On Thin Ice
All hail the vikings! No one believed Iceland would even make it past the group stage. But not only did they prove us wrong, they channeled their inner savage and ravaged England in the round of 16. English football is dropping faster than the pound.
Let’s provide some perspective here (sorry in advance for the math). The population of Iceland is 164 times smaller than England. 164 times. 164 times! A hotwheels car (that costs 99 cents) is only 64 times smaller than a real car. Multiply the size of your Honda 100 times over and compare it to a hotwheels car- you will get a scaled model of the difference in the size of these countries.
Such an embarrassing defeat is unprecedented in head to head competition. England failed in typical English fashion- they choked when it mattered most, playing with no heart or will to win. Leave it to England to find 2 ways to leave the Euro in the span of a week. Despite England dominating possession, despite forcing it into the box on almost every possession, despite the tremendous talent disparity, Iceland felt in control. The only person more flabbergasted by the result than the England players was Tony Kornheiser, the king of PTI and strong advocate of the population theory.
The Icelandic plan was not to just weather the storm like so many assumed, but to outrun it with a strong counter-attack. Watching Iceland play was like watching a cat wrestle a bull- and win. There did exist, however, one instance of true terror- the moment that Jamie Vardy, the sole man as volcanic as Iceland, stepped on the pitch. A plumber before his record-setting year at Leicester, Vardy defied the odds just to make it to the EPL. If anybody was to halt Iceland’s magic it would be the magic man himself. In the 92nd minute, Vardy almost succeeded it. But, alas, the Icelandic defense resisted once again. As an early sunset crept into English minds, the nation of Iceland prepared to celebrate throughout the white night.
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Iceland has played with more heart than any other team in the tournament. Their passion is undeniable and irresistible.
That guy in the video screaming is their commentator- he is supposed to be composed. I can only imagine how excited the fans must be if the guy whose job is to calmly relay information reacts like that. As if the story isn’t incredible already, the players are not even full time professionals- they have side jobs as dentists, plumbers, and film directors. Rhode Island has more full time players than Iceland, and you don’t hear about Rhode Island beating England very often. In a world where talent seems to trump all, Iceland proves the world wrong. Through shear determination, Iceland has pulled off perhaps the greatest international upset in European history, and handed England its most humiliating Brexit yet.
In the year of Leicester City, is parity back in fashion? Is soccer headed to a realm in which talent is no longer the sole determinant of success? Examine Chelsea’s dismal performance in the EPL; the reigning champions had all the talent, all the money, and all the fame. But they finished 10th. Manchester United failed in the same way, albeit to a lesser extent. On the flip side of the coin, Leicester City and Tottenham, respectively, grasped the top two spots in the Premier League with a roster (especially in the case of Leicester) of the unappreciated and the unknown. 2016 is the year soccer became fun again, and parity has been the catalyst. Hopefully the English will take note of the rising TV ratings to institute a system to preserve parity at the club level.
English international soccer, however, in stark contrast to the rousing domestic league, perennially underachieves. Today the program reached its nadir. Roy Hodgson, having been on thin ice already, resigned moments after the match conclusion. First David Cameron, and now Roy Hodgson? Who’s next-Queen Elizabeth? In need of a serious retool, the island nation faces difficult decisions. Who is the new manager? Should legendary scorer Wayne Rooney step aside for Jamie Vardy? Is Marcus Rashford prepared for the starting lineup? Is Raheem Sterling actually good? A quick turnaround for the national team seems just about as likely as the MLS becoming relevant. On the day that Italy ended Spain’s historically great dynasty (for now), England’s historically disappointing dynasty ballooned.
Iceland now faces their toughest challenge yet- France. Lucky for Iceland, precedent exists. In 845, the vikings sacked Paris on the French home turf. Hopefully Iceland’s modern day vikings can live up to their ancestors legacy and do the same.
