Microaggression
In South Africa, August is known as Women’s Month. How about we skip the Women’s Month talks and treat each other with kindness and respect all year? Especially females with females.
Microaggression was a topic on the radio recently. I was surprised, as you don't often hear this term and most people don’t know what it is. Until you explain it, then they go, “Ahhh, that sounds familiar”. Unfortunately, the discussion on the radio didn’t tackle it the way I expected. It brought up the topic of Women’s Month and went on to highlight a woman who spoke a little too perfectly. Which led me to think if her words were her own or perfected through AI.
No one is perfect.
I wanted to post this topic months ago, but I didn't know what to write. Yet, microaggression is an important topic, and the least spoken about in the workplace today. In the past, it was always there; we just didn’t know the term for it.
Microaggression is subtle.
Some are unintentional. Some are intentional. It’s those little remarks that someone says that make you feel less of a person or make you doubt yourself. E.g., someone might say, “Oh, I’m really good at doing x task”… just after you say that you struggle with that particular task.
Or someone saying, “I got a higher title than you, yet you got more experience than me… isn’t that funny!”
No, it's not funny.
You start to think it's all in your head. Maybe it's just me…
Then you tell someone, and they either gaslight what you say or brush it off as “That’s just how she is”.
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Sadly, a lot of the time it's females doing this to females. Ironic, isn’t it?
I was a victim of microaggression. I didn’t know what was happening to me. Why I was feeling so overwhelmed or how to deal with it. Until I could name it. Like a demon… once you name it, you learn what it is. Understand it and how to handle it.
I confronted the people individually. Face to face. People are different when they're not in a group where they have their group support or can shoot comments behind a keyboard. One person didn’t know what to say and defaulted to playing the victim.
Power and control.
When people feel threatened, they worry about their power, influence, and control.
I prepared what I needed to say to each person, trying to understand their motivation behind their behavior. Making a common goal visible so we can find a way to work better together even if we don’t like each other. One person apologized. Did they continue their behavior? Not immediately, but yes, they did.
We can’t solve everything.
Three things that helped me in this situation…
- Name it. The more you understand what’s happening to you and why you're feeling what you're feeling, the better you can tackle it.
- Have courage. Surround yourself with people who truly support you and the work you're doing. It helps build the courage you will need to move past it.
- Believe in yourself. Confidence kills the bullies and gaslighters. Doubt leads to overthinking and a fast spiral into darkness. Build daily habits that build your confidence.
I’m not a psychologist. This is my experience. Raw and real. It might not make sense, and that's okay.
Talk to people individually. Call it out! Find common ground. Be calm and prepared. Accept that it may not stop the bad behaviour or how they treat you. Then again, we don’t always see if our words of kindness, even in hurtful situations, can change a person. That’s not always visible to us. As a woman going through this was horrible — mentally and physically. It’s easier now to write about this months later. If anything, it taught me more about myself, what I’m truly made of, and who supports me.
