The Paradigms We Hold
And the fears preventing us from LIVING
“Do just once what others say you can’t do, and you will never pay attention to their limitations again.”
— James R. Cook
A couple of years ago around this same time, I got to explore Carlsbad, California for the very first time because of education I was getting for free from work. I was on campus at GIA, taking one of my very first lab week classes for the GIA Graduate Gemologist program. And WOW! Telling you I loved it there is quite the understatement. It was like love at first sight. At first feeling. At first salty breath of ocean air. At first glimpse of the way my hair was starting to curl just by being there. At first hello from a complete stranger on my first morning walk.
I fell in love with California.
I remember being back in the Las Vegas lab at work after my trip to California, telling ALL of my favorite co-workers that I just had to live there. I wouldn’t shut up about it.
“I could never live there. It’s too expensive,” one said.
“But what will you do about money?” another asked.
“You don’t want to live there. They rob you! Haven’t you looked into business fees?! I LEFT California to live here in Nevada for a reason!” yet one more explained and pressed.
But there was one employee who opened my eyes. He told me in private (knowing others would attack him if he said this openly), “If you really want this, I know you’ll figure out a way to get it. You always do. Just figure out how.”
Thank GOD I listened to him! He was right! I did really want this, and I DID indeed figure out a way to get here. I’m here now, in my one-bedroom apartment in the literal HILLS of California, typing this right now! WOOOOO!
Had I listened to my other co-workers, living in their negative and low energy, projecting it onto me, I’d have continued my paradigm: California is too expensive.
California is too expensive.
Ha! is what I have to say to THAT untrue view, NOW. California is NOT too expensive, so long as you have the means to live here! And quite truthfully, my daily habits have shifted SO intensely now that I live here, that I actually am SAVING money, compared to what I was spending in Las Vegas. That’s right.
My rent is almost DOUBLE. But I’m SAVING money because my habits have changed. I go to the beach (free). I walk to the store (free to walk). I meditate outside (free). I journal (free). I do yoga from a woman on YouTube (free). I swim in the ocean (free). I hike (free). I eat at home because I love my home (free, minus the normal grocery expenses). I take my cats on a walk to nearby parks (free).
But even if my habits didn’t change, the fact that people told me California was much too expensive to live, and I believed them for a while, is plain wrong. Why? Because other people already live here in California.
So you know what I did, to prepare myself for the move to Cali?
I started following people online who already lived my dream life, living in California. I found a comedian, Carlos. He was THRIVING in California! I found a yogi who paddle boards on the still parts of the ocean, also THRIVING in California. I found a gemologist who I worked with, living in California, living MY dream life, within walking distance to the ocean, THRIVING.
So I shifted my paradigm and told myself, EFF THAT! I’m moving to California! How expensive can it truly be?!
What I’ve realized is people become stuck, oftentimes not on purpose but because there’s a comfort in consistency. And if you’re consistently in the low, negative vibration of fear, worry and anxiety, it’s your normal response to then have thoughts that consist of those same things.
But what happens when we start to change the narrative?
It brings about MORE fear, worry and anxiety. So instead of making ourselves larger and discrediting the lies we tell ourselves, we continue the dooming cycle of staying small, living in our fears and staying STUCK in the paradigms.
Fear is the thief of joy and keeps us in bondage. It chains us to the lower vibrations of our belief system. And change is scary, even if it’s good change. Change threatens everything we think we know.
But the truth is: we’re always adapting, changing, growing, learning, morphing. That means our paradigms shift alongside us (so long as we let them).
That brings me to the quote by James R. Cook that I hold near and dear to me now:
Do just once what others say you can’t do, and you will never pay attention to their limitations again.
I didn’t listen to the negativity that held me captive in Las Vegas, Nevada. Instead, I rose above the negativity and told myself I can do this. And then, I did it. Now? I’m unstoppable.
Because I’ve come to realize that people that are stuck in staying small aren’t out to get me. They just haven’t unlocked their full potential, therefore they feel the need to keep me on their same vibration level. Which is to live in fear, worry and anxiety, staying small, captive of their own mind.
So, what does that mean?
It means I don’t take advice from people whose lives I don’t want to mimic or learn from. That doesn’t mean I don’t love them or hold them close to my heart. It just means I don’t like their vibration. I don’t like their lifestyle. I don’t like their choices. I don’t like where they’re at, so I’m FOR SURE NOT going to take their warnings or advice or questions to heart. No, sir!
Within six months of moving to California, I quit my job.
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Ha!
That sounds CRAZY, typing it out and reflecting…
Wait, what?!
That’s right. I quit my job after moving to California because people told me I couldn’t move to California. And I did. People with WAY MORE money than me, told me I couldn’t do it because they felt and believed they couldn’t. What the hell?! That’s wrong!
So guess what? I’m also deciding that I can quit my job to start my business. Because what’s the worst that’ll happen?! Truly. And the ones who told me that’s not a good idea? Well, I don’t take their advice because they’re working at a 9–5 job, and I DO NOT want that for myself. So who do I follow, you wonder? I follow the people I want to be like. Now, I want to be like me. I want to be the BEST version of me. So when I say I follow the people I want to be like, I mean their choices, their lifestyle, their goals/desires/dreams.
I follow millionaires because I want to be one. I follow female business owners because I am one. I follow women who have impacted MILLIONS of people because I want that, too.
I used to think that was out of reach. But I now realize, it’s already happened to me but on a different timeline. I’m just now catching up to it.
I’m not perfect, obviously. I still have some paradigms that keep me stuck. For example, I learned to surf after moving here to California. And then I miscarried some months later. And ever since I lost my baby, there’s this fear in the back of my mind that I could die. I could surf and get eaten by a shark. Before a baby died in my womb? I was FINE! I LOVE sharks. They aren’t the bad guys. It’s an accident, if they do taste my leg. But now? Now that I’ve experienced death inside of me, I have fear. I’m worried a shark will get me. What will happen to my cat family if I die? But don’t worry… I’m doing something about this fear because I don’t want to be stuck. I LOVED surfing. I take off my glasses when I surf so am partially blind, and I also don’t have surfing friends here yet so surf alone. Guess what? There’s a literal blind man on IG who surfs, alone. A man living out my biggest fear now, and he’s doing it effortlessly, with a smile on his face. That gives me hope that I can do it, too. Partially blind. Alone. Not even being able to see any potential sharks. With no one in sight (pun intended) to yell, “SHARK!” if there is one… He does it. Why can’t I? I’ve gone to the ocean since I miscarried. I’ve dipped my toes in. I’ve swam. So my next step? Just fucking going for it, man. Surfing. I can’t wait to write about the day I do…
Does fear dissipate when you’re inspired and decide to create a bigger life for yourself? NO. Because you’re going into an unknown, and unknown things are scary. They’re anxiety-inducing. They’re uncomfortable.
but…
when you shift your vibration by rewiring your thoughts and patterns and thus paradigms, the thing that changes is YOU. And YOU will do the thing that scares you because you want it badly enough.
What helps you do this thing is doing it. Not telling yourself you’ll do it one day. Trust me, that day never comes. Not telling yourself you’ll start on Monday. Because 52 Mondays will pass you by, and you’ll be in the same damn position you were in a year ago.
Another thing to know: you don’t need a strategy first. You need the dream and goal first.
You don’t need a strategy first. You need the dream and goal first.
You need something you’re completely obsessed with. A passion. Your dharma (calling). Your dream. Your goal. Something that keeps you up at night until you get it. Something your heart desires. You YEARN for it. You crave it.
THEN… the strategy will come.
Because you need something so badly, that you’ll do whatever it takes (ethically, of course) to get it. This is necessary because you also need to want what comes along with whatever it is you want so badly.
Example: you can want a house all day long. But do you also want what it takes to get the house and then maintain the house? Perhaps you need a down payment or more money for insurance. Maybe your credit is shot, so you NEED to improve it first. Maybe you need a second job or a job that doesn’t pay you in cash. Maybe you need more savings lest you have a maintenance problem and aren’t a handyman. Maybe you don’t want to take care of the yard, but that does come with owning a house if it has a yard and you want it looking nice. Bottom line: you want a house. But do you actually want the ins and outs of getting it and keeping it? Or do you just think you want the house, in theory, but when push comes to shove, you realize you don’t actually want the house?!
That’s sometimes why we become stuck. We think we want something, but we don’t. So we tell ourselves it’s too expensive. But it’s not. Because other people live there. HOW is the question, then.
So…
If you TRULY want something, and you become so obsessed with getting it, you truly will do anything to get it, I’d argue. And THAT’s where you want to be in life. Because that’s when you realize the only obstacle is YOU.
Everyone has a paradigm. Everyone.
And we’re forever upgrading it (hopefully) because when our lives change, so too do our paradigms.
The key to life is realizing our full potential is embedded in our DNA.
We just have to believe that to tap into it.
If you don’t feel good about your life? You’re probably in a negative vibration. That’s the honest truth. And we stay stuck when our thoughts continue to align with the vibration that we’re in because our nervous system literally sees anything outside of that vibration (better or worse) as a threat. EVEN if it’s for the better. It’s a threat.
We must tell ourselves daily that it’s not a threat because we already did something that scared us, and it worked out. That’s the first step.
And believe me, baby, me moving to California despite the MANY people that were worried for me that it was way too expensive, changed my life.
Because I now realize NOTHING is impossible.
I just have to want it badly enough and then convince myself I’ll get it.
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If you’re curious about what I do, here’s more of my story.
If you want this in more detail, hear it from Bob Proctor’s YouTube. He’s my inspiration for this piece.
