- 3 weeks ago
Reckless practical jokes endanger human life as Paladin acquaints an English gentleman with new surroundings.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Your guide would cut your throat for $10. If he didn't, you'd be shot by
00:19desperados or scalped by Indians. This gun is your safe passage.
00:30The End
00:39The End
00:44THE END
01:14Well, hey, boy, what's the news of the world? Robbery? Murders?
01:18Plenty, like always, Mr. Paladin.
01:20If only today something different would...
01:23I say, Porter, hang on to this for me, will you?
01:27My room isn't ready yet. My trunks are being sent up from the ship.
01:30Oh, and Porter, which way is Freetown, Montana?
01:34Well, perhaps I could be of some assistance.
01:37Montana is that way, and my name is Paladin.
01:39Why, thank you, sir. I'm James Brunswick.
01:41Well, you must be tired after your long trip.
01:43Come, sit with me, and we'll discuss the problems of the world.
01:46Hey, boy, bring my companion some... brandy.
01:53Will you smoke, sir?
01:58Therefore, my older brother naturally inherited the family estate and the title,
02:02the Earl of Brunswick.
02:04My father had invested money in this ranch in Montana, and his share came to me.
02:08That state is called Montana.
02:10Oh.
02:12And now you've come to take possession?
02:14Yes, I only have a half share.
02:16The rest is owned by a third cousin, a Miss Felicia Carson.
02:19Have you met her?
02:20No.
02:21But it didn't seem quite right.
02:22You know, I mean, a woman saddled with all this responsibility
02:25while I lounge about in England.
02:27So here I am.
02:28It'll be great sport, I expect.
02:29Well, I should think she'd be glad of a man's help.
02:31I thought so, yes.
02:33I shall take the first train out in the morning and pop in on her in a day or so.
02:37Well, it'll be more like three weeks.
02:39Is it that far?
02:40Well, it's about as far as from England to Russia.
02:44That's fantastic.
02:46The train will drop you off 200 miles from Fleetown,
02:48and it's a rough trip over the mountains on horseback.
02:51Well, I might do a bit of hunting en route.
02:53I shall hire a guide.
02:54Who'll cut your throat for the content of your purse.
02:56You can't make it alone.
02:58You'll be shot by desperadoes, lost in the mountains, or scalped by Indians.
03:02Well, that's a bit awkward, Paladin.
03:04I mean, I can't just hang about here in San Francisco.
03:06May I make a suggestion?
03:07Well, please.
03:17I say Paladin, not really.
03:19Yes.
03:20Really.
03:21But the gun, is that necessary?
03:24Well, not always necessary, but sometimes indispensable.
03:51I don't joke, please.
03:52I'm not sure what you do.
03:53Good evening.
03:54Good evening, pal.
03:55Come down for the night.
03:56Good evening.
03:57Oh.
03:59Good evening, I'm BA.
04:00Good evening, sir.
04:01Good morning, boy.
04:09Hope you've got my Automate up, NG.
04:11There it is.
04:12Sittin' fat and sassy waiting for you, Miss Carson.
04:13I think I'll have a look at your cloth.
04:15Love the supplies, Wattie.
04:16Wattie, yeah?
04:17Waddy, why don't you sit and have a cup of coffee after that long ride?
04:22Well, I don't mind if I do.
04:24How's the dry spell hitting the king's arms?
04:27Oh, not too bad. Water's still holding up pretty good.
04:32N.G., you're right, that chair.
04:35And you sit right down in it.
04:38That's not too funny, N.G.
04:40As a matter of fact, none of your jokes is too funny.
04:42Oh, come off it, Miss Carson. Ain't nobody hurt none.
04:45And Waddy, he'd be laughing as hard as anyone if it was pulled in Joe or Dan, wouldn't he?
04:49You know the supplies, Waddy, you're smart.
04:51Why don't you grow up playing these fool little boy jokes all the time?
04:56You ain't got no sense of humor, ma'am, and that's a fact.
04:59Neither do you, if the truth was said.
05:01Ma'am, I think your cousin just got here.
05:15It'd be crazy close.
05:29Morning. This Bleetown?
05:31That's the name.
05:33Looking for someone special around here?
05:35Well, my friend is trying to look at the King's Arms Ranch.
05:38That's what I was afraid of.
05:40I mean, what a figure.
05:42Well, I reckon you're in McKinfolk, Jamie.
05:45Cousin Felicia, this is delightful.
05:48I reckon.
05:50Pleased to meet you.
05:52Oh, uh, my friend, Mr. Paladin.
05:56Miss Carson's? It's a pleasure.
05:58The same.
06:01Well, let's not stand around gawking.
06:03Let's go inside and have a cup of coffee.
06:17Warm up the coffee, NG.
06:20I say those are real savages.
06:22Chief Harry Blackfoot, Little Horse, and a few of the boys up the road, that's all.
06:27Joe, heat up the coffee.
06:29James was disappointed not to see any Indians on the trail.
06:33Good thing, too.
06:34The only brave you'd run into up there would be a war party taking scouts.
06:39Those fellas are a lot more peaceable.
06:41They ain't smeared war paint in here ten years.
06:43War paint? Scouts?
06:45Hmm, sounds exciting.
06:46Well, it makes good reading, James, but it's nothing you'd want to see.
06:50Oh.
06:51No, I suppose not.
06:53Say, are you the one who shot that poor little bear cub?
06:57The one whose hide I've seen on the horse?
06:59Well, I shot him, but he's scarcely a cub.
07:02Why, mister, you ain't acquainted with the Montana breeder bear.
07:05Full-grown, they're as big as this store.
07:09Really?
07:14Now, hold on, NG.
07:15You don't want to interrupt your cousin, Miss Carson.
07:18A man ought to do his own talking.
07:20Say, I've never heard of any animal that large.
07:22I've only been in on the kill of a full-size Montana bear only once.
07:26On an expedition with an army group when we run across one.
07:30It took a ten-pound shot from a cannon to bring him down.
07:35Extraordinary.
07:36The dang thing was, when we peeled the hide off him,
07:38you know what we found under that bear skin?
07:40No, what?
07:41Bare skin!
07:44Bare skin!
07:52I'm gonna say the joke's on me.
07:54It sure is.
08:00NG, I don't know how you did that.
08:02But since I know they're strictly fresh, I'll take a dozen.
08:05That's a horse on you, NG.
08:08Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.
08:10I say I'm confused.
08:12You think that's funny, do you?
08:13Yes, don't you?
08:14Not much.
08:16Come on, James.
08:17NG finally bit on one and he don't like the sour taste.
08:20It's a real pleasure to make your acquaintance, Paladin.
08:24Uh, good day.
08:32Follow me, Jamie.
08:35Follow me.
09:02Well, that dude can appreciate a joke, huh?
09:04Uh-huh.
09:15Say, Harry, can you round up about a dozen Braves
09:17and get them to smear on some war paint and whoop it up?
09:21What for?
09:23It's just a little joke.
09:25A friend of mine ain't never seen any wild Indians.
09:27Give them a show.
09:29The crazy clothes?
09:30Uh-huh.
09:31Huh?
09:32You give each Indian bottle of whiskey?
09:35Well, that's kind of an expensive joke.
09:45All right, it's a deal.
09:46Yes, sir.
09:47That dude is likely to run right out of his britches.
10:01And here's the barn.
10:03Well, that's the works, Jamie.
10:04These buildings, 6,000 head of cattle, 12,000 acres of land.
10:10And you've been looking after all this?
10:12You're an amazing woman, Felicia.
10:14It had to be done.
10:16Well, now that I'm here, I intend to take that burden off your shoulders.
10:20And you shall sit back and be the lady of the manor.
10:22Thanks, Jamie.
10:23But for a while, you just sort of take it easy and don't bother yourself none.
10:27Supper's ready in a half hour.
10:32James, this is quite a spread you've got here.
10:35Yes, I'm afraid she doesn't take me very seriously, Paladin.
10:38Well, that'll change. You're strange to her now.
10:40To everyone.
10:42You know, I was thinking about it this morning.
10:44About N. G. Smith and his little joke.
10:46I was being tested, wasn't I?
10:48I'm afraid so.
10:50See, there's a theory out here.
10:51A man that can be tricked is a fool.
10:53And there are two kinds of people they can't tolerate.
10:55Cowards and fools.
10:57In a tight situation, the one would run off and leave you,
10:59and the other would make fatal mistakes.
11:01And I showed myself to be a fool.
11:03Well, let's just say that for the moment you've lost face, you don't fit in.
11:08How does one go about fitting in, Paladin?
11:11James, I suppose I could deliver a long lecture on physical differences,
11:17the clothes you're wearing, the hat.
11:20Even your saddle, look at it.
11:21It's for riding.
11:23Look at this one.
11:25It's a cowboy's workbench.
11:26Everything a cowboy needs for a working day is right here.
11:29Tie-in post for roping.
11:31High candle to give a man support and comfort during that long, hard working day.
11:34And here's a boot for a rifle.
11:36Yes, I have got a lot to learn.
11:37James, the truth of the matter is that survival is very difficult out here.
11:41Everything, every body has to contribute.
11:44And the way to fit in is to find the particular.
11:59There shouldn't be hostiles down here.
12:07No.
12:08No.
12:09No.
12:10No.
12:11No.
12:33All the fool tricks, screaming like a band of medicine show squaws.
12:37Let me see Harry.
12:39Big joke, Engie say, everybody have fun.
12:43It's a bad one, it's high on the chest.
12:50You do this.
12:52I'm sorry, I didn't know.
12:54Let's get him in the house.
12:56No.
12:58We take care of our chief.
13:08I can't tell you how sorry I am.
13:15We're going to town in the morning.
13:18Maybe they'll listen to reason then.
13:23Engie and his stupid jokes.
13:27We've had no Indian trouble in years.
13:30How couldn't you wait and find out what it was about before you shot her?
13:39That wasn't fair of her.
13:41Wasn't it, Paladin?
13:44What was that you said about a fool?
13:46A fool who makes fatal mistakes?
13:53All right, all right.
13:55Load your horses, I'm coming.
13:56Come on.
14:03What for are you banging my door at this time of night for?
14:06You shoot Harry.
14:08Who shot Harry?
14:09The crazy clothes.
14:11Harry hurt bad.
14:13What do you come to me for?
14:14It was no fault of mine.
14:16You say big joke.
14:18Everybody laugh.
14:20That idiot had no business shooting back at you.
14:22He should have known it was a joke.
14:27Look, boys, you've got a legitimate reason to be sore.
14:30But I didn't pull the trigger, so don't look at me that way.
14:33You'll fight us with the dude.
14:38Boys, I couldn't be sorry if I could make it up in any way.
14:42Not that it was my fault, mind you.
14:46Well, I promised you a bottle of whiskey each, and you had some trouble, so...
14:50Here's a whole cake.
14:52Go ahead.
14:53Take it.
14:54It's on me.
15:20Sure, I'm sorry about Harry, little horse.
15:23Anything I can do, just let me know.
15:36Buckboard's all hitched up outside, Mr. Carson.
15:38All ready.
15:39Jamie will be right along.
15:41Wasn't his fault, you know.
15:43He reacted instinctively.
15:44He was attacked, picked up a rifle, and defended himself.
15:46He should have used his head instead of a rifle.
15:49He'd have liked it better if he ran away and hid.
15:52When are you figuring to leave, Paladin?
15:54Tomorrow.
15:55Take him with you.
15:57For his own good.
15:59How long do you think he'd last out here before somebody blows his head off?
16:02You could learn with your help.
16:04I'm running a ranch, not a school.
16:07Oh, Paladin, it isn't as if I didn't like him.
16:10Well, then don't take this ranch away from him.
16:11He needs it.
16:13Give him some purpose in life.
16:15And you need him.
16:19Good morning.
16:21I'm sorry I'm late.
16:22Good morning, James.
16:24Now, when we get to town, Jamie, I just want you to let me do the talking.
16:28The Indians have probably cooled down by now.
16:30If Harry Blackfoot's all right.
16:32N.G. started this.
16:34It's up to him to stop it.
16:35I want you to show up and just stand there.
16:38Like you've got nothing to be ashamed of.
16:41But you think I have something to be ashamed of.
16:47Paladin, I'd appreciate it if you'd stay until this matter's cleared up.
16:51Then I'd like to return to San Francisco with you.
16:54I can make passage back to England from there.
16:58If that's what you want.
17:00Yes, I think that'll be best for everybody.
17:03Miss Carson, do you really believe that?
17:14Yes.
17:16There, then that's all settled.
17:33Yes.
17:34Yes, yes.
17:35Yes, yes, yes.
17:36Yes, yes.
17:37Yes, yes.
17:38Yes, yes, yes.
17:59They're drunk.
18:01They're drunk. The whole lot of them.
18:04Harry don't look hurt too bad, just mean.
18:07We better get in G before we try to talk to him.
18:14James?
18:15You can't stay here alone. Come on with us.
18:19Why don't you take care of the rig?
18:25I want to get out of here.
18:27There you are, you troublemaker.
18:31You get the Indians all screwed up the blame the way you acted.
18:34You mangy dog.
18:36Why?
18:37I wouldn't do that if I were you.
18:38That's enough energy.
18:39Now you're going outside with us and tell Harry exactly why this is all your fault.
18:42What do you mean, my fault?
18:43I don't have to explain that to you.
18:45They're in no mood to listen to reason now.
18:47Because you got them all drunk and fired up?
18:49All right, it was a mistake.
18:51But if I take the blame now, they'll kill me.
18:53You don't, I'll kill you.
18:57Well, let's kill anyone of them and the word will reach every lodge in this region.
19:02There won't be an Indian within 500 miles not wearing war paint.
19:09Send out crazy clothes.
19:11Crazy clothes.
19:13You get out there and tell them to stop him.
19:16I can't stop him.
19:18They want him.
19:19They want him
19:29War or no war we ain't gonna stand for this besides we got kids at home that won't be necessary
19:35You're doing I don't have much choice do I you can't go out there Jamie
19:44You don't want someone to get killed do you or start a war
19:49Oh
20:07Hold it off Harry we could have killed your brains before this, but that'd mean a war you kill this man
20:13And the soldiers will come anyway, and you don't want that
20:19Oh
20:31Harry it's even now you were hurt before this man has been hurt in return. It's enough
20:49I
20:59Harry call it off
21:01In a far distant land. This is the uniform of a brave man
21:09It is Harry in that distant land only a brave and honorable chief a man of strength like you can wear these clothes
21:22See how he behaves he doesn't fletch
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