I’m The Introverted Fitness Instructor Every Introvert Needs
I’ll be whispering the instructions the whole class. If at any point you can’t hear me, let’s agree not to address it.
*side-stepping out from behind a stack of towels and avoiding eye contact* Hello everyone, welcome to the 8:30 Body Sculpting for Introverts class. You’re all already quiet and wearing headphones, so we’re off to a good start.
Unfortunately, we’re having some technical issues and the instruction screens are out, so I’m going to be talking more than usual. Or whispering, sorry. I’ll be whispering the instructions the whole class. If at any point you can’t hear me, let’s agree not to address it.
I’ve offset the machines so that no one can see anyone else. Unless you’re intentionally looking around. But you all signed a contract saying you wouldn’t do that, so please don’t. I don’t think any of us want the confrontation.
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One last reminder: these classes are 10 minutes shorter than non-introvert ones so that we have time to run out of here before the next class starts showing up. Feel free to take that run part seriously. Extra gains, I guess?
Okay, let’s get to it then. Sorry, I’m required to say this, but at least I can whisper it: Are you ready to explode those calories into another dimension, workout warriors?
Great. First up, running for five minutes. If you need motivation for this, I imagine that I’m home for the holidays and keep bumping into acquaintances that want to catch up. Or if you want a more positive one, pretend you’re back in middle school and it’s five minutes until pickup. And you’re running for some reason.
Cool cool cool. Next, we’re hitting the weights. Three sets of your basic bicep curls. For these, I like to pretend I’m using a giant book to cover my face so that nobody talks to me. So we’re reading like normal, reading like normal, until we see someone walking towards us and wait what does that say? — here we curl up — until they leave — and then we curl the book back down.
Last up, rowing. I have a hard time getting psyched up for this one myself. It’s so easy to imagine I’m just out on the lake without a care in the world. No parties to go to or public speaking to do. So peaceful! But I guess you can run into acquaintances anywhere, right?
Okay, let’s cool down. Stretch up to the ceiling like you have a good feeling. And down to the floor so you won’t be sore. Sorry, you don’t need to hear all that. I’ll zip it.
And that’s it. Good hustle everybody. I won’t keep this interaction going any longer than it’s meant to. Bye. *side-steps into a run out the back door*
