Schoolville: Chapter 28
“The vanquished army fights first, and then seeks victory.” -Sun Tzu
Chapter Twenty-eight
The shit hit the fan the very next day, during lunch. I heard about it as I came in to my seventh period history class, and about half of the students were absent. I looked at Thomas Chase, the student who was the assistant teacher for the month, who was taking role. He was smiling broadly I wondered what was going on in his mind. Glancing at the other students several seats were still empty.
“Thomas, we are still missing quite a few people. Is my breath that bad?”
“Naw… It ain’t you Mr. Kyle. There was a food fight!”
“Say what?”
“A food fight, biggest one I ever seen. Mustabeen close to 500 kids throwing mashed taters around the cafeteria. You shoulda been there.”
I looked at him in disbelief. “Thomas, what in the hell are you talking about?”
“Mr. Kyle, did you ever see ‘Animal House’?”
“The movie?”
“Yeah, the movie. Did you ever see the food fight scene?”
“Yeah, who hasn’t?”
“Well, we just put that one to shame. I got away before anyone got mashed taters on me, although I did get some green beans upside the head.”
“What started it?”
“No one seems to know, although I’m certain that I saw Francine launch a bowl of Jell-O toward that principal’s table at the very beginning. I think she started it.” He confided in me with a sideways glance, glee on every line of his face. “Then once it started, it just kinda took on a life of its own. Marti was sure going to town, I can tell you that!” He shook his head as though he couldn’t believe what he had seen. Since Thomas was also in my first period English class, he was well aware of the forces in play. Trouble was brewing in paradise, and he damned well knew I was in the middle of it.
I swallowed nervously as B.D, Horton, and I exchanged slow furtive glances. I finally asked Thomas in a low voice. “Did she get caught?”
“Who? Francine, or Marti?”
“Marti.”
“Don’t really know. Mrs. Getty was under the table, she might not have seen her.”
“What about Francine? I asked again.
Thomas smiled as broadly as ever. “Francine? Get caught? You don’t know Francine, Mr. Kyle!”
“Hell! She’s always in in-school suspension!” I retorted.
“Yeah, but she only gets caught for about a tenth of the stuff she does. I’m telling you, when she graduates, the crime rate in this school’s gonna fall by half.”
“She’s supposed to be here for history, Thomas. Where is she?”
“Pro’bly in the girl’s bathroom washing food off herself.”
Suddenly there was a noise at the door and half a dozen kids came spilling into the classroom, peering anxiously back down the hall.
“Hurry up bitch! They’s coming!” It was Angela, Francine’s best friend. Suddenly Francine ran into the classroom and the door slammed. Kids were scurrying for the nearest seat, and book bags were flying against the walls like scud missiles over Kuwait.
I caught Cerita’s eye. “Who’s coming, Cerita?”
“The campus cops and the city police! Tha’s whose comin’!”
I quickly stepped to the door and locked it from the inside.
“Why’d you do that?” It was B.D. asking.
“I ain’t gonna have the city police in my classroom!”
Spinning around, I loudly began the ritual. “Showdown, five, four, three, two, one, showdown!”
The kids were no longer smiling. Now the room was deadly silent. Thomas was bug-eyed and pale. Angela was actually turning white. B.D. loved that! Suddenly there was a noise behind me as though someone were trying to rip the doorknob off, followed by a hard pounding that made me jump. Turning around, I saw a huge uniformed policeman through the small window of the door. Swallowing, I reached out and opened the door.
The police officer, who was out of breath, reminded me very much of a lion on the hunt. As he leaned into the classroom, he saw that everyone was quiet and sitting with their hands folded. He eyed them suspiciously.
“Has anyone come into this room just now?”
I wasn’t sure what to say. Looking over at Horton, she shrugged. “Tell them the truth! It’s always the right thing to do.”
B.D. popped off. “Buuuuullshit!”
Looking back at the cop, I got my glassy-eyed stupid look going again. “Yes, they all have. This is the beginning of the fourth period.”
He eyed me angrily. “Anyone come in here like they were running from me?”
“I don’t think so.” I lied, not daring to look at Horton. I heard her sniff in disapproval. She really expected me to tell the truth, but I couldn’t turn anyone over to the cops without knowing their story.
Turning to Thomas, I asked; “Thomas, did anyone come in here looking like they were running from the police?”
Thomas shook his head negatively, and then shrugged. “Ain’t seen no one like that, Mr. Kyle.”
Turning back to the officer, I shrugged. “Who are you looking for?”
“The kids who tore up the cafeteria, that’s who! The principal and several administrators were hurt by food dishes, and the place is wrecked.”
“I thought that all the food dishes were Styrofoam.”
The cop looked curiously at me for a moment, and then shrugged. “I don’t know anything about that. I’m just after the kids who did it.”
“Gotcha! If anyone comes in late, I’ll take their names and send them to the office right away!”
“Yeah, you do that!” Suddenly he pulled his head back into the hallway, peered to the left, and bellowed. “HEY YOU, KID! YEAH I’M TALKING TO YOU! C’MERE! HEY DON’T YOU RUN AWAY FROM ME!” Then the officer was off, sprinting down the hallway in the direction he had been looking. That was the last I ever saw of him.
Thomas looked at me, and then back to the attendance book and shook his head murmuring something. I clearly heard something about “…the Serengeti I.S.D.”
Over the next few minutes several more kids who had been hiding in the teacher’s elevator — don’t ask me how they got a key — came slipping into the room, including several who were in the hallway, but weren’t my students. They just wanted a place to hide. I pretended not to notice, I left it to Thomas to tell them to grab an empty desk. The thrill was heavy. The agitation had my skin creeping and my pulse burning like it did before a parachute jump when I was in the Army.
“Fast times at Wilson High.” B.D. laughed.
“Thomas, how many are still absent?”
“’Bout six Mr. Kyle.”
“Don’t take attendance yet”
“Ok.”
Finally, I worked up enough courage to look over at Francine. She looked back and smiled her evil smile.
“You wanna tell me what happened?”
She shrugged. “Shit if I know.”
B.D. spoke up. “This is her way of keeping you out of it. Just let it go, Tom!”
I returned her smile. “That kind of language isn’t appropriate for a classroom.”
“Yeah whatever!” She shrugged and several other kids nervously giggled.
It was time for me to shut up. B.D. did a great imitation of Shultz from the T.V. show Hogan’s Heroes. “I know nothing! I see nothing!”
The door crept open and four more kids, with badly stained clothes and smiles on their faces came gliding in like wraiths, and quietly slid into the empty desks. I ignored them also.
“O.k. then! Let’s all get a copy of the history book off the shelf, and talk about today’s topic. As rattled as I was, I couldn’t remember what it was about, so I asked. “What was the topic again?”
Thomas answered crisply. “Labor unions, Mr. Kyle.”
B.D. began belting out a song. “Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think? A little tooooo ironic, and yeah I really do think…It’s like raiaiaaannnn on your wedding day…”
I smiled to shut B.D. up. He likes to sing, but he’s no good at it. “Thanks Thomas…”
We all drew a collective breath when the cracked and tinny speaker crackled to life a few minutes later. It was Mrs. Getty’s voice, and she sounded wild.
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“Teachers, I want all classroom doors locked immediately!” Her voice was rising. “Don’t let anyone into your room late!” Her voice rose higher. “Send the names of anyone who is tardy or anyone with food on their clothing to the office immediately!” The hysterical anger was painful to my ears. “AND DO NOT ALLOW ANYONE OUT INTO THE HALLWAYS!”
“Then how can I send those names to the office, do you suppose?” I turned and quietly asked the class. Perhaps I should send her the list of names by carrier pigeon. Oh well, I guess since I can’t send her your names, I’ll have to wait until she comes to pick them up.”
Horton looked confused. “How will she know to come to your room? OH…” She frowned and looked away foolishly.
“You bad, Mr. Kyle!” Francine replied.
I smiled at that. “Coming from you Francine, that could be a compliment.”
That seemed to break the tension. The kids slapped open their shabby old textbooks.
Turning to Thomas, I asked him who was absent.
“Bethany and Ben, but they are both on the band trip.”
“Ok. Send those names to the office.”
“I can’t do that Mr. Kyle. I got green bean juice on me.”
Turning to the class: “Who can go take these names to the office please?”
Several kids held up their hands. I decided to pick Cerita. She had a deceptively innocent face and a sweet voice. “Thank you Cerita.”
She smiled as she left with my pass. She wanted to see what was going on. I understood that she would take the long way to the office and back. It was only to be expected.
About fifteen minutes before school let out for the day, Mrs. Getty’s voice came on the speaker again. “Achtung!” Ok, maybe she didn’t actually say that, but there was a loud crackle. “There will be a special faculty meeting tomorrow morning at six-thirty in the library!”
“The game is afoot Watson! The hunt is on!” B.D. snickered.
The witch-hunt for the culprits began in earnest the next day. The faculty meeting was unlike any other I had sat through so far. It actually had a purpose and immediacy about it. Sara Getty showed up looking like an enraged ferret, looking more bilious then ever. I very much enjoyed the thought of Francine’s Jell-O over her head. B.D. and I laughed over what that must have looked like, snickering to ourselves all through the meeting.
“I’m going to catch these criminals!” Her voice crisply started the meeting with no preamble or greeting. “Make no mistake! What happened in the cafeteria was criminal mischief, and I already have forty-three students who will be going to court in a few weeks.” She smiled her ferrety smile around the room, certain that we were all thrilled to know that she was at the helm of leadership.
Then she handed out the following memo.
_______________________________________________________________________________
Please follow these instructions exactly during your first period today!
1. An unannounced visit by the K-9 unit drug dogs will commence at exactly 7:30 A.M. All students are to be kept in their classes during the first period of the day. There are to be no exceptions, not even for bathroom passes!
2. The dogs will visit certain classrooms with students. If this occurs, keep the children quiet as the dogs can become excitable.
3. Cooperate with all directives given over the public-address system immediately.
4. A fire drill has been scheduled for second period. The drug dogs will be walked past the students as they file out. Then a second sweep of the school will take place.
5. If any students know who started the riot in the cafeteria, and turn those names in to the office, they will be given a pass for a free ice cream bar and a pass to the head of the lunch line.
6. Your full cooperation is expected with today’s inspection.
_________________________________________________________
I wondered how much ice cream she would really give out. “How stupid does she think these kids are?” It was a rhetorical question that B.D. was asking, one not requiring an answer.
“That is why the kids are going to win. She underestimates her enemy.” I commented. “Besides,” I murmured, “It looks like I get free ice cream today!” That brought a gleeful smile. I love ice cream! Mrs. Getty began passing out the ice cream tickets, one per teacher.
One of the computer teachers raised his hand.
Mrs. Getty called on him. “Yes?”
“What happens if a student has a restroom emergency?”
“That’s just too bad!” Sara Getty smiled sourly.
“Uhhh… Mrs. Getty, could you please explain exactly what happened in the cafeteria yesterday? Some of us are still in the dark about it.”
“Certainly! During lunch, a riot broke out in the cafeteria. It was obviously planned because it happened at once. They tore the place up, threw food everywhere, and I …er, several administrators were assaulted. The superintendent’s office has informed us that this assault by a mob of students allows us to request a drug and weapons sweep under the ‘Safe Schools Act’.”
“They hurt you?” He asked.
“Yes.” B.D. yelled laughingly, “Chicken strips are real dangerous!”
She squared her shoulders as she glared defiantly around the room. I nodded in sympathetic agreement with the rest. B.D. nodded too. “If she thinks a chicken strip hurts, image what having your dignity stomped on feels like.”
The day went pretty much as I imagined it would. The dogs alerted on a few lockers, but few drugs were found. Thomas later told me that he and all his buddies had heard about the dog search the previous night. He had put cayenne pepper onto his socks, just to mess with the dogs. He said that he had gotten that idea from the movie “Cool Hand Luke.” I found it droll that the hunt for the food fighters was being compared in any way to the movie “Cool Hand Luke”.
Rumor had it that someone, somewhere, saw a black kid running away with the police after him. However, that was to be expected — the rumor, not the kid. It’s always a black kid. No one ever sees him, but we all hear about him later — running away from the cops with dogs in pursuit. It makes a picturesque story.
What really did happen, is that the big German Shepherds frightened two girls in Beth Minor’s class who were afraid of dogs. One became so frightened that she fainted and peed in her pants. Of course, this tended to upset the dogs, which tended to further upset the girls… You get the picture. The bottom line was that two kids showed up at school expecting to be educated, and feel safe in Beth’s room got the pee scared out of them instead.
“So much for the ‘safe schools act’ that’s supposed to protect these kids from gangs and drugs. Too bad no one’s here to protect them from Sara Getty!” B.D. quipped.
The rest of the day was completely wasted, and I never heard if this somehow guaranteed us a school safe from the threat of chicken strips.
The following day I found myself quietly watching Marti and the rest of my first period pretending to read, while I sipped my coffee, knowing it was only a matter of minutes before someone brought it all up.
“Yes Allison?”
“Mr. Kyle, why did they have the drug dogs here yesterday?”
“They got the excuse from the riot in the cafeteria.”
Marti blurted out. “That wasn’t a riot, it was a food fight!”
“Yeah, but you know Mrs. Getty is going to use any excuse to pay back whomever abused her with their chicken strips.”
Marti smiled for the first time all week. “Now that sounds funny!”
“Listen,” I admonished them. “If anyone gets expelled, they don’t count against that five percent that would invalidate the test. Tell your friends to stay in line until after the test. Then they can riot to their heart’s content.”
“Now that’s cute!” B.D. liked that way of putting things. “By the way, do you think that anyone’s ever had their eye put out by a chicken strip?”
“Say, Mr. Kyle. . .”
“Yes René?”
“Did you hear about Crazy Janey down the hall?”
“No, what about Mrs. Ackerman?”
“Well, she is gonna get fired today.”
B.D. and I quickly exchanged glances. “What did you hear, René?”
“I didn’t hear anything! I know what my mama said!”
“Her Mom is the associate superintendent, remember?” B.D. whispered.
“How could I forget?” Then directing my question to René, I asked. “What’s the story?”
“Well,” René glanced around the room licking her lips and narrowing her eyes. “It seems Crazy Janey started sending emails to a boy in her class, and they weren’t very proper, if you know what I mean.”
Everyone in class was silent as she continued. “Well, the boy let her send several, and answered them. I guess you could say he even encouraged them a little. . . Then he told his mama, and his mama told my mama, if you get the picture.”
“You’re kidding me!” I jumped for joy. B.D. and I gleefully smiled and high fived each other.
“I ain’t kidding you, Mr. Kyle.” René leered.
“You don’t happen to know this boy, do you René?” I was thinking of Mark Hammond.
“René nodded and smirked. “Nope, never met him!”
“Well, what goes around, comes around, doesn’t it René?” I replied.
“Something you should keep in mind too, Mr. Kyle.” Francine mentioned.
I glanced over at Francine. “I’m jus’ sayin’ this ain’t over yet. You be careful!”
