Unrestrained: Going Off Leash: PYL In-Flight: Jan 7, 2023
Welcome Back My Off Leash Passengers:
Good Boy George turns one today. He was not happy about wearing the birthday hat and would have much preferred ripping it to shreds with his teeth which he tried to do repeatedly as I attempted to get the perfect picture.
I did not succeed. George 1, Terri .25.
Since it was his birthday and rain is imminent (thus my tennis match was canceled), we took him for a mid-day walk at his favorite park where he can run off leash, sniff, explore, and pee to his heart’s content. As I was watching him run around in the mud, completely unrestrained, I got to thinking about my self-imposed contraints and how hard it is to break free of them.
I got on the scale the other day after getting back from our Mexico trip and was up 3 pounds. We’d eaten mostly fish and freshly made foods. We walked on the beach and swam in the ocean every day.
It was a pretty healthy trip and yet the scale still reflected a number I didn’t want to see. I was so frustrated that I said to Finn and Zeke that I was not getting back on the scale and I am going to eat and drink what I want. Finn said, ‘it’s about time, Mom.’
This time I actually mean it.
I’m headed to a series of conferences in San Francisco tomorrow wearing both my consulting and investor hats.
At three of the conferences, I committed to meeting with founders to consider investing in their companies. I’ve responded to every request for my time but this time, instead of providing a written response, I’ve selected the Decline button only.
I thought that to be ‘nice’ I needed to provide a kind response and a reason for declining the request for my time. I decided that didn’t work for me and decided to do what does work for me. Initially I felt bad but then I let that feeling go.
I let go of feeling like I had to do more than what I want to do.
As a woman investor, I often get asked to meet with women founders even if their startups are outside of my investment thesis.
During those meetings, when I say I am not interested in investing, I am always asked for introductions to other investors. In the past, I’ve complied with their requests because it felt like the ‘right’ thing to do. I felt compelled to do something more for them, not giving myself credit for already giving them the time to hear their pitch, ask questions, and consider investing.
I felt bad saying no and felt like I had to compensate with offering up something else.
I don’t need to feel bad and I don’t need to do more.
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It’s my time and my money and I get to choose what to do with both.
I’ve been paying more attention to when I sense the slightest internal resistance when I get a text or email, or get asked to do something.
My initial response is always to make sure that I am taking the other person’s needs or wants into account first.
Now I am trying to ask myself what I want. If I sense I am responding or agreeing to something out of obligation, I am taking a beat to check in with myself.
Trust me, this is hard. I am pushing back on decades of socialization of people pleasing. And right now, as I am practicing this new skill, I’m not doing it gracefully.
I know I am going to meet with some serious resistance from some people as I make this shift and it’s going to be uncomfortable for a while. This is to be expected but I know it’s going to be worth it in the end. I’m going to be happier. The people around me who matter will be happier, eventually.
I’m hoping that with this shift, I can let go of expectations, better set boundaries, and be obnoxiously joyful.
I too want to run around unshackled by unrealistic expectations and demands.
Thanks, George, for teaching me a thing or two this past year. I look forward to more ‘lessons from George’ as you move out of your puppy brain and body develop.
May you find peace, acceptance, and love today as you navigate being human.
With much love and gratitude,
Terri
This week’s song: Stop! by Erasure
Why this song this week? I am a big Erasure fan and as I was thinking about the theme for the PYL In-Flight this week, the song Stop! came to mind. I was thinking about the lyrics as they relate to self-love and they just worked.
Journal prompt / reflection: When do you say yes when you really want to say no? Do you put yourself first?
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