Twat did you say? I cunt hear you. Can you cum a titty bit closer? I must have an ear infucktion. I’ll have to go to the dickter and see if he can finger it out. Maybe give me a shot of penisillin.

The U.S. government has put up a submission form for reporting schools who teach kids about “DEI.” It accepts file uploads. Tumblr, you know what to do. Scroll down for link.

Here was my submission text (450 words):

Once upon a time, in a town filled with people who hated change, a group of individuals decided they needed to “save” their children from the horrors of learning about diversity, equity, and inclusion. You see, the schools were teaching kids that it was important to understand and respect people who were different from them—different races, genders, backgrounds, and beliefs. To these folks, this was a grave injustice. “What’s next?” they cried. “Are they going to teach our kids to be woke?”

They couldn’t quite explain what “woke” actually meant, but they were sure it was bad. “Woke” to them was anything that challenged their comfortable, one-size-fits-all view of the world. If someone dared to say that people should be treated fairly regardless of who they are, these folks felt personally attacked. “Why can’t they just learn the basics, like reading, writing, and math?” they grumbled. But the truth was, they didn’t care about the basics—they cared about keeping the world exactly as it was, where everyone thought the same and no one ever questioned things like privilege or bias. Anything outside their narrow perspective was unacceptable.

So, they made signs that said things like “Stop the Woke Agenda!” and “Teach Real Values!” They stormed school board meetings, demanding that schools stop teaching about inclusion. They didn’t understand that being “anti-woke” wasn’t some bold stand for freedom; it was just a way to keep things the same for them while ignoring the needs of others. The more they shouted about how “woke” was ruining everything, the more they revealed they had no idea what “woke” actually meant. It wasn’t about forcing people to agree with each other, but about helping people see each other as real human beings, deserving of respect.

The irony was thick. These self-proclaimed defenders of freedom were, in reality, just using “anti-woke” as an excuse to be an asshole. They didn’t want their kids to understand the importance of empathy or compassion for people who might not look like them or live like them. They wanted their kids to stay in a bubble where diversity was a dirty word, and everyone who wasn’t exactly like them was a threat.

In the end, the schools didn’t budge. They kept teaching kids about diversity, equity, and inclusion because they understood something the “anti-woke” crowd didn’t: the world doesn’t get better by sticking your head in the sand and pretending it’s 1950. Being “anti-woke” wasn’t some noble stance—it was just another way to be an asshole. By refusing to embrace change and promote understanding, these so-called defenders of tradition missed the point entirely. The world was evolving, and there was no stopping it, no matter how loud they screamed.

If you wanna talk about baseball, talk about REAL baseball. The kind played on some common ground, a city park, or a vacant lot, with kids (or adults!) from the neighborhood. THIS is real baseball. Not that MLB rich-man’s game that is continuing to become an abomination of the original game. Use this old Mad Magazine feature on sandlot ball as sort of an instructional guide. Then grab your glove, a bat, some old balls, call up some friends and get out there and play ball.

Updated version of the guitar tutorial by Jason Willis that I just posted yesterday. This one was for Razorcake fanzine.

Learn to Play Guitar! Punk songs are easy to play. Just get a (tuned) guitar and learn the two “power” bar chord shapes and move them up & down the neck. Go start a band!