June 26
So I hit a milestone birthday and, more than any other thought or feeling, I was left with an overwhelming sense of gratitude.
I felt content in my own skin. Happy with where I am, who I am, and genuinely excited to celebrate with friends and family. Not because I felt I had to, but because I wanted to.
To mark the occasion, I’ll attempt something millions of people have probably done before me: forty things I’ve learnt at forty. Or perhaps forty things I wish I’d had the chance to discuss with my twenty-year-old self.
40 Things I’ve Learnt at 40
1. No one cares as much as you think they do.
The amount of time I spent in my younger years agonising over what other people thought of me was an incredible waste of energy. Most people are thinking about themselves, not you. Realising this was one of the most liberating lessons of my life.
2. Respect should be given freely, until it needs to be withdrawn.
Start from a place of goodwill. Most people deserve that much.
3. Hate and anger are baggage.
The lighter you travel through life, the better. Carrying resentment only poisons the person carrying it.
4. Virtue and empathy are unshakeable foundations.
They rarely make headlines, but they make for a life well lived.
5. Take care of your health.
Mental and physical. Exercise remains the closest thing I’ve found to a miracle drug. Pair it with decent food, decent sleep and the occasional vice, and you’ve got a pretty good formula.
6. Relationships have seasons.
Some people enter your life for a reason, and some eventually leave. That doesn’t diminish what they meant. Sometimes they even come back around.
7. Lonely periods don’t last forever.
They can feel endless while you’re in them, but often the growth you’re looking for sits on the other side.
8. Relationships are the only real currency.
Friendship, family and shared experiences have provided more value than anything money has ever bought me.
9. Give without expecting applause.
If you’re doing something purely for recognition, you’re making a transaction. Do things because they’re worth doing.
10. Travel is one of the best investments you can make.
It broadens perspective, builds confidence and constantly reminds you how much bigger the world is than your immediate surroundings.
11. The obstacle is the way.
Thank you, Ryan Holiday.
12. Most inadequacies exist only in your own mind.
I’ve spent years worrying about things nobody else noticed.
13. There is no substitute for hard work.
There are shortcuts to many things. This isn’t one of them.
14. Patience matters almost as much as talent.
Possibly more.
15. Timing and luck are real.
Don’t underestimate either.
16. Stay humble and listen.
Especially to people who know things you don’t.
17. You know far less than you think you do.
Remain a student. There’s something to learn from almost everyone.
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18. It’s okay to walk your own path.
Just try to find fellow travellers along the way.
19. Be gracious in both victory and defeat.
Character is easiest to judge when things don’t go your way.
20. Lose. Then lose again.
Failure is an extraordinary teacher if you’re willing to listen.
21. Love, grieve and love again.
The alternative is far worse.
22. Be bold, even when you’re terrified.
Courage rarely arrives before action.
23. Every new experience teaches you something.
Say yes more often than you say no.
24. The only true failure is not trying.
Everything else is feedback.
25. No one is coming to save you.
At some point you have to become responsible for your own life.
26. Don’t make your problems someone else’s burden.
Seek support when you need it, but don’t expect others to carry what you refuse to carry yourself.
27. Take responsibility.
Full stop.
28. Some people simply won’t like you.
That’s fine. Move on.
29. Wear sunscreen.
The older me feels very strongly about this one.
30. Routine and deadlines create freedom.
Structure gives you space to be creative.
31. The magic you’re looking for is often the hard work you’re avoiding.
32. Never stop learning.
A language, a sport, an instrument, a board game — it doesn’t matter. Stay curious.
33. Boundaries are freedom.
Every meaningful “yes” requires a few well-placed “no’s”.
34. Take control of your finances.
Savings, pensions and investments provide something incredibly valuable: peace of mind.
35. Family dynamics are complicated.
Let go of judgement. Let go of expectations. Life becomes easier.
36. Regret carries interest.
The older you get, the more important it becomes to make decisions that future-you can live with.
37. Comparison is, was and always will be the thief of joy.
38. You’re allowed to change your mind.
About yourself, your beliefs, your ambitions and your future. You are not a fixed entity.
39. Reach out to people.
If someone crosses your mind, send the message. Most people appreciate hearing from an old friend.
40. Be kind, thoughtful and authentic.
People rarely remember exactly what you said or did. They remember how you made them feel. Work hard, stay open and try to leave things a little better than you found them.
