We Aren’t Just Selfish: We’re Groupish, Too

What I learned from Jonathan Haidt about belonging and the cost of group loyalty

Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash

We are 90 percent chimps and 10 percent bees. We’re most interested in our own benefits, but would sometimes prioritize a group’s interests over our own.

Jonathan Haidt makes this claim in his book The Righteous Mind. Although we compete individually, we can cooperate surprisingly well in groups when we’re willing.

Before we jump in, I’ll define groupishness and hivishness, which Haidt references throughout the book.

Groupish means being loyal to your chosen group, caring about it, and sometimes putting the group’s benefit before your own.

Hivish is the feeling of strong connection you feel when you're surrounded by others working toward the same goal. In this state, your personal identity loosens; instead, you feel part of a whole.

Let’s take a family as an example. In a strong family, members sacrifice their own interests to support the group. For example, I have two small children, and I've had to put my personal life on pause to raise them. I also cook and clean for my entire family, meaning I get less time for myself. My husband handles household maintenance so we have a safe, comfortable home. As a…