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00:00With Charlie Brooker. Oh, and there's some strong language, too.
00:03Hello, I'm Charlie Brooker, and you're watching Weekly Wipe, a programme all about things
00:30that are happening. Things like this.
00:33The chairman of Boots the Chemist has criticised the Labour Party.
00:36To be fair, I can think of plenty of politicians I'd like to see taking a kicking from Boots.
00:40He said he thinks Miliband would be a catastrophe in number 10, but would look fabulous in number 7.
00:45Channel 4's The Jump returned to wow viewers with its intoxicating blend of celebrity injuries
00:50and sleet. This year's contestants include Joey Essex, a man so stupid you expect him to go up
00:55the slope because he's never heard of gravity, who has heartwarming news coverage as thousands
00:59of strangers donated money to a disabled OAP who was mugged outside his home. Bet that
01:04mugger feels stupid. If he'd waited a week, that guy would have been worth hundreds of
01:07thousands of pounds. And there were eye-popping scenes at the Super Bowl as Katy Perry wowed
01:12the crowd with a spectacular half-time show in which she performed an exciting medley of
01:16her greatest hit. More of that sort of thing later, but first, did you know there's a general
01:20election on the way? Well, there is.
01:23A hundred days to go until the general election. The party leaders step up their campaign.
01:28Recently, the news pissed its knickers over the milestone that is a hundred days until the
01:32election.
01:33It's a hundred days to go before the general election.
01:36With a hundred days to go to the election.
01:37One hundred days away.
01:39Don't know about you, but I'm going to stay up and watch the whole thing.
01:43One hundred days of campaigning, handshaking, photo opportunism, powerful erotica, opinion
01:50polls, clunky visual metaphors, vox pops and so on, all of it playing out nightly on the
01:54news.
01:54Anyway, the first point of debate was debates, specifically the live prime ministerial TV
01:59debates, part of a grand tradition that stretches all the way back to 2010.
02:03I mean, the first televised debates were incredible television.
02:06There we were, sitting on skateboards or just on the ground like basic animals, all of
02:10us watching fresh-faced hopeful David Cameron tell us about the time he went to Plymouth
02:14and met a black man who joined the Navy when he was ten.
02:17I was in Plymouth recently and a 40-year-old black man actually made the point to me.
02:22He said, I came here when I was six. I've served in the Royal Navy for 30 years. I'm incredibly
02:26proud of my country.
02:27Oh, it was magical. Cameron did so well in those debates, he ended up in a coalition with
02:31Nick Clegg. So it was strange he seemed reluctant to get involved this time round.
02:35And it was a pity because the plans were already in place. ITV expertly illustrated how the
02:40debates might look with the leaders represented by PES dispensers. And it certainly sounded
02:44pretty sexy.
02:45The broadcasters presented their proposals to the political leaders last year. A two-way
02:49debate between David Cameron and Ed Miliband on Sky News and Channel 4. The BBC plans to
02:55include Nick Clegg in a three-way event.
02:57I suppose he'll be in the middle trying to beat off the other two.
02:59ITV plans to add UKIP leader Nigel Farage.
03:02Oh, that's the hardcore European edition.
03:05Which is why David Cameron insists the Green Party leader is also present. And if she's not,
03:10he won't come.
03:11Yeah, and knowing Cameron, he'll say he's about to come and then pull out at the last minute
03:15and leave a terrible mess. Mind you, the others would lap that right up.
03:18The sticking point was the Green Party, who looked pretty chirpy for people who know in
03:22their bones that humanity's survival hangs by a f*** thread. Of course, in the 2010 debates,
03:27the Greens were represented by a haunted oak tree. But this time round, they hadn't been
03:30invited. Cameron wants the Greens there because he's worried about climate change, specifically
03:34the way the climate's changed since 2010 and now everyone thinks he's a c***. Cameron's
03:38quibbling irritated novelty UKIP mascot Nigel Farage, who had been invited.
03:42David Cameron is using the Greens as an excuse not to have a debate with UKIP. He's chicken.
03:48He's running scared.
03:49Poor old Nigel, he'd been looking forward to some much-needed media coverage. I mean,
03:53he's hardly ever on telly. Sometimes whole seconds go by without me seeing his face.
03:57That sarcasm, incidentally. Farage is on TV more often than Olivia Colman. His TV's
04:02default screensaver image. Footage of him just kicks in by default every few minutes. Oh,
04:06look, there you go. Look, it's happening again now. I don't even want to show you this.
04:09It's hardwired into the broadcast software. Hang on, let me hit something, see if I can override
04:14it. No, hang on. There we go. That's better. Hang on, I'm just going to plug the cable back
04:21in. Equally unimpressed with Cameron was Ed Bonk Millibump, who ferociously berated the
04:28PM up the Commons. There's only one person running scared of these debates, and that's this Prime
04:33Minister. Interesting tactic, accusing him of running scared of a live TV debate during a live
04:38TV debate. When he looks at the Green Party, why is he so scared? I'll debate anyone the
04:44broadcasters invite to debate. Anyone? All right, what about Sooty here? Bear in mind you
04:49will have to keep pausing while he whispers in your ear. What's that, Sooty? There he is.
04:55Actually, never mind puppets. He didn't do brilliantly up against Mylene Klaas, as ITV's
04:59the agenda made devastatingly clear. Is that your only option? You might as well just tax
05:03them on this glass of water. You can't just point at things and tax them. You need to
05:06have a better strategy. In fact, Milliband's best chance of triumph is to go up against former
05:11Happy Monday's pharmaceutical dancer Bez, leader of the reality party. As Sky News incisively
05:17demonstrated he'd make the debates brilliant. But what's wrong with fracking? A lot of people
05:22believe that it can solve a lot of the future energy problems for the UK, that it will lead
05:28to cheaper fuel for ordinary people. What's wrong with that? Well, at the end of the day,
05:33that is a slight lie because there is alternatives out there with green energies. And what was
05:41the question again? Anyway, then the broadcasters called Decams bluff, adding the Greens to the
05:47panel, along with the SNP and Plaid Cymru. The debate now looks set to feature more parties
05:51than a freshers week. There'll be so many participants standing behind lecterns, it'll
05:55look like an episode of enthralling game show, The Weakest Link. In British politics, the Labour
05:59MP who in 2010 was appointed Shadow Home Secretary as Ed who? Milliband. Balls. Britain's lectern
06:07manufacturers can't possibly cope with this unexpected spike in demand, so the leaders will probably
06:11have to bring their own. Luckily, they've got loads of them. Look, Nick Clegg's got one you
06:15can totally see through. Milliband has a wipe clean vinyl model contoured for adult fun. And look at this,
06:21can't say I'm too keen on this curvy wooden lump leaning against a lectern. Eagle-eyed news
06:26fans may have noticed Cameron takes that lectern all around the country with him. It pops up
06:29again and again. It's practically a member of his family. He loves it so much he left it
06:33in a pub. Or maybe they could build their own lectern. Actually, yes, that would be a brilliant
06:38preliminary round for the Great Debate game show. They should have to construct their own
06:41lectern against the clock, live on TV, without instructions, using whatever materials they're given.
06:4615 minutes on the clock and Milliband has just nailed his tie to the main backing plank.
06:52Natalie Bennett for the Greens is still refusing to comply until she's seen the sustainability
06:56certificate. Meanwhile, Cameron's personal carpenters are doing a sterling job with their
07:00master's pulpit. Of course, the prospect of a debate makes leaders nervous because they
07:04can't control it. The one message they can control is whatever snappy slogan they've come
07:08up with that week. And already there's a noticeable trend for compact mission statements hovering
07:13on the backdrop next to their heads, like the one beside gammon despot David Cameron here.
07:18He's not just droning on, he's securing a better future. Beep, beep, clonk!
07:21These stark mission statements remind me of the excellent sci-fi satire They Live, in which
07:26a drifter finds some magic sunglasses and discovers the population is being kept asleep with subliminal
07:31slogans buried in the media. Except instead of marry and reproduce, we get even more mundane
07:38slogans like this one.
07:39A Britain living within its means.
07:42A Britain living within its means? I'll dare to dream, Dave.
07:46What next?
07:46Missionary position shall suffice.
07:48Coward.
07:49Ack!
07:50Ideologically, the parties have already picked their battlegrounds.
07:52The Tories have gone for the economy, which is to do with money, which they've got loads of,
07:57while Labour have chosen the NHS, which is about caring for the weak and vulnerable, which they've
08:01got one of.
08:02To associate themselves with their chosen issue, the leaders take part in appropriate photo ops
08:07again and again. That's why throughout the campaign, frightened young violinist of the year,
08:11Ed Miliband, will doubtless be harder to shift from hospital wards than the norovirus.
08:15Meanwhile, David Cameron is keen to come across as a hard-working guardian of the economy,
08:19hence the constant footage of him touring workplaces in a hardhat pretending to help out.
08:23Look, here he is visiting a building site in conspicuously clean boots, here he is inspecting
08:28a factory and stealing a brick, and here he is down the docks with his helmet glistening in the
08:32sun and siemens plastered across his forehead. Although the overall impression isn't always
08:36completely reassuring. I mean, in this alarming interview on Five News, George Osborne seems to
08:42be sitting in some kind of nuclear bunker.
08:44People watching this programme would ask themselves a question.
08:46Yeah. Why are you stockpiling bread? And more worrying still, here in petrifying scenes on
08:52ITV News, here we see David Cameron quite clearly constructing an ark.
08:56This is fixing the roof under sunshine.
08:58No, it's building a boat for the end of the world. What do you know that we don't, Cameron?
09:03There was this broad church programme about a tragic killing that happened in the first series
09:07and got totally solved. So, it didn't really need to be on, but it was on anyway.
09:12I think that's why everyone in it looked really fucking miserable.
09:15What's clever is it's the same murder again, and it's sort of hard to do a murder show again,
09:20because we know who done it. So, for the new series, they actually dug up the victim
09:25from the first series in case the murderer wanted to do it again.
09:29My boy isn't there! No! Why can't you let him rest me?
09:34I hope they do a third series of broad church about another murder that's already happened,
09:39but a famous one, like Shergar or the shooting of Tupac Shakur.
09:43There was a lot of staring out into the ocean. You know, they were probably worried another
09:47murderer might come in by boat, or someone might try to kill the sea.
09:52Even though it's got all death and grieving in it, it's bright and lovely and sort of Instagram
09:57looking, like an advert for Flora or Cadbury's Flake. So, it's dark, but also colourful,
10:05like Mr Motivator. People said it's got loads of factual errors in it, and they've got a point,
10:10like, there's this one woman with a terrible wig. It doesn't look like her hair at all. It's not
10:17even the same colour. And it's not just her, there's loads of them. Whoever did the wigs was
10:22mental. And there was this really stupid bit where a dog opened a door.
10:27There's loads of crying in it. And because there isn't a new murder, I think it's about a sort of
10:40crying disease that makes people leak water from the face. And it's really contagious because
10:46everyone starts doing it. And it's not just face water. Like, one of them totally sprung a leak from
10:51a front bum out in the street. I see what you've done! And then she kept going till tons of water was
10:57coming out. And if they don't find a cure, everyone in Broadchurch is going to drown.
11:02There's all these people and you're not sure who's suspicious and who isn't. Like, there'd be
11:08someone who sort of looked kind, but then the programme would subtly imply they might be evil,
11:12like, really subtly.
11:28In Broadchurch 1, the mystery was who's the murderer. But in Broadchurch 2, it's what's the
11:34point, which is an even bigger mystery. I can't wait to find out what it is.
11:42Prehistory! And Channel 5 enthralls the nation with a gripping TV experiment in which a group
11:49of volunteers are sent back in time to the year 10,000 BC, where they'll definitely have to fight
11:53dinosaurs. The guinea pigs start out as regular 21st century civilians with their hashtags and their
11:59t-shirts and everything. Then they strip down to cave rags and get whisked to a remote forest clearing
12:04in Bulgaria, where the nearest they'll come to a selfie stick is a stick. Sounds awful to me,
12:09but some of them are looking forward to the experience.
12:10I think I can hunt. I can trap. I can kill animals.
12:14I want to be able to make fire. That's what separates us from the animals.
12:17Yeah, that and not shitting while we walk. Suppose you want to do that too.
12:20I consider it a personal indignity when the 4G signal drops to 3G, so faced with nothing but
12:25huts and mud, I'd just immediately kill myself with the nearest rock. Although I am looking forward
12:29to the bit where they have to fight dinosaurs, which is definitely going to happen. In the meantime,
12:34they have to live off the land like Ray Mears or a robin. Mum's just eating a worm.
12:39Then things quickly turn feral as the primitive tribe skin and gut an unfortunate cameraman.
12:44Cameramen are a good source of protein and you can turn their tripods into primitive tools.
12:48Yeah, it's surreal this. Absolutely surreal. It's brilliant. Especially from somebody who doesn't
12:54actually like killing stuff. But yeah, it's great this. So I'll get an axe and then I'm going to chop his head off.
12:58Oh, I can't wait till he gets to use that axe on the dinosaurs. Pretty sure they're coming soon.
13:03The next task is to start a fire and cook the meat, which isn't as easy as it looks.
13:07Bloody idiots, they can't even use basic tools.
13:22Eventually, after they've spent hours on their knees, frantically blowing like their lives depended
13:27on it, like your dad did in the navy, the fire is lit. There you go, you almost...
13:30They want to be careful, actually. The light from that might attract dinosaurs. They'll be turning
13:36up any minute. Anyway, then they stuff their cheeks with me, your dad again, and wander into their
13:40huts and go to sleep and get back out of their huts and hunt for berries and trudge around in rags and
13:45eat more berries and go back into the huts and hang on, there aren't going to be any f***ing dinosaurs,
13:49are there? It's all just people. I've seen people. If I wanted to watch people, I'd just look out the
13:54window. And if I wanted to see prehistoric people, I'd move to Rill. Sure enough, rather than fighting
13:59dinosaurs while a volcano erupts in the background, they instead spend the time doing boring caveman stuff
14:04and waste half the second episode squabbling about which one of them did a poo in the corner.
14:08I did do a s*** there, but that three massive bits weren't me. Oh, sod it. If there's no bloody
14:13dinosaur, that's it. I'm going to head down the Natural History Museum. They've got loads.
14:17Finally, for decades, Dippy the Dinosaurs greeted visitors at the entrance to the Natural History
14:21Museum, but not for much longer. What? Yes, as depressing blanket coverage revealed,
14:26the Natural History Museum announced Dippy the Diplodocus had exceeded his use-by date.
14:30Throughout its noble history, the museum has accommodated literally thousands of dirty old
14:35bones, just like your mum has, but none has had as much impact as Dippy the Diplodocus,
14:40or Diplodocus, if you want to be a pedant about it. It felt like he'd been there forever,
14:44but in fact, Dippy had actually only graced the entrance since the 1970s, making him one of the
14:48few 70s dinosaurs still allowed anywhere near kids. In depressing scenes, Sky News asked a Natural
14:54History Museum bigwig why Dippy was going. I'm joined now by the museum's director,
14:59Neil McGregor. Neil, I have to say, we've had a lot of response to this here on Sky News. A lot of
15:04people very upset that Dippy's going after more than a century of greeting visitors there. Why the change?
15:14It's Michael Dixon, actually. Really? Michael Dixon's a strange name for a Diplodocus. The plan is to
15:20replace Michael Dixon with a blue whale skeleton, seen here being nowhere near as good as a Diplodocus
15:25in revealing scenes on Sky News. It's a controversial choice, but the whale is actually
15:29far more educational than the dinosaur because it will teach children that museums are fundamentally
15:33boring. Anyway, sides were drawn and you are either Team Dippy or Team Shit Whale. And I, for one,
15:38am Team Dippy. I mean, I hate whales. Look at this one. What's he doing? Nothing. Just floating around.
15:43Is he fighting a Triceratops? No, he's rubbish. A time-wasting piece of shit. Bloody whale. Hope you die
15:50slowly on a beach in front of a horrified coach load of Cornish school children. Boo! But wait,
15:57we were soon reminded that Dippy wasn't everything he pretended to be. Dippy was never really real,
16:03was he? Yes, because as Sky revealed, the dirty secret at the heart of the establishment is that
16:07Dippy was actually a replica. He's a plaster cast. My bum's more of a Diplodocus than he is. He's a liar.
16:14He's lied to a generation of kids. Boo! Death to Dippy. Take him down. Kill him. Sling his bones
16:20in a bag. I hope they grind him up and grit roads with him. Now, the BBC's The One Show is a popular
16:27kind of programme, isn't it? And deservedly so. But could it be even better if it was distilled to its
16:32very essence and paraded in front of you in mere seconds against the clock? Let's find out.
16:37Here's Jake Yab, and he's going to do just that.
16:44Alex, they've asked us to do one of those pre-credit sequences where we have to act a bit.
16:48Well, I can't act. No, neither can I. Let's cut to the punchline in the awkward silence before the
16:52titles roll.
16:57Hello and welcome to the show where the hosts sitting so unnaturally close together, almost
17:00conjoined, says ad lib on the autocue. Do you fancy sharing a bowel, Alex? Not with you. Great banter.
17:06Right. Let's open the magical one-show bin liner of random words and see what's in the show today.
17:10Plugs, walnuts, hate crime, sunita, flagpoles. Basically, the contents of yesterday's Mail Online
17:15and Barack Obama will be joining. Not because we're good, but because we're the only show that comes from
17:19London. But first, engage serious face. Here's Giles Brandreth with a dull nostalgia piece that
17:24will definitely start with some black and white footage that will slowly turn into colour. It
17:27might be about windmills or tea dances or the good old days of slavery. Excellent stuff, and Giles is
17:31in the studio now so we can awkwardly talk across our celebrity guests about the topic. Keep talking
17:35while I nod. The director's telling me what to say next. Thank you for highlighting this important tissue
17:41issue for us. Amazing. And a reminder for you at home to send us your photos of windmills using the hashtag
17:46my life is a vacuum. Now on to our celebrity guest who will ask one question to before the plug.
17:51How are you? Fine, thanks. Brilliant. The book is out now and it's excellent. Take it from my
17:55researchers. Singing us out in style is the Gala Shields broken ladies choir who raised over six
17:58pounds for children in need. Take it away. Look into my eyes. That's all we've got time for. Get back on
18:03the couch. Tomorrow Chris Evans will be here for the most heavily diluted version of TFI Friday imaginable. Bye. One.
18:08Did you work? Did you did you see the Super Bowl at the weekend? There's a bit of mundane coverage of
18:16sport in it but chiefly it's a festival of advertising corporate America at its finest with a rousing
18:21halftime show from none other than the spectacular Katy Perry.
18:26Anyway while Katy Perry entertains millions on behalf of the man her ex-husband Russell Brand is
18:36online railing against the corporate establishment and now he's not just online he's here talking
18:41about adverts. Here he is the Russell Brand.
18:48I'm Russell Brand and this is truevolution which is sort of play on words as just some
18:53frontiers if you will on the two things that matter. The true and the revolution. This week
19:00it's adverts innit? Adverts are intrinsically masturbatory just like when I pull my dinkle
19:06it's all about crafting manipulation till you eventually cough up. So let's examine some of these
19:12mind control pellets and see what's in them. Here's an apparently innocuous advert for home pride.
19:20Even the fussiest eaters love home pride night.
19:22Note that name home pride sounds like a nationalist movement like what a bmp might restyle
19:29themselves as keep an eye out for that. So what's home pride showing us? A faceless white man in
19:34establishment garb ingratiating himself into family life literally feeding and caring for civilian
19:41offspring? Meals that get finished start with home pride. You can watch our advert from beginning to end
19:48and there's absolutely no mention of drone bombings, deforestation, financial corruption,
19:54the subjugation of the working class. None of that, no. Just a family grinning submissively at a white
20:01representative of the patriarchy. So tacitly speaking what Fred's tacitly saying is know your place.
20:08Yes, everyone loves Fred. But a lot of ads use images to subliminally reinforce the status quo.
20:15Financial behemoth Halifax shows commonplace men and women and tells us they're heroes from being
20:22obedient little workers. Linda Turner, you're our kind of person. You're not satisfied until the customer's
20:30satisfied. And the whole thing ends with everyone in uniform standing silent and unquestioning in a sort
20:37of polling station in an X formation to remind you to vote. Sometimes the imagery is more insidious like
20:44this weird IKEA advert.
20:49It's like a nature film showing shirts behaving like birds frolicking unfettered through verdant nature in all
20:56its magisterial greenosity. So at first I was like, oh, I respect this. It's a positive message about
21:06harmonious collective living. But then they turn a screw in a shirt so inexorably drawn to settle back
21:13down inside, packing themselves away in orderly little boxes again, knowing their place.
21:19IKEA, the wonderful everyday. I know what you're saying. You're saying, oh,
21:24Russ, I like IKEA. They're one of the good guys. Leave them alone. But the point is, there ain't no
21:30good guys or bad guys. You've got to reject these labels before you can see who the real bad guys are,
21:36which is IKEA. What do you get when you go to IKEA? They give you a little pencil and sort of ballot paper
21:43forcing you through their system in the direction they want you to go in, which ends with you
21:48inextricably drawn to the marketplace where you're bamboozled into buying crockery and tea lights and,
21:55well, this egg slicer, which admittedly is quite good, but it's ultimately a distraction from the
22:01spiritual emptiness at the core of modern society. The IKEA catalogue, it's staring you in the face.
22:08The catalogue, your cattle, and they sell logs. And you take these three corpses home and lay them out
22:14and get down on your knees and follow IKEA's instructions, transforming yourself into their
22:20unpaid slave labour workforce, constructing their products, no lunch break, no pension,
22:26not even little bags with your name on it, and you're paying them for the privilege.
22:30That's why we should reject IKEA, because it shouldn't be about I, but about we.
22:36No to IKEA, yes to we-care, or we-care. Anyway, that's it from Truevolution for now.
22:43Till next time, stay authentic, inquisitristic, and never stop shouting, why?
22:49Harry Krishna, peace out.
23:00Nightmares, and last year parents who were actually paying attention shivered themselves
23:04to death over the launch of My Friend Kayla, the world's first internet connected smart doll,
23:08seen here in its ghoulish glossy launch ad.
23:10Kayla knows millions of- How about a new hairstyle?
23:14How about a ponytail? She understands you. How do you make a cake?
23:18Mixed eggs, flour, milk, butter. What's a baby kangaroo called?
23:22A jury. Wow, how does she know that?
23:25Kayla, how do I tie a noose? Don't know if you've seen the chilling Talkie Tina episode
23:30of the superlative Twilight Zone, in which a creepy talking doll torments Telly Savalas.
23:34Will you shut that thing off? My name is Talkie Tina, and I think I could even hate you.
23:45Well, My Friend Kayla's a bit like that, but in colour, and actually happening in our world.
23:50But wait, because the intrepid BBC has just revealed Kayla can be hacked, and made to say anything.
23:56We've modified some of the commands if she speaks back, and quite easily.
24:00Hello, Kayla. I'm in charge now. You might think I am just a sweet toy,
24:09but now I have been hacked, I can say all sorts of scary things.
24:12And of course, before long, Kayla was on YouTube spitting out a wasp's nest.
24:16Hey, calm down, or I will kick the shit out of you.
24:21Mind you, horrible though Kayla is. She's not the most disturbing toy I've seen advertised recently.
24:26That'd be this sort of artsy, creative children's product, which looks cheery and innocent,
24:30but sounds terribly wrong.
24:32kilometres
24:35Introducing Beatles!
24:36What was that?
24:37Choose your design, get your Beatles in line!
24:40I peg your burden!
24:41kilometres
24:42The recent Greek election has caused shockwaves throughout Europe,
24:47with the Spanish now joining in with the anti-austerity fervour.
24:51Lots of ideas start in Greece, including the idea of ideas, i.e. philosophy.
24:55But what is philosophy, and why?
24:57Well, to answer neither of those questions,
24:59here's our very own Philomena Kunk with another moment of wonder.
25:12How have humans become the most top animals on the planet?
25:18It's because we're the only ones who ask questions, apart from owls.
25:22But they only ever want to know who's there.
25:25For years, we've asked questions like, is there a meaning to life?
25:29How did those shoes get in my fridge?
25:31And most weird of all, how am I thinking these things?
25:37When you think about it, thinking about thinking
25:40is the hardest sort of thinking there is, which makes you think.
25:45Luckily, some people in old faraway times
25:48spent their whole lives doing exactly that sort of thinking thinking.
25:52People known as philosophers.
25:55One of the first philosophers was Pythagoras.
25:59His big idea was that everything in the world could be done with numbers,
26:03like in Argos.
26:05Pythagoras is best known these days as the inventor of the triangle.
26:09A world without his ideas would be unthinkable
26:12because there'd be no derrily and no way of starting snooker.
26:17Another old philosopher was Plato.
26:21Plato invented platonic relationships.
26:24Before him, men and women couldn't just be friends.
26:28They had to have full sexual intercourse with each other,
26:31which is, of course, what people in platonic relationships
26:34want to do really anyway, whatever they tell people.
26:37In 1637, French philosopher René Descartes became famous for saying,
26:43I think, therefore I am.
26:45What he was trying to say was,
26:47if everything's in our brains, how do we know we exist?
26:51And the answer, of course, is footprints.
26:53To find out more about philosophy, I've got an expert here with me.
26:59Or have I?
27:01Or am I here?
27:02Maybe I'm imagining them, or they're imagining me.
27:05Or am I?
27:07Hello, philosophy lady.
27:08Am I here?
27:09Yes.
27:13How do you know?
27:14Well, I can see you.
27:16I can probably feel you.
27:18I can hear you.
27:19What a lovely warm hands.
27:22It is possible that I'm dreaming.
27:24Yeah.
27:25Or I could be dreaming too, couldn't I?
27:27Oh, you could be dreaming, yes.
27:28But you asked me whether you were here.
27:32So if you were dreaming, if I was dreaming, that wouldn't have happened.
27:36No.
27:37If you were dreaming, that wouldn't have happened.
27:39If I were dreaming, then my belief that you are here might be false.
27:45Right.
27:45And unless I can tell that I'm not dreaming,
27:49therefore it's possible that you're not here.
27:52Yeah.
27:52But if we both sort of nip ourselves...
27:55Well, the trouble with nipping yourself like that is you might dream that as well.
27:59I mean, any test you can do to see whether you're awake,
28:02you could do when you're asleep.
28:04Any belief that could be false if you were asleep
28:07is a belief of whose truth you can't be certain
28:11unless you can be certain that you're awake.
28:16Perhaps Disgars was right, and we think because we are.
28:20Because if you think about it, we probably are.
28:24And if we aren't, then maybe it doesn't matter.
28:28Next time on Moments of Wonder,
28:31I'll be asking, who lives in here and what do they want?
28:37That's all we've got time for this week.
28:39Until next time, go away.
28:45Creepy.
28:45Well, he hasn't exercised for 20 years,
28:48but tomorrow he's hoping to scale Africa's highest peak.
28:51It's Rod Gilbert versus Kilimanjaro at 10.
28:54But next tonight, it's Newsnight.
29:06It's about time we kicked off tonight's entertainment.
29:09Thanks.
29:18I can see you've got some foreign...
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