The New Definition of Masculinity
My girlfriend made me watch Love Island. This is what I learned.
Masculinity is evolving.
Masculinity used to mean fighting off wild animals. Now, apparently it just means yelling louder than everyone else and beating your chest. Masculinity didn’t die — it just hasn’t caught up to the modern world. Most people might not realise it but over the last few centuries it’s been women setting the pace for change. From the suffragettes to modern leaders —they’re updating what acceptable behaviour looks like in a loving world. It’s mostly men that are left clutching outdated maps.
Women are marching the vanguard forward and those being left behind are the ‘men’ who still choose to yell when they don’t get what they want.
The definition of manliness meaning ‘tougher and more brutish’ is archaic.
Manliness used to have to mean tough, strong, brave and courageous. The world was more savage and these were the traits required for survival.
We don’t live in that world anymore. We live in a modern world with corporate cities. Manliness must evolve.
Outdated manliness is a direct path to no longer acceptable behaviours, like yelling at your partner because you had a tough day.
It doesn’t matter if you have a six pack or peptide filled biceps.
I don’t care how tight your shorts are.
If you can’t control your temper, then you’re not a man.
Not anymore.
An all too common problem is that we think character and worth come from everything but character and worth. We used to behave as if looking good or having enough money was a ‘get out of jail free card’ for poor behaviour.
Slowly we are starting to realise what Aladdin and Cinderella were really teaching us — that it’s about who you are underneath.
Get Mike’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
Social media has been ground zero for both the problem and the pivot.
It taught us to flex: cars, abs, wealth, dominance.
Over time the algorithm fed us so much fake that we began to crave something real.
The result is the rise in value for the guy that shows up, not shows off.
Presence without performance is the new real. The tears, the smiles, the joy, the loved ones. The pretence of being nice and magnanimous for clout is finally being seen for what it is — manipulation wearing a mask and calling itself ‘being a good guy’.
I’ve recently been through the journey most young boyfriends experience early in a relationship.
When your partner suggests watching reality TV for the first time.
You say no.
Then you compromise.
Then your partner gets what they want.
You watch reality TV and pretend to hate it.
Eventually you see the enjoyment in it and realise you can learn a lot from it.
What I learned was that even though height, muscles and bank balances used to be qualities that made some a ‘man’. They carry a lot less weight now and no longer give passes for poor behaviour.
After watching an episode I asked my partner “what makes a man a man?”
She said:
Emotional sensitivity, compassion, empathy. Plus vulnerability, openness, loyalty and respect.
I don’t see anything about muscles or money there.
The new recipe for becoming a man might be less time in the weights gym and more in the self-actualising gym.
📌 This story is published under Quirky Rants — a home for unfiltered thoughts, everyday oddities, and real, relatable voices.
Want to share your story too? Join us here.
