Member-only story
Dignity in Declining: the Difference Between Craving, Restraint, and Self-Control
Restraint is often mistaken for bearing down and being determined. We picture clenched jaws, white knuckles, the grim heroics of self-denial.
Yet for Soren Kierkegaard, the will is not primarily a policeman patrolling the unruly areas of appetite. It is something more creative, more decisive. Will is the practice of aligning your choices with your clearest self-understanding.
That distinction matters.
With Cravings You Suppress
Suppressing a craving is one thing. That is what you do when overcoming an addiction. Repressing fear is another. And neither is quite the same as restraint. The alcoholic who resists a drink is not merely pushing down desire; he is choosing a different self for the next hour.
The man who avoids speaking up in a group session because he fears disapproval is not exercising restraint; he is submitting to anxiety. Restraint enlarges the self. Repression shrinks it.
When a Little More is Too Much
I see this difference most clearly around ordinary habits — coffee, food, alcohol. The second cup of coffee is not wicked. It is simply unnecessary. The third becomes fog.
