Guess this is my first blog of 2024: almost 6 months since I posted. Well, I’m still alive! Still gigging with Shock Sorrow, still doing live sound with Na Píobairí Uilleann.

Three weeks ago today, myself and Richie went back to Stockholm for a little spring getaway. It’s been a year and a half since we first went: what a crazy time that was (eviction, house hunting, buying somewhere eventually, all the while still keeping on keeping on and holding sh*t together: adulting, I guess).

I’ll write more about my trip to Stockholm some other time, but Sweden in the winter is gorgeous. A fairytale. A land of snow and ice and evergreen trees and beautiful red houses.

You can imagine one Friday afternoon, after traveling a 400km round trip from Stockholm to the city of Linköping and back. After an unexplained 15-minute train delay back to Stockholm, we found ourselves walking back to our hotel in Södermalm, a trendy area in south Stockholm, tired, hungry, and needing a bit of a lie-down.

Walking along a quiet residential street just off the main shopping street, we heard this amazing, epic, chanting music. It was really cool music and I’ve no idea what it was. It became louder and louder very quickly and we watched in surprise as this man on a bicycle sped by us with a speaker in his front basket! We laughed “Only in Stockholm would you see something as cool as that!” and literally, one or two seconds later, I found myself face-to-face with my number one musical hero: Tobias Forge.

I thought I stepped into a dream. If you know me at all, you know that I fell in love with Forge’s music a few years ago, fell deep down a rabbit hole, and never came back out. Need I remind you who he is? The prime mover, the mastermind, the lead singer, songwriter of the Swedish rock band, Ghost. He has a huge career in music, dating from the late 90s and he has delved into death metal, alternative punk/rock/pop bands, playing guitar and bass guitar and singing. All of his recorded music is the bomb.

Well, there, without warning (although one could say that dude on the bicycle served as a warning: an angel on Earth heralding probably the most incredible moment of my life!), there was the artist I have spent so long admiring, standing right in front of me and looking directly at me! I know him! Oh my freaking God, that’s Tobias Forge! He’s REAL! I was actually very confused for a spell. I somehow thought that he knew me, that he recognised me, somehow, because that was the expression on his face: it was intense but filled with kindness. I’ve never been looked at like that before. How does he know me? He doesn’t know me! Don’t be silly, Steff! From that gaze alone, I can confirm that he has a special aura.

He had stopped to talk to us. My partner had said hello to him (in Swedish) and I hadn’t heard. Tobias was smiling and I was introduced “This is the fan! You need to talk to her!” I could only eek out a “hi”. I can’t really remember, I was in absolute shock. But I remember how he gave me his attention (in my experience, most of the Swedish men I had talked to were more interested in talking to my partner than me, even though I’m the one who actually has a level of Swedish!). I remember the sound of his voice, his American accent as he spoke English, I remember the sudden change in his voice as he broke into a roar in Swedish at his friends who were roaring at him in the street (he had been walking with friends but I never saw them: clearly the conversation was that they were heading on, catch you later!), it was cute and funny. He asked where we came from, what were we doing here, when did we arrive (I couldn’t remember what day it was: he must have thought I was nuts that I suddenly couldn’t process a simple question like that), had we been to the Vasa Museum (the day before we had) and if I would like a photograph. He was clearly trying to make me feel comfortable: it’s a known fact in the Ghost fandom that Tobias has a special way to get starstruck fans to speak. He’s terribly sweet.

He asked twice if I had anything with me for him to sign, which I did. That’s when I dropped my bag to the ground to rummage through for a 7″ vinyl I had: just in case. I never dared to dream that this moment would actually happen: out of the 1,720,000 people that live in Stockholm I would meet the ONE that I admired most! He was wearing these big black platform boots, the very same as he wore to the GRAMMYs ceremony less than a month before, and his trademark black coat, black skinny-fit jeans (or they could have been trendy trousers), a dark blue chunky knit scarf, and a faded black Ripped Corpse vintage t-shirt. His hair has grown long (his quiff days seem to be a thing of the past) to just under his ears and hung in a natural parting just off centre of his head. He looked like a freaking rock star. He must have been 6 foot tall! He’s reputedly to be 5 ft 9″ but with these boots, he was certainly head and shoulders above me. And that also knocked the wind out of me.

He cheerfully signed my “Enter Sandman” record: the one my Ghost friend in America had secured specially for me, as it could only be bought on the American leg of the Imperatour in 2022. I had to have that record: Ghost covering Metallica and the artwork is superb: Papa IV is wearing his trademark Cardinal Copia suit and he still has his mustache and sideburns (as Papa IV, he would lose these and undergo face “surgery”!) I told Tobias that this record was my “holy grail” and he looked up, realised how difficult it must have been for me to attain that record and we immediately had a discussion about it. It was very cool to talk about it and the Ghost fandom with him.

The rest of our meeting I’ll save for myself but I did manage to eek out a grattis på födelsedagen (his 43rd birthday was 2 days away), I may have half genuflected at him and he definitely looked amused. I gifted him two CDs with a rushed explanation “I’m a musician, music producer and sound engineer. I made these over the lockdown. You inspire me! I want you to listen to them! I just love what you do!” Was I able to convey “You are the single most influential person in my musical palette/ I deeply admire your musical artistry, your talent, your skills/ I love how you make music/ Your music brings me joy”? Nope. Might he have understood that anyway? Possibly. He has that fingerspitzengefühl thing going on. He reads people. He was certainly reading me.

He thanked me. I asked for a hug before we parted ways and he smiled, saying “Sure!” (his favourite English word we gathered, he said it a lot!). Well, Steffy couldn’t have been possibly any happier. It was the hug of a lifetime. Steffy got to meet her favourite musician who ever walked the planet and hug him tightly. And he hugged her tightly. I’d like to think that he understood I genuinely admire him and that maybe, on some level, he was happy to meet me too.

I’ll never be over that moment. I’ve played it over and over in my head. Trying to remember the small details but finding a lot of blank because I was in shock.

My legs shook for hours. I couldn’t eat for days after it. I never dared to hope that I would meet Tobias Forge.

They say never meet your heroes. Bullsh*t. Unless they’re Tobias Forge: then you’ll meet an incredibly sweet, polite, understanding and gentle person. He has a special energy that I’ve never encountered before and don’t think I ever will again. He’s normal but he’s oh so special. There’s something incredibly lovely about him that I can’t put my finger on.

He’ll always be my hero. And I’ll always count myself incredibly lucky that my train from Linköping to Stockholm was delayed that afternoon: it’s as if fate put me directly in his path. One minute sooner or later, we wouldn’t have walked into each other.

Happy Steff signing off, hoping that Tobias Forge listens to her CDs and perhaps understands her in a small way.