Borderline
In Border Land
Some people embrace me to fuck my mental illness. Some people tell me to do therapy. Some people get manipulated by affection and run. Some people get scared and hide. ”Doctors will mind fuck you”. Well, maybe its better then I mind fuck myself with a death seeking fight for survival. Hyper activity is slowly killing all projects and makes me a dancing fool whom lost her desires in a nightmare called life.
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White turns to black in one second and she spin her head like the night watching owl. Never will she fall down again but she is already there. Egoism is touching the gate to total narcissism. Decisions are made with no respect for other creatures. A smile changes so fast and black pupills are the recognition for insanity. When she reveals her true self her surroundings run and the confused and lonely girl falls deeper and deeper down in the spinning wheel to total madness.
Therapy made her stabilize her darkest thoughts and stopped the inner monster to throw things in impulsive behavior or to poor boiling water over the one she really thought she loved. Its topped the rage to overtake everything that was important in life. Still she abandoned the secret group where the inner secrets could be revealed with our scaring the shit out of people. The mask she wears, she calls it psychopath, helps her to live in real life. Hide under the worst description of human kind. Cold, manipulative and dangerous. This description is also what Wikipedia says about Borderline. No wonder my so called friends pack the shit and get the fuck out of my miserable life.
Ups and downs are daily problems to manage and I hide in the shadows of the magic pulver. Burn out brain is protected as an excuse not to continue being the saint I strive to be. But one called psychopath cant turn in to a white sheep. People laugh at me and point out that Im the most fucked up person they know. So much for trying, I already lost.
The fight between the brain halves makes me fuck up. I loose track of reality and get lost in the bloody battle in my brain. What is really true and what is a mind game from the dark side? I though I had it now, 15 years in therapy but still I cry from the interventions created by my closest ones. No one can really stand the life of a Borderline person. In the end my mind concur and I affect my space with crazy stories and a sad appearance.
