Frozen
Dear everyone,
You are driving me bonkers.
What is the right thing to do? You all have an opinion, and the opinions are all contradictory. I just want to help.
First you tell me nuance is the enemy of justice, and the luxury of those of us with privilege. I acknowledge my privilege. But my ability to see the nuance of a situation has always actually felt like one of my few superpowers. My ability to appreciate the intricacies of the humans I meet, the quirks of an individual, the good and the bad in them, the reasons for the good and the bad in them is important to me. It is why I have empathy despite being a horribly introverted person. It is why I can continue living on an earth as part of a species that seems intent on destroying itself.
But okay. Lets take nuance out of the equation and paint things with a broader brush. So then I say, everyone deserves to be respected, everyone deserves to be heard, everyone deserves life, and there is pain on both sides of a conflict that should be looked at in order to bring peace. But then I am told, it’s more complicated than that, and nuance is important. One side is allowed to perpetuate violence because of their trauma while the other definitely should not because they are on the side of the powerful. Violence is ok sometimes, and not ok others. No justice no peace. We previously tried being peaceful and it didn’t work. Blah blah blah.
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So I stand here, frozen. Which is also not okay, because apparently silence is violence.
And there is so much I want to say, so much I want to do, so much that I feel in my heart. Everyone is carrying so much on their backs and it weighs on them. We could be supporting each other, but instead we choose to scream so loudly, we can no longer even hear the voices and the cries of those who are suffering. We are too busy arguing with each other, picking over newspaper headlines and making sure the wording is perfect, shouting into megaphones at rallies in front of hospitals, universities, homes, synagogues, mosques.
You want me to pick a side? Because one side is right and one is wrong? So tell me what side you want me to join. I join one side- apparently that means I condone genocide. I join the other side- apparently that means I condone genocide. I ask for violence to end- both sides jump down my throat because how even dare I. I question the EFFICACY of the violence without even calling for it to stop, and you call me stupid and naive and privileged for even asking a question.
And then out of nowhere, you tell me because I believe a country should exist, I am a racist who provides subpar care to her patients. All I did was get up and go to work. Just for your information, I have provided pain medication to people with swastikas. I have been called a Nazi while trying to find a patient’s family member. I have participated in research to help identify and fix socioeconomic barriers to health equity. At Sloan Kettering, you yelled because doctors tried to bring resources to help cure their patients.
So tell me again how nuance is what is hurting everyone right now? How belittling the humanity of each other helps stops the killing? Has it worked? It has been days, months, years of this and so far I don’t see a way out with this method. But you keep insisting it is what is necessary.
So good luck with that. Keep yelling. I’ll just be over here.
Love,
Me
