect this is the story of every Indian kid.

What made the system hollow?

This brings me to my realisation today. If people are picking their education based on what the neighbourhood uncle and aunty are saying, it will show up — in a system that is thoroughly hollow from inside and devoid of love.

The system didn’t become hollow through some top-down governance failure. It became hollow because generation after generation, we entered it without really loving what it stood for, eroding it an inch more with each entry.

We entered without love, and made the system devoid of love, chip by chip.

And perhaps this is how the decay becomes self-perpetuating. The student who once chased IIT becomes the parent who insists that their child must pursue it blindly too. The person who chose a career for its prestige becomes the one advising others to do the same. We pass on what we ourselves have never questioned.

The next generation enters an institution already a little more hollow than the one before. And in turn, erodes it a little further. The process feeds itself.

That tendency in me

Now I see it. The same tendency that makes you run after the IIT brand is the same tendency that makes you “chill” for 4 years after getting in — because you never did it for the love of education. So why would you go deep? It would be a matter of rare chance that someone who came in for the brand also fell in love with it.

It’s also the same tendency that decides your job, your spouse, your kid’s school. The objects change, but the tendency remains.

Perhaps that’s what we have lost sight of. Education isn’t supposed to be a stepping stone to becoming somebody. It should help you understand yourself deeply. But how can you love that discovery when you are so afraid of what the world will say about you?

This whole realisation left me with a deeper pang. I wish I’d had this self-education at 16.

But it also left me with relief. I’m glad I got started with it at 35.

Because I wonder how many more brands I would have chased, how many more milestones I would have crossed, without ever stopping to ask myself what I was really looking for.

That guy in Guatemala was wise enough and brave enough to do it when he was 18. I needed 35 years - and there is still a lot more to see.

A Mirror helps.

I recently got to spend a week at home with my 2 year old nephew, watching him explore and engage with this world.

For 1.5 years I have been listening to Gita lessons from Acharya Prashant where he explains each shloka in a lot of detail and with several examples, in the hope that the listeners find one they can relate to. So this was a good opportunity to see “the animal in the human being”, something that he explains again and again in his lessons.

When my nephew wants something, say a toy, his facial expressions, his body language, his alertness and his focus, his attention, all of it is fully and wholly directed towards the target, the toy. It is like his world would be completely destroyed if he did not get the toy. It emerges suddenly and out of nowhere. I can see this because I have been watching him continuously, and just a minute ago, he was a different person. His entire body, including his mind, was focused on another thing and this wave came out of nowhere. Or it came, as soon as the toy entered his line of vision or the previous toy lost its charm.

This is what the Gita calls “kaamna” or desire, and Buddha calls “trishna”. I’ve read again and again, stories of Saints trying to tell us that these desires are external, they are not your own, that they will come and pass like waves in an ocean. So why do you bother so much about it and make it the center of your life? It is said that attachment to these desires is the source of all “dukh” or “suffering” in life.

It is not like it was the first time I was observing a desire in a human being. I have obviously observed myself and seen desires rise and fall every single day, some big, some small, but each promising a sense of completeness in my life — it would make me smarter, it would make me happy, it would make me secure etc. feeding on my own sense of completeness. So why was it different when I saw it in my nephew?

Because in kids that age, it is expressed in its purest form. They simply want to acquire the object. They are not trying to pretend that they are “not greedy” and cover their desire up in the veil of something else. That is what I have been doing all my adult life. Hence, as we grow up, it becomes harder to see these raw desires in ourselves and friends. We don’t want to be perceived as someone with a lot of “selfish” desires, and hence try to give these desires noble, and socially acceptable names. An example of this would be, I am just doing this for the benefit of my parents. Look how caring I am! But the desire is really coming from the fear of not having my parents to protect me.

My nephew has still not learnt this act of coating his desires with a socially acceptable cloth. So it was plain and simple to see in its raw form. And in order to save him from his desire, the only method that worked for me was to distract him to something else. It is amazing how everything changes in just a fraction of second on a kid’s face — howling can change to a smile, from a tantrum on the floor to chasing a new toy with joy. And it felt so obvious then that the desire that had consumed his body was not really his own — how else can you explain how effervescent it was and how fake and unreal! Like nature was just playing games with him.

Unfortunately, distraction is not an option for adults like me. The only way is to understand where my desires come from, and really see how quickly it comes and goes, just like it did in my nephew — there is hardly any difference. It’s the animal in us!

A few weeks ago, I felt a renewed sense of hope for our country after watching Nikhil Kamath’s podcast interview with two of Bengaluru’s top cops — Commissioner of Police B Dayananda and Joint Commissioner (Traffic) M.N. Anucheth.

The episode has Nikhil Kamath inside the Bengaluru Police Control Room understanding how they manage Bengaluru’s traffic — and I was filled with the awe and wonder of a child. I was glued on to those ultra large screens showing all the Bengaluru roads with super cool analytics buzzing all over!! And obviously there was AI (did you know we have AI based signals now?!) The transparency and openness with which the 2 officers spoke was so refreshing and inspiring. At one point the officer says with great pride, “ our manual signalling has come down from 40% to 5% now...”. It was amazing to see the love for the craft! It made me think why the Government doesn’t showcase its good work more often — it helped dislodge an old image of some old, unfit policemen who take bribes or arrive late at the crime scene with their lathis!

In fact, I was so inspired that I posted the link of the podcast on my Company’s Slack with a poll which said “Bengaluru police’s response time is 8 mins, what is ours?”. I wanted everyone to watch this episode and feel the same pride I did. The Government had set an example of what love for your work looks like!

At one point in the podcast, Nikhil Kamath quips, “I was talking to a politician recently, and he said the new Commissioner doesn’t listen to any of us, he does whatever he wants”, while the Junior Officer grins at the back. The Commissioner says “Yeah, absolutely.” Nikhil Kamath is suitably impressed and says that its a great compliment to him!

Fast forward to yesterday, I was reminded of this podcast when the Chief Minister of Karnataka suspended Commissioner Dayananda due to the IPL fiasco where eleven people died in a stampede during the RCB victory celebrations in Bengaluru. Reading about the incident, I decided I must write this article. While I am not privy to the exact unfolding of events, I find it hard to believe that this suspension is fair. Traffic police were not given advance notice because RCB refused to follow simple rules claiming that players had to go back. Police forces were out till 4 a.m. the previous night clearing the crowds celebrating on the roads, and then called back at 8 a.m.; they are humans too, and its gruelling work.

“We assumed, logically, that nothing official would be scheduled the next day,” said a top-ranking police officer. “Everyone was exhausted. There was no time to plan anything.”

There are “bigger forces” at play here and the real culprits have not even been posed any questions.

One sane voice was heard here: ‘Darkest day for Karnataka Police’: Former Bengaluru Commissioner slams CM Siddaramaiah for suspension of tops cops.

It is indeed a dark day. Just when I felt that we were marching into a bright future ahead, a good soldier who was working hard for his country has been made to pay the price for someone else’s greed and we’ve taken a step back into the dark ages.

Lets stand up for our real heroes!! Our children (and adults) need these real “role models”, not the cricketers and filmstars of today who lead them towards mindless entertainment and blind addiction.

If you are an IPL fan, read more here from another fan who is questioning his fandom.

My parents sent me to a great school where I met a bunch of young kids who would go on to do different things in life and succeed in what they did. Through them I got to know more people, most of them who are again quite “successful” in life. It’s so normal to reach out to school friends whenever one needs any kind of help. Recently I was asking a friend in London how difficult it is to find a job in the Netherlands in food tech and what one needs to do for that. If my dream was to find a job in Netherlands, I could easily make that happen through all the people I would be able to find in the European job market who would be willing to connect me to people who would connect me to people who can hire me. This is what you and I commonly call as our “network”.

A network is obviously of no use without an individual’s unrelenting hard work. And hard work I did to enter into a good engineering college. But this was possible because of another third crucial element. My father kept instilling in me, day after day that the only way to succeed in life was to go to the IITs. Much has been already said about the pros and cons of this Indian parental behavior, but the one good thing it does through repeated reminders into the subconscious is it ignites a burning desire* in you for something, making it your life goal. You are then able to do everything it takes to make that desire come true. Lastly, you obviously need financial resources to make all this a reality.

Coming back to the “network”, I would go on to build an even bigger network during my engineering days. Now I was on the path of finding the next big thing in life myself and my peer network was enough to push me towards the “right” turn. So I went ahead and studied at one of the IIMs — the mecca of networking and further built my “social capital”. Working at a Tier 1 consulting firm took this “social capital” to the next level. And all this happened without me even going out and trying to build it consciously, it was just brewing in the background. And it happened because I managed to surround myself with a certain set of people and I was exposed to a certain set of conversations through them.

The value of this “social capital” truly hit me in the last 4 months. I quit my job last year and travelled for 6 months. Post that I decided to “explore” the field of agri tech, a privilege of time and finances only some of us have. What amazed me was that during this period I spoke to almost 200 people, mostly through cold messages on Linkedin and emails. Almost everyone I reached out to agreed to speak to me. Further, a cycle was initiated where they connected me to more and more people. The only thing I offered from my side was a keen willingness to listen to what the person had to say and a deep desire to figure out the implications of their journey for myself and where I should take my life towards from that point.

With this attitude, I was exposed to a whole variety of ideas, themes, people, life journeys, incidents, philosophies, visions, desires.. And I found it amazing to listen to all this. I felt really lucky that I had access to this, that I was able to just send an email and talk to these people and they were willing to share stories about their life and answer my infinite questions. I also realized how much I loved knowing more about the different paths people have taken. There are billions of us and each one of us has a unique story and that fact is so amazing to me! Its a world of possibilities out there!

When people used to tell me “networking” is really important, I would get irritated. It felt like this would make relationships also transactional — that I would befriend someone only because I wanted something from them, either now or eventually in life. And that didn’t feel right. I realize now that it was just taught to me the wrong way but the sheer act itself can be quite powerful. As humans we learn from each other the best. We know that babies and toddlers learn most from what their parents actually do and not what they ask them to do. I don’t think that changes much in life. We get inspired by some people, we want to be like some people or be better than them — everything revolves around our fellow humans who we meet and speak to or even watch from a distance.

A cousin who works at an education NGO recently shared a paper on measuring “social capital” for the youth and how this is so important for their success. In an entirely physical world, we could not have imagined everyone having access to a broader, richer, more diverse social capital. But with the digital world, can we change that? Can we build a system where the child of my cook gets access to atleast a few people he/she can talk to explore his life opportunities, who can handhold them a bit and guide them towards the right direction. Wouldn’t that be more life changing for him/her than trying to teach him a specific curriculum we think is best for him/her? How do we ignite the spark of faith and belief in them and show them the art of the possible? I believe that all we need to do is ignite that spark, they will find the way from there!

The question then becomes how do we orchestrate this for 200M people? How can we make this a mass movement? A single NGO or a group of people cannot achieve this. It has to be a movement where each one of us plays a role, albeit small. That is the only way to succeed. If we do this, we would be talking of the same scale of influence that our leaders managed to build in our country a few decades ago. And they didn’t even have smartphones!

*Inspired by Napoleon Hill

तुम्हे लगता है कच्ची डोर हो तुम,

खींचा तो टूट जाओगे

तुम क्या जानो

सैंकड़ो धागों से सींचा हुआ,

मज़बूत जोड़ हो तुम…

तुम्हारे आँगन में दिखता तुम्हें सिर्फ अँधेरा,

उसकी चादर में गुमसुम से बैठे हो तुम

तुम क्या जानो

तुम्ही तो हो, उसकी धूप…

दीपक की लौ हो तुम

तुम्हारी चेतना से ही तो रौशनी है

मन हर क्षण उसकी किरण तुम्हें दिखाता

फिर क्यूँ छुपाने में लिप्त हो तुम…

तुम्हे इंतज़ार है किसी की लौ का

जो तुम्हें अपनी लौ से मुकम्मल कर दे…

उन धागों को पकडे,

चदरिया को हटा दो,

उड़ोगे तुम आकाश में,

अपने पंख फैलाए…

और आंगन से देखते हुए

वह धीमे धीमे मुस्कुराए…

ऐसा है कुछ यह पल

कि बस सांसें ही है,

कुछ कहा तो

बीत जाएगा यह क्षण…

रुक सी गयी है हवाएँ

गहरी ख़ामोशी है वादियों में

हक़ है चहचहाने का

महज़ पखेरुओं का…

डूब रहा है सूरज

चुटकियों में

छींटे किरणों के घुल रहे हैं

ज्यूँ आकाश में…

साथ साथ दिन के

ढलता जा रहा है

ज्यूँ दिल मेरा…

I feel

The warm glow of the SUN

On my skin,

The grass is moist and soft

Underneath my back.

The cool breeze carries with it,

A fresh promise for the day.

The two ladybirds are

Quietly making love

As the white butterflies play,

The ants dance on the

Thin blades of the grass,

The tiny blue flowers watch them

Giving all their love,

I look up

And see the mountains

Standing still and tall,

They protect us

One and All..

रफ़्तार

**********

रफ़्तार बढ़ रही,

तेज़ी से आगे भाग रही,

फिर भी क्यूँ मुझे डर नहीं लग रहा ?

कोई इसेे रोक लो,

इसे थमने को कह दो…

हँस के मुझे कह रहा,

रोक न पाओगे तुम मुझको,

थाम न पाओगे तुम मुझको…

फिर मैंने भी मुस्कराकर कह दिया,

रोकना चाहता है कौन तुम्हें?

खामोशियाँ

***********

हवाएं थम सी गयी,

सन्नाटा कुछ और गहरा हुआ,

विचारों ने मरमराना छोड़ दिया,

मन शान्त हुआ, धड़कने थम सी गयी…

तुम्हारी साँसों से घुलकर,

हवा का रंग और गहरा हुआ,

गहराई मेरी गहराई को ढूंढ रही,

खटखटाएं बिना मुझे पुकार रही…

छू दो तो गुम जाएगा,

मैं हूँ यही , उसे दिलासा दे दिया…

और साँसे बादस्तूर चलती रही…

There was continuous action every second. A whole host of people were supporting the owner in running the operations — one person whose job was just to count the cash and deposit it in the bank once a day, another checked the pink bill slip given by the owner to the retailer and released the goods, another helped retailers with the sampling outside the shop, 4–5 laborers to load the bags as they got sold into the retailer’s truck along with a supervisor and a few more folks who managed the nearby godown.

There was one dal “kulthi” (black horsegram) which was in short supply today, and literally every retailer came asking for that. All the wholesalers were out of it. The owner was quite angry at his staff for selling all the kulthi bags in the morning, they should have guessed by the number of retailers asking for kulthi that it was in shortage and they could have made some money on it today. This is their mechanism of demand prediction. Prices are set basis quantum of demand that day and also basis what the other wholesalers are selling for.

The owner writes the details of every deal first on the pink slip, then aggregates everything on a piece of paper, then he goes home and enters everything on his laptop on an app which he uses which directly links to his Tally. “Why do you not enter it directly into your laptop the first time”, I asked. “Aren’t you seeing the rate at which people are coming in- they expect me to talk to them, tell them the rate, tell them that it is the lowest possible rate possible. I can’t do computer work also along with all this.” “Well, why not hire somebody to do the data entry for you then”, I still insisted. “I did try one time, but it is very difficult to find someone here who can do it correctly and who I can trust”. I gave up then.

Attempt 2: Why do you not just put up a board with the prices outside so everyone can just see it before entering. That way you don’t have to answer the same thing each time. Or send broadcasts on a whatsapp group?

Fail 2: I have to give 1 or 2 bucks here and there to keep some people happy. Also, the prices are changing dynamically basis demand, so I want to keep good control on that. And even if I was able to update that in real time on the board, retailers expect me to talk to them — it gives them a feeling of trust if I say the number. I don’t know how else to explain it. They would not like it any other way.

Let me spare you from all the other attempts I made and the responses I got. But what really hit me hard today was the trifecta. My background has trained me to find efficiencies in everything, to optimize everything. My instinct now always steers towards that. But what if some people don’t want this optimization? Who are we to load it on to them (unless we strongly believe it generates a lot of positive value otherwise- e.g. reduce wastage?) Retailers have a lot of time on their hands. Visiting Gulab Bagh from their village/ town 100 kms away is a fun event for some. They look forward to it every 10 days. Walking around the mandi and talking to different wholesalers, many of them they have known since decades, is an integral part of their social fabric and their lives. I don’t mean to romanticize the obvious hardships of having to travel 100km to procure raw materials for your shop, but are we really sure that they want to be doing that on an online app and have it delivered on their door step? How do you measure the value of the joy they get from catching up with all their wholesaler friends or from getting that extra 10rs/kg discount that my wholesaler friend occasionally gives them to reward their long standing relationship? What are we trying to optimize and for whom?