- 5 months ago
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00:01So then, the obstetrician takes me and Marlene into this room
00:06and they've got a scanning machine.
00:08You know, one of them things they can see right inside the womb?
00:15Then, suddenly, on this monitor screen, we saw this shape.
00:22It was amazing.
00:24What was it?
00:26It was a baby. What do you think it was? A Cornish pasty?
00:31I mean, was it a boy or a girl?
00:34I don't know. They don't give you a close-up.
00:37But I could just tell by the proud way it held its head it was my child.
00:43Blowing all them rumours to bits then, hasn't it?
00:49Yeah, that's right. The doctor's...
00:54What rumours?
00:55Well, a lot of people thought Marlene was imagining it.
00:58You know, like a phantom pregnancy.
01:00Oh, no. I've seen the proof. It's all pucker.
01:04Of course, there's a long way to go.
01:06The baby's head is not yet engaged.
01:09What Rodney Trotter is.
01:12Look at him, poor little sock.
01:16If he's like this now, how's he gonna become a wedding?
01:19I've heard two of the bridesmaids are Samaritans.
01:25Come on, cheer up, son. Ain't the end of the world.
01:28So you've failed some silly little exam.
01:31I did not fail some silly little exam.
01:34You didn't pass, did ya?
01:36It happened to be an extremely important exam.
01:40If I'd have passed that, I would now have a diploma in computer science.
01:44It would have been the foundations of a real career.
01:46Instead of which, I have all the prospects and future of a Sinclair C5.
01:53I just wanted to be somebody in Cassandra's eyes.
01:57With that diploma, I could have applied for a proper job.
02:00Look on the bright side, son.
02:02You'd have most probably failed the interview.
02:05I've already passed the interview.
02:07How do you mean?
02:08Will you promise you won't say a word to do?
02:11Cassandra's dad's offered me a position in his company.
02:14See, he's expanding the computer section.
02:15He wants me to help run it.
02:17Of course, he was under the impression that this diploma exam was a foregone conclusion.
02:22Who told him that?
02:24Me.
02:26Yeah, but that's not the only thing.
02:28See, me and Cassandra, we found this really nice flat.
02:31It's brilliant, you know. It's modern and everything.
02:34Only thing is, we've got to put down a six grand deposit.
02:38Yeah, now, Cassandra's taking 2,000 out of her savings.
02:41Her mum and dad are giving us two grand as a wedding present.
02:43And it's up to me to find the other two.
02:46Where am I going to find 2,000 pounds?
02:48With my savings and salary, I'd be lucky if we get a week in a timeshare tent.
02:54It's going to be so good up until that bloody exam.
02:58You can do one of two things, Rodney.
03:01You can go down a council and see if they've got a place.
03:04Or you can sell your share of the business to Dell for 2,000 pounds.
03:08Oi, that's not a bad idea, ronk. I haven't thought of that.
03:12Yeah, I'll go down to council this afternoon.
03:17Go on, Mike.
03:18Ah, Rodders.
03:20There you are. Look at this.
03:21What I've got. Executive mobile phone.
03:24Solid state-of-the-art.
03:25I've got someone from the top of a mountain with one of these, you know.
03:27It's all to do with, um, stacker lights or something.
03:31Anyway.
03:32They normally retail at £199.99.
03:34I got them for 25 knicker each.
03:37Where'd you get them from?
03:38Well, you know that Mickey Pierce and Jevon.
03:40They started trading, you know.
03:41So I said they'd help them out.
03:42I took 100 of them.
03:44100?
03:45£2,500.
03:46I didn't know we had that sort of money on the firm.
03:48No, no, no. We haven't.
03:49We got them.
03:50I've got them on sale and return, haven't I?
03:51What I don't sell, I return.
03:52Lovely jubbly.
03:55So, what have you done last night?
03:56How do you mean?
03:57Well, you know, about down at the night school.
03:58You know, about the old results of the exam.
04:01Oh.
04:02Mr. Jameel said he hadn't had a chance to look at everyone's work yet, so...
04:05No, you've passed.
04:06Rodney, you've passed.
04:07I can feel it.
04:08With your diploma and my yuppie image, we're on our way up.
04:12And to celebrate the occasion, I've just been down to printers
04:16and I have ordered 200 of these.
04:20Trotters, independent traders, headed notepaper.
04:24This'll let them know we're around, eh?
04:26What's all those initials?
04:28Modern business people only speak in initials, don't they?
04:32I mean, you know, you've got, like, FT, Financial Times,
04:35BA, British Airways,
04:37GLC, General Electric Company.
04:40Yeah, look, have we got a list of company directors and all that?
04:44Oh, yeah, you and me.
04:45Yeah?
04:47What's these initials after my name, then? D-I-C?
04:53No, that is Diploma in Computerisation, Rodney.
04:57Yeah.
04:58I mean, it's got impact.
05:00Oh, yeah.
05:01They'll see our high profile coming a mile off.
05:03Del, thanks to your high profile,
05:05we now have a company called TIT
05:07and a director with Dick after his name.
05:10No, no, no, no.
05:12That stands for Trotters Independent Traders
05:14and D-I-C Diploma in...
05:17TIT.
05:20I see what you mean, Rodney.
05:21I'd better get onto the printers and my executive mobile phone.
05:25Let's see how we work this.
05:27Here are boys.
05:29Compliments of the stud.
05:30Eh? Who's there?
05:31Eh?
05:32Oh, it's Boise.
05:33Hello, Boise.
05:34All right?
05:35Cheers. Cheers.
05:36Here, Michael, just before you go,
05:37come and have a look at this.
05:38Look at this.
05:39Executive mobile phone, right?
05:41I can let you have this for what I paid, 40 nickel.
05:46Nice looking model.
05:47Yeah, well, I mean, you know, it is.
05:48It's top of the range.
05:51Aerial's a bit urgent, isn't it?
05:53Ah, yeah, well...
05:54That's the idea.
05:55See, it's called Instant Aerial.
05:56It's a feature of this particular model, you see.
05:59So I'll tell you what, I'll show you how it works.
06:01I'll give you a little demonstration here.
06:02Um, first of all, you press that.
06:04And then you start...
06:05Oh, that's all right.
06:07Ah, I know what that is.
06:23I know that's all right.
06:25The stator light has moved out of position, you see.
06:27Now, hang about, there'll be another one along in a minute.
06:31Right?
06:32I think I'll stick to the phone in the public bar, Bill.
06:34Yeah, and Michael, listen, I'll tell you what I can do.
06:36Look, I'll let you have it for 35 quid.
06:38I don't mind losing the fibre for a mate.
06:41Don't worry, this time next year we'll be millionaires.
06:52I thought Rodney said that video recorder
06:55could only work on Continental Electric.
06:57Yeah, that's why I popped over to Cali
06:59and got myself a couple of bucketfuls of it this morning.
07:02No, it's all right.
07:03Yeah, you know that little Chinese kid
07:05who lives over in Desmond Tutu House?
07:07Well...
07:09He's a bit of a boffin when it comes to the old electronics,
07:12so I got him to fit an adapter on the back of it for me.
07:15Chinese kid?
07:16Yeah.
07:17Yeah.
07:18The one you always said was stupid.
07:19No, he is not stupid.
07:21Actually, that Chinese kid's a bit of a genius
07:23when it comes to the old electronics.
07:25It's all about that.
07:26That diploma exam of yours wasn't as easy as you thought it would be, was it?
07:30Who told you that?
07:31Was that Albert?
07:32No, no, it wasn't.
07:33I bumped into that Mr. Jameel, that teacher at your training college.
07:36Well, everything I did in that examination was correct.
07:40Well, except for one minor miscalculation.
07:44You see, we had to program a computer with a mock flight plan, right?
07:47It was supposed to be an unmanned space probe.
07:50You know, it's stupid.
07:52Well, he was given all the information, you know,
07:54navigational data, analysis of payload ratio to engine capacity.
07:59Yeah, well, you need all that, don't you?
08:02Yeah.
08:03But I got a bit confused between litres and gallons, right?
08:07Well, round here in Peckham, you know,
08:09we don't have much dealing with continental measurements.
08:12So, I didn't program enough fuel
08:15and my probe fell slightly short of Venus.
08:18He mentioned the Dartford.
08:24Listen, Sopper, you don't actually know that you haven't passed.
08:27I mean, no one's told you that you failed.
08:29Del, I don't need a weatherman to tell me when he's peeing down.
08:34Mr. Jameel handed out all the diplomas the other night, right?
08:37Except for me.
08:38Well, you know, maybe he was busy,
08:39maybe he hadn't got round to looking at yours yet.
08:41Oh, Del, don't patronise me.
08:43Look, I nosed it up and that's all there is to it.
08:46All right, okay, you know best.
08:50But Mr. Jameel asked me to give you this.
08:55He wanted me to apologise for him
08:57and say he was very sorry but he's been very busy
08:59and he's only just got round to looking at your work.
09:02All that whinging and whining and you passed all the time.
09:06I don't believe it.
09:08Here you are, Rodney, you've done it.
09:10Hey, I'm proud of you.
09:11Oh, cheers, Del.
09:12Yes.
09:13Now you can get that job you wanted, can't you?
09:15Yeah, I won't have any pro...
09:17Who told you that?
09:18Was that Albert?
09:19No, it was not Albert.
09:21It was Cassandra's dad.
09:22You've met Cassandra's dad?
09:23Well, yeah.
09:24I mean, he's got that little printing firm, hasn't he?
09:26And I wanted to get them letterheads printed
09:28and I thought, well, I'll take the business down to him,
09:30you know, keep it in the family.
09:32He's a nice bloke as it happens, Alan.
09:34We had a nice chat and a drink.
09:36No, Cassandra's dad, don't drink.
09:38Oh, no, but this was a special occasion, wasn't it?
09:40The heads of two great households meet him for the first time.
09:46It was a bit like a summit.
09:47So, anyway, we had a couple of scotches
09:49and that is when he told me that he offered you the job.
09:51Look, you're not upset, are you?
09:52Because, I mean, I'm breaking up the partnership, aren't I?
09:55Partnership?
09:56Oh, our partnership. Oh, yeah.
09:58Yeah, no.
10:00No, no, don't worry about that, Rodney.
10:02You're doing the best thing.
10:03I mean, no, you've got to go with that, Alan,
10:05because, you know, he can offer you a future,
10:08which is more than I can.
10:09Anyway, you've got to have a proper job, haven't you?
10:12To get a mortgage for that new flat.
10:14Yeah, I'll speak.
10:15Who told you that?
10:17Was that Cassandra's dad?
10:18No, Albert told me.
10:22So, what are you doing about the deposit, then?
10:23Oh, I don't know, mate.
10:25I mean, where am I going to get £2,000?
10:28Off your big brother.
10:31What?
10:32I'm giving you £2,000 as a wedding present.
10:36Well, where are you going to get that sort of mummy?
10:38Well, Moody, didn't I, Moody?
10:40I just called him at that.
10:42Well, you mean I can tell Cassandra and her dad?
10:44You can tell the Daily Mirror for all I care.
10:48Well, that'll be her.
10:49Oh, cheers, honey.
10:50Oh, hey.
10:51Where are you going to get all that money from?
10:59Well, you know these video recorders that I sold to old Boise a few months ago?
11:04Well, he still hasn't weighed in with the old Dosharooney.
11:07So, I'll get the money off him and give it to Rodney.
11:10And it'll all be res de chasse, as they say in the du-doin.
11:15Look who's there?
11:16Hello, darling.
11:17All right?
11:18Hello, Del.
11:19All right, Albert?
11:20Hello, love.
11:21Huh?
11:22You passed.
11:23Hmm.
11:24Oh, you clever old thing.
11:26Ah, well, you know, it was nothing.
11:30Oh, by the way, would you ask your dad how he'd like the deposit paid?
11:33You know, cash or cheque?
11:35You got the 2,000.
11:36Of course.
11:37I don't think he cares if it's cash or a cheque.
11:40Ah.
11:41Well, that's cool.
11:42Going out tonight, sweetheart?
11:43Yes, we're going to see an Italian film.
11:45Oh, getting in the mood for your honeymoon in Rimini, eh?
11:49Oh, shut up.
11:50Del.
11:52How are you going to understand that film if it's all in foreign?
11:56No, it's got English subtitles underneath.
11:58Oh, Albert wouldn't bother with the subtitles.
12:00He can speak Italian.
12:01No, he can't read.
12:02Oh, that's a coincidence.
12:03My dad's just come home with one of these.
12:04Has he?
12:05Oh, well, there's a thing.
12:06Hope your mum's pleased.
12:07Well, no, actually.
12:08He came home absolutely plastered.
12:09Really?
12:10Oh.
12:11Right, go on.
12:12Sit down.
12:13Sit down.
12:14Now then, where is machine?
12:15It's got to be all right now.
12:16All right, here we go.
12:17Ah, got it at last.
12:18Now, we're off and running.
12:19Oh!
12:20Oh!
12:21Oh!
12:22Oh!
12:23Oh!
12:24Oh!
12:25Oh!
12:26Oh!
12:27Oh!
12:28Oh!
12:29Oh!
12:30Oh!
12:31Oh!
12:32Oh!
12:33Oh!
12:34Oh!
12:35Don't believe it.
12:36Oh!
12:37That stupid Chinese kid.
12:40Why did I ever trust him?
12:44All right, well, I'll see you later then, D.
12:46Yeah, go on.
12:47Enjoy the film.
12:48Thanks.
12:49Here. I'm really pleased that Rodney's got his diploma.
12:56Lucky you bumped into that Mr. Jameel, innit?
12:59Yeah.
13:00How much did you give him?
13:00150.
13:05You see, it comes complete with batteries,
13:08plus this little attachment so you can attach it to the dashboard of your car.
13:12You see? There it is.
13:13All of that, 35 pounds.
13:16Phil, watch my lips very closely.
13:18Mm-hmm.
13:19I do not want one.
13:21Only an idiot would buy one of those things.
13:24You've got one.
13:26No, I haven't.
13:28I'm thinking of getting one, though.
13:31Well done, Treek.
13:32Right, I'll show you how it works, right?
13:35Ah, just the man. Excuse me, gentlemen.
13:37Her business.
13:38Boise, can I have a whirl with you, please? Sit down over there.
13:41Come on.
13:43Now then, listen.
13:44What are you going to weigh in with the money for those video recorders I sold you?
13:49Adele, I have told you before, I am not paying you for them.
13:52They don't work.
13:53Listen, I've solved that problem.
13:56There's a little Chinese kid over on my estate.
13:59Now, he's an electronics genius.
14:01Now, you give me the three and a half that you owe me,
14:03and I'll get him to fix adapters on all your machines,
14:06and they'll sell like hot capes.
14:07Adele, I've got to be honest with you.
14:10I am skint.
14:11Oh, don't give me that, Boisey.
14:13It's the truth.
14:14Marlene's pregnancy is costing me an arm and a leg.
14:18She's at a dodgy age for knocking out her first chavvy.
14:21She needs to be under constant surveillance
14:24by a very expensive group of medical experts.
14:27She's already had a week in a private ward.
14:30Well, can't she go on a national health?
14:31Well, of course she can't.
14:32I can't expect my wife to mix with all those ordinary patients.
14:37Have you seen the way some of them dress?
14:40Look, I've got Rodney's wedding coming up.
14:42I need that money.
14:43I am just potless, Del, and that is no lie.
14:47It's the kipper season.
14:48Nobody's buying cars.
14:50But don't worry, I will pay you that money
14:52as soon as things pick up.
14:54That'll be too late by then, won't it?
14:56I am sorry, Del boy.
14:58You cannot get blood out of a stone.
15:02Oh, talking of blood,
15:05I heard the Driscoll brothers were looking for you.
15:09Driscoll brothers looking for me?
15:10What do they want me to make?
15:11I never deal with the Driscoll brothers.
15:13I make sure of that.
15:14Perhaps they want to look at Rodney's wedding list.
15:17Oh.
15:18That's funny.
15:20Half a shandy, please, Michael.
15:25I guess I'd find you here, you're so rogue.
15:29Ah, Alan!
15:30What a pleasant surprise.
15:32Yeah, look at who's here.
15:34It's Cassandra's dad, Rodney's future barber.
15:36Howdy, nice to meet you.
15:37Oh, hello.
15:38Let me shake you by the hand, Alan.
15:40You're a brave man letting a trotter into your family.
15:43Rodney's a good lad, I like him.
15:45That's right, he's one in a million.
15:46Now come, you come and sit down over here, Alan.
15:48Get away from all this riffraff.
15:49Go on, what you drinking?
15:51Oh, just a lemonade from me, thanks, Del.
15:53A drink I had with you last week and knocked me sideways.
15:55Oh, he touched the stuff these days, and Pam, my wife, she doesn't really agree with drinking.
15:59No?
16:00Well, perhaps you ought to out, you know, get yourself a younger model.
16:03Yeah, but she's been with me for so long now, she's almost one of the family.
16:06Go on, I'll have a small scotch, but let's be long.
16:11All right, Michael, can I have a scotch?
16:12Any usual for me, please?
16:14Yeah, what have you done to your eye?
16:16Oh, yeah, the aerial on that phone you sold.
16:18We came out a bit fast.
16:19Oh, yeah, well, you'd had a few sherbets, hadn't you, though, eh?
16:23Anyway, what are you doing around here?
16:25What, to tell you the truth, Del, I got a bit bored.
16:26There's something wrong with that television.
16:28Oh.
16:29So I thought I'd, uh, I'd pop round here and have a chat about the wedding arrangements.
16:33You know, I think you should make some sort of contribution to the proceedings.
16:37Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah, of course.
16:39Well, I mean, uh, what sort of hall do you think we should hire?
16:43Well, you know, I mean, I don't think we ought to go mad, you know.
16:46It's only a registry office wedding, ain't it, eh?
16:49You know, um, actually, he's got a very nice hall here, you know.
16:53Yeah, and it's cheap.
16:54Do you know, if I had my way, that's exactly where we'd hold the reception.
16:58Good old knees up in a pub and plenty of jelly meals.
17:01Oh, this place is perfect, isn't it?
17:02And it's cheap.
17:03Yeah, yeah, but my wife Pam, she's gone all up.
17:06Mark it on the idea.
17:07She wants to hold the reception in a cricket pavilion or the country club.
17:11Oh, yeah, she's got it all planned out.
17:12It's all Dom Perignon and caviar.
17:14Oh, yeah.
17:15Oh, yeah, yeah.
17:16Not a jelly deal in sight.
17:17So what do you think?
17:18Well, I reckon you ought to put your foot down.
17:20Well, anyway, you know, how much is this going to cost me?
17:23Cost you?
17:24Hmm.
17:25I would tell.
17:26It's not going to cost you a penny.
17:27My only child's getting married and I'm paying for the lot.
17:30Yeah, but I thought you said you wanted me to make a contribution.
17:32Yeah, with ideas and opinions.
17:34Thanks.
17:35Ah.
17:38Wow.
17:39No, actually, your missus has got a point.
17:43You know, I don't think that you and me ought to be selfish, should we?
17:47After all, it is for the happy couple.
17:49It is their big day, isn't it?
17:50Yeah, you don't like those sort of surroundings, do you?
17:52I mean, champagne, caviar, country clubs.
17:55Oh, no, I hate it, Alan.
17:56I hate it.
17:56It's all put on.
17:58I mean, those people just do things for effect.
18:06Wilson, Drake, your minicab's here.
18:13Well.
18:15Excuse me.
18:17You two still ain't got the hang of them revolving doors, have you?
18:22Can we have a word, though?
18:23Yeah, of course you can, yeah.
18:25Michael, get Vicky and Gemma a drink, will you?
18:27Yeah, what is it?
18:30Those mobile phones we gave you, you've got the money for them yet?
18:32Of course I haven't, I haven't sold them yet, am I?
18:34Oh, goodness.
18:35Oh, bloody hell.
18:36Oi, what's up with you two?
18:37Sir, sir, I'll see you, sir.
18:41Yeah, cheers, Alan.
18:43Glad you enjoyed the drink.
18:47Hey, Dale.
18:47Hmm?
18:48That's a stroke of luck, isn't it?
18:49He's hiring my all for the wedding reception and I'm doing all the food and drink.
18:53Where am I going to get jelly deals from?
18:55I'll talk to you later.
18:56Oh, I don't believe it.
18:59See those phones we gave you, Dale?
19:01They weren't ours.
19:01We could have had a nice country club.
19:03We'd have won sale or return.
19:05Same as you.
19:05We could have eaten caviar instead of Mike Scotch eggs.
19:09Dale, they want their money.
19:10I'm a caviar person, me, you know.
19:13Most probably.
19:14Who wants their money?
19:16The Driscoll brothers.
19:17The Driscoll brothers?
19:19You ain't been dealing with the Driscoll brothers, have you?
19:21Only with those mobile phones.
19:22We thought they'd be a good seller.
19:23Oh, that's it.
19:25That's who did that to you, ain't it?
19:27And to your Gregory.
19:28No, that's right.
19:29That is their trademark, there.
19:31They don't touch the face, but they knock the hell out of the body.
19:34Danny Driscoll said this was a friendly warning.
19:37I'm sorry, Dale.
19:38We had to tell him you're taking the phones.
19:40They've got it in their heads that you're trying to con them.
19:43They're looking for you, Dale.
19:45I know, I know.
19:45I've had a warning.
19:47Let me tell you this.
19:49If I end up supporting a flyover on the M26,
19:53I guarantee that you two are going to be in the next junction.
19:58Let me get you a drink, gentlemen.
20:01All right, what is all this about, the Driscoll brothers?
20:04Nothing, nothing at all.
20:06Listen, if the Driscoll brothers come in here asking for me,
20:08you ain't seen me, all right?
20:09Listen, I've heard of the Driscoll brothers, Dale,
20:11but I've never seen them.
20:13What'd they look like?
20:13Well, one of them looks as though he was evicted from the planet of the apes.
20:17Yeah.
20:18And the other one reminds me of Cliff Richards.
20:21What, he looks younger than his years?
20:23No, he's got one of them faces that you want to slap.
20:27Here, Trey, did you get Alan off home all right?
20:29Yeah.
20:30There was almost an accident.
20:31The minicab driver nearly reversed into the Driscoll brothers' Mercedes.
20:35The Driscoll brothers?
20:36Are they here?
20:36What door are they coming in?
20:37Well, I don't know.
20:38They were just getting out of the car.
20:39Dale, quick, upstairs, hide in the hall.
20:41Quickly.
20:41Mickey, Geoffrey, quick, come on, up there, quick.
20:43Oh, I see, how nice.
20:59Hello, Danny.
21:01Your brother not with you?
21:03Yeah.
21:04Oh, uh, watch her, Tony.
21:17Drink?
21:18No.
21:20No, right, Marlene's up the spell.
21:22Yeah.
21:24Dear, dear, dear.
21:25Will you let us know the moment you find out who done it, and we'll sort him out?
21:34Yeah, right-o, Danny.
21:35Good one, Danny.
21:43Good one.
21:46Hellboy around?
21:47No, no.
21:48I ain't seen him this evening.
21:50Well, that's funny.
21:50His van's in the car park.
21:53And what's this?
21:54A Costello?
21:56And a Malibu reef?
21:58You sure he's not around?
22:00Think hard, Governor.
22:03Well, he may have been in earlier, and then he left.
22:05Oh, I see.
22:07You just had this place decorated?
22:09Yeah.
22:10Shame.
22:13I want to buy everyone in a pub a drink.
22:16Whatever they want.
22:18Now, there's a pound.
22:19And I want change.
22:26Large cognac, please, Michael.
22:32Keep still.
22:38Treat, what are you doing here?
22:41What are you doing here?
22:42It's got nothing to do with you.
22:43What are you doing here with a hust?
22:45I don't know, really.
22:46You said quick upstairs, so I just went.
22:49There's a doorknob there, Tony.
22:57Why don't you just turn it like I'm doing a thing?
22:59What are you doing here?
23:00I don't know.
23:00How are you doing here?
23:23What are you doing here?
23:23Let's try the boats.
23:43Let's try the boats.
24:07Here.
24:08I've got his phone up his nose.
24:13Everything all right, Dil?
24:16Yeah, it's actually on Friday.
24:17I've just got his phone stuck up my nose.
24:20Tony, help the man.
24:22That's all right, Tony.
24:23That's all right.
24:25I can do it.
24:30I thought I said I didn't want to see you face his round here anymore.
24:33Yes, Mr. Driscoll.
24:34Thank you, Mr. Driscoll.
24:37That goes for you, too.
24:39Yeah, but...
24:40It's all right, Cheek. It's all right, come on.
24:41It's all right, Cheek. See you later, come on.
24:45You owe us £2,000.
24:47You got the money?
24:48No, of course I haven't. I haven't sold the phones yet, have I?
24:50Don't give us that, Derek.
24:53Them two youngsters, Ebony and Ivory,
24:55took the phones from us over three months ago.
24:57Three months? I didn't know that, Danny.
25:01Do you think we're stupid?
25:04Or do you think I'm stupid?
25:06What?
25:08Them two munchkins work for you
25:10and you're doing a bit of a fagging.
25:12But you picked the wrong ones this time.
25:15If you don't come up with the two grand,
25:16I'm going to take his collar and lead off
25:18and let him loose on you.
25:21Wait a minute, wait a minute.
25:22You got it wrong. You got it all wrong.
25:24I'll tell you what, you're going to have all the phones back, yeah?
25:26I don't want that old rubbish back.
25:28I mean, I'll tell you go funny.
25:31He's old now.
25:33And at least one of them's been up your route, huh?
25:36You've got to give me
25:36a bit of time.
25:38I mean, you two can't be short of a couple of grand, can you?
25:40And do you know why we ain't short of a few, Bob?
25:44Because we don't let deaths linger.
25:45Can you explain something to you, Jill?
25:53When me and Tony were kids, we was very, very poor.
25:57Our old man used to work in the stables
26:00of one of them big mansion houses.
26:02He used to work from six in the morning
26:03till eight at night.
26:04And what for?
26:05A pittance.
26:07A shilling a day
26:08and an old shit sandwich.
26:11On one day, there was a robbery at the mansion.
26:14The bill arrested our old man.
26:15I mean, there wasn't any evidence, was there?
26:17That's right.
26:19Just fingerprints.
26:20Just fingerprints.
26:24And eyewitnesses.
26:27They were eyewitnesses.
26:29They found the jewels on him.
26:31It was a plant.
26:31Yeah.
26:34It was a right fitter.
26:36He died in a police cell
26:37with a fractured skull.
26:39They said it was a suicide attempt
26:41that went wrong.
26:43All right.
26:45Well, whatever way you look at it.
26:46They claimed he tried to hang himself
26:48with his braces
26:49and smashed himself to death on the ceiling.
26:54Did you believe that?
26:56No, no, I don't believe that.
26:57No.
26:59The day he died,
27:01Tony and me swore
27:01that no one would ever dump on us.
27:03And we would never, never be poor.
27:06Wait a minute.
27:07After your dad died,
27:08you two went to a young offender zone, right?
27:10Now, who was it that used to look after your old mum
27:12with, you know, some mooky groceries
27:13and a bag of coal and all that?
27:14It was me, wasn't it, eh?
27:15Tony, come on, you owe me.
27:18No, I mean, come on,
27:19I mean, you owe me a bit of time,
27:20at least, don't you?
27:22He's right.
27:23No, he ain't.
27:25We owe him.
27:26I don't think we do.
27:28Tony,
27:28we had an agreement.
27:31I do the thinking.
27:33You don't.
27:37All right, Tony,
27:38you got yourself a bit of time.
27:39Thanks, cheers, cheers, Danny.
27:40When will I see you again?
27:42Dunno.
27:43We'll surprise you.
27:44Oh, good.
27:45I'll look forward to that.
27:47Get the money.
27:48Right.
27:49Either you pay us
27:51or we pay you.
27:57Oh, hello, Danny.
27:58I just popped up
27:59to see if you needed any help.
28:00No.
28:02I think we handled it
28:03pretty well on our own.
28:05We'll be seeing you.
28:07Soon.
28:07Bill,
28:17Mickey Pierce has just told me
28:18you've got some electronic equipment
28:19off the Driscoll's.
28:20Yes, yes, that's right.
28:21It's not them video recorders
28:22you've sold me, is it?
28:23Oh, yes.
28:28Do the Driscoll's know?
28:30Well, I haven't said anything,
28:31you know, yet.
28:33Well, you're not going to tell them
28:34I got them, are you?
28:35Well, look, they want to give
28:36some money a good eye, then.
28:38Tell us what it was like,
28:40weren't you, boys?
28:42Here I am.
28:44Here's most of the money I owe.
28:45Oh, I thought you said
28:46you were skiing.
28:46Oh, yeah.
28:47I thought I was,
28:48and then I suddenly
28:49happened to find
28:49three grand in me pocket.
28:52I swear to the Driscoll's,
28:53will you, keep them off me?
28:54Yeah, of course you will,
28:55boy, see.
28:57What are friends for?
29:01So remember, Rodney,
29:02marriage is like
29:02a self-service restaurant.
29:04You get what you want,
29:05you see what your mate's got,
29:06you want some of that.
29:10I remember my stag night, Rodney.
29:12It was about one o'clock
29:13in the car park.
29:14I was just about to stagger home
29:15when they jumped out on me.
29:17I don't know that.
29:18He jumped out on me.
29:21I don't know,
29:22it was pitch black.
29:24Anyway,
29:25they superglued
29:25the Lerner sign
29:26to me pants
29:27and ran off
29:28and left me.
29:32I didn't mind
29:32the Lerner sign,
29:33I just wished
29:33they'd let me keep
29:34me trousers.
29:37What,
29:37you didn't have
29:39no trousers on?
29:42No, Rodney,
29:43no.
29:44I'm just popping out.
29:45You're like,
29:46hey, Albert,
29:46just a minute,
29:46while you're up there.
29:49Put another score in
29:50the old key for me.
29:51Go on.
29:51Where you going?
29:54Oh, look,
29:55there he goes.
29:56All right,
29:57all right, mate,
30:00fancy putting your head
30:01on upside down.
30:04Yeah.
30:05I fought in a war.
30:08I fought in a war.
30:08What,
30:08the Boer War?
30:09Get out of here,
30:10then,
30:10old so-and-sos.
30:12Here,
30:12listen,
30:12lads,
30:12there was this fellow,
30:13he was really short.
30:14I'll tell you how short he was,
30:15he got a job at mother care
30:16as a bouncer.
30:17That's how short he was,
30:18he was so short,
30:19when he,
30:20and he,
30:21but he wasn't that short.
30:22He was a tall fellow,
30:24he was very tall.
30:27There was this woman.
30:29Well,
30:31I don't wish to spoil the surprise,
30:32but the Driscoll brothers
30:33have just arrived.
30:35Oh,
30:35have they?
30:35Well,
30:36they can wait a while,
30:37can't they?
30:39No,
30:40that's all right,
30:40don't you?
30:41Thanks,
30:41thanks a lot.
30:42No,
30:42don't worry,
30:43I've got their money for them.
30:45Hey?
30:46Are you having a good time,
30:47Dal?
30:47Yes,
30:48yes.
30:49I'm having a blinding time,
30:50brothers,
30:51yeah,
30:51yeah.
30:52I'll get married in two days' time.
30:54Yeah,
30:54I know that.
30:55You want to keep off the sherbet,
30:56otherwise you're going to have a hangover
30:58on your honeymoon,
30:58there we go.
31:00Hey,
31:00hey,
31:00man,
31:01is that all right?
31:02At the ceremony,
31:03ceremony.
31:05Yeah,
31:05mate,
31:05yeah,
31:05go on.
31:07Well,
31:07they won't say my middle name,
31:12will they?
31:13No.
31:14They'll just call you,
31:15you know,
31:15like Rodney Trotter.
31:16Trotter.
31:17Yeah.
31:19Oh,
31:19thank you,
31:20Dal.
31:20Yeah.
31:21You've done everything for me
31:22in my life.
31:23It's all right,
31:24shut up,
31:24Rodney.
31:25All right,
31:25all right,
31:26yes,
31:27all right.
31:27He looked after me
31:29when I was a kid,
31:30when I was a nipple.
31:33Yeah,
31:33I know Rodney,
31:34I remember.
31:34Yeah.
31:35He did everything for me.
31:37I mean,
31:38if it wasn't for him,
31:39right,
31:39I could have been a drunk.
31:41or I could have been a snooglifer.
31:50Or anything.
31:52And I'll tell you something else
31:54about this man,
31:55right?
31:56He's given me 2,000 pounds
31:58as a deposit for my flat.
32:03I forgot that.
32:06Oh,
32:06hell.
32:076 weeks,
32:07all I lost was my friends.
32:11What,
32:12need you all right?
32:12All right,
32:13now you stay here,
32:13right?
32:14Come on.
32:14Excuse me,
32:15you just listen to the funny man,
32:16all right?
32:17Back in a minute.
32:19Yeah,
32:19because my wife,
32:20she used to sell ice creams
32:21in the cinema.
32:21When we got married,
32:22she went up the aisle backwards.
32:24She was lovely.
32:25We were driving home one night,
32:26she said,
32:26would you like to see
32:27where I had the operation?
32:28I said,
32:28yeah.
32:29She said,
32:29see that hospital
32:29up there on the hill.
32:30Dale,
32:35right,
32:35he's the bestest
32:36bloke in the world.
32:38Yeah,
32:38I know.
32:40Listen,
32:40Rodney,
32:41sometimes people say things
32:43that they mean
32:43and they really mean it.
32:46What do you mean?
32:49Well,
32:49sometimes they promise things
32:51and they really mean
32:51to keep that promise.
32:53But other things
32:54stop them from doing it.
32:55are you in the bathroom?
33:17Yeah,
33:18yeah.
33:19What?
33:19Thanks for walking out
33:21and leaving me like that.
33:24Sorry,
33:24I had to.
33:25Too much to drink.
33:27I felt bad.
33:29I'm still feeling
33:30a bit rough,
33:31Rodney.
33:32Oh,
33:32and thanks for not
33:33giving me that money.
33:36Then you explained
33:37that you had something
33:37more important
33:38to spend it on
33:39and you promised me.
33:41I told Cassandra
33:42and her mum and dad
33:43and everything.
33:44I said,
33:44I've got the money.
33:46What am I going to look like now,
33:47eh?
33:48I'll tell you what
33:49I'm going to look like now.
33:50I'm going to look like
33:51the right tithead.
33:52That's what I'm going to look like.
33:53Your money's on the
33:57on the table.
33:59Phil?
34:02Thanks.
34:03It's all right, Rob.
34:05It was a pleasure.
34:08Phil?
34:18Phil?
34:19Thanks.
34:21It's all right, Rob.
34:23It was a pleasure.
34:27Phil?
34:28Yeah?
34:29I'm sorry, right?
34:31Shut up, you tart.
34:32You're still going to be
34:36my best man, aren't you?
34:38Yeah, of course I am.
34:39Yeah.
34:41We'll have a good old
34:42knees up, eh?
34:43I think I've had enough
34:44of that for one night,
34:45Rodney.
34:48And I'll tell you what,
34:50we'll have a good old
34:51sing-song.
34:52Yeah.
34:54As long as you don't mind
34:55me sounding like the Bee Gees.
34:59I do solemnly declare,
35:00I do solemnly declare,
35:03that I know of no lawful impediment,
35:05that I know of no lawful impediment,
35:08why I may not be joined
35:09in matrimony to this woman,
35:11Cassandra Louise Parry.
35:13Why I may not be joined
35:15in matrimony to this woman,
35:16Cassandra Louise Parry.
35:20Do you have the ring?
35:22No.
35:27Mr. Wilbur.
35:28I call upon these persons here present.
35:52I call upon these persons here present.
35:55To witness that I,
35:56Rodney Charlton Trotter.
36:02That I,
36:03Rodney Charlton Trotter.
36:05I would appreciate it
36:06if the guests would conduct themselves
36:08in a manner more
36:08becoming to this occasion.
36:12That I,
36:13Rodney Charlton Trotter.
36:16Take this woman,
36:17Cassandra Louise Parry,
36:19to be my lawful wedded wife.
36:21Take this woman,
36:23Cassandra Louise Parry,
36:24to be my lawful wedded wife.
36:27Now,
36:27repeat after me.
36:29I call upon these persons here present.
36:31I call upon these persons here present.
36:34To witness that I,
36:35Cassandra Louise Parry.
36:37To witness that I,
36:38Cassandra Louise Parry.
36:39Take this man,
36:41Rodney Charlton.
36:43Rodney Trotter.
36:44Take this man,
36:46Rodney Trotter.
36:47To be my lawful wedded husband.
36:49To be my lawful wedded husband.
36:51Now,
36:52you have now both made
36:53the declarations required by law
36:54and you have made a solemn
36:57and binding contract with each other
36:58in the presence of your witnesses.
37:01You are now husband and wife.
37:04You may kiss the bride.
37:06To be my lawful wedded husband.
37:36You must call us
37:49as soon as you get back from your honeymoon.
37:51Mum,
37:51we haven't even gone yet.
37:53Don't you be late
37:53for your first day at work, Rodney?
37:55No,
37:55I'll be there, Ellen.
37:56You must come round to dinner.
37:58Oh,
37:58thank you.
38:00I think we could invite Jill.
38:02Er,
38:03well,
38:04you might probably be busy.
38:07Yes.
38:07Oh,
38:07well,
38:08I'm seeing him on Wednesday.
38:08I'll ask him.
38:09You're not going to get drunk again?
38:11No,
38:11he's taking me to a pie and mash shop.
38:13What for?
38:15A pie and mash?
38:16I think we're just going to say goodbye
38:18to a few more people.
38:19I think we're just going to say goodbye to a few more people.
38:19Ever since you met Rodney's brother,
38:25you've become like a born-again hooligan.
38:28It's thanks to you
38:29that my daughter's wedding reception
38:30is being held
38:31in this ghastly house.
38:33All champagne and wils.
38:35There's spoons of jelly deals everywhere.
38:38That's because I like jelly deals.
38:40Hey,
38:41Alan,
38:42if you want some more of these jelly deals,
38:43you better get stuck in, mate.
38:44Thank you, Derek.
38:46I'm going to have another pop and jelly deals.
38:49See you in a minute.
39:03Are you off then, bruv?
39:05Yeah.
39:06Off in a minute.
39:06I just wanted to, uh...
39:11I just wanted to say, Rodney,
39:13that I'm...
39:14I'm really very proud of you.
39:20You've got it all now, haven't you?
39:22New job,
39:23new flat,
39:25new wife,
39:27new life.
39:30Yeah.
39:33Oh, we had a few good years, eh?
39:35Yeah, we had some good times.
39:38Yeah, we're right last.
39:40We've had a couple of tears.
39:42Still that's what it's all about, aren't we?
39:46I just wish that...
39:48I just wish Granddad and Mum could...
39:50Oh, no, shut up.
39:51We've made a guy.
39:58Oh!
40:00It's all right, mate.
40:02I've got some bruises.
40:03I don't know where I got them from.
40:04It's all right.
40:05Oh.
40:06Goodbye, Del.
40:07And thanks for everything.
40:09It's all right.
40:10Oh!
40:11It's all right, mate.
40:12I've just got some bruises.
40:15Could you just...
40:16I promise you'll do me a favour?
40:18Of course.
40:20Be gentle with him.
40:22Oh, shut up!
40:24See you when we get more.
40:25Bye-bye.
40:26We're off now.
40:27Bye-bye.
40:27Bye-bye.
40:28Bye-bye.
40:28Bye-bye.
40:28Bye-bye.
40:28Bye-bye.
40:29Bye-bye.
40:30Bye-bye.
40:32Bye-bye.
40:33Bye-bye.
40:34See you.
40:35Look after us.
40:35Bye-bye.
40:36Have a good flight, darling.
40:38God look.
40:46Bye-bye.
40:47Cheers!
40:48Cheers, mate.
40:49Oh, God.
40:50Bye.
41:01I didn't know Rodney's middle name was Charlton.
41:04Oh, yeah.
41:05It was me mum.
41:06She was a fan.
41:07Oh, what?
41:08Charlton Heston?
41:09No, Charlton Athletic.
41:12Duke!
41:13Get off that tumble!
41:17How come you never got married, Del?
41:21Me?
41:24I'm too shrewd for that game.
41:27You got engaged though, didn't you?
41:29Lots of times.
41:30So why didn't you marry any of them?
41:33I don't know. It was Rodney, I suppose.
41:35Rodney? Stopped you getting married?
41:38No, well, back in them days, Rodney was just a kid, you know.
41:41I had to bring him up.
41:43You were like a mother and father to him.
41:46Yeah.
41:47I breastfed him for the first six months.
41:51No, it's just a...
41:52All the birds that I went out with, they wanted to get married, but they didn't want to bring Rodney up.
41:58Especially the way he went through shoes.
42:01Anyway, what was I supposed to do?
42:03Get married and put Rodney into care?
42:06No.
42:07So I...
42:08I elbowed him.
42:12Well, he's family, innit?
42:14You should be proud of yourself.
42:17He turned out a real good'un.
42:20Oh, yeah.
42:22He's a diamond.
42:2442-carat diamond.
42:26Come along, Marlene.
42:31I want to have a word with you during the week.
42:34You should see what that Chinese kid has done to my video recording.
42:38Bye, dear.
42:40Bye, sweetheart.
42:50Bye.
42:51Bye.
42:52Bye, sweetheart.
42:53Come on, Duke.
42:54Bye.
42:55Bye.
42:56Bye.
42:57Bye.
43:24Bye.
43:47Cassandra's dad's feeling, well, a bit unwell.
43:50well. I told him not to eat all them jelly deals. I've got a lock-up, Del. Yeah, all right, mate.
44:02Thanks very much for a very nice duper. Cheers, mate.
44:20Hello, Trotters Independent Traders?
44:43Eh? Oh, it's you, Albert. Eh? No, that's all right, I've only just this minute got in. Yeah. Where are you?
44:55Oh, you're around at Elsie Partridges, are you? Oh, yeah. Got your plates of meat under the table there, ain't you, eh?
45:04You dirty old goat.
45:07What? No, no. No, they are, they're back from their honeymoon, yeah. I saw Rodney this morning racing off to work.
45:17Yeah, he looked great, he did. Nice three-piece suit, smart tie. Yeah, and his executive briefcase. Yeah, the lot.
45:28You what? No, no, no, I didn't have a chance to speak to him, I was in the van, and he came racing past on his bicycle.
45:37The honeymoon? Yeah, I think that went all right. Yeah, he was as white as a sheet. Yeah. You what?
45:46Oh, yeah, you're off down to Legion tonight, are you? Me? No, well, I'm, yeah, I'm alone.
45:55Well, no, no, I'm not alone, really. I mean, it's just the, it's the way I'd like it to be.
46:03Yeah, no, no, no, thanks very much.
46:06Now, but I appreciate the offer, but I'm, I'm not in the mood for Domino's tonight.
46:11No, all right, but I'll see you when I see you. Bye.
46:16Bye.
46:17Bye.
46:18Bye.
46:19Bye.
46:20Bye.
46:21Bye.
46:22Bye.
46:23all right yeah terrific oh I am exhausted yeah you look a bit cream-crackered
46:53what is the executive stress is it oh it's that bike the wheels hardly go round the chains come
47:02off twice and the front light don't work where'd you get it from I don't know it's been in the
47:08garage for years what's fatigue no I've got no idea can I say something to you Rodney
47:21something that may hold you in good stead in the you know in the future
47:27it's just uh oh how can I put it
47:35you don't live here no more
47:40bloody hell she'll go loopy
47:53I'll say you all right yeah right bruv
47:57what a plonker
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