I wasn’t proud. I made some calls. But every single person I called was too busy to hang out with me, even just for a drink. Had to work late, had to get up in the morning, tickets to something, an important event. One girl said there was something on TV she wanted to watch. It was a Wednesday — I think it was 90210. I asked if I could come over and watch it with her. She said no, she and her roommates like to watch in their pajamas and go straight to sleep, and they would be uncomfortable. That rejection still smarts to this day.

A guy I had just started dating, outside of my social circle, stopped by my office and asked me why I was so distressed. I told him I didn’t have anything to do so he took me out to a nice dinner and dropped me off around 10pm. After he kissed me at the door, he pointed out how the house was unusually dark.

There was a surprise party, at least 25 people in my living room, but at that point I didn’t even care. I remember thinking it was weird that everyone was there when they had all those more important plans. I immediately thanked everyone for coming and apologized. I still thought they needed to leave and were annoyed I was so late. In the moment, when I was supposed to finally get it and be all happy, I couldn’t connect that they had all lied and they wanted to be there all along. I still felt like I was an after thought.

I’ve never gotten over it.

Surprise parties are cruel was originally published in Sallying on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

See Essay Version Here:

Trapped In Our Own Net

Biden calls Tara’s bluff, requests the release of her report. But she didn’t file a report, so it can’t be released. Which feeds the conspiracy and justifies a clamor for Biden’s UDel papers in the name of transparency. Which is the end game.

Here’s the thing about Dr. Ford: I’m glad she came forward, and if this gave her some form of closure or peace, that’s good enough for me.

But my non-activist/non-political friends — even self-described Dems and feminists- have a completely different take on the Kavanaugh hearings, and on MeToo.

When “regular” people talked/talk about Kavanaugh, they often say: “Who cares, it was xx years ago in High School.” I disagree with this assessment, but I hear it all the time.

The other thing I hear, and this is almost universal is: “I worry that will happen to my son.”

Not their daughter, their son. And if you dig deeper, it’s not that they didn’t believe her. It’s that he couldn’t fight back and prove a negative.

Every opportunity comes at a cost. We made ourselves heard. And that’s the most important thing, especially for Dr. Ford. But Kavanaugh is still a SCOTUS Justice. This was not a win for MeToo.

Many consider MeToo a predatory entity. This is unfair. Every perceived overreach is been amplified and overblown. This is also unfair. But it’s reality. The integrity of the movement is in jeopardy. If we mess this up, we’ll be confirming everything they are saying — that MeToo was always just a witch hunt.

This one should easy!! It’s politically motivated, there’s no pattern, and there’s a mountain of evidence she’s lying. But if MeToo stands behind her bc of a misguided pledge to Believe ALL women, that pretty much proves we don’t care about the truth. And that’s a problem.

And here’s the thing — This isn’t a court of law, where someone is declared the winner. This is the court of public opinion. The public decides. After a certain point, they might decide they can’t believe anything we say. Then we are right back where we started.

We know this is being pushed by Bernie media (Halper, Grim, Ball, Hayes, etc) Bernie Bros think if they can make one of their conspiracies stick and Biden steps down, Bernie will be the nominee. It’s laughable. And it’s a gross misappropriation of MeToo.

But something more sinister has been bubbling up lately, and finally became clear today when Mika was grilling Joe Biden. This is about Biden’s personal papers. They are trying to make something of Biden’s Udel papers like they tried to make something of Hillary’s speeches.

Let’s clarify a few things — These are PERSONAL writings Biden gifted to University of Delaware that are currently being curated for publication after he’s out of public life. This publication date was of course adjusted when he ran for President. There’s no cover up.

This is completely different from Biden’s PERSONNEL records, which were never in his possession. The personnel office exists so staff has an advocate outside the office Those records are at National Archives Biden called her bluff- he asked for the report to be released.

Here’s a great thread from former Congressman David Jolly about how Congressional HR/Personnel works https://twitter.com/DavidJollyFL/status/1256271693695324160

But since there is no report, there is no report to release. Which only confirms the alleged cover up. And the clamor for him to release the UDel papers will grow louder. Neat trick, isn’t it? The perfect trap.

Presidential candidates aren’t traditionally asked to turn over intellectual property. Even if somehow Biden had his personnel file, why would he give it to a library? Why not destroy it?

See the problem? It doesn’t make sense on the face of it.

It’s a fishing expedition.

The papers at UDel contain every letter his office ever received or answered. Details about every social security or disability case he ever helped with. Notes on conversations with other Members, and later, the POTUS. Think of what the media would do with that!!

And they won’t stop there. I’m now seeing “Obama covered this up and destroyed the file to protect Biden” all over Twitter and Facebook. Can’t prove he didn’t, because there is no file. See how that works?

Here’s another thread on what it would take for Biden or Obama to be able to cover up Tara’s complaint. https://twitter.com/STEMthebleeding/status/1256326117734023169

And what’s to stop them from bringing forth another woman to lie on Biden, and then another, and then another? Then what? Do we have to believe the second because we believed the first? If we don’t care about the truth, why not? If we don’t stop this, it will never stop!!!

Update: This already happened. Christine O’Donnell’s niece has accused Biden of something from when she was 13.

Someone just asked, How do we stop it? We push back. We call out Tara’s lies. We counter any argument that Biden should release his papers. We laugh at their conspiracies and expose their agenda.

Biden CAN’T release files that would expose people’s personal information He can’t “run a search” because in 1993 it would be boxes of actual paper. Mika knows this. But she knows not everyone will think it through. And again, you can’t find a file that doesn’t exist.

This conversation is going to quickly morph from demanding to see the papers to “prove” Tara’s story… ….to demanding to see the papers in the interest of “transparency.” And that’s an argument you cannot win. So we have to push back now.

Please don’t get so caught up in passion to advocate for survivors you overlook what’s actually happening. Women like Tara make all women look bad, make survivors less likely to be taken seriously, and make victims less likely to believed. Especially when it’s this obvious.

We’re on the verge of losing the moral high ground and the election. We can’t let them destroy MeToo and ruin our last chance to take our country back. Not again. We have to fight back this time. Or it’s over.

Here’s the Master List of evidence Tara Reade is lying. https://twitter.com/SallyAlbright/status/1255770723034988544

Trapped In Our Own Net was originally published in Sallying on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Read Sally’s blog Sallying.com

Mailing List was originally published in Sallying on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

It might surprise some of my internet friends (and maybe some from RL) that I am a person who cries. A lot. I tear up at weddings and proposals and tributes. I cry over books and movies and TV commercials and songs. I cry at funerals and disasters and tragedies. When I read about pets who need adopting. The crowning of Miss America. The Run for the Roses. Election Night, win or lose. I am that girl.

Here are 10 beautiful political moments that made me cry:

1. When President Obama said, “To those Americans whose support I have yet to earn, I may not have won your vote tonight, but I hear your voices. I need your help. And I will be your president, too.”
2. When I woke up and learned that President Clinton was on a plane to North Korea to rescue the journalists being held there.
3. When Wendy Davis filibustered SB-5 for almost 11 hours, and when the Republican Chair shut her down, the crowd in gallery cheered for 15 solid minutes, so loudly they drowned out his attempts to call for a vote until after midnight. The vote was nullified, and women’s right to choose was preserved until the next legislative session.
4. After the Obergefell decision when a weeping Paul Katami said, “Today is the day that I finally get to look at the man that I love and say, will you please marry me.”
5. Watching every single House Democrat line up to sign the discharge petition to open the government in 2013.
6. When the University of Alabama tried (and failed) to integrate the sorority system and the students took to the streets for days in protest AND FIXED IT.
7. When Hunter Biden spoke at his brother’s funeral and said, “I’ll always mourn the loss of my mother, but if my dad hadn’t married Jill, we wouldn’t have Ashley.”
8. When Nikki Haley used 10 pens to sign the bill to remove the Confederate flag from the Capitol grounds, 9 for the families of the victims, and a tenth for David Beasley, who gave up his governorship trying to do the same thing 17 years earlier.
9. When John Lewis sat down on the House floor to demand a vote on on the gun control bill and over 100 Democrats joined him, daring Paul Ryan to remove the (ceremonial) mace or have them forcibly removed. He did not dare.
10. When the Obamas left the White House for the last time on a military helicopter, and Joe Biden walked over to Union Station to catch a train back to Delaware.

And yes, I was weeping when I wrote this piece.

Three More:

11. When Trump told Ilhan Omar to “Go back to where you came from,” then she flew home to Minneapolis, and people from all over the state came to the airport and chanted “Welcome home Ilhan” when she got off the plane.

12. When lawyers across the country dropped everything and drove to the nearest airport to help people stranded by Trump’s Muslim ban.

13. When Mayor Pete and Amy Klobuchar dropped out to endorse Joe Biden, and prominent Democrats from all over flew to Texas to support him on the eve of Super Tuesday.

10 Political Moments That Made Me Cry was originally published in Sallying on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

I’d like to address a cherished, oft-cited talking point: that Democrats lost ~1000 legislative seats over the past three election cycles. While this is technically true, the Democrats have sustained significant losses at the state level, there is a lot more to it than that.

President Obama’s election in 2008 and the subsequent passage of the stimulus package and ACA sparked a huge backlash that fired up the Tea Party movement.

Then summer of 2010, SCOTUS handed down its decision on Citizens United. Outside money flooded in, galvanizing the Tea Party message and swamping us in the midterms. This positioned the GOP to oversee the redistricting process in a majority of states, and with gerrymandering they rendered most CDs non-competitive, mostly in their favor.

In 2013 SCOTUS ruled in Shelby v. Holder that states and jurisdictions with a history of racially motivated voter suppression no longer needed federal permission to change their election laws. Their rationale was, “Racism is over,” so it shouldn’t surprise you that within a month, 33 states passed new voter suppression laws targeting POC.

That’s when VoterID swept the country, and states like Arizona & NC were able to drastically reduce polling locations, early voting, etc. And that’s why we got destroyed in 2014, when few people saw it coming.

2016 was the first Presidential election with these new voter suppression laws in place. Any Democrat would have underperformed Obama in those states, including Obama, because fewer Democrats were/are eligible to vote.

So next time someone tries to say we lost because “Hillary alienated WWC” or “Democratic leadership is incompetent,” please set them straight. Gerrymandering & voter suppression are the culprits, not ideology. Voting rights should be @TheDemocrats’ top priority going forward.

More:

The Right Takeaway from 2016

Not Choosing is Still a Decision

Democrats: Know Which Side You’re On

The Question of Unity

These Walls Between Us

Time to Unfollow

Voting rights should be top priority for @TheDemocrats going forward. was originally published in Sallying on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Because it isn’t about making them cry uncle and signing the piece of paper they are indignant about having to sign. It’s pure stubbornness on their part, but it’s very telling. If they truly cared about issues, they wouldn’t stand on ceremony, they’d roll up their sleeves and get to work helping us fight fascism.

Their refusal to join the party is not the problem, but it’s a reflection of the problem — Bernie, and Berners, don’t want what we want. Berners want to make our elected officials and candidates walk the plank over ideological litmus tests. We want to win elections with candidates that reflect their localities. Bernie want Democrats to “stop talking about race & gender so much” because it makes certain white people uncomfortable. That’s not what real Democrats want.

Everyone keeps saying we need to find common ground, to compromise, but there’s nothing to compromise on. We agree on policy- where we disagree is how to get there. We’d ALL like to overturn Citizens United and “get money out of politics” but it would be sheer lunacy to stop fundraising while GOP continues to pursue every available dollar allowable by law. And then some.

And we can’t hold open primaries with an incumbent president, because all the Republicans would vote in ours to skew our results. This is what happened in West Virginia, their primary came after Trump became the presumptive nominee so WVGOP organized and sent their people to vote for Bernie in our open primary. Exit polls showed that Bernie voters who intended to vote for Trump in the fall were twice Bernie’s margin of victory. (And before you get excited, Bernouts, remember: It might not be Bernie they’re helping next time.)

Those seem to be the three sticking points separating Berners from real Democrats — policy litmus tests, fundraising limits, and “Don’t make us join the party.”

(Well, they do talk a lot about “rigging” and “purges” and “who closed the polling locations in Maricopa County,” but let them endlessly relitigate the primary among themselves. It’s important that we don’t get bogged down in their delusions. Be firm: It’s not about Hillary and it’s not about 2016.)

We know what this is really about - that generational-defining insatiable thirst for validation - and that’s something they’re never going to get.

But as for compromise, there isn’t anything to compromise on. The fundamental conflict is over chasing WWC or prioritizing civil rights. You can’t do both and Bernie knows this, that’s why he presses on even when he gets called out for racial insensitivity. Racial insensitivity is his brand, and his entire message is a dog whistle.

Not Choosing is Still a Decision

Well-meaning white people pretending we can have it both ways are a large part of the problem. “Believing the best in people” only reinforces the status quo and perpetuates structural inequality.

Democrats: Know Which Side You’re On

Protecting civil rights is either your guiding philosophy or else it’s just another negotiation point. That is a major difference between Bernie’s movement and real Democrats, and it’s an insurmountable one.

So when we say Bernie isn’t a Democrat, it’s not about the registration status, it’s about what we want for the future of our country. Bernie doesn’t want what Democrats want, and we don’t want what Bernie wants.

Let them be all obstinate about “signing a piece of paper” they think is some kind of blood oath, because that works in our favor. If “Crazy Bernie” and Linda Sarsour aren’t Democrats, our candidates don’t have to answer for them or any charges of “radical socialism.” And in most competitive Congressional districts our candidates will only benefit from a bunch of loons running around squawking that Democrats are soft on socialism.

So we all know what we mean when we say “Bernie is not a Democrat,” but let’s try to make it more clear: “Bernie chooses not to be a Democrat because he doesn’t share our values.”

The Democratic party is not a clique and we are not the cool kids. Everyone is welcome to join our fight. But if your goal is to move the party away from civil rights and social justice, you can pursue that goal from the outside looking in.

What to say instead of “Bernie’s not a Democrat” was originally published in Sallying on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

David Axelrod on Twitter

As two new senators are sworn in today, I can't help thinking that Al Franken was sacrificed by Senate Dems to enhance their chances against Moore in Alabama. Perhaps an ethics review would have led to the same result, but Franken never got a hearing.

Maybe it’s different for me because this isn’t theoretical. This is the working environment I inhabit. Because Franken was not offered due process, any man knows he can’t expect it either. The only way to avoid a similar fate is the Pence rule, don’t be alone with women.

The fear that someone could appear from your past and claim something ridiculous happened that you don’t remember and thus can’t defend yourself is very real.

And even if they don’t freeze out professional women like me, they walk on eggshells. Can I hug her? Can I tell a dirty joke? Can I buy a round of shots? Maybe you think the answer should be no, but I don’t. I like to have fun, and I like to have fun in mixed company.

Nothing in DC is purely social if you work in politics, but since Al Franken wasn’t even in the Senate when it happened, apparently even social occasions are fair game.

Are we such fragile flowers that we can’t handle some raunchy humor and sloppy passes? Maybe you are, but don’t put your hang ups on me.

Everyone is saying I shouldn’t “villainize” Gillibrand, but I don’t think that’s what I’m doing. If Franken has to be “accountable” for things he doesn’t remember, shouldn’t she have to own the fallout from the rash decision she made?

Even if the decision was 100% correct (and it wasn’t) she didn’t know that. She had no way to know that and she admits she put no thought into it. She made a decision based on raw emotion.

Women making decisions based on emotion rather than reason is exactly why people fear a woman president. Gillibrand made all women look bad, and to my mind she had a responsibility not to.

Hillary would NEVER do something like that. She knew she couldn’t afford to. She fought hard not to feed the stereotype. Remember when her voice caught and the story from coast to coast was that she openly wept? There is no margin for error.

Al Franken admitted nothing, he asked for an investigation. He acknowledged that the feelings of his accusers were valid. He apologized for making them feel that way. He showed them respect. Isn’t this what we want? For men to understand?

And Franken was crucified for this. If he had taken the Trump approach, my ex-husband’s approach, if he had lied, denied, and attacked his accusers, he’d still have his job. And every man in America sees that.

It’s easy to say I’m being political, that I’m upset because he’s a Democrat. And that’s how they trapped us. They knew we’d hesitate to defend him for that very reason. But all of you saying it’s okay for him to go because Dayton is a Democrat are being just as political.

What’s done is done. He’s gone. We have a new woman Senator for the next 10 months, a lame duck with no ability to amass the power to get anything done. Hooray for Women! And we could very well lose that seat in the Fall. Probably not to Michele Bachmann, but stranger things have happened.

But Gillibrand doesn’t get a pass. She doesn’t get a pass because she’s a woman. She doesn’t a pass because you are skeeved out by Franken. She doesn’t get a pass because of good she did in the past. Franken didn’t. Life is choices. Gillibrand has to own the fallout from hers.

It isn’t about me or what I think. I’m just making observations. Gillibrand opened the door to the “She’s emotional” charge. I didn’t dream it up. It’s out there. And it won’t be me calling her out for it in 2020, it will be everybody.

The person who came out of this whole situation a winner is Amy Klobuchar. She didn’t pick up a pitch fork and join the angry mob of villagers. She made a measured statement after the die was cast.

I actually like Gillibrand, she’s been a wonderful champion for women. What I feel towards her is disappointment. I no longer think she’s a viable candidate for the presidency. Again, not a judgment, it’s an observation. We all lost. And we will feel the loss of Franken as well.

More allegations will inevitably surface against prominent figures, but I doubt anyone else will lose their jobs. I doubt Gillibrand will try it again. And she’s already moved on from Trump, purportedly her reason for insisting on zero tolerance in the first place. And this makes me angry. And sad.

I’m sad for the #MeToo movement, which was a wonderful moment for women but all too brief. What started out as validation for our experiences has now been coopted as a weapon to take down men. Arbitrarily.

The sexual assault and tangible professional retaliation the movement brought to light have now been overshadowed by “I felt uncomfortable” and “I felt fat.” And that makes me angry too.

If the line is a moving target, we cannot expect men to instinctively know where it is. Does anyone think Al Franken would EVER do it again? That’s what the standard should be. They need to learn. Let’s let them learn. Let’s make them.

Again, it’s over. I don’t have much more to say on the subject and what I do have to say will be in response to what has blown back on me, not about the original incident. What’s done is done. But I guarantee you it’s not over.

By not giving Franken a chance to defend himself, we have shown GOP, and the world, that you can take down your enemies with smoke, no need for fire. There will other LeeAnn Tweedens, sent to attack powerful people.

My hope, and my goal in talking about this so much, is that we learn from this mistake, that we keep our heads as we assess similar situations going forward and that we don’t allow this to happen again.

Previously:

• Salem 2017
• Sometimes It’s Just Bad Behavior

Salem Redux was originally published in Sallying on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

This mob mentality has got to stop.

I have personally been on both sides of the Al Franken debate. When I worked on Capitol Hill and later as a lobbyist, I experienced all the behaviors Al Franken stands accused of, if not worse, on a regular basis. Was it ideal? No. Was it traumatic? No, it was not. And I certainly wouldn’t expect anyone to lose their jobs over it.

I have also survived violent and sustained assault and sexual abuse at the hands of a domestic partner, who used threats of long term retaliation, as well as the undeniable truth that I would not be found credible, to keep me a prisoner, and keep me silent. It worked, for far too long.

There should be no conflation of the two scenarios.

False allegations of sexual assault are rare, occurring at the same rate as any other crime. But in politics, false allegations are currency. To deny this is naive and disingenuous. By playing judge, jury and executioner, Gillibrand and her hysterical mob (yeah, I said it) have accomplished nothing beyond handing a loaded weapon to the worst elements of the other side. Empowering the enemy in the War on Women is inexcusable and should not be condoned.

The backlash is building. Men everywhere are terrified than minor encounters from a different time, a different life, will come back to haunt them, while allowing no recourse to defend themselves. After what happened to Franken, no one is safe from baseless, unexamined charges, and many men have decided to avoid being alone with ANY women. And this attitude, this blowback, is detrimental to women too.

Al Franken chose to respect the anonymous women who came forward, acknowledging how his actions might have affected them. He apologized, because that’s what you do when someone says you’ve wronged them. He never admitted to anything. His accuser never said he touched her in that picture — her own words were “as if” — but the outrage took on a life of its own. Women everywhere insisted he had confessed and demanded that his head should roll. If Franken had denied it and not apologized, not shown deference and respect for the women who came forward, he would likely still have his job, and his name would be cleared by an investigation.

My abuser, like Trump, chose to brazen it out and deny everything, no matter how many incredible lies he had to tell. (In one version, I faked injuries to “frame” him.) And as with Trump, it worked. To this day he maintains that I brought it on myself and he did nothing wrong. He has suffered no consequences, not legal, not social, not professional. Like many victims, all of the fallout has fallen on me.

Gillibrand has made it clear that latter approach is far preferable, that it’s better to stonewall, deny, and smear the silence breakers instead of expressing empathy and acknowledging accountability. This makes women everywhere less likely to be believed, and gives cover to men who refuse to take responsibility for their actions.

Gillibrand once had a bright future, but now, like Franken, her name will forever be associated with a witch hunt that backfired on the very people who led it.

I welcome this new paradigm where women are given the benefit of the doubt and not dismissed out of hand as vengeful drama queens. I’m tired of others controlling my narrative, and I’m grateful for this new environment that allows me to finally take ownership of my own story.

I’ve told very few people what happened to me, because I’m free now and it doesn’t matter anymore. My bones have knit, my psyche has mended, my identity finally reclaimed. Friends from my old life might not believe me, but they can think what they want, because in my new life I’m surrounded by wonderfully supportive friends who would have.

Like many women also speaking up, I resent that minor indignities such as those Franken stands accused of have been elevated and now overshadow the violence and retaliation suffered by real victims. The sacrifice of Al Franken has done real damage to to the credibility and sustainability of the burgeoning #MeToo movement. That’s a real tragedy.

Read my previous essay on the subject:

Sometimes It’s Just Bad Behavior

P.S. Someone tell Kirsten Gillibrand that we will never have the “moral high ground” as long as people like her keep relitigating the 90’s. Donald Trump has introduced doubt to a new generation who did not live through the travesty of impeachment, and Gillibrand is complicit. Those of us who were there understand that Ken Starr left no stone unturned. If it’s not in the report, it wasn’t remotely credible.

Salem 2017 was originally published in Sallying on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.