So what drives us to be attracted to certain people and not others? Why do we choose the partners that we do and why is it that some people are just not that into us? What is attraction after all? Here we go.

Attraction is ultimately a pull towards something we are interested in, a desire or even a craving. There are different levels of attraction and it’s important to note that stronger feelings of attraction are generally an indication of how far we believe we are from actually experiencing that relationship with a particular person or achieving that thing we desire. That is why an intense sense of attraction may look like desperation. As a side note understand that this is a double edged sword as it will ultimately repel the person only to reinforce that feeling of longing and desperation. How do we counter such feelings? How do we break this loop from hell? In order to do this one must analyse his or her desires, dissect their cravings and dig a little deeper. Awareness is key.

First of all we must distinguish ‘attraction’ from ‘appreciation’ or even ‘love’. They tend to be confused with one another yet each of these feelings are very distinct from each other. In fact you can feel an attraction towards someone yet not appreciate them for what they do or how they treat others. Same goes for love. The person you are attracted to does not necessarily mean they are the love of your life. It is important that you begin to consciously become aware of your feelings towards others and identify what aspects in them it is that you are attracted to. Once this is achieved it is a good idea to turn the lens inwards.

As we live in a world designed to reflect everything back at us, our attraction towards someone may be a great indicator to which aspects we desire to see or develop in ourselves. As children we are brought up to judge between wrong or right, good or bad, beautiful or ugly. Over time we subconsciously suppress and reject any aspects of ourselves that are deemed to be unwanted and automatically play the role of the ‘good person’ (or the ‘bad person’ depending which one of these got you the most love and support). Our internal guidance system may have gotten muted leading us to grow up with a misguided sense of self. However, attraction is one sensation that is immune to this conditioning. It over-rides our societal conditioning and points us towards that which we desire despite all our internal conflicts. How many times have you sought out someone or something which you just knew was not right for you? Attraction is so strong that it by-passes logic, it by-passes compatibility and it by-passes our vision for ourselves if left to roam unchecked. That is why you keep going for the man or woman who doesn’t reply to your texts, who keeps leaving you feeling worthless or who just can’t seem to remember your name. It’s time to take a good hard look in the mirror.

Identify those aspects in people you are attracted to. Are they physically athletic or lethargic and lazy? Are they charismatic and confident or reserved and mysterious? Are they self-absorbed or overly giving? It’s time to realise that these patterns are more about you and less about the person you are seeking. Take the time to process this and possibly nurture these aspects in yourself. What generally happens is that once you’ve developed a specific aspect in yourself the original attraction you once felt towards that person falls away and no longer haunts you. You may see them for who they really are. This will ultimately allow you to recognise if the relationship is the right one for you or not. You are no longer blinded by your desires or lack of self-worth. This is what healing feels like. As Aaron Doughty repeatedly says ‘become the protagonist of your own movie’. Stop passing on the starring role of your own life to another. Be the person you so desperately wish to experience in your life. Find purpose within yourself and allow the right people to gravitate towards you as you become more authentic, more magnetic and ultimately more attractive.

Moving towards that which you are attracted to is an act of self-love however it is also important to understand that attraction alone cannot sustain a deep and fulfilling partnership. If you struggle to visualise yourself with that person if all those aspects you are attracted to suddenly disappear then you might want to reconsider your commitment. However, if the relationship feels like an exhale, a relief, a moment of relaxation or a sense of coming home take a deep breath in and savour the moment as this is what life is all about.

Despite the abundance of such images do not be fooled by their supposed message. Loneliness is a widespread sentiment in this highly connected age more than ever. I too am no stranger to loneliness as it tends to raise its ominous head from time to time in my life and although most people who know me might doubt such claims it is very easy to get caught up in its trap.

So what is loneliness? How did we get here? If you find yourself on your own most of the time here are a few simple steps on rising above this affliction and know that you are perfectly capable of overcoming this challenge in your life. Also, it is really important to state that loneliness may also be felt by individuals who have a highly active and demanding social life. One can feel terribly lonely even in the company of family, friends or even partners. If this is the case then the question you should ask yourself is ‘how connected do you feel to those who surround you?’.

Step One. Get Moving

Exercise and moving your body is a fundamental step towards overcoming loneliness. First of all it helps shift your attention from that ‘feeling’ of loneliness and more towards the connection between your body and its surroundings. Go for a walk in nature, a swim or join a fitness class (yoga, tabata/HIIT and crossfit are my personal favourite). Your first step towards personal freedom is to re-establish your connection with your body. You might even make new friends along the way, ones which share a common interest as you and will help you keep motivated in maintaining this practice.

Alcohol, cigarettes and drugs are your biggest enemy at this stage. They are designed to hijack your body and fool you into thinking that things are just fine. If you find yourself abusing any of these substances on a daily or weekly basis to tackle your current situation I recommend cutting them out immediately.

Step Two. Reach Out

Although you have close to 2,000 friends on facebook many people do not have the luxury of that handful of individuals with whom they can really connect with and share their most intimate (and seemingly embarrassing) issues in their lives. I recently read that many young people today have close to no one with whom they can communicate their troubles. This phenomena is ironic given that we are so highly connected. So in this next step you are encouraged to reach out to that friend whom you can always count on.

I personally have been blessed in this regard and over the years have established a number of friendships with whom I can reach out to. However, this was not always the case and over the years I’ve had to step outside the comfort zone of my so-called ‘klikka’ in search of more like minded souls. So the next time you are at a social event or gathering get chatting to those unfamiliar faces. Through this simple gesture you will soon realise how little you actually knew about others whilst also potentially helping them through their struggles and inspiring them to do the same.

Step Three. Find a Mentor

A mentor or a coach is a recent discovery in my struggle towards personal empowerment. Through engaging with a professional to help you is one life hack I recommend to all. Although this is not limited to loneliness, such individuals are trained to empower you through thick and thin. They will share vital information, tools and ways in which we can feel more connected to those around us. They will shore up our courage to face our greatest demons and reach out for our most audacious goals. It is definitely worth the investment and I recommend you ask around for a coach or mentor who might best suit you.

My personal experience is with one particular individual who filled in a gap in my friends’ demographic. Over the years I do not seem to have made any male friends who are five to ten years older than me. It felt incredibly liberating and heart warming upon meeting Simon for the first time. He had more life experience than me and had a like minded outlook onto the world if not even more amazing than my own. Over the years he has inspired me to do things I did not believe I was capable of (such as writing this article) as well as helping me through my day-to-day challenges. I have found support in a way I never knew was available and has allowed me to build a greater bond with myself and with others.

Step Four. Shift your perception from ‘Loneliness’ to ‘Solitude’

Contemporary culture is designed to distract us, constantly. The notion of spending time by oneself is seen as wrong and something to be avoided. We are exposed to media and marketing campaigns that idolise fame and recognition. We are constantly on our phones scrolling through news feeds, texting friends just for the sake of it and we binge on endless movie series or games specifically designed to keep you in the maze of mental stimuli. No wonder we are all suffering from loneliness.

The moment these external stimuli stop we as individuals are not equipped to handle the stillness. We get restless, frustrated and unconsciously walk towards the fridge. As a society we expect immediate gratification. We are addicted to dopamine, the hormone released when we are stimulated. Suddenly the stillness seems like a great void between ourselves and our sanity.

To avoid the feeling of impending doom it is important that I raise your awareness about the benefit of those lonely days and nights. Shift your perception towards ‘solitude’ as a gift of time. Read a book, breathe, meditate or just go by the ocean or into nature. One particular practice which has helped me over the years is journalling. When you find yourself staring at the wall whip out your writing pad and allow your mind to go wild with the pen. It is quite surprising when you see what comes out.

Step Five. Reconnect with something greater than yourself

Finally, my last suggestion is to become aware of the insignificance of your existence in relation to the universe and to all the things around you. Shift your mindset from a place of lack to a place of wonder.

Similar to the previous step, modern day western society does not place much importance on the spiritual side of things. We focus on goals, outcomes and accumulating material wealth as opposed to seeing the beauty in the cycles of our daily lives and the infinite potential that is available to us. We fear death as opposed to celebrating our birth and don’t realise that each day is a gift.

So take care of yourselves and others in 2020 and make this year the year in which you re-discover the joy in the here and now. Reach out, express yourselves fully and deeply and muster the courage to move away from old habits and people which leave you feeling sad and alone. Face times of solitude with a smile on your face and repeat to yourself that this is a test on your path to personal empowerment, freedom and joy. You are truly not alone, this I guarantee.

Man Up. A men’s retreat, a gathering, a weekend break or whatever you want to call it brought together a group of men under one roof just under a week ago. ‘Why are you doing this?’ many people ask me. ‘What exactly happens at Man Up?’ is another. Here we go.

It’s been a challenge articulating the emotions I feel or the energy that drives me to push ahead with creating these events. I guess you may compare it to hunger. A hunger to reach out, a hunger to share all the knowledge and experience I’ve accumulated over the years but most of all, a hunger for change.

If you are a man reading this, this one is for you. Probably at some point in your life you were given the talk on ‘how you need to become somebody’. What I mean is that you were faced with the decision to go out there, get a high paying job, find the perfect partner and live happily ever after. However, along the way life seems to be taking a lot out of you. You might be feeling stressed and tired. Also, things might not be going exactly as planned. Either you are struggling to make ends meet, you can’t seem to find that perfect partner or your current job leaves you feeling unsatisfied, drained and in need of a drink. These are just a few examples. The truth is we all feel like this at some point or another. However, unlike our female counter parts, us men tend to fall short of seeking out that much needed support in these challenging times. In most cases we hit the bar with some mates and proceed to over drink, smoke weed in copious amounts to numb ourselves out, snort cocaine at dinner parties to give us that ‘bump’, engage in superficial relationships or just isolate ourselves and binge on Netflix to our heart’s content. You get the picture. Men need each other. So many of us have taken it upon ourselves to build our empires single-handedly. It’s time to share the load and this is where Man Up comes in.

The more I organise events like Man Up, the more I understand why I do them. As I approach 40, yes, that’s right the big four oh, the more I look back on the mountains I’ve climbed, the forests I’ve navigated across and I want to share my story. Joseph Campbell called it The Hero’s Journey. Man Up is my Hero’s Journey and it’s time to tell the tale. My journey from adolescence to adulthood, from boy to man, from student to teacher.

So coming back to those two questions I mentioned earlier, I’m doing this because Man Up encapsulates everything I love most in this world. Music, dancing, amazing healthy food, exercise, yoga, meditation, nature, tranquil surroundings, creative writing and lots of DMCs (deep meaningful conversations). However, above all these is the opportunity to be in the company of great men who want to relax, inspire and engage in conversations regarding their well-being, both physically and mentally. It gives each one of us a platform to express ourselves in a brutally honest fashion, free from any fear of being judged or labelled. In simple terms, it’s a lot of fun.

So if after having read this you are wondering what happens at Man Up, I do invite you to join us at our next event. Not exactly sure when that will be but I assure you we have big plans for Man Up in 2020. If you know someone who you think might be interested please share this article with them. I’m sure they will thank you at some point. Lastly, a huge shout out to all the guys that turned up to our retreats over the last year. Without you none of this would have been possible.

So what is the Cycle of Youth? Isn’t Youth a particular stage in one’s life which potentially ends around the time you are in your late twenties only to move onto the next phase of your life. If so, what is the next phase? After all, time is linear so how can Youth be a cycle? I will explain.

As children we are thought that one day we will grow up to be ‘somebody’, married to a beautiful person, have a wonderful house, kids, a fancy car and if you are lucky, a dog and some cats for good measure. This image is sold to us from day one and defined as the model of a successful person. What we do not realise is that this automatically creates a belief in our subconscious that we lack something. Sounds familiar? Good. What happens next is that most of us spend the next foreseeable years working towards what we define as a ‘successful life’.

Although the specifics may vary for different people what I’ve come to realise is that many of us prioritise this goal over many other fundamental daily activities. Now don’t misunderstand me, I am after all an ambitious person and I believe I am slowly building my empire one cup of tea at a time.

Drive and ambition gives meaning to our lives, it helps us get out of bed in the morning and go to work everyday. It fuels us with energy, inspires us and draws people closer towards us. This is my ideal model, yet many people I speak to choose jobs they hate, partners they can’t stand, cars they can’t afford and food that is just terrible for their health. Why? My understanding is that somewhere along the way things didn’t go exactly as planned. The reality of things does not quite match up to what it is that they were expecting. This situation opens the floodgates to self-abuse. We binge drink on the weekends, take drugs in dirty toilets, overeat, stay up late on Netflix, work 80 hour weeks and forget to feed the cats. You should never forget to feed the cats!

So ask yourself ‘how youthful am I’? When was the last time you laughed till you cried, spent time in nature, danced till your legs hurt or slept under the stars? To some of these I can’t even remember the last time it happened! Being youthful is not about having perfect skin or a head full of hair. It is a state of mind. It is a conscious decision. A way of life. It actually takes time and discipline to master Youth. We are all young once, but if we listen, observe and trust that nagging voice inside of our hearts we can live to experience an infinite amount of youthful years.

If the vision of your success comes at the expense of your physical and mental health then you are in for a nasty surprise. Hit the brakes on the hours you work if they start eating into the time you need to spend with your family, cook a decent meal or your sleep. These are major red flags. Take time out and respect the greatest tool you will ever own. Quit smoking weed, drinking excessively and binging on your phone. Notice that these actions are all aimed at distracting you from your present reality. Become present. Look at people in their eyes when speaking to them, speak your mind and (pretend to) be fearless. It takes practice but as you slowly take charge of little areas in your life your confidence grows and empowers you to take further steps towards personal freedom and growth.

Don’t get caught up in the story you have allowed yourself to believe. Driving that luxury SUV might be quite amazing but ultimately it will not make you happy. Looking at a person in their eyes and expressing your undying love for them will. Hold their hand whilst on a nature walk, sleep under the stars and buy foldable chairs you can take around with you. Sit back and admire the view together. How’s that for success?

This article was first published in Emma Hogg’s ‘A Life I choose’ blog. Check out her work and attend her workshops.

Have you just gone through a breakup? Has single life been handed down to you like a dead fish on a plate?

If you are still figuring out why it all went to shit from those dreamy first few months together, then here are five essential tips that helped me rise above those sleepless nights and re-discover the joys of starting out all over again.

1. Take time to process your emotions

Are you feeling lost, frustrated, angry, hurt, powerless, sad or a combination of all of the above? Does every song on Spotify seem like its directed straight to your weary heart? Wherever you go, a memory of you and your ex emerges from the archives of your mind only to release the flood gates to a river of tears which feel out of control.

Resist the temptation to reach out to alcohol, drugs or any other numbing substances that will only suppress your emotions. Society has taught us that sadness and tears equate to weakness, but this is a lie. In fact, the reason why you are feeling the way you are is because of your great physical and mental health.

Our bodies have evolved over millions of years to help deal with such a loss. Allow yourself to cry and scream. Never mind what the neighbours above might think because the process of shedding tears releases a hormone into the system which helps us to relax. The longer you hold in your emotions the longer they will stick around… just like that annoying drunk guest who won’t leave the party after it’s over.

Remember, it’s OK not to be OK and don’t feel shy to turn to that BFF for some shoulder space. Emotions are our bodies’ way of dealing with change and the most effective way to release them is by expressing them. One way which has helped me release emotions is through writing. Whip out a pen and paper and allow your hand to run free. You will be amazed at what comes out. Soon your emotions will wash away just like your tears wash away the ink from those pages.

2. Move your body

We should never go for more than three days without exercise.

Our bodies were meant to move, so sitting down or lying in bed all day will not help. Go for a run, dance, join one of the many gym boxes that have opened up or attend a yoga class. There are many channels to help you get back into shape.

If you are feeling particularly down, take it easy on yourself. Give your body the time it needs and introduce gentle movement into your daily routine. Remember that developing a good habit is as infectious as starting a bad one and it won’t be long before you simply can’t go without that HIIT or yoga session in your day.

Moving your body releases oxytocin (‘the love hormone’) which is a hormone released during sex or moments of extreme joy, so exercise is the gateway to living a happier and healthier life.

3. It’s time to awaken your inner child

Remember those days off from school. What did you get up to? Did you dance ballet, play the drums in your parent’s basement or attend swim school? Whatever it was, now is a great time to revisit those activities.

By doing them, we ignite a part of our brain that relates to a time in our life when we were relatively carefree. Back then we didn’t have to worry about finding the right job, paying our home loan or getting over a recent addition to our list of exes.

Now’s the time to pull out those old dancing shoes from the cupboard, hit the local pool or tune up that dusty guitar. Immerse yourself in an activity that left your mum screaming that dinner was on the table! There you will find a stillness that has long been forgotten.

4. Ask yourself some brutally honest questions

How did it lead to this? If you’re wondering what went wrong, now is the time for some reflection.

Very often, we tend to side-step a series of red flags in a relationship out of a strong desire for it to work out. We bypass all those annoying traits and label them as insignificant because our newly found partner makes us feel so good. The problem here is that our commitment to the relationship is much stronger than our commitment towards our truth.

We ignore those nagging thoughts which start to pop up. However, our subconscious has a sneaky way of getting our attention and what used to be a little nudge here and there with time transforms into all out screams, fights and toxic behaviours or just a plain ‘Hell No!’. Ever found yourself doing things that were totally out of character? Saying things to your supposed loved one that afterwards left you thinking, “What the fuck did I just say?” That’s your subconscious mind taking matters into its own hands.

It’s time to sit down and have a chat with the vampire inside you. Ask yourself: what do you truly want to see unfold in your life? What is your ideal relationship? What sort of person do you want to be with? What is it that works best for you? Don’t be afraid to ask yourself the hardest questions and ultimately was your ex your ideal partner? Do you really want a boyfriend who bakes himself to sleep every night after work? Do you really want a girlfriend who can’t stand you spending some quality time with your best friends?

The key to a successful relationship is compatibility before commitment, and before you get very clear about what it is that you desire in your next relationship, you are likely to fall into the same pattern of your past failed ones.

5. Trust

Can you trust that there is a purpose to all these traumatic events in your life? Can you identify the lesson to be learnt from this recent experience?

Sometimes, if not most times, our expectations of the relationship or life in general does not match up to the reality of it all. We get depressed, angry and feel cheated. If for a moment you can allow yourself to shift your perspective to a place of wonder at the unpredictability of life and understand that an infinite amount of opportunities await then you are on your way to bliss.

You might not believe me just yet, but just as Dr. Wayne Dyer said, “You will see it when you believe it”, and not the other way around. So my final message is to dig deep into your heart and trust that there is something greater awaiting you. Your only job is to get clear with your heart’s true desires and clean out all the false beliefs about yourself. You might not feel great or think that you are good enough but that is all the bullshit society has led you to believe. I suggest a social media detox for a month or two because in today’s world, we are fed information that everyone is doing great and that they are drowning in happiness, which ultimately is all a lie.

Relationships are the Pyramid Stage of life’s festival. The acts don’t go on forever and sometimes they were just not worth the mud and the rain. However, every once in a while, a headline act comes along and blows your mind away. Take each turn of events in your life as an opportunity for growth. Re-align with your true self and the direction your heart’s compass is pointing you towards. Go for it. You have nothing to lose, I promise you. Only then will you find peace. Let lost loved ones go and if anyone is ever meant to be in your life, they will always find a way back.

You read it first here: https://lovinmalta.com/lifestyle/dating/maltese-man-gives-some-good-advice-on-how-to-get-over-a-breakup

Are you facing some challenges in your life right now? Does the thought of getting through the next couple of weeks seem ‘less-than-merry’? Social media doesn’t help either as everyone is very quick to share their most intimate moments and everyone except you seems to be living in total bliss. Don’t be fooled! However, now is a great time to step up your game. It’s time to get your hands dirty in this game of life. Here are five simple steps which have helped me plunge into the unknown and live a happier, healthier life. The journey will be challenging and it will test your desire for change every single step of the way. The question is how badly do you want to create change in your life? It may be a better job, more money, better health, a better relationship with your parents or friends or even attract that deep loving relationship you have been longing for all year but has just not turned up. So here are a few guidelines that have helped me along my journey to living more consciously.

Step One: Surrender

Surrender to it all! It’s time to accept that the last few relationships ended up in the gutter. Accept that you do not have a perfect life, body or face. Stop holding on to that soon-to-be-over relationship or those friends who keep bringing you down. Take time out, go on a holiday by yourself, go for a walk or just relax at home in your flannel dressing gown whilst reading my blog! Change does not happen overnight. It’s exactly like going to the gym. Work out for 30 minutes and you will see no changes, however work out for 30 minutes everyday for a whole year and baby baby! Remember, we do not have any control over what other people do or say but we can shift our perspective on how we see the world. Allow the suffering of whatever it is that is bringing you down to come up, cry, scream or go punch a boxing bag. All these little actions will help your body deal with all the emotions, especially at this time of the year.

Step Two: Willingness to Change

You need will power. This is what gets you out of the basement! (For those who have not read my previous blog, I explain quite succinctly what living life in the basement is like (read it here: https://medium.com/@willprivitera/a-guide-to-understanding-lifes-real-estate-ea45e6ab1d7d ). In an instant you can make that decision that will change your life forever. Rise above the conditions in your life, they do not define you. Whenever faced with an obstacle or someone simply telling you its a dumb idea, prove them wrong. Persistence is the key and day by day, step by step, you will see evidence in your life that your efforts have not been for nothing. With the right attitude you can accomplish anything you want. Decide to take action now! It is the greatest gift you can give yourself this Christmas.

Step Three: Have a Vision

Design the life that you want. What type of partner do you want to attract? What does your dream job look like? You probably never knew it but a fundamental step towards attracting your dream life is by getting specific with what you want. It’s time to write a list of all the things you want to see happen to you in the next year. Go into detail. If it’s a job, what are the working hours like? Salary? Place of work? Relationship. Her/His age? Body type? Profession? Colour of their eyes? Do they like sports and nature just like you? You are free to go into every single detail. Don’t judge yourself if you think some items on the list are ‘too shallow’. If that’s what you want, go get it. The Universe is listening and it has an infinite amount of resources at its disposal. A tip at this stage is to not focus on one person or one job because that will be limiting the infinite amount of possibilities available to you, even though you just don’t know it yet. Instead, focus on a theme. Work flexibility, personal development and growth, soul connection, travel and adventure. These are all great themes. Add some time into the mix and your recipe for the greatest life ever is starting to take shape!

Step Four: Gratitude!

It’s time to count your blessings. Do you have financial freedom? Are you healthy? Do you have family who love you? Friends who always make you laugh? That’s amazing and probably much more than most people on the planet. Everyday, even for just ten minutes, make a mental list of all the things you are grateful for. I was told that a secret ingredient to creating the life that you dream of is by showing appreciation for all the greatness in your life today. People who are grateful for their life are fundamentally more attractive and easier to be around. Ever hung out with someone who always felt like they did not have enough? Exaclty. Bend over and give your legs a hug! They carry you around all day. When was the last time you showed them some appreciation? Finally…wait for it, this is juicy…can you feel gratitude for the things that are yet to occur in your life? As in feel as though they have already happened. Trust me on this. This shit works. I’ll save the details for another article.

Step Five: Self Love

Treat yourself how you want others to treat you! Book a massage or a facial. Take yourself out on a date to a fantastic restaurant. You deserve it! Hit the gym this Christmas whilst everyone else is overeating or drowning themselves in alcohol. Show your body some love, it is the greatest tool you will ever have. Many people are consumed by their jobs, family or relationships that they forget to direct their love towards themselves on a regular basis. This is fundamental to leading a happy and healthy life. Become aware of all the people or activities in your life that do not serve your higher self. Lovingly let them go and redirect your energy towards what brings joy to your life!

Here you have it. The five steps (or tools) to creating change in your life. I invite you to take the journey, it’s an experience you will never forget!

Finally, I’d like to thank you for reading my articles and following this medium account. A year ago I would have never thought of writing anything remotely interesting! I’m glad you enjoyed them and I’d love you to leave a message and share them with your friends and family. I hope that through my writing I reach out to anyone in search of some clues whilst navigating through this bumpy road we call life! Namaste.

However, Josh’s life all changed one day having failed to befriend the most popular girl in school. He experienced heart break for the first time and it left him feeling foolish, ashamed and wished that everything could be different. Nothing was the same after that day. He wished for a better body, better hair, longer legs and even blue or green eyes just like all the older guys she seemed to hang out with. Late one evening Josh happened to stumble across a fortune teller and without any hesitation he stormed in and demanded that his desires are met as soon as possible with the benefit of by-passing all those awkward stages in one’s life. Now, you would think that this is a fictional story from a children’s novel or a movie from the late eighties, but I must assure you that the following sequence of events are as real as the sun and the moon.

The following morning Josh woke up feeling a bit more sluggish than usual and as he wobbled over to the bathroom everything felt a little different. Not paying too much attention Josh washed his face and as he raised his head to look in the mirror he saw his reflection for the first time that day. Before him was a thirty something year old man with a receding hairline and a hairy chest! What the hell happened to that innocent, easy going, friendly thirteen year old that Josh expected to see in the mirror? Had his wish been granted? Was he dreaming? The next thing Josh remembers was an overwhelming amount of fear engulf him. He quickly grabbed whatever clothes could fit and ran for the hills before any of his family members could find out what a mess he got himself into.

The only person Josh could think of turning to for help was his best mate however he had a tough time convincing him that he was actually his friend and not some pervy old stranger. Once that was settled they headed to their secret HQ to figure out what to do next. They agreed that he should get a place to live until they figure out a way how to bring thirteen year old Josh back. He should also get a job to keep his mind off things and earn some cash to survive. Before they knew it Josh was living in a crummy old apartment and handed a clerical job with a toy manufacturing company. As the days went by Josh started making friends at home and at work. Despite his appearance Josh still had that eagerness and friendly attitude of his thirteen year old soul. However, his colleagues quickly reminded him not to show off or it will make them look bad. Unlike them, he seemed to appreciate his average salary much more and made friends with all the staff, even the cleaners and security guards! Slowly Josh built a small community of trustworthy friends around him. He was grateful for everyone and everything.

One Saturday morning Josh decided to visit the toy store and although it seemed odd for a lone man, he was after all still a thirteen year old at heart! Josh was as fascinated as ever, checking out all the latest gadgets when suddenly he bumped into his boss. His boss, surprised, asked him why he was at work on a Saturday but Josh simply replied that he was actually just ‘playing around’. This intrigued his boss as he had never met any other employee in the store on weekends. The next Monday Josh was invited to a directors’ meeting and asked to give his opinion on some of the latest toys they had lined up for production. Contrary to all the market research, graphs, pie charts and sales forecast Josh thought that most of the items were boring and did not offer any excitement. He said he simply would not buy them. The directors were shocked. They had never witnessed anyone speak so openly in front of their employer. The boss was thrilled. He agreed with Josh and told his board that they should go back to the drawing board! Josh was offered a promotion, new office and a juicy raise all within the hour!

Following that episode everyone at work seemed to acknowledge Josh more than ever before, even the popular women! However, some of his colleagues became envious and openly challenged him. Sadly, he was quite confused. Many would ask him how he did it or how he became so successful. However Josh could not really understand what they meant because all he did was bump into his boss one Saturday morning and speak his mind at a meeting. He thought that maybe he was a lucky guy. In fact all Josh wanted to do was have fun. He knew he would not be there for long so he thought he might as well make the most out of it. He also didn’t pay too much attention to the people telling him to be quiet, to dress like everyone else and do what everyone else does. He just went about his day doing what felt right for him in that moment. He never planned on getting the office or the raise, they just happened to him whilst he was following his Truth. He was however, very grateful. He accepted all these wonderful blessings with humility and never hesitated to share his wealth with his friends and family. He somehow felt that the more he gave the more there was to give. Somehow by magic or just pure luck the blessings kept flowing!

One fine day Josh’s best friend informed him that the fortune teller was in town and although things were going great he missed his family, his school, even his old school crush. It was time to return home and Josh had learnt a great deal about adults in that short span of time. He was surprised to discover that they never really spoke their mind. He also felt that they were too obsessed with what other people where doing, dating or earning rather than taking a good look around and shouting out HELL YES!

Somewhere inside each and everyone of us is a Josh Baskin. With time we have silenced this child and convinced them that we need to achieve more, do more and be constantly busy making more money or changing the world in some way. It’s time to reconnect with our inner child. Ride a bike in nature, build a camp, dance the flamingo or just run as fast as your legs can take you! Our inner child longs for these and is the vessel of our soul’s essence and life force. You will be amazed how much joy there is in the simple childish pursuits we have lost touch with throughout the years!

The following is about Vampires. Not the blood sucking, virgin seeking, night dwelling creatures as portrayed by Kiefer Sutherland in the 1987 cult classic The lost Boys, but the real, life-sucking, energy draining Vampires. I would like to shed some light on this heavily overlooked creature, where it dwells, its prey of choice and simple guidelines on how to best avoid them. If however, you unfortunately happen to stumble across one throughout the duration of your lifetime (which I’m sure most of you will) I will divulge vital information on how to defend yourself from their merciless attacks.

Wikipedia defines Vampires as ‘beings which feed on life essence’. Although portrayed in most fictional novels and movies as sabre-toothed creatures with long claws, pale skin and albino eyes, real life vampires are masters of disguise. They walk, talk and dress just like you and me. Unlike their fictional counterparts, real vampires are as active during the day as they are at night, even on weekends and public holidays! So how do you recognise a Vampire? What sets them apart from us common mortals? I shall begin.

In order to safeguard our survival in the event of a full blown battle with the Vampire King himself evolution has gifted us with a defence mechanism known as the ‘fight or flight response’. However, over time the skills to tap into this supernatural power have been lost. Through the development of technology, transportation, nuclear warfare and societal conditioning Homo sapiens have ensured that they are the dominant species and the age old skill of Vampire hunting has been lost in the annals of history. However, these sneeky Vampires, being masters of disguise, have found ways to infiltrate our borders and attack us in ways we could never have imagined.

A common form of attack from Vampires which you all might have unknowingly been subjected to happens whilst driving. Remember that time you were pleasantly driving down that road when suddenly someone violently drives out into your path? Exactly. A Vampire attack in the first degree. We know this because upon acknowledging the oncoming danger our body tenses up, our heart rate increases, our breath shortens and our body is suddenly prepared for battle. However in this scenario, engagement with the enemy never really happens so you are left fuming. You feel angry, distressed and potentially let out some horrendous battle-cry which you would never repeat to anyone in any other circumstance. This automatic response occurs due to a hormone known as Cortisol. Once let out into the blood stream the body enters battle mode. More blood and oxygen is sent to the muscles and you experience a sort of superhuman strength. Remember those mornings being late and chasing the bus to school? The thought of facing my mother was terrifying, so thanks to this elixir I ran like the wind!

As we grow up, there are many other instances when we are forced into fight or flight mode. However, most of the time the situation does not call for moments of extreme strength or subconscious skills like hitting the brake in time before you hit that oncoming vehicle. Vampires have learnt to strike when you least expect them to. They have resorted to guerrilla tactics and have infiltrated every corner of our daily lives. That person taking extremely long to finish off in the supermarket check-out? Vampire. That needy client always rejecting your proposals and asking for ridiculous discounts? Vampire. Your current girlfriend always passing those cheeky deprecating comments? Vampire. Your boss always passing on urgent work just before you head off home? Vampire. That friend always bringing you down? Vampire! It’s time for some counter-strikes!

So how do you kill a vampire? First of all, you need to identify the enemy. Awareness is your primary weapon. Realise when you are about to enter fight or flight. Acknowledge it and take a step back. Like learning to ride a bike, developing the skills to manage stress takes time and dedication. You need to practice and don’t be hard on yourself when you fail. Failure is a key component. Don’t beat yourself up for freaking out, running away or succumbing to the enemy’s demands. Learn from the experience. Don’t look at your failed relationship as time wasted. See it through the lens of unconditional love. Vampires particularly despise this weapon because they feed off your hatred towards them. The more heated up you get, the stronger they become. Take a deep breath in and with all the time in the world let them know how they are making you feel. Transparent communication causes them to scramble since they only communicate in ways that are intended to manipulate and deceive. Slowly you are developing the skills to be a Master Knight. A Jedi of some sort. Obi-wan would be proud.

Training to be a master vampire slayer consists of a few simple yet essential forms of action. Firstly, regular exercise is necessary to re-calibrate cortisol levels in your blood stream. Moving the body, increasing your heart rate and metabolism allows for the body to return to its natural state of being. Prolonged exposure to cortisol in the blood has been attributed to numerous diseases and health conditions. Be aware that when cortisol enters the blood stream a number of bodily functions are suspended. These include your immune system, your appetite is depleted and your desire for sex is temporarily put on hold, just to name a few. So it is really important to expel that stress inducing hormone from your body.

Next, meditation will teach you the skills to be a master swordsman. Take the time to sit with yourself and allow your focus to settle on your breath. This exercise will empower you to engage with a Vampire directly and effectively. During meditation many thoughts will come up, a voice in your head will encourage you to procrastinate. This is the voice of your little self. It is what limits you, it is the voice of the Vampire inside each and every one of us. Like Gandalf on the bridge, you must stand your ground. Don’t succumb to its attacks. The secret here is self-love. Just as I mentioned earlier, a loving response always defeats a Vampire. Turn this weapon onto yourself and witness your own personal growth. The moment you notice that familiar feeling start to come up, like taming a wild horse, take hold of the reins and shout out ‘STAY’! Slowly and steadily you are on your way to becoming a defender of the galaxy.

Once you have developed the skills required you will notice considerable changes in your life. You might enjoy spending more time alone and in silence. You are more attuned to nature and crave being surround by the natural, you dedicate more of your time to activities which give you a greater sense of purpose and joy. You feel empowered and invincible. Suddenly like a beam of light from a light house people approach you. They are curious and intrigued by you. They listen attentively to what you have to say and they gaze upon you with with eyes full of admiration. You are a beacon to mankind.

Finally, as Master Knight it is your solemn duty to pass on your knowledge. Share your secrets. Love unconditionally and be grateful towards your enemies for they are the ones who have summoned you on this journey to self awareness and growth. Invite them into your home and build a world together. Only then can we ensure the stability of our planet.

Now, you all know that although this scenario is great in movies and maybe has been emulated by numerous men in history, the reality is slightly different. So what makes a man ‘a man’? Do we look to our father or grand father for answers? As young boys we were told that we have to decide there and then what we want to do with the rest of our lives and go for it with no questions asked. Anything short of that means you were lost, indecisive, lazy or just plain stupid. We are brought up brainwashed into believing that wealth comes with painfully hard work, sacrifice and a good dose of suffering. No wonder I never wanted to grow up!

It is interesting that as my father’s generation slowly reaches retirement age and the baton of life is passed on down to the next generation of men, I can vaguely see a pattern in the way in which the preceding generation based their life. Hard work, unquestionable commitment and immeasurable generosity towards their children. These are all very noble notions on living a full life but as I slowly and steadily assert myself into manhood I cannot help but notice certain shortcomings. Success seems to be measured much more on your monetary wealth as opposed to your emotional wealth. A sense of purpose meant providing for your family first even if it came at the expense of your own health and happiness. Is it arrogant to say that this generation of men where more concerned with their image and place within society as opposed to allowing themselves to follow their true path to happiness? Yes, it probably is.

As men of the new generation, let us acknowledge our fathers and be compassionate towards them, for they were once boys raised by men who endured the war! To Grandfather, survival was everything! Back then, feeding your family was a blessing, yet now we grumble because all our favourite restaurants are fully booked! Finding a job and a steady income was a god send, yet now we get paid to post photos of our lives on Instagram and Facebook! Having clothes and a roof over their head were all that mattered, yet now we constantly search for another great real estate deal to turn over some easy cash! How times have changed! Don’t judge yourself for the world has evolved but be mindful of your ancestral past. Don’t judge your elders for they know not! Give them thanks and shower them with unconditional love for they do not understand why you NEED to take that gap year, leave that job or break out of that relationship! As a new Age of Man approaches let us take this opportunity to learn from our fathers and refine it. That is what evolution is. The new man can be both hard and soft. It is time to break open the gates to our hearts and allow our manhood to be vulnerable to our emotions. This is courage, this is strength, this is leadership.

Finally, as life unfolds and opportunities arise, it is easy to get lost in the current of our everyday lives. Emails, phones, laptops, wifi, blue tooth! Things tend to get really crazy sometimes and the pace of our day doesn’t always allow us to take time to check-in with ourselves. Everything seems to be going great. The money keeps coming, the dates keep going well and your diary is filled with parties and social events. Yet, a quick moments silence makes you feel uneasy. Why is that? My final message is to sit with that uneasy feeling. Make friends with it. Ask it questions and allow your inner voice to bring up the answers. Imagine that your skin separates your external world from an internal world and at the heart of this internal world is a magnificent crystal ball. From this ball a light shines and is the seat of your inner voice. Yet, over time the ball gets dirty. Problems with family or friends, illness, separations, expectations, disappointments and many other everyday events pollute your inner world, leaving your balls dirty and greasy! Take time to sit with yourself and polish your balls. Let go of past events, acknowledge yourself and others and all the hard work. Give thanks to everything and everyone, for what challenges you, guides you.

This is a call to all the men of the world. Now is our time. Give thanks to the men who walked before you and accept this gift of time. Use it wisely and don’t get lost in the false image of yourself. Keep your balls clean! As men of a new era we are not conditioned by war or famine. We are abundant. Allow yourself to embrace the feminine inside your masculine body. You never know, we might even manage to achieve world peace in our life time!

So what are Old Souls and Twin Flames anyway and how are they related? Also, why do Old Souls have a hard time finding the love they want? These are all questions that I’ve been asking myself and here is what I’ve learnt. So if you are struggling to find that dream relationship or you are finding it hard to discover your purpose in life, chances are you need to ask yourself the same questions.

OLD SOULS

First of all old souls know deep in the depths of their hearts that they are on a mission and that no one will ever stop them. Not their parents, nor their friends, not even their partner. They know they need to invest their time in the very purpose which fulfills them most and if, like many, you have not yet figured out what your purpose is then chances are it is very difficult for you to allow someone new into your life. Allow yourself the time to be alone and invest your energy into discovering what that purpose is. Sit back, relax and keep to your path. Trust that things will unfold and lessons will be learnt.

Next, an old soul has a deep connection with animals and nature. Being among them gives you peace of mind, you find inspiration in the natural and constantly seek to spend more time in nature. You are aware that everything is connected so you are highly conscious of the environment.

Old souls listen to their intuition. They feel above all else. Problem is Society has instilled an element of fear into your subconscious so at times you doubt your inner voice and allow fear to take charge. Don’t! Allow it to be your guide and embrace your inner fear with compassion knowing that all will be OK.

Old Souls are picky! You know what you want, when you want it and how you want it. You are aware that no one is perfect, not even you but you are clear with your needs and do not accept anything less. You have lists, lots of them and you find yourself analysing situations against these lists. Friends and family will encourage you to settle or state that you are too picky! Again, don’t! It is evidence that you have a vision. Keep going. You will know when things are right for you. It will be like water flowing down a stream, easy and replenishing.

Lastly, an important indication that you are an old soul is that you seek a relationship with someone who is on the same journey as you. You have a vision of what your next deep relationship will be like. This person will not distract you from your path, instead they will walk alongside you. There are no complaints about ‘not spending enough time together’. You ARE together. Whether or not you are within each other’s physical presence. The problem is once again that society has taught us that we are two halves, and that we require ‘a better half’. This is a lie! We are whole beings, abundant and creative. We alone have the power to create our own happiness. Old souls know this despite their occasional self doubt. They seek nothing short of a mystical union. To engage with a reflection of their true selves. Wow! I wonder if Tinder or any other dating app caters for such requirements. Talk about tough, yet amazing. This leads me to the second part of my story.

RELATIONSHIPS

I recently heard that despite all being unique, relationships can be categorised under three headings. For someone with an analytical mind like myself, the following is a life saver! It also puts a few things into perspective when I try to understand my own personal journey. So what are these three relationships you speak of? The first is the Karmic relationship. Google states that they are the type you don’t want, but everybody has. These are the life lessons. Ralph Smart calls them the ‘Coca Cola relationship’ because they drain you of your energy, are emotionally taxing and there is a strong element of control. Beware of these relationships and know when the lesson is learnt. Have the strength to let go despite the fear of being alone and the pain that comes with it. Society promotes these relationships in the form of settling down just for the sake of being with someone. Old souls know this. Chances are you do too! The karmic relationship requires that you abandon your Truth only to rediscover it down the line when it breaks down in the form of a divorce, separation or even death. So what are we waiting for? We should all strive for more. Don’t get lost in the false security of a karmic relationship. Dive Deeper. I invite you.

The Soulmate relationship. Now things are heating up! I was told that these kinds of relationships are experienced through a harmonic resonance of all your senses. Upon seeing, hearing, smelling and touching your soulmate something special happens. Your soulmate enjoys the same things you do. Food, music, fashion, sports, anything in our external world that appeals to us is equally appreciated by our soulmate. We feel we are in the presence of our best friend, not just our intimate partner. However, know that we have a soul mate in every country, potentially every town or city around the world! They are not that common as the karmic relationships, but be aware that you may experience more than one soulmate relationship in one lifetime. So don’t get attached if things don’t go as planned. Patience, understanding and care for yourself. Stick to your purpose and all will unfold. Fear prevents us from letting go, tears roll down our face and the separation with a soulmate is crushing. Remain grateful of the experience as many settle for less. Know you are brave and that letting go is the greatest act of love you can give them and yourself. So this leaves me with the final type of relationship. Now this, I have yet to see or experience.

The Twin Flame relationship. Holy Mama! The person standing before you is but a reflection of yourself. Your soul’s counterpart in the Universe. They shine a light on your dark side and celebrate your beauty, even your ugly toes or teeth! It is a mystical union. A once in a lifetime experience. It is energising yet requires work and commitment. You are together whether it has happened or not. There is no need for urgency. The trick is timing. Synchronicity is key. You may already know your Twin Flame but you are both not ready yet. The time will come when you are. In this lifetime or the next, or the one after that. You feel it rather than think it.

However, for the sake of accuracy I will tell you what a twin flame is not. When the Ego comes out to play, that is not your twin flame. If you feel drained spending time with them, that is not your twin flame. If they do not share the same values as you, the same food choices, the beliefs as you or the same visions as you, that is not your twin flame. If they bring out the worst in you, trigger you or leave you feeling unimportant or unworthy, that is not your twin flame. If you focus on their physical attributes more than their inner being, that is not your twin flame. If they are distracting you from your purpose, that is not your twin flame. If you feel you need to impress them, that is not your twin flame. If like many of us this person has not yet come to pass, then sit back relax and don’t rush it. When you know, you will know. Trust in something greater and never give up on your true self. Keep searching for your purpose and slowly the pieces will all be in place for you to receive what your heart has been craving for as long as you can remember.