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A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

Top Euphemisms For Death

4 min readNov 3, 2021

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Because Saying “They Died” Is Such A Boring Way To Break The News.

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Some days are just like that. One minute you’re walking, the next minute you’re pushing up…dirt? From the David Volk Collection.

I was on lunch break at my job looking for a podcast to listen to when I stumbled across Obitchuary, a show that reads funny newspaper obituaries, the more inappropriate, the better. This tickled my funny bone not only because I have a morbid sense of humor but also because I’ve been pitching the idea of a book about funerals, death rites and rituals gone horribly terribly wrong for years and years. I’d call it “As I Die Laughing.”

That also got me to thinking about how I once told a friend abot writing a poem that was nothing but euphemisms for death, recited poetry slam style. All these years later, I have realized that I’m no poet, but I do know my way around a listicle, which is why I’m bringing you this list just after Halloween.

Pushing Up Daisies.

I guess this is the key difference between being alive and dead. Since daisies are often part of a weed, if you’re pulling them up from above, you’re alive. If you’re pushing them up from underneath, though, you’re undoubtedly dead.

Bought The Farm.

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David Volk
David Volk

Written by David Volk

I’m a Seattle-based freelancer and humorist who loves goofy humor, politics and pot stirring, if you know what I mean.

The Haven
The Haven

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A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk