Stage 2 has made liars of us all. Houston can’t seem to win. Los Angeles can’t seem to lose BUT it’s not the Los Angeles you think it is, and Florida is shaping up to be the team to watch in Stage 3.

Of course there are some immutable truths: Shanghai is awful on stage and off, and if you come at the Kings of the League, you best not miss.

It used to be you could look at a schedule and determine which games could be good. But with the way the Mercy meta has changed some teams’ playstyle for good or ill (*cough* Houston/LAV *cough*), predicting who will win has gotten harder and predicting what match will actually be worth watching is damn near impossible.

But I’m going to try anyway.

Week 5 Day 1

Los Angeles Gladiators vs. Philadelphia Fusion

LAG and Philly have been tearing ass this Stage in a way they just weren’t in Stage 1. Philadelphia is 5–3, their only losses have been to the expected Triumvirate of Badassery, NY, Seoul, and London.

With addition of Fissure, an underplayed and judging from his words underappreciated tank traded from the London Spitfire, the Gladiators have been on the rise. And it is highkey exciting to watch. He just clicks with his teams, his aggressive playstyle opens up space for DPS Surefour and Hydration to do that work.

This match will be hype as hell. Matches at the higher end of the ladder have been surprisingly boring- looking at you Seoul vs. London- turning what were once sure bets of a good time into sometimes embarrassing routs. And the lower end of the latter, where Dallas and Shanghai are...

This midpack though, where LAG and Philly reside? Pure fuego.

Both these teams have a shot at the Stage 2 Finals, both deserve to be there, but both need to win here if they wanna get there.

Florida Mayhem vs. San Francisco Shock

Be careful who you call ugly in Stage 1. The Florida Mayhem maybe on the biggest glo up we’ve seen all season. (but BIIIIITCH Fearless and Ado are makin their way to LA with Geguri close behind. So Shanghai’s time is coming!)

New players and new living arrangements that allowed Florida to spend more time practicing and less time commuting in infamous LA traffic has kinda been the cure for what ailed them. I think a lot of this improvement also has to do with their seemingly endless positive energy. They weren't winning, but they were having fun. And when the conditions were just right, they snappedT beating the Valiant and the Fuel, and damn near the Gladiators.

I do believe they can continue their winning streak but they’re going up against a team that is their equal in just about every way: record and improvement. The Shock took a map off the London Spitfire in what I honestly believe was London simply not taking them seriously. Then they, and you’ll have to pardon the gratuitous use of hashtags here, #shockedtheworld (or at least the casting desk) with a 3–1 upset over Houston.

San Francisco and Florida have been improving their game and upsetting stronger teams. Their showdown is about as evenly matched as you get.

Houston Outlaws vs Shanghai Dragons

It doesn’t really matter how off brand Houston’s performances have been, they’ll beat the Dragons. Handily. No I don’t wanna talk about it. Moving on.

Week 5 Day 2

Houston Outlaws vs. Seoul Dynasty

This could go either way. Both teams haven’t been performing their best, but Seoul is still Seoul, beating Houston in both stage and overall standings.

However, last time these two teams met, Houston made Seoul sweat for their victory, sending them into a tiebreaker final point. It is within Houston to beat Seoul, but if and only if they played the same way they played when they beat London earlier in this stage. They haven’t been playing like that. And as I said, Seoul is still Seoul. Being the perpetual red-headed stepchild of all the Korean teams still means you are better then every other Western/blended team. So this one’s hard to call.

New York Excelsior vs. Dallas Fuel

NEXT!

San Francisco Shock vs. Boston Uprising

Mid-pack is where it’s at.

Last stage, Boston was the resident slept-on team. The wild card, a team comprised of mostly unheard of players with a fanbase comprised of Patriots fans with Stockholm Syndrome. But they surprised everyone with their (pardon) valiant attempt to make it into the Stage 1 finals eventually loosing out to the power of math and Houston’s green wall.

San Francisco is proof positive that every. Map. Matters. London underestimated San Francisco and lost a map for it. Don’t sleep. This match should be interesting.

Week 5 Day 3

Friday is a wildcard day. Looking at these matchups, a stage ago you could easily call Seoul, LA, and London. While you can still call London (duh), with how Seoul and LA have fallen off and with Florida and Philadelphia’s marked improvements, I feel like these matches won’t be as one-sided as we might think they’ll be.

Keep these on in the background. Turn your eyeballs only when the casters start screaming.

Week 5 Day 4

If Friday’s a toss-up, Saturday is a complete snooze fest with the sole exception of the Boston/LAG match.

Los Angeles Gladiators vs. Boston Uprising

Depending on how LA does against Philly earlier in the week, this match will be of particular importance for Gladiators fans as it will be their last chance to hold onto their 3rd place spot and place in the Stage 2 Finals.

They will be fighting against an entire horde of good teams for their spot: Seoul, Philadelphia, and maaaybe LA. But the Gladiators’ most pressing threat: Seoul.

Seoul has been sloppy, that they allowed Dallas and Shanghai to take maps from them is exactly why LAG is ranked over Seoul by 2 points. If they continue to drop maps -as I believe they will they’re playing a godly Florida and a down-but-not-out Houston this week- that LAG lead is only going to increase.

LA can seal the Stage 2 deal in a good showing against Boston who will make. them. work. for it. Boston swept LAG the last time they met but Boston was playing better then and LAG was playing without the benefit of Fissure. Tensions, emotions, and hype will be high for this match. The only match of the day that can say as much because New York and London are going to eat their opponents alive.

The Finals

All weeks are important, but this week is when the amorphous standings for the Stage 2 Finals begin to solidify. Recall only the top 3 three teams will earn the chance to play in the Stage Finals for gobs of money and the casting desk’s respect.

Here’s what the standings look like now:

I feel like spots 1 and 2 will always bee occupied by 2 of the Overwatch Holy Trinity (and I’ll likely eat these words sometime in Stage 4, it’s just a feeling I have) but Spot 3 is the one you really wanna pay attention to. It’ll be the one hotly contested and likely to change stage after stage. Last time it was the Outlaws, this time it’s the Gladiators. There’s so much upheaval with bad teams playing well and thus likely to spoil chances and with good teams playing badly and thus likely to fall from grace, its hard to say with any kind of chest who will take it this time.

I hope its LA. We’ll see soon enough.

#ShieldsUp

What To Watch Week 5 was originally published in Shanghai Dragons Team Mom on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

There’s a time in every parent’s life where they have to sit down and face an uncomfortable truth: sometimes they’re just a really shitty parent.

Maybe they forgot a birthday. Or said something insensitive.

Or maybe they spent the Christmas money on Bitcoin, figuring the payoff would more than offset the cost of purchasing every graphics card in the state.

Guys, sometimes parents just fuck up.

And this time, I fucked up.

I missed most of Week 2’s matches tied up in personal business that left me drained, emotionally compromised, and deeply looking forward to returning to the normalcy of screaming into the void about the Best Worst team in the Overwatch League.

But then, when checking out the week’s matches, I find this bullshit,

Marring any enjoyment I might glean from watching my best worst team. I know it doesn’t matter if we play Seoul, London, or Florida. We’ve lost our coach. We lost Diya (hope all is well and he returns soon). And we’re still just…losing. Doesn’t matter who we play, we’re…losing.

But that shouldn’t matter, especially if you claim to love your team. Doesn’t matter how awful they are, good fans still show up. Good fans still support them.

I’ve lived in Cleveland the last 10 years (which, in retrospect explains a lot about my team of choice) I know exactly what that means.

So I showed up.

I watched the first 2 maps of the Seoul/Shanghai match. When the Dragons were down 0–2, I mercy killed the stream and switched to something more palatable and less heartbreaking.

Reader

They say those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. I didn’t learn from my history y’all. The last time these two teams met, Shanghai took a map of the Seoul we all thought Seoul was: the undisputed gods of Overwatch. They took a map of Seoul before we learned that the gods could bleed. They did that, and I…forgot about it, and consigned this rematch to dust too soon.

I’ll never forgive myself for missing this. Yes…they still lost, it’s friggin Seoul, I don’t care how far the mighty have fallen, there’s no way Shanghai was going to win (a mother believes in her children but a mother is also fucking pragmatic so don’t @ me.) But I can’t imagine the kind of hype I’d have felt if I was able to catch this live. Even watching after the fact, knowing what was going to happen, I felt the smile creeping on my face and the energy coursing through me compelling me to stand up and shout for my team. Through hubris and faithlessness I missed out.

But I didn’t only just abandon my Dragons. My sin is compounded because I missed this match too

The Gladiators!! beat London??? Like…how?

(We know how: Fissure, Asher, Hydration, Shaz, teamwork, communication, Fissure.)

But still, the Stage 1 champs lost to a team that is so perfectly middle of the road as to be unremarkable.

But the pain train doesn’t stop there y’all! I also missed this match.

I had even prayed, prayed to Uncle Jeff to make it so and he answered and I missed it because… I assumed.

Dora MilAshley on Twitter

I want Florida to beat Dallas

And that’s what really got me into trouble this week, cementing myself into bad mom territory. I assumed there would be no way. I assumed that these teams perform to (mostly) immutable truths.

London always wins.

Florida always looses.

Shanghai always looses badly.

But this week taught me and should also teach you to never. sleep. on. these. teams. Remember the Creed:

Dora MilAshley on Twitter

Nothing is true, everything is permitted #OWL2018

That’s what’s so exciting about watching the League. Theses aren’t storied franchises with years’ worth of history behind them to lend context. I know the Browns are going to lose, I’ve got the last 6 seasons of depression to pull from.

But these teams are still new, still growing, working out the kinks, seeing what works and what doesn’t, trying new configurations with new teammates and sometimes, holy shit, it works. That’s how you end up with the Gladiators 4–0ing the Valiant, or the Dallas Fuel losing to a team that we should but for some reason don’t talk about with the same pitiable derision as we do my Dragons.

I was a bad mom this week in Overwatch. I lost my faith, and paid for it, and learned a valuable lesson in the process. I won’t do it again. This shit is too spicy to miss.

Especially now that it’s Stage Finals season.

When You’re A Bad Team Mom was originally published in Shanghai Dragons Team Mom on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

And other ways Blizzard can earn our money

It was my single refrain for the majority of Stage 1.

Dora MilAshley on Twitter

Make the away white variant jerseys available you cowards!!! #OWL2018

Dora MilAshley on Twitter

@mtargetproduct BLIZZAAARD RELEASE THE AWAY JERSEYS YOU COWARDS

Dora MilAshley on Twitter

Looking at London its time for my weekly tweet: RELEASE THE WHITE AWAY JERSEYS/SKINS YOU COWARDS #OWL2018

And now, with the start of Stage 2 my prayers have been answered.

San Francisco Shock⚡ on Twitter

FINALLY!!! SF Shock away jerseys are available NOW!!! ⚡⚡⚡ Treat Yo Self 🛒: https://t.co/B4gzHpSIGA

HOWEVER!

Blizzard, now that you’re on the right side of history by making the away jersey’s available to the public, there’s still MORE you can do to take my hard earned money.

Release Geguri’s Shanghai Dragons Jersey

No I don’t care she won’t show up until sometime mid to late Stage 2. We know she’s coming, put her name on a jersey, watch us buy it in triplicate. Don’t wait. Act now.

Overwatch League Leggings
You see this:

People like leggings. People also like the color schemes of the Overwatch League teams. These are two great tastes that taste great together. Give me a line of team branded leggings and it’d be all I wear on the weekends, most weekdays, and all of my dates.

Dog Costumes

Quite genius of you to throw a Puppy Rumble in the middle of the Stage 1 break. I only have 2 questions: DO THE DOGS GET TO KEEP THEIR COSTUMES AFTER THEY’RE ADOPTED? and HOW CAN I PURCHASE A COSTUME FOR MY DOG?

Branded Hair Dye

Between Surefour, Mickie, and Pine, the Overwatch League is home to some of the cutest colored coifs in esports. Box it, sell it, and see all the stans showing up to the arena in Outlaws Acid Green and Gladiators Royal Purple.

This ain’t an exhaustive list of the Things I Want to Buy From Blizzard. There are other ideas I’m kicking around but I can’t give away too much of the game for free, (remember: it is to be sold, not told.) But so far Blizzard’s doing a good job in the merchandising department. Now all they have to do to truly satisfy me is:

Release the away skins in the game you cowards!

RELEASE THE AWAY JERSEYS YOU COWARDS! was originally published in Shanghai Dragons Team Mom on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“Hello. My name is Ash and I stan the Shanghai Dragons.”

I hear the soft gasps of shock from my group mates. Some look away in embarrassment, unwilling to make eye contact. Some nod in mutual understanding, the Dallas Fuel fans. And a man in a Florida Mayhem hat sheds a single tear in solidarity, they best know my heart.

“I can’t really explain how it happened. For the longest time during Stage 1, I struggled to find any team I could really latch onto. I went through the regulars, Seoul, London, Houston. Then I started toying with the middling teams. I really liked the Gladiators because I imagined all their tweets in Reinhardt’s voice.”

That draws some thin laughter, a few light chuckles and one that ends in a choked off sob from someone in a homemade t-shirt that reads ‘Be Surefour to stay Hydration.’

“But in the end. There’s something about Shanghai that just drew me to them.”

“Was it Geguri?” The group moderator asks, a lady clutched tight to her bootleg Saebyeolbe body pillow.

My mood changes, goes from somber resignation to active excitement. I feel myself perk up, smiling with my whole body.

“Man,” I say, “She helped. She really did. But I was meming about the Dragons before her arrival.”

“I also tried to say I loved all the teams equally. And I kinda do, there’s something about every one of them that I find endearing and stannable.”

I go through my list of reasons why all the teams are worthy of stannage, aware that it’s just a defense mechanism, a distraction keeping me from my true feelings.

NYXL has Pine and Libero and Sae(bae)eolbe.

Seoul has possibly the cutest boy in the League with Ryujehong.

Florida is always there to have a good time and with a record like theirs, I respect their commitment to reminding us all that this is a game and we’re here to have fun.

London…my god. while we were all talking about Seoul, London studied the (Dragon)blade. We just weren’t talking about London with the same energy we were about Seoul and they went on to win Stage 1.

Houston, whenever I think about Houston I weep openly. They might have the most heart: open, bleeding, and obvious heart of all the teams in play. I would protect Muma with my life.

SF Shock with Nomi’s heartening tale about his family and Babybay’s inspiring social media challenge.

Boston Rising Up the ranks to be arguably one of the best ‘western’ teams nobody saw coming.

“But,” I finish my accounting of every OWL Team’s merit. “It’s always gonna be Shanghai for me.”

“So how do you cope?” The moderator asks. “What are you looking to get out of this?”

I give a little thoughtful hum before answering. “Meme’s mostly.” I wait for them to stop laughing before I continue.

“Having that creative outlet and the ability to laugh at the pain that comes from stanning a team that has yet to win a match helps a lot. I’m just really looking for a place to share my crazy and myriad Overwatch League thoughts with like minded people. Memes, humor, shitposting, and the occasional thoughtful discussion.”

She nods, the rest of the group nod with her. They understand.

“Well thank you Ash for sharing all that with us. Any final things to say before we move on?”

“Yes.” I square my shoulders and look everyone of my fellow therapy mates in the eye. A quiet seriousness settles on the group as they await what I say next.

“The minute Chicago announces their team, it’s OVER for you hoes.”

In This House We Love and Support the Shanghai Dragons was originally published in Shanghai Dragons Team Mom on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.