When life gives you lemons, sell them with a 100 percent markup
3P Developers
Ruin a Fairy Tale
“Big Bad Wolf keeps muscling in on our territory.” Boss Pig was hard to understand with his lips wrapped around a $30 Cohiba and his tendency to squeal like the pig he was.
“We could always sell the business to him, take the money and run to another state. Start again.” That was Tiny Pig, Boss Pig’s 1200 pound Yorkshire real estate agent, who sold more low-cost homes at high price premiums than any other pig in the family business. The business would be worth nothing without him, which meant Big Bad Wolf would want Tiny as part of the bargain. Like the bacon for his burger.
“He’s already torched our straw house development, and our frame house development,” whined Fatty Pig, a pygmy and the baby of the family. Boss Pig relied on him to get the lawsuits dismissed when their clients realized what crappy houses they bought.
“We still have the brick house development,” Boss Pig reminded them. He rolled his cigar between his paws because he didn’t have fingers like humans.
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“He’ll blow that down too,” squealed Fatty Pig.
Boss Pig relied on Fatty Pig to get the lawsuits dismissed when their clients realized what crappy houses they bought.
Boss pig smiled, which only a pig would detect because pigs have one facial expression. “I’m counting on it.” As soon as he finished his sentence, an explosion rattled the windows. The pigs pulled back the blinds to see their development fueling flames. Big Bad Wolf emerged from the inferno and ran screaming until he collapsed at the subdivision gate, little more than cinder and ash.
A tear rolled across Tiny Pig’s snout and splashed onto the floor. “What a tragedy. We hadn’t moved a single unit.”
Boss pig returned to his desk and removed a portfolio of insurance policies. “Fortunately, I overvalued the properties by a factor of three.”
A week later the three pigs drove to Florida in Boss Pig’s brand new Rolls Royce, shouting “Whee! Whee! Whee! Whee!” all the way to their new home.
Gone, but never forgotten. Don’t Miss
Wry noir author Phillip T. Stephens wrote Cigerets, Guns & Beer, Raising Hell, the Indie Book Award winning Seeing Jesus, and the children’s book parody Furious George. Follow him at Phillip T Stephens.
