Hotel Artemis: Dystopian Tech Noir
Marijuana Movie Reviews with Cory Showtime
And you thought YOUR health insurance was risky?
ELEVATOR PITCH: “Ok, so you ever wondered what goes on at the Continental Hotel in between John Wick movies?”
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Hotel Artemis is a fast, high-intensity thrill ride that takes place in what is most easily explained as an Urgent Care for criminals. And the film takes place in a not-so-distant future Los Angeles during a not-to-unbelievable, city-wide riot. One patient and his brother are bank robbers injured on a heist, one is an assassin who unbeknownst to the hotel, just admitted herself to get closer to her target, Jeff Goldblum as a goddamned crime boss (YES!!!) and Charlie from Its Always Sunny In Philadelphia…yeah, that’s pretty much his whole character.
Jodie Foster plays an anxious doctor who operates on members of the Hotel; who happen to be some of the worst criminals, hitmen, and gangsters who fund it. She’s good at what she does, been at it for years, but is absolutely petrified of going outside. Dave Bautista plays…well, Dave Bautista: a 6'8", 300+ lbs tank of a human being. He’s the hotel/hospital’s orderly. Here’s the thing, even for a WWE wrestler, Bautista is a pretty good actor. But he, like the Rock, is always going to be typecast because…well, look at him. Anyway, he’s the muscle. The movie starts to play out how you think it should until Jodie Foster’s character is compelled to admit a non-member due to personal ties to this person.
That’s about as far as I can go without spoilers and I think this film is worth a watch. It reminds me a lot of Smokin’ Aces: ensemble cast of stars, fast paced plot, lots of action with lots of cuts, glass breaking, guns shooting, explosions, etc. etc. etc. This is a very entertaining film but it just feels like I’ve seen this all before. The relationship between what should be characters who are anonymous to each other is predictable, the plot becomes pretty apparent, and by the 3rd act you have a pretty good idea of how things are going to play out.
But the reason I feel you should give this film a watch is Jeff Goldblum. He plays a character called The Wolf King. But he’s still Jeff Goldblum. Jeff Goldblum is one of those Hollywood elites that can totally get away with being Jeff Goldblum in everything he’s in, and we love him for it. His character is confident, laid back, and at the same time very menacing. And once his character enters the film, things go from hectic to chaotic REAL fast. Jeff gives great Jeff in this one, folks. He’s in this film for a grand total of MAYBE 10 min and totally steals the show.
THE VERDICT: 80% Chronic on the Bammer Scale: This is some mid-grade hybrid that gives you exactly what you paid for. You’re high, you’re happy, but its nothing to write home about. 3.75 outta 5 Stars: high-end of mediocre, low-end of good.
