Member-only story
5 Ways to Stop Impressing People and Start Connecting
Give yourself less to perform and more to discover.
Wanting to make a good impression is understandable. When someone matters to you, you care about what they think.
The difficulty begins when that concern occupies most of your attention.
You are listening, but also checking whether your answer will sound interesting. You want to be honest, but worry that an ordinary opinion will disappoint them. A conversation can go smoothly while leaving very little room for either person to feel known.
Being admired and feeling connected are different experiences.
You do not have to become careless about how you come across. These five shifts help you put more of that effort into the exchange itself.
1. Become interested instead of trying to sound interesting
When you are focused on impressing someone, their words can become material for your next response.
They mention a book, and you search for something intelligent to say about it. They describe an achievement, and you wonder which of yours would fit the conversation.
