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Anchored In Uncertainty
How responsible are we for our personal monsters?
This is a question that has been running through my mind the past few days.
I am not talking about personal demons. There is no question in my mind that we are each responsible for our own terrible shit. That stuff that bleeds outwards and threatens to stain anything or anyone within reach.
I have taken, in some regards, extreme steps to deal with my demons. It has been exhaustive. Non-stop. And it is something that I understand will always be like this. It is something I will always have to work at. To pay attention to. Everything I do in this regard is a framework designed to help me de-escalate myself; before I reach an instinctual point of no return. It only works so long as I have two firm hands on the wheel. It requires that I am always aware. Alert. Awake.
Like I said. Exhaustive.
But this approach of extreme ownership has started to conceptually bleed onto other aspects, too.
I have struggled with this question before. But have yet to come up with a satisfactory response to it.
My father uses people. He manipulates them into conforming to whatever skewed idea he has in his mind about what the parameters of their relationship should be. He is persistent. Decisive. And a hard person to say no…
