Going Out

I’m trying to visualize
what it would feel like…

To walk down the forest,
and taste the morning sun.

Once I step out,
my presence will be shown.
I will be seen.

That’s dangerous!

But what’s really happening is this:
I’m not going out.
I’m going inside the world,
nature, universe, humanity, you name it.

Truly within.

So tell me, are you in?

We’re All The Same

That’s how we can relate.

You may not cater to everyone’s desires,
but when you truly embrace
what you were meant to be doing,
you radiate a form of alignment.

Everything falls back into place.

And you allow other people
to do the same.

The Dreamer

Optimism is all about longing.

You’re dreaming,
because deep inside you’re unsatisfied
with the way things are.

Sometimes you have to really dig in,
explore outside the mainstream,
to seek the art and philosophies
that will soothe the pain of reality.

Maybe then, you’ll find your hidden gems.

Exhale

I’ve been taking singing classes.

It’s a breathing exercise.

Your throat, your stomach, your spine
all come in sync with the breath,
to form a sound.

When your body is tense,
the voice that comes out
is shaky like a dying branch
in the middle of winter.

That’s not my voice.

I’ve been taking everything in,
pretending I’m strong,
hoping to belong.

Until diseases prevail…

I still need to learn
how to exhale.

Your Life is Unique

Everyone has their own story to tell,
with their own timbre of voice.

Some will be drawn towards yours,
and others won’t.

It’s okay. We can’t please everyone.

So we do with the cards we’ve been dealt.

Trying to find the hidden gems
in our own accidents.

Something Changed

There’s a difference between:

Waiting for life to be okay someday,
and knowing that life was okay all along,
and we didn’t notice.

So as I turned back,
I started to realize
that the flowery trees
and the warm sunrise
were radiating above my head…

It was spring again.

Thank you for reading! ✿

Become Someone

To the 5-year-old kid, we ask:

Who do you want to be when you grow up?

But we could get a hint
by looking at what they’re enjoying right now.

Which activities are bringing them the most joy and peace,
and a certain pride of accomplishment.

It doesn’t have to be a job title.

The kid doesn’t want many years of studying,
only to end up
waiting for the weekend.

Getting Older

You’re dreading the alarm.

It’s time to go…

Ugh…….

MAKE IT STOP.

You see yourself at 50 years old,
stuck in a mundane routine,
getting more wrinkles.

Okay. Either you plan your escape
before it’s too late,

Or you write down the good things
you already have,
and become content.

But please,
don’t spend the rest of your life in lament.

Finding Relief

Millions of people need emotional soothing,
so we’re all scrolling on our phones,
living another human’s life,
to forget our own.

Distraction

Life is an ongoing distraction.

So the question is not “How do I stop being distracted?”
but instead, “How will I choose to distract myself?”

When you see the exit sign,
the pain becomes bearable
as you start to uncover the truth:
that everything is temporary.

Even pain.

And somehow, you manage to survive the day.

Ways to Unwind

Clean your room.
Listen to your favorite songs.
Sit on a bench.
Listen to the birds.
Allow yourself to be sad.

But even that can take a lot of energy.
So remember to lower your expectations.

Do what you can.

Go Slowly

There’s beauty in melancholy.

At least you’re longing for something…

Brighter.

So for the time being:

There can be people to cherish,
and lovely small talk,
and kind eyes,
even in the room you hate.

Learn to notice them,
because if one day you have to leave,
a nostalgic pain could hit you
as you realize what you’ve lost.

Thank you for reading! ✿

ACT III: HIDDEN GEMS EVERYWHERE

The Slump

It’s the New Year,
and I should feel excited…

But I don’t.

Everything feels flat.

In 2025, I made a project called The 12 Symbols of Trust,
thinking that by the end of the year,
my confidence would adjust.

And here I’m left with the inevitable question:

Now what?

Afraid of Success

Will I be able to create
with the same determination as I did before?

I don’t know…

And that’s when it hit me:

I never truly know what I’m doing.

Writer’s Block

When I write, I don’t feel like an expert.

I’m always doubting myself.

I’m trying to write,
but I don’t think I’m doing the actual writing,
like a real writer,
if you know what I mean.

I’m existing,
but I don’t think I’m doing the actual living,
or embodying a real self,
like a character of my own.

So the question “Who am I?” remains a mystery,
and writing is how I choose to resolve it.

But sometimes, the words don’t flow.

Putting those ideas and feelings out there,
solidifying them into the real world,
takes a lot of trust.

The trust that I will somehow arrive.

How to Achieve Anything

First, expect your mind to be cloudy.

Stay with it. Ask yourself what kind of joy, treasure, goodness you want to show the world.

That’s your life purpose.

And as you remember it,
day after day,
half-believing that it could happen,
the machine has started, and there’s no going back.

You’re Not Done Yet

In fact, you’re at the very beginning.
You have so much left to explore, to construct, to renovate…

You could be spending decades working on your project if you have to.

One week, one month, one year of procrastination
won’t matter in the long run.

You’re doing this for life.

You’ll get up again, and again, and again.

It won’t be perfect, and not everyone will understand.

But at least you’ll have the best work you’ve ever done, for yourself.

The Limbo Phase

If you feel like you’ve ended an era of your life,
and you’re out of motivation,
it’s time to unwind.

Creative hibernation.

The sun will rise again.

We’ll wake up softly, move to our desk,
and fill the blankest of pages
with the stroke of a pen.

Thank you for reading! ✿

I wish you a peaceful 2026.

ACT II: THE POTENTIAL TO EXIT A ROOM

But I can’t.

Here’s the reason why:

I am painfully shy.

Even explaining that I’m shy to people makes me shy. Like I’ve done something wrong. Like I’m feeling something wrong, something I cannot control.

But what is it, really?

Does it mean I’m afraid of people? I don’t think so. I can say “Hello” to my colleagues. I can manage a bit of small talk. I can order food at the restaurant without too much trouble.

It’s deeper than that.

While other people seem to exchange words fluently, effortlessly, I cannot seem to follow up. When they make jokes, my “too-serious” persona struggles to match their energy. So I smile awkwardly, and they end up believing I have no sense of humor.

Shy people unsettle others
because they unsettle the tacit conventions of social life.
 — Joe Moran (Shrinking Violets: The Secret Life of Shyness)

If you care about people, you want to do the opposite. You want them to feel comfortable. But you’re faced with a moral struggle that no one seems to pick on:

If they know I’m shy, they’re going to feel awkward around me,
and I don’t want to bother them.

Which leads to the devastating conclusion:

It’s bad that I’m not like the others.
It’s bad that I’m awkward.

I should fix myself.

1

So what do you do?

The obvious solution
is to see a doctor.

You think:

Honestly? Pretty bad.

I don’t know why, it’s the way I’m wired.
Been that way since I was a child.

The doctor frowns as he writes on a piece of paper.

“I’ve increased your dose of sugar”, he says.

“Nine candies per hour should be enough. You’ll have the courage to talk more. You’ll relax more. People will like you more.”

Choose The Best Option (A or B):

A. Throw the prescription away.
B. Go to the supermarket and fill your cart with the entire candy section. Because that’s what you’re supposed to do.

2

Now it’s time to go partying.

Sandra has invited you, just like she invited everyone else. But secretly you believe that people don’t actually want to hang out with you, so you wonder why you even said yes in the first place.

But here you are.

Music, Laughter, Gossip…

You’re trying to seem relaxed, because that’s how you should behave. You even manage to ask someone how their day went.

A few minutes later, Sandra asks you:

“Hey Paperbag, are you alright?”

You think:

I’m trying, thank you.

I’m sorry if I seem uninterested, or serious, or cold.

It’s not that I don’t want to connect. I hope you won’t misunderstand. It’s just that I haven’t found the skill to be “myself” because I view social interaction like a test. I don’t know why; I need feedback that I’ve said or done something right. If there’s no feedback, I feel like I’ve made a mistake and I’ll want to retreat.

It drains my energy. I know it’s stupid.

Sorry for the dis-ease.

Dani whispers to her friend: “He’s too shy, just like a little kid.”

People start laughing.

Choose The Best Option (A or B):

A. Go home.
B. Move to the food table and eat a candy. At least you won’t stand around looking like an idiot. Candy will make you look more approachable.
More normal. Everyone likes to eat candy, so should you.

It’s very sweet.

So you smile in order to belong.

3

Finally, it’s time to go home.

You take your shoes off. Pyjamas on.

I’m alone. Ahhhhhhhhhh….

But the party incident is still in your head, as the words “too shy” come ringing left and right.

Gosh. I was clearly not at ease, and everyone saw it.
Even though I was trying to interact, I’m still seen as weird.
Like all of my efforts are in vain.

The doctor’s not gonna be happy.

It’s embarrassing.

Oh, how you wish you could forget…

You have a craving to be soothed, but no one’s going to support you and your stupid fragility.

Everyone thinks you’re fine. Nobody knows the pain you feel inside.

Because of the freaking dis-ease.

Choose The Best Option (A or B):

A. Go to sleep.
B. Take a bag of candy. Eat one. Then two, and three, and four. Then the entire bag. Because it’s the only thing that will save you. Candy gives you comfort, sympathy, the sweetness you could never find in social life, because your subconscious is always on guard.

If life is bitter, add more sugar.

4

You know…

You could just take your mask off, and you’d be happy.

It’s been a long time since you tried.

Where are you?

I mean, where’s the childlike, humorous, and loving version of you?

The version who didn’t need candy to survive?

If only I could tear the mask off, I’d know.
The reason I can’t do it… is simple.

I. Am. Faceless.

The mask has become my face.

And that’s when it hit you like a freight train:

I’LL NEveR bE aT EaSe.

Choose The Best Option (A or B):

A) Accept your mask the way it is.

B) Or not.

You killed your reflection,
and the mirror turned black.

And you…

…fell into the dark side.

That’s when you woke up.

Your room was the same, yet something in the air felt different.

You knew deep in your heart,
that you were about to begin
a new chapter.

Maybe dis-ease isn’t a problem to overcome.

More like a condition to empathize with.
A stepping stone that will guide us
towards wisdom.

Maybe there are lies I believe about myself,
that I haven’t truly questioned.

To feel at ease, I need to know what’s true.

And from now on…

Nothing will ever stop me
from living the truth.

Thank you for reading! ✿

You’ve reached the twelfth (and last) symbol:

May you have the sweetest December.
- Paperbag

Access the 12 symbols:

SPIRAL // KEY // DIAMOND // HEART // FACE // MUSIC
BIRD // CLOVER // TEAR // CLOUD // STAR // CANDY

P.S. I’m so grateful to have completed the 12 symbols.
Thank you for your presence here.

I look forward to meeting you soon.

P.P.S. Every ending is a new beginning :)

Okay, let’s get this straight:

Do you want to be a famous writer?

If you’re on this platform, I assume the answer is yes.

Because let’s be honest. Aren’t we all publishing to be read?

Even if you’re just lurking, there’s a chance you’ve considered becoming an author, a musician, a YouTuber, or some kind of creator.

But only a few can win…

Could it be you? After all, you grew up as the rare type, not like the others. You always had the intuition that you’d make something extraordinary, something worth applauding for one entire minute.

Well, you’ve come to the right place. This glossary that I’m about to share with you… is not for everyone. It’s for the 1%, the chosen ones.

But don’t just skim through it. Instead, apply everything to the letter, and find yourself catapulted to the stratospheric heights of mega-stardom.

THE GLOSSARY OF BEING A SUPERSTAR WRITER:

★ A is for Ambition:

That’s a non-negotiable. You should have a burning desire for success.

But see, most humans take their life for granted. The moment they get out of bed, they have other things to do. They dream about writing sometimes, but they never actually sit down and do the work.

Don’t make the same mistake.

I recommend you go to the nearest tattoo shop and get the sentence
“I am a writer”, black and bold, on your forearm. No excuses.

★ B is for Beautiful:

A reader should look at your Instagram profile and whisper to themselves:

“Wow, that writer has such a beautiful mind”.

And how do you achieve that? By romanticizing your life.

Film yourself drinking a matcha latte in the sun, preferably with some jazz music. Then post it online, so we can all be inspired.

Remember, you have to sell the writer dream,
and no one wants to be an ugly writer.

★ C is for Courage:

Writing is scary. You’re exposing your deepest feelings to the world. And now, everybody knows you’re a sad whiner.

But that’s fine.

The truth is, people want other people to tell them they’re okay:

I’m the same as you!

You’re not alone. We’re all on the same boat.

Life is messy, but we’re getting there…

That’s the job of a writer: to make readers feel reassured.

Ironically, writers are the ones who need reassurance the most, for they experience self-doubt at least 10 times a week.

Well, deal with it. Choose the pain of expressing what nobody else has dared to say, or choose the pain of regret.

★ D is for Demons:

You know what’s better than fighting your demons?

That’s right: Get to know them. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, they say. So you can use them in your future book.

Put all your insecurities and hyper-fixations on the page. If you think you should separate your work from your life problems, if you believe fiction is all about escaping the problems, ask yourself:

What’s the use of writing if there’s no revenge against someone or something? No misery to solve? If my life were perfectly fine, I might as well be sipping a piña colada by the beach.

Remember, a happy ending needs a miserable plot.

★ E is for Experiment:

If you were expecting to work in a cute room à la Pinterest, I’m sorry for the truth that I’m about to share:

Writers are more mad scientists in disguise than they are
aesthetic dreamers.

Your desk is going to be messy. Your papers are gonna be all over the place. Be ready to write 10, sometimes 100 drafts to figure out what the heck you want. Writing (and life in general) is all about making hypotheses.

This could take years.

But as Winnie the Pooh once said: “We shall get there someday”.

★ F is for Fandom:

You say you want fans, but are you sure?

Do you want the endless chatter about what your metaphor really means?
Do you want your phone keeping you awake with +90 000 notifications? Do you want haters? Because yes, you’re gonna have people who love your work to death, and people who hate it with a passion. At some point, everyone will want to have their opinion on you.

But you who identify as an introvert, are you ready for all the noise?

Yes.

I swear, it’s not as lovely as you think.

Yes.

You don’t want followers; you want the reassurance that you’re good enough. Are you sure you…

Yes.

Okay. Then read on.

★ G is for Guru:

Always have a Plan B in case your writer dream fails.

I recommend that you become a guru. A writer guru, that is.

The title of your course should be: “How to be better than 99,9% of writers”.

So everyone buys it, everyone applies the technique, everyone writes the same way with the same profile picture, and no one stands out.

But you?

Instead of following your own advice, you go on a meditation retreat.

★ H is for Humble:

The problem with many superstars:

They take themselves too seriously. The fame goes to their heads. One second they have a viral tweet, and the next they think they’re creative geniuses.

But here’s the thing: You’re not the one who creates, or the one who brainstorms. No, you’re just sitting long enough in front of the computer, and you receive those ideas from The Void.

That, my friend, is the guru secret. Now you can go to that tattoo shop again, and get the words: “I just sit and let things happen” on your other forearm.

★ I is for Insight:

Instead of regurgitating the same quotes like “Be YoUrSeLF” and
“LiVe, LaUGh, LoVE”:

Be a contrarian. Write headlines such as “Actually, don’t be yourself” or “Life is actually not about laughing”, and I’m sure you will attract more views.

It’s okay if you don’t believe in those statements.

The point is to stand out.

We all know “authenticity” is performative, so you may as well disagree with everyone. You will appear to be real. Even if you’re facing an existential crisis, pretend you know yourself very well, and you’re set for life.

★ J is for Joke:

This glossary must be a joke, right?!!

Well, you got me there!

But in every joke lies a truth ;)

★ K is for Kind-Hearted:

There’s a reason why you don’t shout your writer dream from the rooftops.

You have the naysayers who will shake their heads:

Writing is boring and selfish. Who are you even helping?

Well, how about making someone…

• Feel less alone
• Smile / Cry (release emotions)
• Reflect on the beauty of life
• Feel inspired to grow, to enhance their ways of thinking

All that can be done through writing. Don’t underestimate the kind-hearted nature of hitting the ‘Publish’ button.

★ L is for Legacy:

Now let’s get sad for a moment. Think about your funeral, your superstar funeral, that is. People will cry a lot.

Not for you, the person, because no one knew you on the deepest level. They’ve never even seen your face! In fact, you used a pen name and always refused to do interviews (you’re a writer, duh! not a celebrity).

But they sure are going to cry for the book you were in the midst of writing.

You are loved for what you do, not who you are.

And that, my friend, is how you achieve a good legacy.

★ M is for Main Character:

Repeat after me: “I Am Not The Main Character”.

Let your readers be the MC.

You’re the Mentor. You’re the one guiding them from the back scene, right? So you tell them:

“Hey, it’s okay. I’ve been there. I was full of self-doubt, but one day I sat below a tree, an apple hit my head, and my eyes got wide open. I found the solution to everything in the Universe, and I will make your life 1000% better…

if you buy my book.”

★ N is for Normal:

What’s the best compliment for a writer?

That resonated with me.

If +1 million readers said the same, that means you’ve successfully exposed a universal truth in your own words. You have to be normal, basic, average, if you want people to relate.

You don’t have to look very far: Fear is common. Apathy is common. Addiction to Thinking is common. But so is Love, Joy, Playfulness, and Peace. Every writer should be obsessed with emotions.

Is that normal? Please tell me it is.

★ O is for Obscure:

You’ve probably heard it a hundred times: Show, don’t tell.

If your text is too obvious, it’s not gonna be extraordinary. Instead, use metaphors. Let your readers figure it out for themselves.

Also, trim your sentences. The fewer words you use, the better.

No words at all? Even better.

If you have writer’s block, that’s perfect because you can leave your last chapter just like that: A blank page. Readers will say: “What an original style”, and they will make forum discussions about it. Then they’ll spam your email. They’ll be angry that you were too lazy and chose the easiest route.

But that’s how people talk about you.

That’s how you get famous.

★ P is for POV:

If you have no sense of self, you get a better chance at being a writer. Because you can morph into any character, any point of view, any fantasy world you want.

But here’s what nobody tells you:

Every character…is actually you! How come their personality, their physical attributes, their upbringing are similar to your life?

The truth is that writers are self-centered. They know exactly who they are. They need confirmation from their readers to prove that they are, in fact, a Creative Genius.

Their life revolves around getting that social proof.

★ Q is for Quirky:

in order to look quirky, you have to make it seem effortless.
so let me suggest you type only in lowercase. you will appear nonchalant.

next you hit the publish button without checking your writing twice. actually it’s only a draft. actually its a paragraph with many flaws. actually its a sloppy text made with chatgpt

★ R is for Rest:

If you have to remember ONE thing from this glossary, it’s this:

Work will never define you.

So this is your permission to stop writing. You may never touch a pen in your life. You may never open a Word processor ever again, and I promise the Earth will keep spinning.

You know what? Writing sucks. Stressing about your lack of inspiration is counterproductive. You’d do much better by going to the park, saying “Hi” to a tree, and making friends with a pigeon.

Refreshed, you’ll come back to your desktop, crack your knuckles, and you’ll finally feel like it.

Because the point of existing is to feel like it.

★ S is for Social:

Quit the “networking”, quit the “subscriber milestone”.

Writing is the sneakiest way to make friends. And this platform is your biggest chance for exposure therapy.

You can look as quirky (See: ★ Quirky) and kind-hearted (See: ★ Kind-Hearted) as you want. You can trick people into thinking you’re the funniest type. If you’re not popular in real life, at least you can be popular with your memes.

★ T is for Thank You:

And here’s my award speech:

Thank you to my 8-year-old self; this is for you.

I’m trying to recapture the wonder of being a child.

But also, to express what you couldn’t express at the time.

Maybe you felt like a misfit, but I swear,
you’re not as alone as you think you are.

*looks at both forearms*

★ U is for Unrecognizable:

I’m sure at some point, you wanted to disappear for six months, work hard in secret, then come back unrecognizable.

Well, just do it.

Prove them wrong.

Make them raise their eyebrows.

Let them stare in disbelief.

It feels good to show the world (ahem, yourself) that you’re worthy.

★ V is for Viral:

The only way to go viral is to write self-help.

We’re a generation of yearning souls. We crave happiness. We’re unfulfilled. Of course there’s gotta be a formula out there, so once again, you have to be the Mentor.

Self-help means you help yourself first; you solve your own problems,
then you help others. Trust me, there’s no other way to grow but to write about your own personal development.

And once you’re happy, that’s it. You won’t even want to be on the #1 best-seller list.

★ W is for Willingness:

It’s not about what you want.

It’s about: Are you willing to?

Are you willing to be obsessed? Are you ready to start every morning in front of a blank page? Are you willing to receive harsh criticism and 1-star ratings? Are you preparing to wear sunglasses every day, in case a hater recognizes you? Do you imagine yourself signing thousands of autographs in 10 minutes? Getting thrown tomatoes because your last novel was a flop? Facing the vicious paparazzi? Never having your own privacy?

A better option is to move to the mountains and set the goal of reaching Enlightenment.

★ X is for X-Factor:

And here comes the usual question:

Am I good enough?

If you’ve been reading until here, I assume you are, indeed, good enough. You can become a superstar writer. If you were bad, why would you feel pulled into the vulnerable, eccentric, lonely activity that is writing?

Welcome to the club. Maybe your calling didn’t happen by accident. We tend to gravitate towards the things we’re good at, so…

Why not you?

But keep it to yourself. Don’t say: “I’m talented”, or you will get suspicious looks. Instead, just shrug and whisper the socially convenient answer:

I just hustled.

★ Y is for Youth:

Apparently success has to be reached before you hit 30, or else you’re too old and wrinkled. We praise the young prodigy, so now there’s an alarm bell ringing in your head. It’s gotta be now or never.

Of course that’s a trap.

Success is not an overnight sensation. Think about quiet, consistent, quality work. It’s more admirable to build a long-term legacy at 80, than to get burned out at 20 and feel discouraged to do anything ever again.
(See: ★ Legacy).

Patience is a virtue. So dare to write slowly.

It’s gonna happen, kid…Maybe in 50 years.

What’s gonna happen?

I don’t know, but it’s definitely gonna happen!!!

★ Z is for Zone:

Instead of checking your stats every minute, lamenting about the lack of visibility, and blaming the platforms, get in the zone.

FOCUS. What needs to be done? Oh, that’s right: The actual writing.

Go back to letter A (See: ★ Ambition). Don’t forget this is your life. This is your philosophy. These are your characters. These are your readers who understand. No one can take that away from you.

Your zone is not the best zone, it’s not the most trendy zone, but it is
your zone. At least there’s that.

I’ll see you at the top of the mountain.

Why do you want to be successful?

Is it because, secretly, you want to receive the validation and respect you didn’t get enough when you were a kid?

Are you striving for one million readers
only to discover much later in life,
that all you wanted was…
a best friend?

But please don’t tell the world about it. Don’t explain that you want the pat on the shoulder, which is why you developed an artistic obsession in the first place. Don’t say writing is the only way you can express yourself, because you’re afraid of true social connection and authenticity.

Instead, you say:

I want to be a writer,
because I like words a lot!

Obviously.

Thank you for reading! ✿

You’ve reached the eleventh symbol:

May you have the most starry-eyed November.
- Paperbag

Access the other symbols :

SPIRAL // KEY // DIAMOND // HEART // FACE // MUSIC
BIRD // CLOVER // TEAR // CLOUD // STAR // CANDY

To know what you want (= what life wants from you),
think about what you’re struggling with.
Hint: it’s the same “history”, the same “events”, the same “feelings” that keep repeating themselves since you were a kid,

and go from there.

Baby steps.

P.S. I had the great opportunity to do an interview about writing with Zulie @ Medium. You can check it out here.

Thank you for reading! ✿

You’ve reached the tenth symbol:

May you have the most luminous October.
- Paperbag

Access the 12 symbols:

SPIRAL // KEY // DIAMOND // HEART // FACE // MUSIC
BIRD // CLOVER // TEAR // CLOUD // STAR // CANDY

How many times have you said to yourself: Don’t cry!
and nobody knew?

Crying makes you look weak, ugly, self-centered, and basically it’s not a virtuous thing to do. So you stop yourself.

Of course, there’s a side effect.

Like trying to numb your self with food, doomscrolling, or anything that pushes you away from your sensitivity.

This is a story for the crying kid inside of us.

Open the curtains, and let’s go…

Once upon a time
in the Paper Castle,
lived King and Queen Paper.

They had an only child: Princess Paperbag.

She was gorgeous, which made people want to poke her cheeks, but on the downside, she was easily scared.

You could say she was made of paper.

Guess what. Other kids were making fun of her.

Why not? She was an easy target, and she never complained. The only thing she did was run and cry, and that was pretty amusing.

On Thursday, Paperbag went to her father. She told him she was bullied at school. Or was it? Maybe she was exaggerating.

Whatever, she couldn’t bear it anymore.

But King Paper had enough.

How could her daughter, the Princess out of all kids, be mocked?

Besides, she cried for other things too. Cartoons made her cry. Someone raising their voice a little bit made her cry. Even when she was happy, she cried.

King Paper thought: “She’s too fragile. Something has to change”.

So he called his advisor, Butter Fairy.

Butter Fairy looked at Paperbag for three seconds.

Then, with a high-pitched voice, she started singing:

As always, Paperbag was about to cry.

But this time, she looked up.

Her head inclined to a 45-degree position. So the tears couldn’t flow. They got swallowed back into her eyes, just like Butter Fairy predicted.

And there you have it:

Paperbag was not a crybaby anymore.

King and Queen Paper hugged her because finally (finally!),
she was tearless.

The days passed.

When Paperbag was on the verge of tears, she looked up,
and there was Butter Fairy with her wand.

Eventually, her bullies found her boring, so they left her alone.

This habit of lifting her head continued until it became second nature. Paperbag had to look up a dozen times per day, because she was the sensitive type, and not a single tear was shed.

Then one day, in sports class, a classmate said to her:

The question made Paperbag feel something, like that kid had just spoken the truth. So what did she do?

Look up.

King and Queen Paper were so proud of her.

She was calm. Not bothering anyone. Always raising her chin,
like the confident girl she was.

But the years passed, and…

A little transparent bag started forming on her back.

It grew bigger and bigger over the years.

No one noticed. Not even Paperbag herself.

But she was getting heavy, that’s for sure.

One day she woke up, and found herself unable to move an inch.

Her turtle shell, or whatever malformation her body created,
it became too much.

Queen Paper came to the rescue.

She pulled her daughter’s arms
with so much force.

Too hard.
So she called King Paper.

Nghfph! Hmphf!!!, they groaned.

But it was impossible. Paperbag was just too heavy.

“Why the sudden weight?” thought King Paper.

In a state of anger, he called Butter Fairy again.

Was it a curse? Did Butter Fairy say a wrong word in her magic song?
With an embarrassed look, she replied:

“There’s nothing to explain, really. I think Princess just gained weight.”

Silence.

“I mean, this is what happens when we don’t pay attention to, um…
what we consume.”

That’s it! Queen Paper knew it all along.

With a voice of pity, she turned to Paperbag:

King Paper was more agitated.

He wanted an alarm sign, to shake his daughter out of apathy.

Queen Paper visualized the whole kingdom pointing fingers at her daughter, laughing at her.

King Paper had an instant realization.

Her daughter had no sign of curiosity, no vision for her future, no willpower, no joy in her eyes. How could he miss that?

All these years, she seemed fine.

He thought: She needs a hard reality check. It’s now or never.

And Paperbag?

She remained silent.

She thought: Before, I was too much. Now I’m not enough.

All she was hungry for, really, was the validation from her parents. But look how it ended up. What used to be seen as calm and grounding, now became despised as lazy and boring.

And that’s when she noticed a pressure on her chest.

Was it just now, or…Was she feeling tense during all these years,
and she didn’t know?

A tear started forming around her eye.

Gotta swallow it. As always.

But this time,
Paperbag
felt
as
if
her
heart
had
s t o p p e d.

There she was, lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Her parents and Butter Fairy alongside her, waiting for an answer.

Wait, she realized.

This is my deathbed.

I’m the shame of the kingdom. Everyone’s shaking their heads in pity. My parents, they think they know me, but they’ll never figure out why my back is getting bigger, and bigger, and bigger…

And that’s when she snapped.

Her heart beat like a drum,
and her life purpose became clear as day:

Suddenly, the floor got DRENCHED in water.

AAAAAAAA!!!!!!
everyone shouted,
as the liquid tornado
took them by surprise.

King and Queen Paper could not believe their eyes.

And Paperbag?

She lost all the weight.

She never believed she could survive, but there she was,
floating on her own water.

“I can swim”, she thought to herself.

Look, Mom and Dad. I can swim!

It was the epiphany of her life.

Thank you for reading! ✿

You’ve reached the ninth symbol:

May you have the most free-floating September.
- Paperbag

Access the 12 symbols:

SPIRAL // KEY // DIAMOND // HEART // FACE // MUSIC
BIRD // CLOVER // TEAR // CLOUD // STAR // CANDY

I’ve always seen myself as a solitary writer.

In fact, I’m not associated with a book publisher. I don’t ask my relatives for creative advice. But I’m not really alone.

I look at the comments and realize some people actually read my articles.

I don’t fully grasp that someone could’ve been spending their time with my blog on a coffee break. Or maybe in the doctor’s waiting room.

If only one person reads you, it’s surreal enough to ask yourself:

Why?

How did I get here?

I trace it back to childhood.

I think I was lucky enough to have a nice upbringing. Sure, nothing was perfect. But I want to reminisce on the good old days that we’ll never get back.

So I’m going to say…

Thank you.

Thank you to my parents who witnessed my growth. My mom, who made sure I was safe, well-nourished, and took me to the beach. My dad, who instilled my curiosity and interest in books.

I had the opportunity to visit the local library and the bookstore. I could spend hours there, walking along the halls. It felt like a supermarket for the soul.

Aside from that, I remember the holiday trips. The shopping malls. The conversations, the laughter, or that time when I was crying on the way home from high school and was listened to. I’ll treasure those moments.

When you’re a kid, time really feels like it’s going to last forever…I couldn’t see myself becoming an adult someday, but here we are.

I think I survived well.

Thank you for that.

Thank you to the rest of my family and the friends I made along the way.

You may not know it, and I may not realize it myself, but I find inspiration thanks to you. If we ever talked, ate together, played games, went for a bicycle ride, or swam in the sea…I still remember.

It’s such a warm feeling when you belong with someone. It’s proof that you’re not as isolated as you thought you were, that you have found a place in this world. When self-doubt goes away, the only thing left is happiness.

The happiness of being accepted, validated, believed in.

Thank you for making me feel like I belong.

Thank you, school. I got to experience the ups-and-downs in this big theater of life. Because yes, school was life.

I have fond memories. The morning daydreaming on the bus, the funny teachers, the movies in class, the binders we had to carry, the shrieking bell announcing that we could leave, the slow realization that you’re growing up. Even the school lunches that many would deem terrible; they bring up a nice feeling of nostalgia.

One day, my English teacher made us try milk tea. And it was the biggest revelation ever. I liked the taste.

Later, that led me to try milk coffee, and the rest is history.

I know it’s a cliché about writers, but I want to thank that creamy beverage for keeping me company in my creative sessions.

Thank you for the sun, the rain, the wind, the sky, the trees, the flowers, the birds, the grains of sand. Thank you for being here every day.

I know I can always look at you and realize life is bigger than myself and my tendency to overthink.

Thank you for that indescribable feeling of…

Loneliness? Emptiness? Inferiority?

You are the biggest catalyst for my writing.

Thank you for 2022, when I was feeling at my lowest, and yet it was the same year I decided to start this blog.

Thank you for being here.

Even though we don’t know each other personally. Someone who writes is kinda dependent on someone who reads. Maybe it’s the hope of being read that keeps me writing.

All grown-ups were once children… but only few of them remember it.
 — Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (The Little Prince)

Have I forgotten?

I’m trying to find a clover. Actually, it’s been in my mind all the time.

I’m not as enthusiastic as I would like to be. Because I’m used to life. But still, life is the only thing I know, and I will try to cherish it. To do so, I will write it.

Today…

Because today, too, will one day become a “Special Thanks” page.

Thank you for reading! ✿

You’ve reached the eighth symbol:

May you have the most nostalgic August.
- Emilie

Access the 12 symbols:

SPIRAL // KEY // DIAMOND // HEART // FACE // MUSIC
BIRD // CLOVER // TEAR // CLOUD // STAR // CANDY

It’s coming soon…

Your heart is beating fast.

I don’t know why, but it looks like you’re about to have a job interview.

Actually, you’re going to a dinner party…You know, a place where you should be relaxed.

Maybe you’re gonna see your family. Or the friends you haven’t talked to for a while. Or the colleagues you barely know. Anyways, people.

You’re gonna meet people, and that stresses you out.

Most humans want to make you feel comfortable, not anxious, so now you’re thinking about going to therapy. Because this is not normal.

But what you’re really scared of is not people. It is to be seen by yourself, through the eyes of others. The true monster…is you, the ultimate critic.

What will they think of me? More like:
What am I going to think of myself?

If you fail, if you’re clumsy, if you don’t know what to say, if your face is uptight, and your voice starts to tremble, and you run away in the most anime-style because you cannot handle the chronic shame of being you…

Will you still tolerate yourself?

And that, my friend, is the anxiety of looking awkward.

Zoom In

Okay, let’s be rational for a second.

You’re living inside a bubble.

And you’re hyper-aware…

That everyone around you is also living in their bubbles.

In other words, you feel sonder:

You know they have their own imagination, their own feelings, their own belief system. They’re the Main Character of their bubble, and everyone around them is secondary.

You feel sonder a lot.

That means you’re also hyper-aware that everyone is wearing a mask.

You cannot read their thoughts. The only proof you have is the micro-expressions on their face.

So when you meet someone and say Hello,

and that “Hello” sounded a bit clumsy…

That person’s gonna feel the energy of awkwardness,
and reflect it to you, with a tiny twitch in their eyebrows.

There will be an awkward silence.

No one likes an awkward silence. Being hyper-aware of people’s mentality, you don’t want to inconvenience them. You don’t want to pierce their bubble of comfort.

Instead, you pierce your own. You’re bubble-less, you feel naked while everyone is fully clothed, you have no sense of self, and now it looks like you’ve merged into people’s bubbles. You’re in a fragment of their imagination, so you’re not the MC anymore.

You’re not a real human being.

All that because you didn’t say “Hello” the right way.

That’s social anxiety in a nutshell.

It’s sonder on steroids.

Not good or bad. It’s just logical. Having no bubble implies death. Obviously, you’re trying to protect it at all costs.

Don’t believe me? Here’s an accurate graph:

The ultimate fear is not embarrassment.

It’s what that embarrassment will do to your body. Leading to you not being able to handle it, and perhaps leading to death. In fact, it’s a very strong reaction. You’re not making up stories in your head. Your fear is physical; it’s legitimate.

But chances are, you never asked for any of that.

Imagine struggling with Game Over every time you leave the house.
That’s a reduced positive affect, a.k.a. not a very fun way of living life…

Okay, so how do I resolve that, the pragmatic way?

Zoom Out

If you care about science, join me on a rooftop, preferably in a big metropolis, and you’ll know what I’m talking about:

How about we take our sonder antenna even further and realize how all these people in the streets, the subways, the shopping malls, are having a life of their own.

Does it occur to everyone out there that we’re trapped inside a floating rock in the middle of nowhere?

Probably not. We have other things to worry about. Like how we’re going to be evaluated by Mr. Judge in the next few hours.

But…!

Believe it or not, other folks on Planet Earth are troubled about the same thing. There must be; we’re like…8 billion!

That doesn’t solve anything, I know.

But it can make us feel less alone.

You know when you’re studying for an exam, and on D-Day, a classmate goes to you and asks: “Hey, have you studied?” and you both talk about it. You get the attitude of “We’re in this together”. It’s relieving.

But when you have, uhh…that anxiety thing?

It’s trickier.

Because human interaction is an exam to you, but not to the majority of people, you don’t go to your classmate and ask: “Hey, have you studied…this social skill? Do you know the formula for not caring? The ultimate math trick for acting spontaneous? I’ve been thinking about it for the last three hours”. Or they’ll look at you like you just morphed into a flying penguin.

But rest assured.

You have the internet.

A place where you can see the dissonance between “real life” vs. what’s actually going on in people’s heads.

Social anxiety wants you to believe you’re all alone. That you’re the only one amongst the 8 billion homo sapiens who feels isolated.

Actually…

I see users writing about their mental challenges, imperfections, twists and turns, fears and dreams. And it gives me hope. Because whatever you feel, someone else has felt the same way. If not, write about it and maybe someone else will resonate. Now that makes two.

Can it go further than that?

I bet you three croissants that you were meant to express yourself, in some way.

Until one day, someone comes across your stuff and says:

“Well, that’s exactly how I feel.”

There you have it.

You’re not as alone as you think you are.
Why? Because we’re more than a thousand to think we are! ;)

Now, let’s go back to your special event.

If it goes bad?

You might think, “Oh no, Houston. We have a problem.”

And then? You have 2 options:

1. The nihilist view: “The sun’s gonna explode someday, not a single soul will remember me, not even myself, so yeah…I may as well accept my stupid anxiety for the rest of my life, because nothing matters!!!!!!!”
2. The purpose-driven view: “Well, now I’m gonna write the funniest sad story of my life, and turn it into a best-seller. Nobody’s gonna see it coming, hahahah.” *laughs hysterically*

Both are great. So you can choose both.

Synthesis

A) Notice how tiny we are when we look at ourselves from afar.

B) Know there is someone in the world who feels the same way as you.

A + B = You’re insignificant and average.

Sounds like an insult, but trust me, they’re the biggest benefits:

You could fail hard, the earth might crumble, and you may become crazy, but in the end, it’s never as serious as it seems.

Ask yourself:

Can I handle this emotion, right now?

Is it bearable, right now?

I know it’s unscientific,
but I have a hunch that the answer is a silent yes.

If you can handle this one second, you can handle the next, and the next, until it turns into a minute, and an hour, and perhaps you’re gonna tolerate the next “exam” coming soon.

How come you always think you’re not gonna make it,
and then you make it?

That’s the point.

Thank you for reading! ✿

You’ve reached the seventh symbol:

May you have the most freeing July.
- Paperbag

Access the 12 symbols:

SPIRAL // KEY // DIAMOND // HEART // FACE // MUSIC
BIRD // CLOVER // TEAR // CLOUD // STAR // CANDY

You wanted success.

You wanted to be someone.

You wanted to compose a magnificent piece that would turn the world around.

But you can’t do the thing.

Why are you scrolling on your phone? Why aren’t you daydreaming like you used to? Why are you letting your ideas die?

*play Adagio for Strings by Samuel Barber*

Are you putting flowers on the grave,
for the person that you’ll never be?

ACT I

10 PM, in the kitchen.

Well, well…

Another day wasted.

I woke up. Drank my coffee. Didn’t feel excited for the day ahead, but at least the caffeine made me less drowsy.

Then I went to work.

Didn’t think much about my life because I’m focusing on, you know…work.

Today, I looked at the clock more often than usual.

I’m busy; I have 12 things to do, I forget the hours, and suddenly it’s time to leave, and I’m like: Wait, that’s it?

So I go home and put on my pajamas.

I want to do something “productive”, on my own terms.

Like read a book.

But I don’t have the motivation. I’d rather eat a snack. Or two.

Or three…

Even sleep would be more productive, at this point. But I don’t want to.
I need to look at my phone. I need one last technique that will change my life, or at least kill my lethargy, before I can finally rest.

So this is me right now…

What has my life come to be?

*One minute of silence*

What will people say about me?

*One minute of silence*

Oh, he was nice, I guess. Nice and bland…

Well, it cannot be so bad, right? I’m not bothering anyone. I’m not acting crazy. My life could go on like this for a long time, and it would be considered normal. I am okay-looking. It’s not a big deal. Alright, maybe I do seem a bit tired, but that’s just adulthood, they said. That’s just life, and I shouldn’t be so sensitive about it.

I should accept it.

*play Gymnopédie №1 by Erik Satie*

Uh…

I don’t know.

Somewhere along the way, I’ve lost a part of me.

So many talents I could’ve pursued. If only I put in the work…

And then, I’d be worthy. I’d be happy.

But nothing happened in those years, because I’m dead.

There’s a voice in my head, and it’s telling me: Too hard, kid. You can’t make things happen because you’re weak.

Life is no fun when you have low self-esteem.

ACT II

10:15 PM, in the kitchen.

For goodness sake.

I wasn’t born to be numb.

I wasn’t born to be distracted by pointless drama, pointless junk food, pointless everything. I cannot waste it like that.

If I want to change, why don’t I?

I’ve been surviving till this very day. I’ve been trying again and again, even when I failed a thousand times. Why can’t I do anything about it? Come on.

The voice in my head says I’m too fearful…like a broken record.

But it gets old, you know?

*play Time by Hans Zimmer*

I won’t tolerate it anymore, like I’m disposable, just like that. I cannot be this nonchalant about life.

I have stuff to work on.

I have meaning to find. I have my true self to express.

The voice in my head (again) says that if I express myself,
people will see that I’m different. Therefore, I will be ridiculed.

Okay, so what’s the alternative? To be fake?

I’m here to create something that will make me real, for once.

I’m done with thinking about being perfect, and never doing anything as a result.

No, I don’t have to know it all. No, I don’t have to be confident all the time. I don’t have to be smiling for 24 hours. That’s not how people will love me. If I don’t even respect myself…

Instead of scrolling, I will scribble my life away.

My first memories. The bicycle rides, the school lunches, the teachers, the neighborhood, the 2000s music on the radio, the smell of butter pancakes, the first friends I made, and the excitement I felt. I’m gonna write every detail down.

Every day is a rebellion against my grave.

Yes, I’ll make a fool of myself.

I can hear it in my brain: “Wow, calm down. You’re too naive. And you know what? Art is meaningless. Why don’t you become a doctor instead? Or an engineer. You’d help society more. But no, instead you’ve gotta please an ego that’s obsessed with not being disapproved. Do you need praise and encouragement? For what, you helpless piece of junk.”

STOP IT. STOP SPEAKING FOR ME.

You were never my voice to begin with.

I know this is useful, and not only for myself.

I’m not writing for claps. I’m writing because I’m trying to heal something. I’m trying to engineer something, even though I don’t know what that something is yet, because it has no name, it cannot be seen like a physical injury, it can only be felt.

Once I gain my confidence back, no one will stop me. I will have the guts to achieve everything I was meant to do.

Why am I still on my phone?

ACT III

10:30 PM, in the kitchen.

It’s time to move on.

I’m gonna grieve his loss.

Yes, his dreams are dying, but I’m still going to achieve what he never thought was possible.

And I know exactly what I’m gonna do.

When I’m watching someone play the piano,
I get inspired, almost teary-eyed.

It’s a rhapsody of awe and envy, reminding me that I too could find beauty in the world, and I too could turn up the volume with my own instrument.

It is a wish of mine to be someone’s harmony, the same way I was able to resonate with other pieces. So yes, I am gonna work for it, at my small level, until it goes crescendo.

Because as cheesy as it sounds, I think we’re here for a reason.

To find out why, we need to think for ourselves. Not with a screen, not with the voices in our heads that aren’t ours, but alone.

Find the real voice among the noisy chatter.

Once I know what I want, I’m gonna press repeat until it’s stuck in my brain, like a catchy chorus.

For my own sanity.

*play Prelude for Time Feelers by Eluvium*

The phone, the food, all that can go away, and I won’t even notice.

Because my purpose is my main distraction.

It’s the only record disk I’m putting in my brain.

And now, I really want to sing.

Like when I was nine years old,
upstairs at home,
and I listened to my voice for the first time.

I heard the echoes singing back at me:

That’s how I knew:

I found my purpose.

Why?

Because it was the first time I felt worthy.

…

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SO WHAT AM I WAITING FOR?

Thank you for reading! ✿

You’ve reached the sixth symbol:

May you have the most harmonious June.
- Paperbag

Access the 12 symbols:

SPIRAL // KEY // DIAMOND // HEART // FACE // MUSIC
BIRD // CLOVER // TEAR // CLOUD // STAR // CANDY