- 3 weeks ago
The episode is a flashback centered around the 24th anniversary of Dennis Day working for Jack Benny. An irate Jack decides to recount his (fictionalized and comedic) version of how he discovered the singer to the audience, while passing over agents' offers for other tenors like Frank Sinatra (whom he dismisses as "too skinny") and Bing Crosby ("too bu-bu-ba-boo").
The story follows Jack's persistent, albeit comical, search for the "unknown Irish tenor" after hearing his demo record. His pursuit takes him to various places where Dennis worked briefly before being fired, including a fish market and an ice cream store. Jack finally tracks him down working in the kitchen of a Chinese restaurant, where he hires him.
The story follows Jack's persistent, albeit comical, search for the "unknown Irish tenor" after hearing his demo record. His pursuit takes him to various places where Dennis worked briefly before being fired, including a fish market and an ice cream store. Jack finally tracks him down working in the kitchen of a Chinese restaurant, where he hires him.
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FunTranscript
00:00From Hollywood, the Jack Benny Program.
00:30Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to our show.
00:42Now, before I start, before I say anything at all, I must read you a letter that I got
00:49from a lady in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
00:53I have to read this.
00:54I just got it just when I got into the studio.
00:56It says, Dear Jack, I call you by your first name because I feel that I know you so well.
01:04I've been watching you ever since you've been on television, and I can't get over how good
01:10you look on TV.
01:14Year after year, you never seem to change.
01:17You always look the same.
01:19How do you do it?
01:21Now, I don't want to brag.
01:23I mean, this isn't the only letter I've gotten asking this question.
01:28I get thousands of them, you see.
01:30And of course, this is very flattering, but I must confess that in order to keep looking
01:37good, and this isn't cheating.
01:39I mean, no, this is just, this is just good showmanship, you see.
01:43In order to keep looking good, every year, I make the camera move back.
01:50Every year, they move back a little further.
01:53In fact, right now, I'm here, and the camera is in Pomona.
02:03Now, to give you an idea what a difference this makes, I'll show you what I look like
02:08when the camera is real close to me.
02:12I'll show you.
02:12There's one.
02:13Oh, Fred, give me that close-up camera, will you please?
02:16The close-up.
02:24That's enough.
02:25Go back to the long shot.
02:30Now, that shows you what can be done with camera technique.
02:36And if you think it was, that was something, you should see me in the morning.
02:44Without makeup.
02:45And now, ladies and gentlemen, to get on with the show, I know you're always anxious to
02:55welcome my singing star, so right now, I'd like to bring them out, Dennis Day.
02:58Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.
03:08Thank you, thank you.
03:09Tonight, I would like to sing a song that I hope that you'll enjoy.
03:12It's a wonderful song that is really funny.
03:14Wait a minute, hold it, hold it just a minute, Dennis.
03:16What's the matter?
03:16What's that?
03:18It's a palm tree.
03:20I know it's a palm tree.
03:21I mean, why did you bring it out here?
03:24It's for my song.
03:24You're so cheap, you never get me any scenery.
03:31Well, Dennis, what's wrong with being in front of a curtain?
03:35Nothing, if you're a window.
03:38Well, I'm not going to argue with you for it.
03:40Well, you hadn't better, because everybody knows that it's much easier for a singer to
03:44sell the lyrics of a song if he can work with something that can help him convey the
03:48mood and the meaning of the words.
03:50Well, Dennis, I certainly can't argue with you there.
03:53If you think that this tree, this palm tree, will help you with your song, why, go ahead
04:00and use it.
04:00Okay.
04:05In some secluded rendezvous that overlooks the avenue, with someone sharing a delight,
04:23a chance to propose a match, and cocktails for two, as we enjoy a cigarette.
04:34Wait a minute.
04:35Hold it.
04:36Hold it.
04:37What, what, what, what, what, what, what'd you stop me for?
04:39I had to stop you.
04:40You made such a big thing about needing scenery to sing a song.
04:44Just answer me one question.
04:46Yes, sir.
04:46What has a palm tree got to do with two people drinking cocktails?
04:52Well, they drink a lot of cocktails.
04:54All right.
04:55They drink a lot of cocktails.
04:56What has a palm tree got to do with it?
04:59It's potted.
04:59Boy, are you stupid.
05:18Dennis, will you do me a favor?
05:20Sing.
05:21Sing the song you're supposed to sing, not this one.
05:24Sing it with the tree, without the tree, in the tree, on top of the tree.
05:28Let's sing.
05:30Close up, please.
05:31Close up, please.
05:41Father.
05:41Father.
05:41Father.
05:41Father.
05:41Father.
05:54More than the greatest love the world has known, this is the love I'll give to you alone.
06:09More than the simple words I try to say, I only live to love you more each day.
06:24More than you'll ever know, my arms long to hold you so.
06:33My life will be in your keeping, waking, sleeping, laughing, weeping.
06:46Longer than always is a long, long time, far beyond forever, you'll be mine.
07:05I know, I know, I know, I've never lived before, and my heart is very sure, no one else could love you more.
07:20No one else could love you more.
07:32Now let's see, where was I?
07:51Oh yes, I was going to tell you exactly how I found Dennis.
07:56Now it was back in the days when I was on radio, you know, and I had a program for several years, and I was doing very well with it.
08:05And at that particular time, I was looking for a singer.
08:08So I talked to my agent about it, and one day I dropped into his office to see if he had found me one.
08:17I gotcha, I gotcha.
08:18Now Harry, don't worry about a thing, will you please?
08:20We'll work it out some way.
08:22Come in.
08:25Come in, come in, sit down.
08:27Listen, Harry, I'll call you back, huh baby?
08:29Uh, Jack Benny just came in.
08:32Uh, Jack Benny.
08:35Well, someday you will.
08:43Jackie boy, I'm glad you dropped in.
08:46What can I do for you?
08:47What can you do for me?
08:48I asked you a long time ago to try to find a fellow for my program, a singer.
08:52Yes, yes, of course you did.
08:55Now Jackie boy, you're my, you're my most precious client.
08:59And you know that I wouldn't do anything without giving your problem a lot of thought.
09:03I got great news for you.
09:04You have?
09:05If you're still looking for a singer, I got a kid that may be just what you're looking for.
09:09Who?
09:09Now he's singing with a band now.
09:11I don't think he's making too much money.
09:13Let's see here, his name is, uh...
09:16Ah, here it is.
09:17Frank Sinatra.
09:21No, no, I saw him.
09:23He's a, he's a skinny kid with no personality.
09:27I mean, he's almost as bad as that other guy you try to palm off on me.
09:32That, uh...
09:33Oh, that Bing, Bing Crosby with that...
09:36Who needs that?
09:40So far, you've come up with nobody.
09:43Nobody?
09:44What about the kid I set up to see you last week?
09:46That, that Perry Como?
09:49Didn't you like his voice?
09:50Well, he's got a nice voice, but he, he's too aggressive.
09:54He jumps around to it.
09:57He's too fast.
09:58He sings too fast.
10:00I don't, I don't, I don't want that kid.
10:02Look, they're all baritones.
10:04I want someone with a higher voice, you know.
10:07How about Jessica Dragonette?
10:09Well, he's all right, but...
10:16He's not, you know, what I...
10:19Look, I want a fella, a young fella, a singer with a lot of talent and personality and a great comedy potential.
10:26And you want to pay him 35 bucks a week.
10:29That's right.
10:31I want a nice, cheap Morton Downey.
10:34Well, Jackie boy, I'm telling you right now, with that kind of money, you're not going to find anybody.
10:40If they just...
10:42Hey, wait a minute.
10:44Wait a minute.
10:45An agent friend of mine dropped in here about a month ago.
10:48He handles unknowns.
10:49He brought a record in here with him of a kid who, who may be just what you're looking for.
10:54Where is it?
10:55Ah, here it is.
10:58Yeah, the kid's name is Dennis Day.
11:01Let's hear it.
11:02Let's hear the record.
11:04It's a small thing.
11:12Dennis Day.
11:13Go ahead, kid.
11:14Sing.
11:16Dennis.
11:17Yes, please?
11:19I already put in the quarter.
11:21Start singing.
11:22Now?
11:24Sure.
11:24Can't you see the record going around?
11:26Yeah.
11:27It makes me dizzy.
11:29Well, face the other way and sing.
11:32Okay.
11:32The pale moon was rising above the green mountain.
11:42The sun was declining.
11:49Beep.
11:53What happened?
11:54That's it.
11:54They must have run out of quarters.
11:56But look, now that's what I was looking for, a beautiful high voice like that.
12:02That's what I want.
12:03Where can I get him?
12:04Wait a minute.
12:04I think I saw his phone number right here on the record.
12:07Where is it?
12:08Ah, there it is.
12:10H-O-2-4-6-9.
12:12Okay.
12:13I'll call him.
12:13I'll call him right now.
12:14Good.
12:14Go ahead.
12:15See if I can get him.
12:16What is that?
12:16H-O-2-4-6-9.
12:18Now, wait a minute.
12:19Wait a minute.
12:20H-O-2-4-2-4-6-9.
12:25H-O-2-4-6-9.
12:27Now, that's what I want.
12:28That's the kind of a voice.
12:29Hello.
12:30Luigi's a fish market.
12:33Luigi's fish market?
12:34Yeah.
12:35Is this H-O-2-4-6-9?
12:37Sure.
12:38Have you got somebody working there about Dennis Day?
12:42You mean the kid where he go around all the time and singing the Irish song?
12:46Yeah, that's him.
12:47Let me talk to him.
12:48He ain't no worker here no more.
12:50I fire him.
12:52You fired him.
12:53Why?
12:54I come in one morning and I find him stiff as a board.
12:58You mean he was drunk?
12:59No, no, no.
13:00He locked himself in the freezer.
13:06Some stupid.
13:08Where can I get in touch with him?
13:10I don't know.
13:10Are you looking for some ice cream company?
13:12Hey, wait a minute.
13:13I got over here in a piece of paper, the name.
13:16Give me C.
13:17Oh, the name.
13:18B-C-P Ice Cream Parlor.
13:20You want the number?
13:22Yes.
13:22M-A-6-0-7-9.
13:26And please, don't bother me no more.
13:29That's M-A-6-0-7-9.
13:32I'll call.
13:33M-A-6-0-7-9.
13:387-9.
13:40I got it.
13:40Busy B Ice Cream Parlor.
13:44I'd like to speak to Dennis Day, please.
13:46No, he's not here anymore.
13:47We fired him.
13:49You fired him?
13:50We had to.
13:51Ever since he came, our ice cream smells from fish.
13:58Fish?
13:59Our Neapolitan became mackerel, herring, and halibut.
14:01He was a nice kid.
14:06Kept singing all the time.
14:07Had a real beautiful voice.
14:09Well, that's it.
14:10Well, I heard him sing.
14:11With that voice, he should be in show business.
14:13Yeah, let's see.
14:14I think I heard that he's at the Lotus Blossom Inn now.
14:18Oh.
14:19Oh, thank you.
14:20He is in show business.
14:21He's at the Lotus Blossom Inn.
14:23Lotus Blossom.
14:24Jack, I've seen the floor shows there.
14:26They're not too good.
14:27Now, if I were you, I'd go down and talk to the kid,
14:29and maybe he'll leave them and go with you.
14:31It's a great idea, Steve.
14:33I'll do that.
14:33I'll go right down there now.
14:34Glad to see you, Jack.
14:35I want to hear him.
14:36I want to hear him sing.
14:37Drop in any time.
14:38Okay, kid.
14:38So long, Steve.
14:44Good evening, sir.
14:46Want for dinner?
14:47No, no.
14:47I'm going to eat later.
14:49I wonder about it.
14:49Have you a fellow here, Dennis Day, working here?
14:52Dennis Day?
14:53No.
14:54Oh, you mean, I take you home again, Kathleen,
14:58across the ocean, wide and wide.
15:02Yes, that's the fellow.
15:04I came over here tonight because I want to watch him work.
15:07You want to watch him work?
15:08Yes.
15:11Take a good look.
15:19He works?
15:20He works in the kitchen?
15:22He works in the kitchen, but rising around the...
15:26Stop singing!
15:27That's not waiting for tell me!
15:31I can't get over it.
15:33I thought he was singing in the floor show.
15:35No, not sing.
15:37He pussy food.
15:38He slingy head.
15:39He not singer.
15:40He slinger.
15:43Oh, for heaven's legs.
15:45Do you mind if I go over and talk to him?
15:54Sure, sure.
15:55Talk to you all you want.
15:56Oh.
15:59Pardon me.
16:00I'm here to...
16:01I thought you were a waiter.
16:14Well, look, I'm not a waiter.
16:17Look, I'm Jack Benny.
16:19Jack who?
16:21Benny, Benny.
16:22Does my name mean something to you?
16:23Oh, yeah.
16:26You ordered the chow mein to go.
16:29I didn't order anything.
16:31Now, look.
16:32Look, kid.
16:33You're Dennis Day, aren't you?
16:34Now, look, kid.
16:34Your...
16:35Your meeting me here
16:37could be a turning point in your life.
16:40I mean, I can give you an opportunity.
16:44Hey, boy.
16:44Answer the phone.
16:46Oh, excuse me.
16:47Yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:50Hello.
16:51Notice blossom in.
16:53Best chop suey.
16:54Never gooey.
16:56Would you like order, please?
16:58Oh, number four dinner for five people.
17:00Very good.
17:01Ah, number four dinner,
17:03you get some gum chow mein,
17:05pork fried lights,
17:06fried shrimp,
17:07and fortune cookies.
17:10You don't want number four dinner.
17:13You want number five dinner
17:14for four people.
17:16Oh, for four people,
17:18on number five dinner,
17:19you take away almond duck.
17:22No, no, no, no.
17:23So sorry.
17:24Can I do,
17:25can I leave almond duck
17:26on dinner for four?
17:27Must be dinner for five.
17:29Or you like a dinner for five,
17:31but you only know four people.
17:35Now, when you find friend,
17:37call him back.
17:38Bye-bye.
17:40Oh, I'm sorry,
17:45but your chow mein will be ready
17:46to go in a minute.
17:47Look, I didn't order chow mein.
17:50Now, look,
17:50and here's why I'm in.
17:51I want you to work for me.
17:53Oh, gee.
17:55What kind of a restaurant do you have?
17:57I haven't got a restaurant.
17:59Two fried rice.
18:00More two fried rice.
18:01Here's what I want.
18:02Out of the way, out of the way.
18:03Look, look, look.
18:04Look, look, look at this.
18:05I have...
18:06Out of the way, out of the way, out of the way.
18:08Look, kid.
18:12Yeah?
18:12Look, I have...
18:13I have a radio program,
18:14and I want you to sing for me.
18:16I want you to be a singer on my show.
18:19Gee, I don't know.
18:21What do you mean you don't know?
18:22You made a record.
18:23You spoke to an agent.
18:24I thought you wanted to be in show business.
18:26Well, that was before I was doing so good here.
18:32Doing so good?
18:33I've had three promotions already.
18:36And you've built up to this?
18:40Yeah.
18:40You know, when I first came here,
18:41they had me testing the oil
18:42that they fried the shrimp in.
18:44Ooh, my elbow.
18:48That was a wonderful job.
18:50And then they promoted me to chicken picker.
18:54You mean chicken plocker?
18:56No, chicken picker.
18:57You see, all the chow mein that came back into the kitchen,
18:59I picked out the good pieces of chicken.
19:02Hey, boy!
19:03I'm a plie-glo.
19:05I think it would have been much better.
19:06I'm a plie-glo.
19:08You want to come on my way?
19:11This is no job, boy.
19:12At least, at least you can sing.
19:14Out of me.
19:15Out of me.
19:16Now I'm the food server, and if this works out,
19:21you know what they're gonna do?
19:23What?
19:23They're gonna make me third assistant fortune cookie stuffer.
19:27No!
19:30Who can I sniff?
19:31Dennis, please.
19:32All the way, all the way, all the way.
19:35If you will sing.
19:36All the way, all the way, all the way.
19:40Now, look.
19:41Look, Dennis.
19:42Yeah.
19:42I know that you hate to leave a Shangri-La like this.
19:48But if you come on my show,
19:50remember, I got a radio show that goes from coast to coast.
19:53You'll be a big star, and you know something?
19:55Yeah.
19:55I will give you $25 a week.
19:59$25 a week?
20:00Jeez, that sounds good.
20:03Wait a minute.
20:04He pay you $25, I pay you $30.
20:07You very valuable man here.
20:09Oh, yeah?
20:10Well, I'll pay you $31.
20:11I'll pay you $32.
20:13Hey, please, please stop him.
20:14Hey, wait a minute.
20:19Hey, wait a minute.
20:20Hey, wait a minute.
20:20Gum chow.
20:22Gum chow.
20:25Gee, I only guessed that.
20:32Look, Dennis.
20:33I'll pay you $35 a week, and that's final.
20:37Well, what kind of a guarantee will you give me?
20:39I can't give you a guarantee, Dennis.
20:42I haven't watched your work.
20:43See, I heard you sing or anything, except on a record.
20:46I hate to quit here before I get a guarantee.
20:49Well, look, step over here and sing something for me.
20:52Just let me see what you're looking for when you're singing.
20:53Yeah.
20:53Sing something nice, and then maybe I can give you a...
20:55What would you like to hear?
20:56Well, some...
20:57What's a good song?
20:58What do you know?
20:58How about a nice Irish ballad?
20:59Galway Bay.
21:00Wonderful.
21:01Go ahead.
21:01That'll be beautiful.
21:02If you ever go across the seas to Ireland,
21:06then maybe at the closing of your day,
21:10give me some moments of that and watch the moon rise.
21:14Right, right.
21:14Right.
21:14Right.
21:16Right.
21:16We'll be back in just a moment, but first.
21:34This is what I wore 20 years ago.
21:46I never throw anything away.
21:49Well, ladies and gentlemen, I hope you all enjoyed the show,
21:52and that's exactly how I found Dennis Day.
21:56Dennis, come on.
22:02Well, Dennis?
22:04You've been with me now for over 20 years, my gentlemen.
22:08Now, I want to tell you, lookit,
22:09a lot of people think that I'm cheap and stingy
22:12because that's a character I portray, you know.
22:15But tell the audience, how much, after 20 years,
22:18how much am I paying you now?
22:20Well...
22:20Now, go ahead. Tell them.
22:22$3,000 a week.
22:24There you are. $3,000 a week.
22:27Now, that wasn't hard to say, was it?
22:28No.
22:29Well, lookit, Dennis, I remember some time ago,
22:31I, uh, asked you to say the same thing,
22:36and you refused.
22:37Why was that?
22:38That was Washington's birthday.
22:44Oh, yes, yes.
22:46Well, so long, kid.
22:47Don't know.
22:48Yeah.
22:53Good night, folks.
22:54I'll be seeing you soon.
22:55I'll be seeing you soon.
23:25I'll be seeing you soon.
23:55I'll be seeing you soon.
23:56I'll be seeing you soon.
23:57I'll be seeing you soon.
23:58I'll be seeing you soon.
23:59I'll be seeing you soon.
24:00I'll be seeing you soon.
24:01I'll be seeing you soon.
24:02I'll be seeing you soon.
24:03I'll be seeing you soon.
24:04I'll be seeing you soon.
24:05I'll be seeing you soon.
24:06I'll be seeing you soon.
24:07I'll be seeing you soon.
24:08I'll be seeing you soon.
24:09I'll be seeing you soon.
24:10I'll be seeing you soon.
24:11I'll be seeing you soon.
24:12I'll be seeing you soon.
24:13I'll be seeing you soon.
24:14I'll be seeing you soon.
24:15I'll be seeing you soon.
24:16I'll be seeing you soon.
24:17I'll be seeing you soon.
24:18I'll be seeing you soon.
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