Thirty Things To Do After You Die — Chapter 7

Illustration created by Larry Amzo incorporating Wellcome Collection public domain mark images (compound and single microscope, The Pool of Bethesda, Jerusalem, Israel, Sarah is ritually laid to rest in a sepulchral cavern) and bearded man by Drew Hayes (free use under the Unsplash License). Created for Colton Lazars.

God was in lounge 103 — the wedge-shaped Rouge Lounge. There was business to discuss and he wanted to be waffendandy.

With more than 1,700 lounges in the ever-expanding footprint of the Deital Palace compound, God inevitably visited some of his hangouts more than others. But the Rouge Lounge was a stalwart — fashions fade, style is eternal and, according to God, this place had skip-loads of it. At the thin end, the end where God was stretched out on a crimson crushed-velvet daybed, the decor was a cross between a gentleman’s club and a brothel, with a strong bias to the latter. At the other was a 117-lane bowling alley, its arms radiating out to give what the designers hoped would be a bold yet pleasing Japanese fan effect.

God clicked his fingers, belched, and ordered more ‘nosh’ before going back to his cigarette and his clippings — transcribed extracts from The Secret by Rhonda Byrne.

Soon there was a knock at the door. An aide answered and Gabriel strolled in.

‘Terrence.’

‘Gabe.’

The archangel stood and waited before God nodded to the daybed opposite.

Up close, Gabriel looked human. His features were perhaps a little birdlike — the beady eyes, the beaky nose, the comb-crested silver quiff — and his muscle…