My Octopus Teacher's Acceptance Speech

Beasley Digital

Professor Octopus became the first cephalopod in history to win an Oscar.

Transcript

00:00Hey! The Oscars were last time!

00:04How about all of that?

00:06So, yeah, they had a red carpet and the full deal.

00:09The documentary feature went to My Octopus Teacher.

00:12I've been mentioned several times on this show,

00:15so I wanted to throw that in there.

00:18Accepting was the octopus.

00:21And there was no wrap-up music.

00:33He just kept sucking and clicking and doing that whole thing for a long time.

00:44Is that him walking up?

00:46That's him walking up to the podium!

00:51It was awkward, but listen.

01:00I mean, he was the star of the film.

01:02It is a hell of a movie if you get a chance to see it.

01:04Think of a Nomadland, but with sea creatures.

01:08They really should have put the octopus in the immemorium section.

01:11I don't know why they didn't.

01:12Did he die?

01:13Well, he's an octopus.

01:14The movie came out like two years ago.

01:16How long did your average octopus live?

01:19Octopus live.

01:20The length of a documentary movie.

01:21I'll bet they live longer than you think.

01:23No, they don't.

01:24They live like a year.

01:25Really?

01:26Yeah, watch the movie.

01:28You saw it too, Kathy?

01:29I saw the movie and I don't remember that shocking piece of news.

01:31That's sad.

01:32What?

01:33Poor thing.

01:34I'm going to check it out.

01:35Three to five years.

01:36Three to five years.

01:37All right, see?

01:38They're already getting longer lives.

01:40See?

01:41One year.

01:42He could have accepted the award.

01:44I wouldn't have wasted time with this dickhead then if I was an octopus.

01:47I got a little living to do, baby.

01:48All right.

01:49Yolanda Hadid.

01:50I know Yolanda.

01:51Is in love with...

01:52Thank you, Casey.

01:53You're welcome.

01:54In love with her daughter Gigi Hadid's daughter, Kai.

01:57So she loves her granddaughter?

01:58She does.

01:59Oh my God.

02:00So who got the scoop on this one?

02:01The news is big here this morning.

02:03Wow.

02:04Don't go to press yet.

02:05Yeah.

02:06I've got something.

02:07She shared a tribute.

02:09Yolanda Hadid.

02:10Your granddaughter.

02:11Do you have a source that can confirm this?

02:18I'm not going with this unless you have corroboration.

02:21Well, they heard from an octopus that actually...

02:24In a parking garage.

02:25Yeah.

02:26The octopus was in the shadows, but...

02:28I have it on good authority.

02:29But Yolanda Hadid is her granddaughter.

02:30Oh my God.

02:31Will you go on record with that?

02:32Oh my God.

02:33He's scared, man.

02:34I'm very scared.

02:35And then he just walked away.

02:36That's my new favorite thing.

02:37The octopus walking away.

02:52And then he just walked away.

03:00That's my new favorite thing.

03:02The octopus walking away.

03:05He had a cavernous root with lots of reverb so he can hear it.

03:08I can see you're an octopus.

03:11Even in the shadow.

03:13He's got a trench coat on.

03:15He hasn't even needed a trench coat.

03:17He's got like this amazing camouflage.

03:20Listen, he's running now.

03:23Oh, man.

03:29Yeah, Casey, he just blends it with the floor.

03:31He just blends it.

03:31It's amazing.

03:32Yeah.

03:33Mm-hmm.

03:35You

03:36Mm-hmm.

03:40Yeah, yeah.

03:42Yeah.

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