Ignore your feelings!
For now, yes, ignore them, but here’s how to deal with them better when you are afraid of outside judgment.
Episode 1: I Don’t Feel Okay.
As a counseling psychologist, I do come across people who trust me, and open up to me after months or even years of shutting themselves up for fear of judgment. I feel sorry for them because many times you have just yourself — what to do when an intense emotion is being felt by you, at the bus stop or while walking to school, while returning after a tiring day, in public transport, at a private space, at a party where others are chatting but you have zoned out because a little something reminded you of some place or some person.
What to do when you cannot trust others to be completely vulnerable or when you cannot trust others enough to know that some things in your life are a mess? Sometimes we keep things to ourselves because we are afraid of being a hassle to the people who care about us…
If you ever find yourself experiencing intense emotions at inconvenient times and places, like at a bus stop, walking to school, or even in the middle of a party — this article is for you. These feelings of fear, jealousy, self-pity, anger, resentment, or more can be overwhelming and difficult to deal with. But ignoring them and treating them like mini tasks to be dealt with later can be a mistake. This approach may lead to a breakdown or burnout, as these emotions can accumulate over time.
To be kind to yourself, it’s important to deal with your intense emotions in a healthy way. Here are two ways to deal with intense emotions like a sudden bout of sobbing or crippling rage when you cannot tell others around you.
If you can, take a moment to pause and breathe. If possible, go outside to a balcony or open space. If you can’t do that, tell yourself “We’ll deal with it later” and carry on with your day or event. But when you get home, take the time to actually deal with your feelings. Incorporate it into your self-care routine, like cleansing your skin of the day’s dirt.
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I call this tool the “Feel When Ready.” Here is a step-by-step tool guide to feeling your feelings when you are ready:
1. Sit, or lean, basically shift your body weight and feel lighter. I would suggest sitting on a swing (it is the best to do this exercise but only if it is available, sitting at a higher space while dangling your legs is equally freeing)
2. Close your eyes and try to relive the trigger which had caused this intense emotion. That will not happen, therefore you have to imagine yourself in the same space as the party, office, bus or wherever you were when the feeling occurred to you, and then, you will feel the intense emotion rising
3. Chances are that you may be alone while doing this so feel free to talk to yourself (remember, you have got yourself)
4. Once you feel the emotion, go where it takes you. If there is an urge to cry, do so. If it demands you get angry, be angry. You are with yourself, ONLY YOU know what happened to you and your feelings are true, no need to explain them to anyone. Go with the emotions, feel them. If it feels like you are suffering, let it wash over you, feel the suffering because in order for it to pass you have to live through the storm. No need to pretend or behave strong, you have you, break down, sob, yell, wrestle a pillow — but deal with the feelings.
5. Once you feel it is over or that you have given it enough attention, and felt the intensity of the feeling, start to feel your surroundings in the room and come back to real-time. Hug yourself or ask for a hug from a lovely person or pet nearby.
Summary of the steps: To start, sit down and shift your body weight to feel lighter. If you can, sit on a swing or at a higher space where you can dangle your legs. Close your eyes and try to re-live the trigger that caused the intense emotion. If you can’t, imagine yourself in the same space as when the feeling occurred. Feel free to talk to yourself if you’re alone. Once you feel the emotion, go where it takes you. Cry if you need to, be angry if you need to. Only you know what happened to you, and your feelings are valid.
Don’t pretend or behave strongly, just feel the emotions. If it feels like you’re suffering, let it wash over you. Feel the suffering because in order for it to pass, you have to live through the storm. Once you feel it’s over or that you’ve given it enough attention, come back to real-time. Hug yourself or ask for a hug from someone nearby.
This understanding of how we feel or suppress our feelings was explained by American Researcher Brene Brown and is called “feeling your feelings.” I made the steps for people without access to mental health support and recommend scheduling an online consultation with a mental health professional to try it for the first time. Feel free to pass this information on to anyone who may benefit. However, if you are a trauma survivor, I strongly recommend seeing a psychotherapist first. Once you receive proper therapy, you may practice this method to deal with the after-residual effects of PTSD or ASD.
