The subtle forms of coercive control.

Nitpicking is constant complaining and the micromanagement of details right down to the most minor indiscrepancies bordering on the ridiculous.

My abuser’s call me difficult for protecting my children, apparently I’m difficult yet wasn’t difficult when I was being abused or watching my children be abused.

People who don’t like you because you don’t like them treating you badly are not good people, that is a definite sign to get out fast!

If you’re lucky, the family court is your final step to freedom from family violence and to your future as a survivor. Sadly, there is no going back to who you were before, you can’t know what you know as an abuse victim and look at the world the same way.

Nitpicking was rife in the abusive family. The second I met the mother and sister of my abuser, it was knives out, they were viscious, but in an ugly passive aggressive way with loathing that reaked of a festering intergenerational wound.

As you may be already aware, many social norms around parenting that were acceptable in the 20th century are known to cause harm today, much to the disappointment of the nitpicking community.

Restrictive norms that limit creativity and crtitical thinking are a typical form of coercive control over children, it forces dependency and agreeableness, perfect foundations for a family determined to suck the life out its members.

My children’s father recently tried taking me back through family court to complain about me using my protection and parenting orders against him. You have to laugh because I don’t know what or who he thought the orders were against, but he found out that I was doing exactly what I was meant to be doing.

It was insanity what he tried to get away with, and the more he spoke, the deeper the hole he dug for himself, which is the way of the nitpicker. The family court will turn a blind eye to lying, but it does not bode well to get caught lying, which is fortunate for me because my abuser’s family will lie through their teeth without batting an eye.

If it wasn’t for the one healthy member of their family, who is ofcourse estranged, I’d think I was losing my mind, their lack of shame and guilt when it comes to lying is like nothing I’d ever seen before.

It makes me wonder how many families are out there not knowing they’re violent, or knowing and not caring? That’s another sign of the abuser versus the victim when the victims become survivors, abusers don’t wonder if or why they abuse.

A victim will question themselves and their abuser, they won’t blame or justify their actions, abusers don’t think there is anything wrong with what they do so rather than focussing on the why something happened and how it can change, they ‘re fixed on who to blame and how they can get their own way.

People who nitpick are far too busy finding issues in everything around them, they simply don’t have time to consider their problems in relation to themselves.

The types of people who micromanage other people’s lives by finding small complaints in their actions are very likely to have significant stress-induced heatlh problems. The body keeps a score of every tiny little moan, so even when the nitpicker thinks he or she is upsetting their target, they’re actually causing more damage to their own brains and bodies than to their victims.

• How The Narcissist’s Lies Reduces Vital Brain Tissue.
• Narcissists Have Cognitive Empathy, Not Affective Empathy.
• 10 Mind-Altering Spices.