The year is 2050. Time travel into the past has recently become a reality, along with the messy physics that comes along with it.

The future I have been dreaming of as a child, has finally arrived.

I have taken up the offer to travel backwards in time and give my younger self some valuable advice. But first, I’d have to disguise myself as my all-time favourite superhero.

As I get into that familiar red suit with an improved cowl and a gold lightning bolt, I fondly recall memories of a younger me, binge watching the first 5 seasons of The Flash, where Barry Allen would introduce himself at the start of every episode as the Fastest Man Alive and fight crime in Central City with his team in STAR Labs. Ah, the good old days of Netflix and Chill. None of this holographic lenses stuff back then. Whenever there was a scene of Barry travelling through time, either backwards to prevent something bad from happening, or forward, to catch a glimpse of the future, younger me would fantasize about it for hours, and even, days after. It was as if everything I had ever known about space-time was being challenged. Some parts of me wondered whether it could ever be possible in real life, and some parts of me were convinced that the concept of time travel, toyed with in many movies, and played with by many scientists, was a downright bad idea. Yet, there was a large part of me that hoped.. wished.. and prayed.. that being able to manipulate time and travel through it would become a reality one day in the near future. I wanted to be there to witness it.

30 years later, not only am I about to witness it, but I’m about to be part of history.

I’m all suited up, and ready to begin my voyage. I say a quick prayer, and hope that everything goes according to plan. If it does, I will return to this exact same moment, in a few hours. If not, well, this piece wouldn’t exist then, would it?

Hurtling through space, I try to ignore the effects it has on my body. I stop in a familiar moment in my distant past, as I watch my 5 year old self do The Great Sulk about having to share treats with my classmates on my birthday.

I am somewhere in the 90’s, in that musty kindergarten classroom in a blue frock. I quickly hide — this is not the right moment for me to make an entrance to speak to myself. I had intended to travel to a specific moment in time, somewhere in my 20s, but something glitched and I had gone too far back. Panic was welling up inside of me — the further back I went, the longer it would take for me to get to where I actually wanted to, and that would take time. Time travel, sexy as it sounded, was tricky. It was not akin to forwarding and rewinding a Youtube video — if you accidentally scrubbed too far back, you could just drag the slider forward to get to the point you wanted to watch. No, time travel was much trickier than that. Now that I had gone back to the 90s, I had to carry on in chronological order and the most I could “scrub forward” was 5 years. Nothing more than that. I had to be quick, otherwise I’d be stuck in the past forever.

5 year old me is holding a big bag of treats, lovingly prepared and packed by my mother for my mini birthday party, and my classmates are singing me a Birthday song. The claps get increasingly louder, rendering me disoriented. My teacher is attempting to cajole me into handing out my treats, and I clearly am not having it.

As I watch in a corner, I try to hold back my laughter — somehow watching it in third person is even funnier than going through the experience in first person. But after that initial wave of laughter, I am overcome with a sadness I can’t quite describe. I find myself wishing that I could walk through those doors, give myself a hug and tell mini me that learning how to share is an extremely important skill. I wish I could tell cranky me that picking up social skills at this young age would make all the difference as an adult, and it was really now or never.

I fast forward a little, and return to the scene outside the school hall where 7 year old me was facing her first brush with racism. Once again I wish I could appear on the scene and whisper some advice into her ears — that this was just the first of many instances to come, and that she should learn how to stand up for herself, another essential life skill that would come in very useful in the future. But it was a huge no-no, and I restrained the urge to.

2 years later. I had a friend whom I held dear to my heart, but the feelings were not reciprocated. I would tell mini me to let this friendship go — she did not need to hold on to someone who was constantly condescending and demeaning. I would also tell her that friendships were supposed to be beautiful, uplifting, and encouraging.

Fast forward to when I was 12. I was back at the scene where everyone else was busy playing tag before school started. Ah, that familiar spot where I had chosen to lose myself in the brilliant world of Hawking, while the rest ran around and got dirty instead. If I could, I’d tell myself to put the book down — there would be many more opportunities in the future for me to discover his world, but only this one for me to build friendships with other 12 year olds and practice my social skills. Little did 12 year old me know that this would prove to be my biggest challenge in the future. Sometimes, ignorance truly is bliss, huh.

Suddenly, realization dawned on me that if I were to try and revisit every moment I wanted to, I’d simply run out of time and be stuck in the past forever.

I started to panic and have a meltdown. What if I never made it back? What would happen if I became stuck here in this silly suit, unable to make it back to the present and continue living my life from where I left off? What if I had to retreat into the shadows, re-living my entire life alongside my younger self, waiting for the exact moment where I travel back in time so that I could “reappear” again? The implications were serious, and scary.

I started to regret the decision of time travel.

Re-calibration has not been an easy task for me as of late, and I find it difficult to take my own advice and seek inspiration from the Great Outdoors. Instead, I retreat inwards and attempt to seek solace in reading and writing.

As I continue to broaden my horizons with an assortment of material, I have begun to see improvements in my cognitive processes. I put together a quick list of suggestions for anyone who is trying to hone their craft, and hopefully these work for you, the way they have worked for me.

Eliminate all distractions
Most of us are able to think more clearly and generate better ideas when we are not distracted negatively. Distractions can come in many forms, shapes and sizes. Before embarking on a project, clear your desk and keep only the essentials around you. I find that a notebook, a cup of my Mother’s special tea, and a fidget spinner is all I need to keep myself focused. Of course, this might not work for everyone. Some might find that organized chaos helps them to work better, while others might swear by doing their best creative work while lying in bed. Those who need a quiet space to work might find music distracting, while some others need background music to function without feeling “creeped out”. Personally, bright lights are a distraction to me and I rather go without them. Every individual has a unique working style, and understanding that is key.

Practice makes better, then, perfect
Heard of the advice that in order to master anything, you have to spend 10,000 hours practicing it? Sounds like a sure-win formula, but sadly, it isn’t true. Writing is an elaborate art, and there are many ways to get better at this craft. Setting aside some time to write every day is a great way to purposefully practice your skills, and over time, gain familiarity with the English language, rules of grammar and of course, spelling. Ever since I started sticking to a consistent writing routine, I have noticed a tremendous increase in the quality and quantity of my ideas! It has also gotten increasingly easier for me to kick-start my engines — practice truly is the lubricant that keeps the gears of the mind whirring in top condition.

Read great writing to do great writing
Reading truly works wonders for the mind, and is to the brain what exercise is to the body. (I typed this out before coming across a similar quote from Joseph Addison and was taken aback; I promise, no plagiarism here!) Reading far and wide, across a variety of genres plays a big role in broadening the horizons of the mind, stretching the fabric of creativity, and honing the craft of writing. Not only does it serve as a catalyst for novel ideas, it can also provide fresh perspective. When I read, I deliberately slow down so as to process the words on the page better, and understand the deeper meaning behind what the writer is trying to convey. As one of the top literature students in my cohort, I can attest to the fact that slower reading can help the reader to pick up on metaphorical and figurative language, symbolism, foreshadowing, and other literary devices the author might have painstakingly integrated into his work, which you might have missed if you had glossed over the page. These, in turn, allow the reader to explore different styles of writing and apply them to his own craft. Win-win! It is no wonder that there is an abundance of quotes about the magic of reading!

“The reading of all good books is like conversation with the finest (people) of the past centuries.” — Descartes

“A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies . . . The man who never reads lives only one.” — George R.R. Martin

We read in bed because reading is halfway between life and dreaming, our own consciousness in someone else’s mind. — Anna Quindlen

Be prepared for midnight (or moonlit) inspiration
I wrote in a previous post that some of our best ideas strike at the randomest of times. There have been instances where I would be lying in bed, relaxed under the covers and trying to drift off to sleep, when suddenly, a flash of lightning would go off inside my mind and I’d have a solution to a problem, or a brand new idea. When this started happening more often, I decided to keep a notebook under one of my (many) pillows. There is nothing worse than being struck by a brilliant idea in the middle of the night, or whilst dreaming, and not recording it immediately.

Write, and then, edit
No more messy cancellations, no more smudged ink, no more unintelligible handwriting. Ever since word processing software with built-in spell and grammar checkers was developed, it has become very tempting to write cautiously, editing as you go along. However, not only does this take more time, it slows down your momentum of writing and by the time you reach the end, you may have forgotten what you intended to write about in the first place! I find that planning my post on paper, and then doing a “mental expulsion” of all my points, from start to end, without retracing my steps to edit, works best for me. Once this process is over, I take a break to relax my mind, and then come back to type out what I have penned down, and edit it. Not only does this allow me to have a garden-fresh take on what I have written, but I am better able to spot errors, add, subtract, or even rearrange blocks of my puzzle to create a improved one.

Use stories and questions
This is a great way to spice up your writing and prevent it from getting too monotonous. Back in school, my English teacher would advocate the use of anecdotes, witty quotes, and dialogues to add pizazz to any piece. The use of rhetorical questions is a commonly used technique to engage the reader and make them think, allowing them to feel closer to the writer, in a way.

Take inspirational breaks
As I mentioned in my previous post on how to get out of an inspiration rut, taking regular breaks from writing is extremely important. It is to writing, what looking at nature is to the eyes — refreshing, rejuvenating, and sometimes, even enlightening. In my book, my inspirational intermissions (ah, I do love a good alliteration) consist of a sweet snack, or a calming beverage (sometimes I go with both), doodling in my notebook, reading an unrelated book, or watching a documentary. I find that I have renewed enthusiasm to continue writing, coupled with fresh ideas, when I return from my little breaks.

Experiment with your environment
I can never stress the importance of a good working environment — a clean, uncluttered, conducive and cosy environment will definitely allow productivity and inspiration levels to soar. Experimenting with different genres of music, textures (perhaps a fluffy rug under your feet, or a velvety cushion behind your back), scents (oh, the warmth and familiarity of a fruit cake scented candle!) and even temperatures can work wonders, and make a world of difference to your thought processes and ultimately, your writing. Some people prefer a cold room to a warm one, some others need the curtains to be drawn in order to feel safe enough to work, some need bright lighting while others prefer a softer glow from a table lamp. We all have our unique preferences and experimentation is key in finding that sweet spot.

Hopefully these tips and tricks prove useful in your journey towards becoming a better writer. Remember,

“You don’t start out writing good stuff. You start out writing crap and thinking it’s good stuff, and then gradually you get better at it.

That’s why I say one of the most valuable traits is persistence.”

― Octavia E. Butler

“Relax, Starlight. Au contraire, time is on our side! Trust me. We will get there ahead of schedule. Just.. allow me to catch my breath momentarily.. and maybe a few winks.”

Sycorax leaned against a flowering shrub, did a quick check of the surroundings, and heaving a sigh of relief, shut her eyes. Curled, silky eyelashes fluttered down. Cascades of shimmery golden tresses framed her fragile shoulders, accentuating her small face and doe-like features. Her heavenly voice reverberated in my ears, and as the wind sighed a chorus through the trees, I wanted to watch over Sycorax and immerse myself in her timeless beauty. But.. there was a part of me that could not help feeling anxious — we were on a tight schedule, she seemed to be deep in slumber, and we had quite a vast distance left to cover. The Pendello was a temporary disruption in the fabric of space-time that resembled a small shed, and was not meant to exist forever. We had to make it there before time if we were to have any hope of completing our mission. Plus, this portal was only visible to Sycorax and her kind, which made her all the more crucial to this mission.

Inspiration — like lightning, you can’t force it into a bottle.

Inspiration is an organic process which cannot be coerced. Flashes of brilliance have a tendency to strike at the most unexpected of times (and places). Instead of letting this temporary setback affect your momentum, here are some simple techniques to get your engines revving and back on track.

Reconnect with Mother Nature

No one can deny the instant relaxation and rejuvenation Nature brings upon the mind, body, and soul. A stroll in the park, meditation, or even simple nature photography have instant calming powers. It is also important to give your optic muscles a break by looking at nature and greenery from time to time. Personally, I find sensory walks, where I focus my concentration on the sights, sounds and scents around me, to be extremely helpful in drowning out unwanted thoughts, and training the mind to focus. These 10–15 minute walks can do wonders for the mind, and is quite hard to return from a meeting with Mother Nature and still remain uninspired!

Listen to New Genres of Music

Ah, music. My personal assistant of choice when I’m working on something challenging. Not only does music yield the power to evoke memories, it helps to reduce stress, pain, and even symptoms of depression. Studies have shown that music can even help the brain in producing new neurons! Everyone has a go-to playlist for when they feel stressed, upset, or in high spirits. Generally, classical or instrumental music is optimal for generating ideas as it allows the brain to relax, but I find that slightly upbeat songs with lyrics in a different language help me to focus and come up with brighter ideas. Every one of us is different, so experimentation is key! Plus, with the advent of music streaming services such as Spotify, discovering new and interesting genres of music has become fast, and easy. With a few taps here and there, one can access thousands of playlists carefully curated for almost every need, guaranteed to help one break through the creative block.

Change Up Your Space

Every once in a while, I find that reorganising my space helps tremendously in providing a fresh dosage of inspiration and new perspectives. Weird as it sounds, it is proven that small changes to your surroundings can have profound effects on your mood, and can help to boost your morale. Fret not, it does not have to be a complete overhaul! Here are some simple and budget friendly changes you can make to your space to get an instant inspiration boost.

1. Swap your curtains.
2. Change the sheets, make the bed, and add comfortable cushions. A well made, cosy bed can make the room look clean, crisp and inviting all at once.
3. Move some things around, or eliminate them altogether to create the illusion of a bigger and cleaner space.
4. If abstract art gets your creative engines humming, invest in a few pieces near your work space.
5. Fresh flowers or low maintenance indoor plants have been shown to boost productivity, concentration, and mood. They also clean the air by absorbing toxins, which is important if you’re the kind of person who hates to leave the windows open. Vibrant flowers are a visual treat for tired eyes, too.
6. A quick declutter of your workspace helps to eliminate unwanted distractions, which in turn can improve focus and concentration. Psychologists suggest that a messy room is a reflection of disorganised mind, and inspiration is definitely hard to come by when the mind is in such a state.
7. Consider adding fairy lights to make your space feel cosy and intimate; perfect for when you’re winding down with Netflix and cookies.

Let Go Under the Showers

Showers are my favourite part of each day, and I look forward to them. Some might look at showers as merely a cleansing ritual that they try to complete as quickly and efficiently as they can. For others, it signifies something deeper and more personal; “me time”, if you will. When I find myself in a state of confusion, I take a shower (even if I’ve already taken one earlier in the day). Science tells us that a cold shower helps in increasing oxygen intake, which then decreases stress levels. The running water also helps blood rush to the surface of the skin, increasing your overall circulation and making you feel alert. Warm showers (or soaking in a warm bath) release dopamine, causing us to feel happy and relaxed. The mind in a relaxed state would find it easier to turn inward and unleash it’s creative juices, which explains why many of us find that our best ideas come to us while we are distracted from the frenzies of Life in the shower. A relaxed and calm mind is indeed a fertile one!

Replenish Your Brain Fuel

Over the years, advancements in neuroscience have increased our understanding of the brain by leaps and bounds. Brain development is a complex process that begins 2 weeks after conception, and and continues well into adulthood. As much as the bulk of development occurs from birth to age 5, various regions in the brain continue to develop at different rates, and exciting new research suggests that the human brain can take up to 25 years to fully mature. For instance, the prefrontal cortex — responsible for reasoning, problem solving, comprehension, impulse control and creativity — is the last part of the brain to fully develop, which explains why some of these functions might not present themselves until an individual is 25 or older. Here’s how replenishing your brain juice for a few minutes each day can help boost your inspiration levels.

1. Set some time aside to write a positive story about the near future. Optimism increases dopamine secretion, which we know makes us happier and ultimately, more inspired and motivated.
2. Set a sleep routine and stick to it. Adequate sleep is linked to improved memory function, which can boost your brain power, your motivation, and ultimately, inspiration levels.
3. Say NO to unnecessary negativity, drama and gossip! Getting involved in these can fire up your amygdala, throwing the prefrontal cortex off. This can result in impaired impulse control, reasoning and decision making. No wonder some of us make rash decisions when we’re hopping mad.
4. Get some exercise. We are no stranger to the fact that working out (even a light one such as yoga or stretching) can flood your system with feel-good hormones and endorphins. Your brain, bathed in this natural cocktail of happy hormones, will feel a jolt of inspiration and creativity.
5. Give hugs, and take hugs. Unless you’re the sort who dislikes physical contact, hugs are proven to soothe the brain with calming peptides. It’s no wonder that we feel better immediately after a long hug from someone we trust and love!
6. Learn! Learn! Learn! New activity, be it cerebral or physical, fires off neural activity and creates new connections between existing ones. This strengthens not only your executive functions, but the entire brain, which is essentially a muscle that needs to be exercised in order to remain in optimal condition. You’ll find that taking a break to indulge in learning something new (it could be a new language, trying to learn a new motor skill like juggling, or even attempting to create art) can do wonders for replenishing your brain fuel.
7. Sharpen your pencils and work on a puzzle! It doesn’t matter if you’re attacking a 3000 piece jigsaw puzzle, sudoku, or a crossword — these activities all power up the brain, making you feel invigorated and inspired. They make use of both hemispheres of the brain, improve memory by reinforcing connections between neurons, improve our problem solving skills, visual spatial reasoning as well as short term memory. Who knew a puzzle a day could have such benefits! Some might argue that the last thing they want to do when they’re stressed or upset, is to fret over a challenging puzzle. On the contrary, these puzzles can actually lower your stress levels and improve your mood because they release dopamine. That is what makes you feel so good after successfully cracking a puzzle, and keeps you going back for more!
8. Doodle, or draw. We are no strangers to the squiggles and little heart shapes that children (or even teenagers) draw on the pages of their textbooks when they are supposed to be studying. Heck, even adults do it in boring meetings from time to time. Doodles are actually windows into our minds, and can serve as an emotional outlet for many of us. Doodling can in fact, improve creative processes, as it is a state that is somewhere in between awareness and daydreaming — it allows the mind to relax just enough to allow ideas and thoughts to free themselves and come to fruition. Using bright colours can also help in providing that burst of inspiration!

We are in a period where most of the world has retreated inwards and is staying safe indoors. Finally, we have been granted the liberty of time. The possibilities as to what we can do and learn, and steps we can take for self improvement, with all of this time on our hands are indeed, endless. However, with the pressure to accomplish as many things as possible, and to be as productive (if not more) as the rest of our friends, it is extremely easy to hit a roadblock every now and then. There are days where I feel low on energy and motivation, and end up ticking off absolutely nothing on my To-Do list.

Does it make me feel guilty? Yes.

Does it make me like a horrible person? Yes, definitely.

Should I be feeling that way for listening to my body and resting, instead of cramming 24 things into 24 hours? Absolutely not.

It is incredibly important, especially during this period of time, for us to take good care of our mental and emotional health. Hit a creative barrier? Feeling lousy or unmotivated? Don’t beat yourself up about it. Instead, recognise that it’s time for a break. Be it lounging with the latest film on Netflix, tub of ice cream in hand, taking a relaxing hike in the midst of nature and sweating it out, or just curling up in bed with a good book and a hot beverage (my personal favourite), find what works best for you. You’re guaranteed to be back on track with renewed gusto and an engine filled with enthusiasm and inspiration before you know it.

So what is the cost of inspiration? I’d say it doesn’t have to be expensive, but to each his own.

As I was crafting the prequel to this story, I felt a wave of inspiration being sparked within me, fuelling me to craft this one. I hope anyone who stumbles upon this will be able to take a thing or two away from it.

All my life I have worn the badge of Introversion with pride, and would gladly educate the misinformed about the subtle differences in our brain structure that make us who we are. Quiet as we may seem on the outside, we live in our minds and there is almost always an internal narrative going on in there, and then some more. We observe, we analyse, and we question. The big things, the little things, and then the littlest details. Therefore, it should come as no surprise that the conversation I had with a friend from my past left me analysing and questioning almost every thing that I have ever known (or thought I did), and every opinion I have ever had.

“What is the true meaning of happiness?”

“Is it true that you have to love yourself unconditionally before you can achieve inner peace and happiness?”

“Is there even an absolute meaning to something as intangible as an emotion?”

“There are no tests to measure emotions so who came up with the words to describe them?”

“Are feelings and emotions the same thing?”

“If language is so subjective, what good is it?”

“Each one of us was put on this Earth to fulfill a purpose. What is mine? When will I never find it?”

“What is the meaning of Life to begin with?”

I do love a good brain tussle, and these unanswered questions were floating in my mind much like large, coloured balloons. Introspection and self reflection pushed me onto the path of self discovery, and the following is a rough guide on how I think one can embark on a journey to happiness and joy. I call it,
“A Rudimentary Guide to Being a Happier Person : Introvert Edition — because taking apart the mind to look inside its nooks and crannies is what we do best”.

Through the Looking Glass
We are so used to looking at the outside world, in an outward fashion, that we often forget to turn inward and look inside ourselves. Sometimes it is necessary to peer deep into our minds (and souls) to discover hidden truths, and find answers to the bigger questions. Remember when Albus Dumbledore looked into the Pensieve to sift through his memories and analyse and pick out details that he might have missed when his mind was cluttered? As he explains to Harry,

“I use the Pensieve. One simply siphons the excess thoughts from one’s mind, pours them into the basin, and examines them at one’s leisure. It becomes easier to spot patterns and links, you understand, when they are in this form.”

What about Alice, who climbed into a mirror and entered a fantasy world where everything, including logic, was reversed? The world of Harry Potter and the magic that goes on behind the walls of Hogwarts might be mere fiction to some (I am a staunch Potterhead, so no prizes for guessing my take on this), but there is no doubt that the lessons we can learn from the books are valuable, heartwarming and aplenty. Every now and then, it is important for us to tune out from our external environment, and instead, tune in to the melody our soul sings to only us. As many great minds once said, the first step to becoming a better human capable of understanding others, is to first understand oneself.

The Great (Un)Expectations
If there is one thing that is capable of destroying someone, it would have to be expectations. Expectations of oneself, expectations of others, expectations of this, and that. While it is perfectly normal for all of us to have some sort of expectations, it becomes a handicap when these expectations become overwhelming, unrealistic, and spill over to others. There have been many instances where I have placed huge expectations upon myself, and then worked myself to the bone trying to live up to (and sometimes even exceed) these expectations. Most of the time, I would emerge victorious, albeit exhausted and burnt out. Other times, I would fail, and the cycle of anxiety, sadness, self doubt and procrastinating starting future projects would ensue. I’d feel drained and frustrated, and begin questioning everything. Propelled into a vortex of unhappiness, it would take days for me to reemerge and recover.

Here’s the thing: What happens when we start projecting these insanely high expectations on those around us? What are the chances that these expectations actually get met? In the event that they don’t (spoiler alert: most of the time, they do not) who is left hurting, upset and disappointed?

I learnt the hard way that no matter how high a standard I hold myself to, it is not in my place to impose those standards on others and expect them to live up to said expectations. Unless they genuinely want to, of course. My mother would tell me that it is unfair to expect another human to change just because we think it is best for them; they should think the same too. Live and let live, as I’ve been told. As appealing as it might seem to some of us natural problem solvers to “fix” others, or even, change certain aspects of them (“sanding and smoothing out the rough edges”, if you will) to fit our perception of what is “right” or “acceptable”, it is extremely difficult to reshape the mindset of any human who has passed adolescence. Again, unless they genuinely want to change and actively put in effort, otherwise, it is a massive waste of time and energy. Speaking from experience, disappointment is almost always guaranteed.

Life would be easier if we tried to lower our expectations of others, and sometimes, ourselves. We would be much happier because with minimal expectations, comes minimal disappointment.

Logic vs Emotion
Ah, the age old debate. Our capacity to feel is what sets us apart, and without that we are nothing more than robots.

Emotions and feelings are distinct instances, but used interchangeably by most people. However, emotions are actually lower level responses that create chemical reactions in the body that change its physical state. These emotions are instinctive, and give rise to bodily reactions almost instantly, like pupil dilation and an increase in heart rate. Even our facial expressions are instinctive and a direct result of these emotions.

Feelings, on the other hand, are conscious experiences of these emotional reactions. In essence, a feeling is a byproduct of the brain perceiving an emotion, and giving it a meaning based on our personal experiences, beliefs, and previous memories. Technically, emotions are innate and we seem to be at their mercy, but allow them to enslave you, and the price to pay is a dear one. As someone once told me, not every situation you find yourself in requires an emotional reaction. Sometimes all you need is to distance yourself, observe and analyze from a wider vantage point, and formulate a logical solution to the problem in front of you. I found this to be extremely valuable advice and throughout the years, I discovered this statement to be incredibly versatile and applicable to a myriad of scenarios.

At the end of the day, there can never be a clear cut winner. Just like everything else in the Universe, there has to be an equilibrium between the two. And that is what sets Mankind apart.

Language: Subjective, Relative, or Absolute?
Many a time, I have found myself in the middle of a sticky debate, or tangled argument with another person. More often that not, I would throw in the towel and give up trying to reach a compromise due to an obvious flaw in logic (or a complete lack-thereof), inability to comprehend simple English, lack of willingness to listen, or a lethal combination of all of the above. I was late in realising that with many people, the problem lies not with hearing, but with comprehension and understanding the message that is being sent.

Language is so subjective – what a word might mean to one, might mean a completely different thing to another. I remember ending a philosophical debate with a classmate with a phrase I conjured:

“Words strung together to form sentences are merely approximations of our thoughts; they can never accurately express what we mean when that neuron fires off in our brain. And that’s what makes language vague, yet beautiful.”

And perhaps that is why some of us struggle to be understood. Perhaps the person we are trying to communicate with is unable to understand the message we try to put forth, simply because language is not only subjective, but relative as well. It takes a certain maturity to understand this concept, but when I finally did, epiphanies started to emerge from the dust. I realised that communication is a delicate juggling act – not only is it important for all parties involved to listen and understand instead of merely hearing, but it is equally important for the speaker to put across his message in clear, concise language, in a logical and coherent manner. It is even more crucial for any discrepancies or misinterpretations of words to be cleared up at once to prevent misunderstandings or, “miscommunications”, as we like to call them. When these simple guidelines are followed, communication becomes much easier, and everyone is happier. No silly arguments, no misunderstandings, and no going around the bushes in circles. There will definitely be one or two people in our lives with whom effective communication is near impossible. Instead of raising your voice, improve your argument. If change is not on the cards, then so be it. Some battles are just not worth fighting for.

Silence Is The Language of God, and Everything Else; Poor Translation
This quote by Rumi had been floating around in the abyss of my mind a day after I started on this piece. I felt it would be an excellent addition to my list, not only because it reinforces my previous point, but because of how true it rings. As children, we are taught many idioms and proverbs in school, one of which is the ever so famous “Silence is Golden”. I’d like to view this one by Rumi as an upgrade, a version 2.0 of the aforementioned phrase, if you will. In a world where language has the potential to be so fluid, sometimes, silence truly is golden. We communicate with God in silence, yet He is able to hear each and every one of us, our deepest fears, our darkest secrets, our hopes, and dreams. All in the absence of language.

Sometimes, it might be better to swallow our words and lose an argument, than to continue fighting and risk getting hurt. There came a day when I realised that people only understand from their level of perception (which can be attributed to their level of intellect in a way), and indulging in heated debates with a person who is unable to see all vantage points of a situation is a lost cause. That day was a turning point for me.

“The unspoken word never does harm”– another inspirational quote by Kossuth that I believe should be at the back of our minds every time we engage in conversation with anyone.

If our conversations are not filled with kind and uplifting words, if we are not spreading love, or exchanging information and educating another person, are those conversations really worth having?

Participants vs Observers
The next time you find yourself in a sticky situation, take a moment to reflect on your instinctive response. Do you get immersed in the situation, and become emotionally involved? Do you engage through your feelings and go through a roller coaster ride of emotions? If so, you might be a Participant. On the other hand, if you’re more likely to remove yourself from the situation to process things from a distance, and tread with caution until you’ve completely figured everything out using rational thought, then you definitely are an Observer.

(Of course, no one is one OR the other ; just like everything else, this could be spectrum and there might be days when a Participant chooses to be more introspective and play the role of an Observer instead. It does not have to be entirely black or white.)

When I realised that removing myself from certain icky situations and processing from a wider viewpoint, I was able to respond in a more neutral and rational manner, and make better decisions. We know that the frontal lobe in the brain is responsible for decision making, reasoning and judgement and sometimes sudden, intense emotions can throw it off centre. This makes us prone to rash and impulsive decision making. This led me to make a promise to myself that I would try, whenever I could, to think with clear and rational mind, and not my emotions when I was confronted with a charged situation. Being less reactive and more stable in situations (let’s all think about noble gases, heh) that are less than ideal has done wonders for me — not just mentally but emotionally and physically as well. I no longer get heartburn and palpitations when anger builds up in my core, and I daresay I am en route to happiness.

The Laws of the Universe
Newton’s Third Law is common knowledge: Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. What goes up, has to come back down. Everything that has ever existed is cosmic energy in essence, and we receive the energy we put out to the Universe. Do good, be good, and think good, and the Universe will conspire to give you good things. What “good” actually means, however, is a whole other discussion and I shall not open that Pandora’s Box at this point, so to each his own. I should think that by introspecting, building up self awareness of one’s flaws and shortcomings, minimizing expectations, and consciously speaking and thinking good, one is on his way to becoming a better human being. And that in itself, will reap positive rewards from the Universe.

Those are my guiding principles to embarking on a grand journey where happiness, joy and perhaps inner peace, are the rewards. So what exactly is happiness? Is it merely an emotion, or a state of mind? Is it a destination with pristine waters, beautiful blue skies and swaying palm trees, or is it a long and winding journey with twists, turns, and loops aplenty? Can we reach it by merely thinking about it, or do we have to go to great lengths to travel there? Perhaps are we overthinking all of this, forgetting that happiness, essentially, is nothing more than a chemical cocktail of dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin and endorphins, and instead of hunting it down, we need to surrender to the fact that it might come and go as it pleases?

I might not have the answer just yet, but I do have this rudimentary guide to help steer me in the right direction. Hopefully, as I continue this wonderful voyage on Earth, I will be able to expand this guide as a reminder to myself that happiness is subjective and it is up to every one of us to give it our own meaning. Perhaps that is, the true meaning of Life.

Disclaimer: This is going to be a lengthy one.

S and I were schoolmates and took a few classes together. We were in constant unsaid competition over who performed better in each subject, who got better grades in exams, who was the better badminton player, who had cooler friends (I obviously lost this one), who knew more about world happenings, and who was the bigger tech geek. While competition between classmates is common and generally healthy, I daresay after 3 years, it started to wear me down mentally. A very competitive person by nature, I was extremely hard on myself. Reading this particularly charged message from someone I wanted to beat so badly in the past flooded my mind with the very memories I wanted to forget.

After we graduated from school at 16, I literally never heard from S for a solid 3 years. I had moved on to the next phase of my life, and so had he. 4 years or so later, I found out from social media that, thanks to his parents’ wealth and influence, he had shipped his entire existence to another country halfway around the world to pursue a degree that, you guessed it, his parents wanted him to. A small part of me felt upset about having to learn this news from a social network, but then again, what was I expecting from someone whom I never really classified as a close friend all those years ago, even when we shared a classroom?

Every now and then I would stumble upon a post from S. I would respond with a like, and be on my way. To this day, I vividly remember the very first time he sent me a message asking me how I was doing back home. A brief exchange of niceties followed, and he updated me that had met an amazing and intelligent young lady in University and that they were seeing each other. He was full of praise for her, and I was not disappointed when S showed me some photos they had taken together on campus. She was a beautiful, genuine and intelligent lady. Not only was I genuinely happy for S, I was somewhat satisfied that I received this news first hand. However, the conversation mellowed after a few hours (I got tired of feigning interest and ran out of things to say to his humble brags) and eventually died down like a campfire in it’s final moments. This cycle of the occasional like, “Hey, how are you doing?”, “I’m great, how are you and your girlfriend?”, a quick reminisce of the old times, and eventual extinguishing of the conversation thanks to S’s bragging of how “amazing” and “great” life on the other side was, repeated itself every few months or so. As someone who takes pride in classifying every aspect of her life, including people, I did not need rocket science to tell me which category S fell into, and what my expectations of our conversations were. On the contrary, I was contented with this relationship we shared, no matter how touch-and-go it might have been, as it was the only remaining remnant from my past and I was desperate to hold on to it for some reason.

Fast forward to a few years later, and I heard from S again. This time, he brought news of his wedding and I congratulated him wholeheartedly — he had successfully managed to break out of the suffocating fishbowl culture here (as he would refer to it) and had found his significant other. The annoying boy I used to know was now embarking on a brand new phase of his life as a fully fledged man, halfway across the world. It is no mean feat to relocate thousands of miles across the planet, leaving family and friends behind, and then deciding to start a family of your own in a foreign land. S told me about the grand wedding plans and apologised that he would not be inviting anyone other than close family members. Again, I was not surprised because what else could I possibly expect from someone who never crossed the line from “friend” to “close friend”?

When I finally saw the wedding photos surface online, my heart swelled up with feelings of joy for my friend, as he looked genuinely happy and finally contented. Not only did they have an Indian wedding, they had a church one too, both his parents and hers looked like their happiness knew no limits, and I don’t even need to mention how much beauty and vibrance gets unleashed when two cultures are meshed together to become one. Life moved fast for him, and I was soon seeing honeymoon photos as well as new additions being added to his family: an adorable Australian Shepard and a cat. I must admit, my insides felt like biscuits being dipped into a piping hot cup of tea on a rainy day.

Everything was going on extremely well with this touch-and-go, long distance friendship and I had gotten used to it. You can then imagine my horror when the message I received from S a few days back entailed a little more than our usual. I am confident that I speak for many people on this planet when I say that the seemingly harmless question “Can I ask you something?” sends a shock down my spine, and my mind into turmoil, regardless of who is asking the question. A natural overthinker, this question throws me off my rocker and I find myself analysing all the possible things I could have done to upset the person questioning me. Nevertheless, I plucked up the courage and replied with a calm “Of course, what’s up?”. I got an instantaneous “Are you happy with your life right now?” in return. Feelings of confusion, anger, and mild annoyance welled up inside me; I locked my phone and threw it aside (gently, I would never hurt my phone no matter how angry I was), trying to comprehend the basis for that question.

The first thing that crossed my mind was.. “How dare he! The audacity!” It bothered me greatly that someone I never had a real conversation with thought it was perfectly acceptable to ask me if I was happy or not. Definitions aside, it was simple common sense : If you are not close to the person, do not take it upon yourself to ask them personal questions. If you find yourself absolutely itching to do so, then maybe you’re just a busybody and should re-evaluate your choices. But then again, that was just one of my guiding principles. Not sure it holds true for everyone out there. The second thing that got to me (and I’ll admit, it got to me for longer than it should have) was the realisation that I knew exactly what he was expecting me to say, and why. No way in hell was I going to give him that satisfaction. I held back my urge to counter his question with another question (“What do you think happiness means to begin with?”) as I was in no mood to engage in a philosophical debate. Instead, I replied with a courteous “I’m very happy with my life right now, why do you ask?”, and added a smiley face at the end of the sentence, just in case I sounded rude. Let’s just say that it was obvious S was not convinced — he refused to address my question, became unnecessarily formal, and then proceeded to inform me (with relevant examples) that some of our schoolmates had “already moved on to the next phase of life” and I should consider following suit. (Again, the sheer audacity!) Even though he was not wrong about most of our classmates settling down and some of them even transitioning to parenthood, I could not believe that I was being told how I should be living my life by someone I never considered anything more than a friend of convenience. Who ever gave him the impression that moving across the planet, being good at your job, and getting married would make him an authority on “being happy”?

Pffft.

At this point, I was rather irritated and did not bother replying promptly to the stream of messages S was leaving me. Not one to leave things hanging, I thanked him for his well wishes. Was he really wishing me well, or was he being sarcastic, I will never know. He responded by saying that he hoped I was not offended in any way. I did not reply.

For the rest of the day, the unsatisfactory conversation I had with S kept replaying in my head. The realisation that his comments had gotten to me and were the reason behind my feelings of insecurity and self doubt made me sick to my stomach. Not only was I angry at myself for allowing someone from my past to get under my skin, I was disappointed that I was not strong enough to resist such feelings.

One good thing that emerged from this fiasco was that I started questioning a lot of things, including the definition of happiness. Another good thing that emerged was the flame of inspiration to write about how someone from my past made me question my present and quite possibly, the future (fret not, that will form the sequel to this post).

Dear reader, you might not understand why I am so strongly affected by what seemed to be a harmless question. I’ll admit, I am not sure either. But what I do know is that these seemingly harmless, personal questions should not be asked by those who do not deserve the right to know. Perhaps if S had asked me the same question packaged with a little more tact, and a little less condescension, I would have considered entertaining his question with some food for thought. What saddens me is that the only remaining connection I had to my past has now slipped through my fingers, and instead of trying to hold on like I usually do, I’m gladly letting it go.

The awakening has arrived.

I jumped on the Medium bandwagon as it struck me as a no-frills writing platform where I would be able to fully focus on my written words, without having to worry about what template to choose, what layout I should adopt for my posts, and all of the other problems associated with aesthetics. Tonight, as my fingers hit the keyboard and my thoughts are effortlessly transformed into classy black words against a pristine backdrop, feelings of being overwhelmed by my own cascade of thoughts slowly start to ebb away. This could be the start of something new and beautiful, unlike the other times when I betrayed how I really felt about writing and took the easy way out. These “flings” I had with other writing platforms started out great because I was able to connect and interact with other users. Soon after, however, the novelty and thrill wore off. The realisation that my all of my writings started to blur into one another like a giant, never ending scroll of complaints and self doubt, hit me like a colossal truck. I had not kept up to my resolution of improving my writing and finding my voice, instead, I had begun to use my space as an avenue for mindless ranting, which I vowed was a street I would never stroll down. What followed was a purge of my online presence, and a hiatus from writing for the next few years.

Fast forward and I find myself in 2020, having waded out of the perilous waters of 2019, only to realise that the Universe isn’t exactly what it used to be. This year has been nothing but one giant roller coaster ride, and the way we do things has been changed drastically. With all of this extra time and energy on my hands, I have made many mental notes and stuck them all around the walls of my mind. Needless to say, one of them has been to get back into the momentum of writing. Not just any kind of writing, but quality work that I can be proud of. Quality work that doesn’t need to be filed under the “Useless Negative Rants” section. Quality work that can be beneficial to someone out there. Work that is worthy of a clap, or maybe, even two. After months of repeated cycles of contemplation, self doubt, research, enthusiasm and then sudden cold feet, here I am — ready to plunge headfirst into this new endeavour of mine.

If there was anything that 2019 (and the beginning of 2020) had taught me, it was that it doesn’t matter how many (metaphorical) bridges you burn, as long as you keep finding ways to build new, and better ones. And I shall do just that.