HAUNTED

by Nick Lutsko

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threepixel
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threepixel I love that while the tracks correlate to the theme of Halloween there is such variety in the songs. From creepy to upbeat there's something for everyone even if they don't like spooky things. So grab a pumpkin beer, shave your beard and get yourself HAUNTED. Favorite track: Dracula Can Get Wet.
funymony
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funymony Gremlins speaks to me on an emotional level, But Fall Time in Tennessee prepares me for battle. Doctor reminds me that everyday there's a skeleton trying to find its way back home from within me. Favorite track: Where Did The Gremlins Go?.
odaaaann
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odaaaann A collection containing some of Big Nick's best songs, all perfect to play at your next Halloween party (presuming you have multiple Halloweens a year, like you ought to). Favorite track: Haunted By The Ghost of Ernest P. Worrell.
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  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Compilation of spooky songs from 2020-2024 ft the Spirit Halloween Trilogy, songs from each 'October Project,' and more

    Includes unlimited streaming of HAUNTED via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Download available in 24-bit/44.1kHz.
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  • Artwork by Primordial Creatures AKA Amanda Stamatalaky featuring Beetlejuice, Devil, Hellmo, ALF, beans, Danny Devito, Pumpkin Man, and Murphy

    Includes unlimited streaming of HAUNTED via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Download available in 24-bit/44.1kHz.
    ships out within 10 days
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1.
This is the theme for Spirit Halloween Grandma went and can't stop screaming Here's the thing about Spirit Halloween They got skeletons! I had a dream about Spirit Halloween They called me up and said they need a new theme song One thousand dollars for one hundred retweets I said, "Okay", they said, "Sweet" so This is the theme for Spirit Halloween They got ghouls! And new locations on every single street Saving the global economy In my dream about Spirit Halloween I had her specify the terms of my payment Was it one thousand dollars for each one hundred retweets? She said, "Yep", I said, "Sweet" My Venmo is at-Nicholas-dash-Lutsko-dash-one Before she hung up, she said she was a skeleton! Official theme for Spirit Halloween Guaranteed to give you a thrill Hail to the Queen, this is Spirit Halloween Haunting the buildings of every business Jeff Bezos killed Jeff Bezos murdered Barnes and Noble! Jeff Bezos murdered Sears! Jeff Bezos murdered Toys "R" Us, but Halloween is almost here! Jeff Bezos murdered Barnes and Noble! Jeff Bezos murdered Sears! Jeff Bezos murdered Toys "R" Us, but Spirit Halloween is here!
2.
Ghost Story 02:25
I died in 1859 I've haunted this old home since Lincoln was alive It burned down in 1995 But they made some renovations and the new family moves in today I can’t wait to spook them Here they come! Oh God, please, no It's the family from CoComelon I've turned to stone There’s no escaping from their cold dead eyes This was my home But now it's haunted by the CoComelon I just can't cope They're singing songs that sound like they were written by AI "Daddy jumping! Yes, haha Yes, yes, wow!" Please, CoComelon, show mercy to this old feeble soul! Denied I couldn't run and hide Their songs grew more demented, and yet I was hypnotized Have I died a second time? Am I cursed to spend eternity singing nursery rhymes from hell Under their spell Oh God, please, no I'm being tortured by the CoComelon They're in control I'm just a shell of my former self How could I know I’d be imprisoned by the CoComelon There’s nowhere to go Stuck in this house underneath their spell I'm in CoComelon hell I’m in CoComelon hell
3.
PUMPKIN MAN 02:39
Wasting away... dreaming about Pumpkin Man The greeting card companies won't take him seriously They don't give a damn, a damn about Pumpkin Man I spent my life savings commissioning this rendering He'll sneak into your home once the kids are asleep And ensure that the candies are wrapped properly Then he'll take a small taste just to prove that it's safe And leave sopping wet pumpkin seeds all over the place Wasting my day... building the Pumpkin Man His costume is made out of pumpkins I found in the street They don't have the balls to put him in shopping malls I'll die proving he has untapped marketability Sleep now, children, Pumpkin Man's Gonna touch your candy with wet hands He'll sneak into your room at night Once mom & dad turn out the lights Pumpkin Man shares pumpkin seeds With boys & girls on every street Pumpkin Man don't need a list He visits each and every kid Don't touch that candy to your face 'til Pumpkin Man has deemed it safe! Pumpkin Man is bound to be the champion of Halloween! The Pumpkin Man is bound to be the champion of Halloween! Pumpkin Man! Pumpkin Man!
4.
Halloween night, 1999 Suckin’ sour candy Just hangin’ with the guys We were plugging’ in the sega when lightning struck Desmond puked into the console and we all got sucked We all got sucked into the Sega I was chilling with the homies, we were listening to Lou Bega Now it’s 5 V 1 against the tournament champ But he’s sucking Greezy’s entrails just like Lady & The Tramp Down to 4 V 1, so we exit the arena We’re running for our lives but Cowboy Jon has emphysema So he ducked into a castle just to catch his breath When Dracula jumped out and bit his ass to death We’re all gonna die inside the Sega Wish we had a Sony, this don’t happen at the neighbors house And mom’s lecture on violent video games Hits different while zombies feast on Ceviche Man’s brains Desmond, I’ve had enough It’s time for us to level up Pass me a piece of Final Boss Sour candy Hell yup, let’s win this game And rewind the Lou Bega tape We will escape with help of Final Boss Sour Candy (They immediately die) GAME OVER Hi, welcome to Hell My name is Devil Great to have you! We’ve got so much going on In addition to eternal suffering IN FACT! Two months from tonight I’ll be very proud to say I built a new hell with computer That I’m calling Y2K Ceviche Man, call upon The cruel crustacean gods To smite this mighty demon By name of Beelzebub Desmond, hit him with your dip Greezy, shoot him with your ray Cowboy Jon, for the love of god Just stay out of the way NOOOOOOOOOO YOU’RE RUINING Y2K
5.
This is the sequel to the theme of Spirit Halloween I put Grandma in a Motel 6 And spent a hundred thousand dollars on animatronics All 'cause Spirit Halloween made me rich So now I'm gonna throw a party And unleash my spirit! I turned my house into a Spirit Halloween I've got clowns in the kitchen, I've got Krampus on the keys I've got ghouls, and skeletons too It's almost Halloween, baby Yes, you know what to do You've gotta Unleash your spirit (You've gotta) Unleash your spirit (Krampus!) Unleash your spirit (You've gotta) Unleash your spirit Now I'm bobbing for apples with the boys I got swingers in the other room making all kinds of noise I got headless helper bringing me hors d'oeuvres I keep forgetting scarecrow's in the corner And he's getting on my nerves My house is possessed by Spirit Halloween I threw out all the smoke alarms and installed fog machines I had a dream, and my dream came true It's almost Halloween, I think you know what to do You've gotta Unleash your spirit (You've gotta) Unleash your spirit (Scarecrow!) Unleash your spirit (You've gotta) Unleash your spirit Who invited this guy to my house? You aren't supposed to be here, I need you to get out You're ruining my party, you've disrupted my song You've turned my friends against me You're unbearably strong My house is haunted by Spirit Halloween They locked me in my basement, and no one can hear me scream I had a dream, but I didn't think it through Could someone call my grandma? I think she'd know what to do Could someone please Go get my grandma? (Could someone) Go get my grandma? (Help me!) Go get my grandma (Please!) Go get my grandma (Ah!)
6.
Can't breathe, choking on air Can't think, I'm hurting everywhere Went to the doctor for some special care And he ran all kinds of tests It's not good, it's pretty bad Got months to live, if even that He has the data, he has the stats But then he crossed an ethical line Doctor, don't scare me like that What is this, spooky Halloween? You coulda gave me a heart attack Doctor, why'd you spook me like that? You're gonna give me a bad dream, tell me, how could you live with that? He didn't speak, he only stared I should've left but I was just too scared He tilted his screen I said "Oh, don't you dare" But the bastard doubled down "These are your bones, this is your body It's what you're made of, this isn't make believe It's always been inside you there's nothing to be afraid of Except for the disease, you're terminally ill" Doctor, get this monster out of me My body is a temple, not a Spirit Halloween Doctor, cut this monster out of me I've seen this guy on Scooby Doo, he's scary and he's mean Please, doctor cut this monster out of me! What else is inside me? Are there goblins in my feet? Doctor cut these monsters out of me! This spooky skeleton is suffocating me This spooky skeleton is suffocating me This spooky skeleton is suffocating me!
7.
Eyes are watching from the skies You're not alone at night Shield your faces from the skies We're not alone Lights are falling from the sky They call to me and I can't help but blindly follow at once I am pulled into the sky revealing such a sight That I can hardly swallow It is Alf from Alf, Alf from Alf Alf from Alf, it's Alf, the alien from Alf Alf, Alf from Alf Alf from Alf, it's Alf, the alien from Alf He conducted cruel experiments (Alf, Alf from Alf) He spit in my mouth (Alf from Alf, it's Alf, the alien from Alf) He stuck ungodly things inside of me (Alf, Alf from Alf) Using tools I can't pronounce (Alf from Alf, it's Alf, the alien from Alf) But somеhow I forgive him (Alf, Alf from Alf) Cause NBC did him wrong (Alf from Alf, it's Alf, the aliеn from Alf) They never gave his show an ending (Alf, Alf from Alf) So I'm giving him this song (Alf from Alf, it's Alf, the alien from Alf) Alf, Alf (Alf, Alf from Alf) Alf, Alf, we're celebrating Alf (Alf from Alf, it's Alf, the alien from Alf) Alf, Alf (Alf, Alf from Alf) Alf, Alf (Alf from Alf, it's Alf, the alien from Alf) Maybe one day he'll return to us On prime-time network TV And we won't take him for granted We'll race our voices and we'll sing Alf, Alf, Alf, Alf, Alf, Alf, Alf, Alf (A-A-Alf) Alf, Alf, Alf, Alf (A-A-Alf), Alf, Alf, Alf, Alf-Alf-Alf (A-A-Alf)
8.
Normal Man 03:37
I’m just a normal man I have important plans I put the max yearly deposit in my 401(k) Don’t have a social life My older neighbors might Be a bit eccentric but they cook meals for me every night It has a chalky undertaste Triggers my imagination I dream I wake in different places Surrounded by peculiar faces Saw the film “Junior” as a kid Not sure what makes me think of it But I see Arnold’s baby bump Each time my pillow hits my head I wake up sick After having strange dreams Can’t shake the feeling that there’s Something wrong inside of me Been gaining weight I just can’t fit in my jeans Can’t get comfortable Cause something's wrong inside of me The doctor told me I was fine Just need a little exercise I think that he’s been compromised I know I’m right, I know I’m right There’s something in me that is bad I feel it kick, hear it laugh Twisting until I break in half It’s time to take my body back I clench my fists And push til I scream I just can’t take it Gotta get the bad thing out of me I kick at the air And pray for release I've had enough It’s time to cut this bad thing out of me Pulled up a YouTube tutorial on cesarians But I couldn’t make it until the end I'll have to improvise, but just as I insert the knife My neighbors burst inside with all their friends They finished up the surgery And pulled a baby boy from me They told me of a prophecy Where man begets a son who leads All nations into darkness And Junior is his name Hail Junior! And Junior is his name Hail Junior! And Junior is his name Hail Junior! And Junior is his name Hail Junior! And Junior is his name Hail Junior! Hey, wait a minute! My goodness, how can it be! I can’t believe that there is something else inside of me I feel it rising up Tunneling from deep down within The prophecy did not foresee That there would be a twin Danny DeVito! Danny DeVito! Danny DeVito will lead us out of darkness the twin Danny DeVito! Danny DeVito! Danny DeVito will lead us out of darkness again
9.
I tried but can't sleep, hearing things Can't help but think he's coming for me Echoes ring deep repeatedly of menacing "You know what I mean"s (Know what I mean) Oh no I'm being haunted by the ghost of Ernest P. Worrell Oh no I fear he's come to claim my soul and drag me back to Hell Oh no Haunted by the ghost of Ernest P. Worrell (Know what I mean) When I was a kid, I used to get Excited for adventures with him But now that I'm grown His ghost insists that he was never my friend Oh no I'm being haunted by the ghost of Ernest P. Worrell Oh no I fear he's come to claim my soul and drag me back to Hell Oh no Haunted by the ghost of Ernest P. Worrell Grandma was right, the prophecy is true The men in the tunnels are coming and Hell on Earth is nigh An event of apocalyptic, cataclysmic proportions Will take place one week from today Unless! You receive five million retweets on this very song (What? That's impossible!) This is your mission Know what I mean? Oh no This is the gospel of the ghost of Ernest P. Worrell Oh no I'm an apostle for the ghost of Ernest P. Worrell Oh no This is the gospel of the ghost of Ernest P. Worrell (Know what I mean)
10.
I said Dracula can't get wet, I was wrong and I regret it But I'm making up for it, I'm the first one to admit now That Dracula can get wet, Dracula can get wet Dracula, I'm sorry, I confused you with the witch from the Wizard of Oz My father called me, said, "How the hell could you mess up this bad?" I am appalled by my reflection, for the record I know Dracula doesn't have a reflection, but he can get wet It takes huge balls to admit- Dracula can get wet (Dracula, I'm sorry, Dracula, I'm sorry, Dracula, I'm sorry) And I'll never forget- Dracula can get wet Three cheers for me Hip hip hooray I set the record straight Oh, Dracula You're an evil bastard, but you can get wet I shit the bed But I'm burning the mattress so it'll never happen again You wanna haunt a pirate ship? It don't matter You wanna dip into the sea? It don't matter You wanna moisturize your feet? It don't matter You wanna, you wanna, you wanna, you wanna You wanna, you wanna, you wanna, you wanna You wanna touch a puppies nose? Have at it You paint your fingers and your toes? Have at it You wanna drink straight from the hose? No problem You're an evil bastard, but you can get wet Oh, Dracula
11.
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la I hear voices coming from my shed, every night when I'm alone in bed I pray it's just the neighbor's kid but I should probably check (la-la-la-la) They were singing a familiar song, I remember from when I was young Calling like a siren from the fiery depths of the unknown (la-la-la-la) La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la This is the song, Hellmo's song La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la This is the song Hellmo told me there's a distant land, where monsters walk the streets of man Where children sing their ABC's and you will be eternally damned (la-la-la-la) I said Hellmo please get out of my shed He said I won't leave without you, my friend So I wrapped my hands around his neck and squeezed (That tickles!) La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la This is the song, Hellmo's song La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la This is the song, Hellmo's song La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la This is the song, Hellmo's song La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la This is the song, Hellmo's song Hellmo's song, Hellmo's song
12.
We all aim to retire at the age of 65 It's a carrot we spend chasing most of our lives That's not the case though in Washington, D.C More than half of elected officials match the textbook definition of elderly Some are legends, sure, some are wise, but Should anyone run for anything past the age of 75 Every branch of government is filled with people from both sides Who were old enough to drive, before civil rights Living dead in Washington, D.C Gently rotted corpses uphold democracy Gallivanting past the average life expectancy Bloated, stinking corpses haunt Washington, D.C Let me set things straight, I don't mean no disrepect There ain't nothing wrong with being confused by the internet But you're blocking legislation and it's making folks upset Why not keep some dignity and ride off into the sunset Enjoy your grandkids while you still can Or write a book, or house the poor, or start a band Get away from the Ghouls and their skeletons too Start preparing your defense for when the reaper comes for you Living dead in Washington, D.C Gently rotted corpses propped up for all to see Wrecking havoc on the world they won't even get to see The living dead decide what's best for your whole family The living dead decide what's best for your whole family Out of touch, at best, at worst, out of their minds Mass national cognitive decline Sundown in D.C. on the taxpayer dime Mass national cognitive decline Out of touch, at best, at worst, out of their minds Mass national cognitive decline Sundown in D.C. on the taxpayer dime Mass national cognitive decline
13.
BEANS 01:51
Woke up this morning Put on my shoes They’re filled with beans My God, what do I do? Empty my pockets They’re filled with beans Try to run to the faucet Ah! More beans? When I take a sip of coffee BEANS When I reach into the mailbox BEANS When I carve into a pumpkin BEANS Everything is filled with beans Look out my window BEANS Put my head against the pillow BEANS Can’t kiss my wife Can’t scream MY MOUTH IS FILLED WITH BEANS Ahh! It was all a dream… Or was it some kind of premonition? This reminds me of that movie where the plane explodes Prophesied by actor name of Devon Sawa Perhaps it’s up to me to stop this bean calamity It’s up to me to stop these beans It’s up to me to stop these beans I don’t touch the faucet I don’t put on my shoes I head straight to congress I tell them about these beans I made a chart and everything that said “Beware of Beans” But when they open their mouths It’s just more beans In the halls of congress BEANS In the oval office BEANS The beans are bottomless BEANS Everything is filled with beans Every minute that the clock ticks BEANS Grows more preposterous BEANS If one man can stop this It’s me Only I can clean these beans Beans belong in a can! My name is Big Nick And I’m running for President of the United States I’ll get these beans off the streets They’re cold, they’re wet, they stink And only I can fix it
14.
Did I just live through the apocalypse? Is there any sense in pretending Things might be okay again? If I had to guess there was any way out of this I'd say, "Why not shut it all down And build it back right?" All I wanna see is Spirit Halloween In every single store, on every single street Make a global proclamation from sea to shining sea Where Beetlejuice is president and I will be the king Why not make what's left of the planet a Spirit Halloween? Why not turn what's left of the planet into Spirit Halloween? We're gonna change every day to the 31st In a never-ending year of October Bettlejuice'll be president in name only and All responsibilities will fall on my shoulders There's gonna be candy And a mandatory Halloween tax Paid directly to my Venmo in monthly installments But there's no need to get into the weeds on that right now because All I wanna see is Spirit Halloween Change the ending of "Titanic" when the ship begins to sink Have Beetlejuice pop out with a banner and sing "This is the theme for Spirit Halloween" Change the Hollywood sign to Spirit Halloween Turn Mount Rushmore into skeletons but also include me The world'll be a better place and if Grandma disagrees We'll send her into outer space where no one can hear her scream Why not make what's left of the planet a Spirit Halloween? Why not turn what's left of the planet into Spirit Halloween? Beetlejuice isn't a fan of my Halloween tax And is being held as a political prisoner Millions march demanding my resignation But they're all just a little bit bitter I gave them candy What about the candy? I gave them candy Give me back my candy!
15.
It's fall time in Tennessee It feels so good outside Wind is blowing through the trees We got acorn falling left and right It's fall time in Tennessee The temperature is just right The people of the forest are waking up So lock your doors at night Gonna light me a fire Gonna make me a s'more Gonna recite the incantation That prevents the people from knocking down our door It's fall time in Tennessee The air smells like a pecan pie Grab a cup of cider and hop insidе We're going on a hayride It's fall timе in Tennessee The summer zipped right on by The people of the forest are ready to feast On the sacrificial swine Spring time sends cyclones across the Texas plains Cicada rise in the summer time across the eastern states Tennessee in fall time is just the special kind of place Where people climb down from the trees looking for a warm place to lay their eggs It's fall time in Tennessee Kennel your pets for the rest of the year Send your kids away to some other state And grab yourself a pumpkin beer It's fall time in Tennessee Don't even think about growing a beard It's the perfect place for them to lay their eggs I know it sounds kinda weird But it's just Fall time in Tennessee Things are different around here Don't even think about growing a beard It's fall time
16.
Crickets 02:26
I sell crickets at the county fair The seventh generation to hold a chair But now suddenly they're telling me That I'm no longer welcome there They say they caught me on camera at the mayor's house Naked with my belly pressed to the ground Sniffing at her cellar like a basset hound Digging my way down But the mayor has no say in how I run my business She doesn't know the first thing about catching crickets And anyone can see that wasn't me who did this That gentlеman has no hair So I'm banished from the county fair The crickеts are insistent it's warfare They whisper while I sleep "Show devotion to the queen" "No mortal shall be spared" So now I'm driving down the highway to the mayor's house I've got a hundred-fifty crickets hidden in my mouth And when she opens up her door I'm going to spit them out I'mma teach her a thing or two about How a mayor can't dictate a family tradition She doesn't know the first thing of my sacred mission The queen is calling me outside her jurisdiction To the cellar beneath her stairs SHOW DEVOTION TO THE QUEEN SHOW DEVOTION TO THE QUEEN SHOW DEVOTION TO THE QUEEN SHOW DEVOTION TO THE QUEEN
17.
I’ve been digging up cadavers all night Nice weather! But I can’t find any suitable parts Cause these corpses decompose and all that’s left of them are bones but What I need is a fresh heart This possum in the road will have to do To make my wildest dreams come true I’m building me a friend that’ll treat me right It’s all I’ve wanted all my life I named him Murphy and I taught him to catch Nice weather! He’s imperfect but I have no regrets I keep him tied up in the barn But he is growing very strong And we’re running out of neighborhood pets I woke up one morning and Murph was gone I searched and called his name the whole day long I found him looking tranquil at the edge of a creek I shot him with a dart and put him back to sleep He’s chained up in a cage now But it’s for his own good I love him like a son and that is well understood Nice weather! But for reasons I don’t cope One night Murphy’s heart exploded Nothing ever ends how it should I can’t believe this happened again How come every good thing has to end All I’ve ever wanted was a family Where no one hurts you and no one leaves I found a plot of land at the top of a hill I said a few words and my heart was filled Cause suddenly to my surprise Murphy took a deep breath and he opened his eyes He was only playing possum Now he’s biting my neck Drinking my blood and eating chunks of my flesh But one final thought remains As his teeth enter my brain It was true that I loved Murphy to death Nice weather! Nice weather! Nice weather!
18.
Paralyzed nation Sick and depressed Gotta keep myself together Gotta take a deep breath All because There may never be A Gremlins 3 So tell me where did the Gremlins go? It's been so long with nothing to show We could have had Gremlins versus Home Alone Or at least a cameo in Attack of the Clones There should have been a gremlin in Jurassic Park Or a Jaws-like movie with a gremlin shark Thirty years later we'rе all stuck at home Crying in our sleep, wondering wherе did the Gremlins go? It's a travesty that they've robbed us of history We could have had Gremlins 4, Gremlins 5 Instead we got fourteen Land Before Times I close my eyes and gremlins are all that I see We could have had Gremlins 6, and Gremlins 7 Instead we got COVID and 9/11 So tell me where did the Gremlins go? It's been so long With nothing to show Imagine there's a film where Gizmo becomes a gremlin Who teaches the other gremlins about democracy and philosophy They develop a country, they name it "Gremlin Nation" They ban all immigration They have genocidal tendencies Gizmo isn't into it Also, he has a kid With a human woman Played by Jennifer Aniston We can call it Gremlins 3 There should have been a gremlin in Jurassic Park Or a Jaws-like movie with a gremlin shark Thirty years later we're all stuck at home Crying in our sleep, wondering where did the Gremlins go Joe Dante, where did the Gremlins go? Howie Mandel, where did the Gremlins go? Steven Spielberg?

about

'HAUNTED' is a collection of Halloween-themed songs released 2020-2024.

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released October 25, 2024

Artwork by Amanda Stamatelaky
Mastered by Adam Brown
Saxophones by Jon Elliott

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Nick Lutsko Chattanooga, Tennessee

Nick Lutsko is a songwriter, producer, and performer out of Chattanooga, TN. He routinely changes hats between performing high energy, theatrical shows with The $100K Band and creating songs and music videos for the likes of Netflix, Super Deluxe and CollegeHumor. Regardless of which hat Lutsko is wearing, weirdness abounds. ... more

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