FROM THE 19TH HOLE

Puttin’ With The Shitz

And you thought your game was sub-par

A dangerous situation, indeed. Photo by Luis Villasmil on Unsplash

I finally had this golf thing figured out.

After decades of slicing balls into dense thickets, neighboring counties, and more than one ball that’s, to quote my son:

With God now…

I’d finally stumbled upon the secret.

Relax.

• Stop trying to kill the ball
• Stop overthinking every shot
• Stop listening to advice from guys named Chip
• Chip’s a putz

I just swung. Simple.

And it worked.

First hole: par.

Second hole: birdie.

Third hole: par.

By the fourth and fifth also being pars, I’d begun to think I might be good at golf.

By the ninth, I was certain.

I was three under.

Three.

Under.

I stood triumphant upon the ninth green, raising my putter like Excalibur and shooting a mildly mocking glance at my buddies.

Gentlemen, I believe I’ve finally begun to master this sport.