True Story

I’ve Employed a Driver

It was always at the top of my bucket list

The bucket holding my bucket list. Photo by Lucas van Oort on Unsplash

I’ve wanted a driver for years. My dream staff member would be a driver who can shave me. Without a doubt, my two worst ‘jobs’ in the world. I’d rather shag 100 of the most beautiful women in the world than do either of those two things. Or pack the dishwasher.

My wife has refused my request for years. Decades, in fact.

She’s mean like that. Always counting the cost.

How can you put a cost to a lifelong dream?

It’s not that she is in charge … she just makes the rules. If you make the rules, you do not have to be in charge. You simply have to point to the rules ... and say,

Tadaaa.

And the rule-breaker is fucked. Unless you live in the USA … then you get to be President.

Women speak about childbirth or when they are on the monthly ‘blob’ as being the worst thing in the world. Worse than shaving? Be real ladies — it’s once a month or once a year. I have to shave every frikkin day. That’s far worse. Every man on the planet knows that a razor burn is far, far more painful than the ‘miracle’ of childbirth.