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It’s Okay to Not Be In Control
This is a lesson I’m still learning
I am the type of person who is generally rather unwilling to show my vulnerable side to most people. If my mood is low and I’m feeling teary on a day I have an appointment, I will do my very best to miss the appointment unless absolutely necessary. If I feel down in the dumps, I will not attend dinner with my friends. If I am feeling highly anxious, I will not attend a long awaited meet up with old friends.
When I lived with my aunt and grandmother for several months, I was in a rather poor mental state. I had moved out temporarily to live with them so that I could put some distance between my parents and myself. It was a very unhealthy living situation back home with my parents at that time. I would cry in my bedroom in my aunt’s place but never in front of my aunt or grandmother.
I was more than reluctant to show them that side of me. I was unwilling, unable to. I was rarely ever caught crying outside of therapy sessions or my parents’ home.
I am so tightly wound, constantly needing to be in control. In fact, I don’t even drink alcohol. It’s not because of a religion or faith that I choose not to drink. It is because I’m scared of exposing a vulnerable side of myself to others.
