Disconnect(ed)
By: Kriti Shah
As a devoted YJA member, I recently took upon a task, even though I knew it would be one of the hardest things I would do in a while. Yes, that’s right, as the title suggests, I disconnected. Allow me to explain: for three days, I refrained from using my phone or laptop, all in the interest of making your Young Minds reading experience even more delightful than it already is.
Three days may not seem like a tremendous task, but let me assure you that even half a day without my phone or laptop is torture. Not because I have a selfie addiction, or a Candy Crush problem, but because my entire life is basically embedded into these technological devices. Knowing the current climate, perhaps you may think this isn’t the best idea, as the dangers of hackers, stalkers, or just plain mockers lurk everywhere. Fortunately, I do not have anything worth stealing on any of devices, other than my amazing progress on the 8 Ball Pool app. However, I do have contacts, schedules, emails, and access to almost all data needed for all the organizations and committees I am in at the moment (approximately 10). I usually don’t have enough hours in the day to complete all the tasks I do just for these things, and add in trying to maintain a 4.0 GPA in the enhanced psychology program, and basically you get my life in a nutshell. I reply to texts and emails in a matter of minutes, at the most a couple of hours. I am the type of person who needs to have control of her life, needs to know what is happening at every minute of the day, and will feel very guilty if I put something off for even a day. So you see, three days without my phone or laptop actually was a painful path to consider embarking upon. But, like I said, for YJA, I decided to tackle any task that comes my way!
So there I was sitting by the dining table surrounded by my family on Disconnect Eve. I told them what I was going to do, and they just laughed. My dad said he didn’t think it’ll be possible, my sister said if I were to pull this off it would be a miracle, and my mom just kind of stared at me like I was crazy — which from their reactions, I started to think I was. It was close to my finals, and I had so much to do! How would I survive? When I take a break, what would I do? What would happen if I didn’t answer my e-mails or miss my TV shows? How, oh how would I know what was going in the world without my five news applications?
Consumed with these thoughts, I eventually made it to bed and set my alarm like usual. That’s when I just realized that this was technically cheating, and so in the interest of honouring Satya, or truthfulness, I must tell you, readers, that I made a decision that might jeopardize this challenge, but it had to be done. I decided I would use my phone or laptop for 30 minutes a day and no more. That way, my anxiety wouldn’t damage me, yet I would still get to experience most of these three days without my beloved devices.
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Day 1 was brutal. My fingers felt lost, and my hands felt empty. I woke up, and I didn’t know what to do without my daily Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Whatsapp, and Snapchat check. So, I lay there in bed feeling lost. I thought I might as well get ready and start the day. So I got up, and for the first time I wasn’t answering e-mails during breakfast. Instead, I talked to my mom. The conversation felt comfortable and peaceful, and I realized something: maybe, just maybe, I could pull this off. I went downstairs to my room feeling confident and opened my textbooks to study. I usually have a TV show like “Friends”, or “The Office”, or just something I’ve watched before in the background while I study. This time I had no music or shows on, and incredibly I found that I could actually understand my formulas, and I was being so much more productive. Who knew that without the distraction of constant notifications, I would be able to finish writing my notes, study more chapters than I have before, and actually finish planning my essay (I couldn’t type it up just yet without my laptop). That evening, I had a tutoring session, so I decided to use my phone 5 minutes before the session to contact my tutee. After the session, and after going home and eating dinner, it was time for bed. I still had 25 minutes of phone time left. I could see the blinking notification light on my phone so I thought I should answer it, but I also thought why use my phone if I don’t have to? Today, I would sleep earlier without wasting time on my phone. Turns out, I couldn’t sleep. I was so used to falling asleep while browsing my phone, I felt uneasy. So, I caved in and checked my phone. A lot of people had messaged me, I had about 20 emails, and more notifications than I can count. Suddenly, I felt more burdened than I had all day. Some people were upset I didn’t reply all day, and there were notifications for more meetings. I was angry at myself for not being able to refrain from my phone, so I messaged my friends about this challenge, and messaged others to postpone meetings. I was starting to feel a bit more relaxed until I got a reply from a disheartened friend. She said I barely talk to her because I am always busy, and now this challenge would just mean more ignoring for her. Dismayed and feeling guilty, I put my phone away and tried to sleep. I didn’t want to think about the truth behind her message.
Day 2, I woke up late in the afternoon and was feeling restless. This task was almost like a withdrawal from a drug for me, and I was beginning to experience symptoms. I got up grumpy, chowed down my breakfast, and went downstairs to just sit in my bed. I was getting bored and agitated. Was this challenge really worth it? Then, I thought back to my friend’s message. I really had been so busy with everything that I forgot to really live and enjoy the things I used to love. So for the second half of the day, I started doing things that I hadn’t in awhile. Those adult coloring books always seem to relax me, but I hadn’t had the chance to use them in a while. I also have a bit of an obsession with stationary, so I have about 1,000 colouring utensils. I took them all out and started colouring. I focused on the geometric designs and the amazing strokes of colours emerging from these markers. When I finished about two pages, I realized time had passed so quickly. I put my book away, and decided to pamper myself and take a bath instead of my usual hasty showers. The phrase “I felt all my worries wash away” is cliche, but it rang true. I felt all my tensions being released from my shoulders, and my mind felt lighter. Now I was sad that there was only one day left in my Disconnect Challenge.
Day 3 started out great! As soon as I woke up, I just laid there in bed for no reason. I had no responsibilities, and I didn’t have a hectic schedule that I had to agonize over. My whole day was free to do what I wanted. Of course that is why I chose… drum roll, please…to study. For once, I was enjoying studying. I am pursing a degree in something I have always been passionate about, but lately it had simply become another task on my to-do list. Focusing with a new perspective on the literature, and the knowledge that I was being provided, I was suddenly taken back. I was enveloped in the information that I had desired for so long. When I sat down to dinner, I was able to eat with my entire family; this is something I haven’t done in months. I talked to them about a variety of things, and learned what was going on in everyone’s lives. We talked about everything. I could see that they were so grateful that I was there for more than 10 minutes with them. Their love made me feel so elated. I felt grateful and in a bubble of serenity. That night when I went to bed, instead of worrying about what was going on in the world or which celebrity did something scandalous today, I had the chance to do some yoga. I emptied my mind, and I felt lighter than I had in a very long time. Usually falling asleep takes hours, but this night I fell asleep in a matter of minutes.
Day 4: I know this challenge was only for three days but after day 3, I actually forgot about that. Basically, the first half of this day felt like a dream. I swayed through the day in tranquility. That’s when it happened. My eyes fell upon my phone. I felt this itch, and I needed to use my phone. I had to reply. My brain went into overdrive. There was a battle inside my head between choosing to stay in my peaceful bubble, and going back to the way things were. Succumbing to the need to check my phone, I picked it up. It unravelled from there.
There was so many built up emails, texts, and other messages. It took me about three hours to address all of them, and by the end I thought I could see smoke coming out of my phone, laptop, and fingers. Feeling myself about to fall back into my old routine, I decided I needed to make a change. These three days without my phone made me realize something. The world will not stop if I don’t answer a few emails or messages. I do not always have to be there, and taking some time for myself to release my pressure valve will not cause a disaster.
Through doing this challenge, I am reminded of some of our basic Jain principles. Whilst wasting so much time on my phone and laptop, I was actually breaking all of my basic Jain vows. I was causing harm to myself by constantly being in a state of frenzy, and I was causing pain to my friends and family by neglecting them. I was forgetting aparigraha. Rather, I was consumed by these devices in lieu of choosing simplicity in my life. I was not being truthful (satya) to myself or to others. I was taking away my exuberant personality to do so many things to keep up a facade of being lively. Circumstances in my life required me to keep busy in the past, but I forgot that I am at a point where I need to balance the responsibilities of all my extracurricular positions and my well-being. That is why I have decided to reduce my time on technology, and remember to take time for myself.
So YJA’ers, this question is for you: can you challenge yourself to go without your devices for a couple of days? Share your experience on YJA Forums and let’s see how our experiences differ and what you learned!
