1. |
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This is the theme for Spirit Halloween
Grandma went and can't stop screaming
Here's the thing about Spirit Halloween
They got skeletons!
I had a dream about Spirit Halloween
They called me up and said they need a new theme song
One thousand dollars for one hundred retweets
I said, "Okay", they said, "Sweet" so
This is the theme for Spirit Halloween
They got ghouls!
And new locations on every single street
Saving the global economy
In my dream about Spirit Halloween
I had her specify the terms of my payment
Was it one thousand dollars for each one hundred retweets?
She said, "Yep", I said, "Sweet"
My Venmo is at-Nicholas-dash-Lutsko-dash-one
Before she hung up, she said she was a skeleton!
Official theme for Spirit Halloween
Guaranteed to give you a thrill
Hail to the Queen, this is Spirit Halloween
Haunting the buildings of every business Jeff Bezos killed
Jeff Bezos murdered Barnes and Noble!
Jeff Bezos murdered Sears!
Jeff Bezos murdered Toys "R" Us, but
Halloween is almost here!
Jeff Bezos murdered Barnes and Noble!
Jeff Bezos murdered Sears!
Jeff Bezos murdered Toys "R" Us, but
Spirit Halloween is here!
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2. |
Ghost Story
02:25
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I died in 1859
I've haunted this old home since Lincoln was alive
It burned down in 1995
But they made some renovations and the new family moves in today
I can’t wait to spook them
Here they come!
Oh God, please, no
It's the family from CoComelon
I've turned to stone
There’s no escaping from their cold dead eyes
This was my home
But now it's haunted by the CoComelon
I just can't cope
They're singing songs that sound like they were written by AI
"Daddy jumping!
Yes, haha
Yes, yes, wow!"
Please, CoComelon, show mercy to this old feeble soul!
Denied
I couldn't run and hide
Their songs grew more demented, and yet I was hypnotized
Have I died a second time?
Am I cursed to spend eternity singing nursery rhymes from hell
Under their spell
Oh God, please, no
I'm being tortured by the CoComelon
They're in control
I'm just a shell of my former self
How could I know
I’d be imprisoned by the CoComelon
There’s nowhere to go
Stuck in this house underneath their spell
I'm in CoComelon hell
I’m in CoComelon hell
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3. |
PUMPKIN MAN
02:39
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Wasting away... dreaming about Pumpkin Man
The greeting card companies won't take him seriously
They don't give a damn, a damn about Pumpkin Man
I spent my life savings commissioning this rendering
He'll sneak into your home once the kids are asleep
And ensure that the candies are wrapped properly
Then he'll take a small taste just to prove that it's safe
And leave sopping wet pumpkin seeds all over the place
Wasting my day... building the Pumpkin Man
His costume is made out of pumpkins I found in the street
They don't have the balls to put him in shopping malls
I'll die proving he has untapped marketability
Sleep now, children, Pumpkin Man's
Gonna touch your candy with wet hands
He'll sneak into your room at night
Once mom & dad turn out the lights
Pumpkin Man shares pumpkin seeds
With boys & girls on every street
Pumpkin Man don't need a list
He visits each and every kid
Don't touch that candy to your face
'til Pumpkin Man has deemed it safe!
Pumpkin Man is bound to be the champion of Halloween!
The Pumpkin Man is bound to be the champion of Halloween!
Pumpkin Man!
Pumpkin Man!
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4. |
Halloween Night, 1999
02:21
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Halloween night, 1999
Suckin’ sour candy
Just hangin’ with the guys
We were plugging’ in the sega when lightning struck
Desmond puked into the console and we all got sucked
We all got sucked into the Sega
I was chilling with the homies, we were listening to Lou Bega
Now it’s 5 V 1 against the tournament champ
But he’s sucking Greezy’s entrails just like Lady & The Tramp
Down to 4 V 1, so we exit the arena
We’re running for our lives but Cowboy Jon has emphysema
So he ducked into a castle just to catch his breath
When Dracula jumped out and bit his ass to death
We’re all gonna die inside the Sega
Wish we had a Sony, this don’t happen at the neighbors house
And mom’s lecture on violent video games
Hits different while zombies feast on Ceviche Man’s brains
Desmond, I’ve had enough
It’s time for us to level up
Pass me a piece of Final Boss Sour candy
Hell yup, let’s win this game
And rewind the Lou Bega tape
We will escape with help of Final Boss Sour Candy
(They immediately die)
GAME OVER
Hi, welcome to Hell
My name is Devil
Great to have you!
We’ve got so much going on
In addition to eternal suffering
IN FACT!
Two months from tonight
I’ll be very proud to say
I built a new hell with computer
That I’m calling Y2K
Ceviche Man, call upon
The cruel crustacean gods
To smite this mighty demon
By name of Beelzebub
Desmond, hit him with your dip
Greezy, shoot him with your ray
Cowboy Jon, for the love of god
Just stay out of the way
NOOOOOOOOOO
YOU’RE RUINING Y2K
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5. |
Unleash Your Spirit
02:18
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This is the sequel to the theme of Spirit Halloween
I put Grandma in a Motel 6
And spent a hundred thousand dollars on animatronics
All 'cause Spirit Halloween made me rich
So now I'm gonna throw a party
And unleash my spirit!
I turned my house into a Spirit Halloween
I've got clowns in the kitchen, I've got Krampus on the keys
I've got ghouls, and skeletons too
It's almost Halloween, baby
Yes, you know what to do
You've gotta
Unleash your spirit
(You've gotta)
Unleash your spirit
(Krampus!)
Unleash your spirit
(You've gotta)
Unleash your spirit
Now I'm bobbing for apples with the boys
I got swingers in the other room making all kinds of noise
I got headless helper bringing me hors d'oeuvres
I keep forgetting scarecrow's in the corner
And he's getting on my nerves
My house is possessed by Spirit Halloween
I threw out all the smoke alarms and installed fog machines
I had a dream, and my dream came true
It's almost Halloween, I think you know what to do
You've gotta
Unleash your spirit
(You've gotta)
Unleash your spirit
(Scarecrow!)
Unleash your spirit
(You've gotta)
Unleash your spirit
Who invited this guy to my house?
You aren't supposed to be here, I need you to get out
You're ruining my party, you've disrupted my song
You've turned my friends against me
You're unbearably strong
My house is haunted by Spirit Halloween
They locked me in my basement, and no one can hear me scream
I had a dream, but I didn't think it through
Could someone call my grandma?
I think she'd know what to do
Could someone please
Go get my grandma?
(Could someone)
Go get my grandma?
(Help me!)
Go get my grandma
(Please!)
Go get my grandma
(Ah!)
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6. |
Doctor (Don't Scare Me)
02:16
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Can't breathe, choking on air
Can't think, I'm hurting everywhere
Went to the doctor for some special care
And he ran all kinds of tests
It's not good, it's pretty bad
Got months to live, if even that
He has the data, he has the stats
But then he crossed an ethical line
Doctor, don't scare me like that
What is this, spooky Halloween? You coulda gave me a heart attack
Doctor, why'd you spook me like that?
You're gonna give me a bad dream, tell me, how could you live with that?
He didn't speak, he only stared
I should've left but I was just too scared
He tilted his screen I said "Oh, don't you dare"
But the bastard doubled down
"These are your bones, this is your body
It's what you're made of, this isn't make believe
It's always been inside you there's nothing to be afraid of
Except for the disease, you're terminally ill"
Doctor, get this monster out of me
My body is a temple, not a Spirit Halloween
Doctor, cut this monster out of me
I've seen this guy on Scooby Doo, he's scary and he's mean
Please, doctor cut this monster out of me!
What else is inside me? Are there goblins in my feet?
Doctor cut these monsters out of me!
This spooky skeleton is suffocating me
This spooky skeleton is suffocating me
This spooky skeleton is suffocating me!
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7. |
Alien Life Form
02:05
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Eyes are watching from the skies
You're not alone at night
Shield your faces from the skies
We're not alone
Lights are falling from the sky
They call to me and I can't help but blindly follow at once
I am pulled into the sky revealing such a sight
That I can hardly swallow
It is Alf from Alf, Alf from Alf
Alf from Alf, it's Alf, the alien from Alf
Alf, Alf from Alf
Alf from Alf, it's Alf, the alien from Alf
He conducted cruel experiments (Alf, Alf from Alf)
He spit in my mouth (Alf from Alf, it's Alf, the alien from Alf)
He stuck ungodly things inside of me (Alf, Alf from Alf)
Using tools I can't pronounce (Alf from Alf, it's Alf, the alien from Alf)
But somеhow I forgive him (Alf, Alf from Alf)
Cause NBC did him wrong (Alf from Alf, it's Alf, the aliеn from Alf)
They never gave his show an ending (Alf, Alf from Alf)
So I'm giving him this song (Alf from Alf, it's Alf, the alien from Alf)
Alf, Alf (Alf, Alf from Alf)
Alf, Alf, we're celebrating Alf (Alf from Alf, it's Alf, the alien from Alf)
Alf, Alf (Alf, Alf from Alf)
Alf, Alf (Alf from Alf, it's Alf, the alien from Alf)
Maybe one day he'll return to us
On prime-time network TV
And we won't take him for granted
We'll race our voices and we'll sing
Alf, Alf, Alf, Alf, Alf, Alf, Alf, Alf (A-A-Alf)
Alf, Alf, Alf, Alf (A-A-Alf), Alf, Alf, Alf, Alf-Alf-Alf (A-A-Alf)
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8. |
Normal Man
03:37
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I’m just a normal man
I have important plans
I put the max yearly deposit in my 401(k)
Don’t have a social life
My older neighbors might
Be a bit eccentric but they cook
meals for me every night
It has a chalky undertaste
Triggers my imagination
I dream I wake in different places
Surrounded by peculiar faces
Saw the film “Junior” as a kid
Not sure what makes me think of it
But I see Arnold’s baby bump
Each time my pillow hits my head
I wake up sick
After having strange dreams
Can’t shake the feeling that there’s
Something wrong inside of me
Been gaining weight
I just can’t fit in my jeans
Can’t get comfortable
Cause something's wrong inside of me
The doctor told me I was fine
Just need a little exercise
I think that he’s been compromised
I know I’m right, I know I’m right
There’s something in me that is bad
I feel it kick, hear it laugh
Twisting until I break in half
It’s time to take my body back
I clench my fists
And push til I scream
I just can’t take it
Gotta get the bad thing out of me
I kick at the air
And pray for release
I've had enough
It’s time to cut this bad thing out of me
Pulled up a YouTube tutorial on cesarians
But I couldn’t make it until the end
I'll have to improvise, but just as I insert the knife
My neighbors burst inside with all their friends
They finished up the surgery
And pulled a baby boy from me
They told me of a prophecy
Where man begets a son who leads
All nations into darkness
And Junior is his name
Hail Junior!
And Junior is his name
Hail Junior!
And Junior is his name
Hail Junior!
And Junior is his name
Hail Junior!
And Junior is his name
Hail Junior!
Hey, wait a minute!
My goodness, how can it be!
I can’t believe that there is something else inside of me
I feel it rising up
Tunneling from deep down within
The prophecy did not foresee
That there would be a twin
Danny DeVito! Danny DeVito!
Danny DeVito will lead us out of darkness the twin
Danny DeVito! Danny DeVito!
Danny DeVito will lead us out of darkness again
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9. |
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I tried but can't sleep, hearing things
Can't help but think he's coming for me
Echoes ring deep repeatedly of menacing "You know what I mean"s
(Know what I mean)
Oh no
I'm being haunted by the ghost of Ernest P. Worrell
Oh no
I fear he's come to claim my soul and drag me back to Hell
Oh no
Haunted by the ghost of Ernest P. Worrell
(Know what I mean)
When I was a kid, I used to get
Excited for adventures with him
But now that I'm grown
His ghost insists that he was never my friend
Oh no
I'm being haunted by the ghost of Ernest P. Worrell
Oh no
I fear he's come to claim my soul and drag me back to Hell
Oh no
Haunted by the ghost of Ernest P. Worrell
Grandma was right, the prophecy is true
The men in the tunnels are coming and Hell on Earth is nigh
An event of apocalyptic, cataclysmic proportions
Will take place one week from today
Unless!
You receive five million retweets on this very song
(What? That's impossible!)
This is your mission
Know what I mean?
Oh no
This is the gospel of the ghost of Ernest P. Worrell
Oh no
I'm an apostle for the ghost of Ernest P. Worrell
Oh no
This is the gospel of the ghost of Ernest P. Worrell
(Know what I mean)
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10. |
Dracula Can Get Wet
02:43
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I said Dracula can't get wet, I was wrong and I regret it
But I'm making up for it, I'm the first one to admit now
That Dracula can get wet, Dracula can get wet
Dracula, I'm sorry, I confused you with the witch from the Wizard of Oz
My father called me, said, "How the hell could you mess up this bad?"
I am appalled by my reflection, for the record
I know Dracula doesn't have a reflection, but he can get wet
It takes huge balls to admit- Dracula can get wet
(Dracula, I'm sorry, Dracula, I'm sorry, Dracula, I'm sorry)
And I'll never forget- Dracula can get wet
Three cheers for me
Hip hip hooray
I set the record straight
Oh, Dracula
You're an evil bastard, but you can get wet
I shit the bed
But I'm burning the mattress so it'll never happen again
You wanna haunt a pirate ship?
It don't matter
You wanna dip into the sea?
It don't matter
You wanna moisturize your feet?
It don't matter
You wanna, you wanna, you wanna, you wanna
You wanna, you wanna, you wanna, you wanna
You wanna touch a puppies nose?
Have at it
You paint your fingers and your toes?
Have at it
You wanna drink straight from the hose?
No problem
You're an evil bastard, but you can get wet
Oh, Dracula
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11. |
Familiar Song
02:19
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La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
I hear voices coming from my shed, every night when I'm alone in bed
I pray it's just the neighbor's kid but I should probably check (la-la-la-la)
They were singing a familiar song, I remember from when I was young
Calling like a siren from the fiery depths of the unknown (la-la-la-la)
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
This is the song, Hellmo's song
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
This is the song
Hellmo told me there's a distant land, where monsters walk the streets of man
Where children sing their ABC's and you will be eternally damned (la-la-la-la)
I said Hellmo please get out of my shed
He said I won't leave without you, my friend
So I wrapped my hands around his neck and squeezed (That tickles!)
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
This is the song, Hellmo's song
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
This is the song, Hellmo's song
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
This is the song, Hellmo's song
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
This is the song, Hellmo's song
Hellmo's song, Hellmo's song
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12. |
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We all aim to retire at the age of 65
It's a carrot we spend chasing most of our lives
That's not the case though in Washington, D.C
More than half of elected officials match the textbook definition of elderly
Some are legends, sure, some are wise, but
Should anyone run for anything past the age of 75
Every branch of government is filled with people from both sides
Who were old enough to drive, before civil rights
Living dead in Washington, D.C
Gently rotted corpses uphold democracy
Gallivanting past the average life expectancy
Bloated, stinking corpses haunt Washington, D.C
Let me set things straight, I don't mean no disrepect
There ain't nothing wrong with being confused by the internet
But you're blocking legislation and it's making folks upset
Why not keep some dignity and ride off into the sunset
Enjoy your grandkids while you still can
Or write a book, or house the poor, or start a band
Get away from the Ghouls and their skeletons too
Start preparing your defense for when the reaper comes for you
Living dead in Washington, D.C
Gently rotted corpses propped up for all to see
Wrecking havoc on the world they won't even get to see
The living dead decide what's best for your whole family
The living dead decide what's best for your whole family
Out of touch, at best, at worst, out of their minds
Mass national cognitive decline
Sundown in D.C. on the taxpayer dime
Mass national cognitive decline
Out of touch, at best, at worst, out of their minds
Mass national cognitive decline
Sundown in D.C. on the taxpayer dime
Mass national cognitive decline
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13. |
BEANS
01:51
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Woke up this morning
Put on my shoes
They’re filled with beans
My God, what do I do?
Empty my pockets
They’re filled with beans
Try to run to the faucet
Ah! More beans?
When I take a sip of coffee
BEANS
When I reach into the mailbox
BEANS
When I carve into a pumpkin
BEANS
Everything is filled with beans
Look out my window
BEANS
Put my head against the pillow
BEANS
Can’t kiss my wife
Can’t scream
MY MOUTH IS FILLED WITH BEANS
Ahh! It was all a dream…
Or was it some kind of premonition?
This reminds me of that movie where the plane explodes
Prophesied by actor name of Devon Sawa
Perhaps it’s up to me to stop this bean calamity
It’s up to me to stop these beans
It’s up to me to stop these beans
I don’t touch the faucet
I don’t put on my shoes
I head straight to congress
I tell them about these beans
I made a chart and everything that said
“Beware of Beans”
But when they open their mouths
It’s just more beans
In the halls of congress
BEANS
In the oval office
BEANS
The beans are bottomless
BEANS
Everything is filled with beans
Every minute that the clock ticks
BEANS
Grows more preposterous
BEANS
If one man can stop this
It’s me
Only I can clean these beans
Beans belong in a can!
My name is Big Nick
And I’m running for President of the United States I’ll get these beans off the streets
They’re cold, they’re wet, they stink
And only I can fix it
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14. |
Spirit Halloween Planet
02:32
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Did I just live through the apocalypse?
Is there any sense in pretending
Things might be okay again?
If I had to guess there was any way out of this
I'd say, "Why not shut it all down
And build it back right?"
All I wanna see is Spirit Halloween
In every single store, on every single street
Make a global proclamation from sea to shining sea
Where Beetlejuice is president and I will be the king
Why not make what's left of the planet a Spirit Halloween?
Why not turn what's left of the planet into Spirit Halloween?
We're gonna change every day to the 31st
In a never-ending year of October
Bettlejuice'll be president in name only and
All responsibilities will fall on my shoulders
There's gonna be candy
And a mandatory Halloween tax
Paid directly to my Venmo in monthly installments
But there's no need to get into the weeds on that right now because
All I wanna see is Spirit Halloween
Change the ending of "Titanic" when the ship begins to sink
Have Beetlejuice pop out with a banner and sing
"This is the theme for Spirit Halloween"
Change the Hollywood sign to Spirit Halloween
Turn Mount Rushmore into skeletons but also include me
The world'll be a better place and if Grandma disagrees
We'll send her into outer space where no one can hear her scream
Why not make what's left of the planet a Spirit Halloween?
Why not turn what's left of the planet into Spirit Halloween?
Beetlejuice isn't a fan of my Halloween tax
And is being held as a political prisoner
Millions march demanding my resignation
But they're all just a little bit bitter
I gave them candy
What about the candy?
I gave them candy
Give me back my candy!
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15. |
Fall Time In Tennessee
02:08
|
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It's fall time in Tennessee
It feels so good outside
Wind is blowing through the trees
We got acorn falling left and right
It's fall time in Tennessee
The temperature is just right
The people of the forest are waking up
So lock your doors at night
Gonna light me a fire
Gonna make me a s'more
Gonna recite the incantation
That prevents the people from knocking down our door
It's fall time in Tennessee
The air smells like a pecan pie
Grab a cup of cider and hop insidе
We're going on a hayride
It's fall timе in Tennessee
The summer zipped right on by
The people of the forest are ready to feast
On the sacrificial swine
Spring time sends cyclones across the Texas plains
Cicada rise in the summer time across the eastern states
Tennessee in fall time is just the special kind of place
Where people climb down from the trees looking for a warm place to lay their eggs
It's fall time in Tennessee
Kennel your pets for the rest of the year
Send your kids away to some other state
And grab yourself a pumpkin beer
It's fall time in Tennessee
Don't even think about growing a beard
It's the perfect place for them to lay their eggs
I know it sounds kinda weird
But it's just Fall time in Tennessee
Things are different around here
Don't even think about growing a beard
It's fall time
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16. |
Crickets
02:26
|
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|
I sell crickets at the county fair
The seventh generation to hold a chair
But now suddenly they're telling me
That I'm no longer welcome there
They say they caught me on camera at the mayor's house
Naked with my belly pressed to the ground
Sniffing at her cellar like a basset hound
Digging my way down
But the mayor has no say in how I run my business
She doesn't know the first thing about catching crickets
And anyone can see that wasn't me who did this
That gentlеman has no hair
So I'm banished from the county fair
The crickеts are insistent it's warfare
They whisper while I sleep
"Show devotion to the queen"
"No mortal shall be spared"
So now I'm driving down the highway to the mayor's house
I've got a hundred-fifty crickets hidden in my mouth
And when she opens up her door I'm going to spit them out
I'mma teach her a thing or two about
How a mayor can't dictate a family tradition
She doesn't know the first thing of my sacred mission
The queen is calling me outside her jurisdiction
To the cellar beneath her stairs
SHOW DEVOTION TO THE QUEEN
SHOW DEVOTION TO THE QUEEN
SHOW DEVOTION TO THE QUEEN
SHOW DEVOTION TO THE QUEEN
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17. |
Nice Weather!
02:20
|
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|
I’ve been digging up cadavers all night
Nice weather!
But I can’t find any suitable parts
Cause these corpses decompose
and all that’s left of them are bones but
What I need is a fresh heart
This possum in the road will have to do
To make my wildest dreams come true
I’m building me a friend that’ll treat me right
It’s all I’ve wanted all my life
I named him Murphy and I taught him to catch
Nice weather!
He’s imperfect but I have no regrets
I keep him tied up in the barn
But he is growing very strong
And we’re running out of neighborhood pets
I woke up one morning and Murph was gone
I searched and called his name the whole day long
I found him looking tranquil at the edge of a creek
I shot him with a dart and put him back to sleep
He’s chained up in a cage now
But it’s for his own good
I love him like a son and that is well understood
Nice weather!
But for reasons I don’t cope
One night Murphy’s heart exploded
Nothing ever ends how it should
I can’t believe this happened again
How come every good thing has to end
All I’ve ever wanted was a family
Where no one hurts you and no one leaves
I found a plot of land at the top of a hill
I said a few words and my heart was filled
Cause suddenly to my surprise
Murphy took a deep breath and he opened his eyes
He was only playing possum
Now he’s biting my neck
Drinking my blood and eating chunks of my flesh
But one final thought remains
As his teeth enter my brain
It was true that I loved Murphy to death
Nice weather!
Nice weather!
Nice weather!
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18. |
||||
|
Paralyzed nation
Sick and depressed
Gotta keep myself together
Gotta take a deep breath
All because
There may never be
A Gremlins 3
So tell me where did the Gremlins go?
It's been so long with nothing to show
We could have had Gremlins versus Home Alone
Or at least a cameo in Attack of the Clones
There should have been a gremlin in Jurassic Park
Or a Jaws-like movie with a gremlin shark
Thirty years later we'rе all stuck at home
Crying in our sleep, wondering wherе did the Gremlins go?
It's a travesty that they've robbed us of history
We could have had Gremlins 4, Gremlins 5
Instead we got fourteen Land Before Times
I close my eyes and gremlins are all that I see
We could have had Gremlins 6, and Gremlins 7
Instead we got COVID and 9/11
So tell me where did the Gremlins go?
It's been so long
With nothing to show
Imagine there's a film where Gizmo becomes a gremlin
Who teaches the other gremlins about democracy and philosophy
They develop a country, they name it "Gremlin Nation"
They ban all immigration
They have genocidal tendencies
Gizmo isn't into it
Also, he has a kid
With a human woman
Played by Jennifer Aniston
We can call it Gremlins 3
There should have been a gremlin in Jurassic Park
Or a Jaws-like movie with a gremlin shark
Thirty years later we're all stuck at home
Crying in our sleep, wondering where did the Gremlins go
Joe Dante, where did the Gremlins go?
Howie Mandel, where did the Gremlins go?
Steven Spielberg?
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Nick Lutsko Chattanooga, Tennessee
Nick Lutsko is a songwriter, producer, and performer out of Chattanooga, TN. He routinely changes hats between performing high energy, theatrical shows with The $100K Band and creating songs and music videos for the likes of Netflix, Super Deluxe and CollegeHumor. Regardless of which hat Lutsko is wearing, weirdness abounds. ... more
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