Overcome Your Fear

B,

This post is about fear. About terror. Fright.

I figured I might lead with that, because this is not an easy topic, and I don’t want to treat it lightheartedly. If you’re not in a place where you feel comfortable to look into your fears, I would suggest finding a different moment to read this post. It can wait (but not forever).

Our lives are full of fear. When you’ve read this paragraph I want you to close your eyes for a moment and think about this: You’re in a tiny space, confined, trapped, but warm and comfortable. You cannot see, but you feel a heartbeat that you know is not your own. Occasionally, you may hear muffled voices that you don’t understand. You cannot speak. Then, with little warning, you feel pushed. Your head is being crushed and you’re being forced through a tunnel where you cannot know what is waiting on the other side.

Fear.

Our lives start in fear, and they end with it. When we are done we go into another dark tunnel and there may or may not be a light at the end of it. We cannot know.

Fear.

And I’m not even talking about all the fear we get exposed to during our lives. Fear for our lives, fear for our loved ones, fear for our future, fear of the past. If I didn’t know any better, I might say that fear rules our lives.

Yes, fear does control big parts of our lives, but that’s exactly the key: It only controls parts of it. There is so much else that also controls our lives. Love. Curiosity. Joy. Fear only rules our lives to the extent that we let it, even though some things are inevitable.

That doesn’t mean that you’re doing something wrong if you let fear rule a large part of your life, but assuming you want that to change, you should be aware that living your life in fear is a cycle of fulfilment that you can break out of.

Fear reinforces itself. Every time something bad happens to you – an accident, a breakup, the loss of a relative, anything really that gravely upsets you – you feel pain and your natural reaction is that you want to avoid suffering such pain again. You become more cautious, and you will try to avoid certain mistakes so that you are better prepared next time. But unless you’re careful, you may recognise this as the spiral of fear that you may already be participating in.

Because that’s the thing: The more careful you are, the more you let your fears tell you what to do. But the more reckless you are, the less fear you experience, and the further you push your fears away from you.

Yes, your fear will always catch up with you again. All the damage you cause, all the hurt you cause, it will all come back to chase you in the end. So there’s no point in running away from it.

Stand still. Face those fears. Be bold and stare them down and up their hairy noses. Retribution comes for all of us, so you might as well get it over with.

So long as you keep faith and stand courageous, your fears do nothing but threaten. They howl in the wind like wolves. Growl like an angry dog. Facing retribution means you don’t turn your back when a bear is blocking your path.

This is only your fear talking.

Don’t look back now. Spiders are no priority when a bear is staring you down.

Treat it with respect and lower your eyes to the path.

Take a short breather to recount your steps. If the bear walks towards you, back up slowly, but don’t you dare start running now.

That’s only your fear talking.

Count, take another step back.

Now imagine the bear is your mother. She has lost you, because you decided to get married and she had to accept that she was going to see a whole lot less of you.

Bow for her, B.

Keep those sorry tears for later, because a bear only backs down when she can smell that you are no longer a threat.

Beg for mercy if you have to. When the clearing has opened up again, you will have plenty of time to cry and to return to your senses.

But for now the fear is gone. Because you just underwent a test of bravery and you may be granted another chance.

If you’re careful, you can try again. Your loved ones thank you, so congratulate yourself. Maybe share a nice moment with them.

Thank you, for reading and for sticking with me.

Don’t get stuck in reading too much into everything though. Philosophy is best appreciated in slow pieces. So forget those fears for now, and focus on the other senses.

Love, curiosity, joy.

I’ll be back with another post soon.

Love, Arend