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Short filmTranscript
00:00Hello and welcome to Q.I.
00:29Tonight we'll be taking a walking tour of the weird and the wonderful, let me welcome weirdly the washable Melanie Bracewell, the windproof Roisin Conaty, the well-oiled Patrick Cutie, and our own Mr. Whippy Alan Davis, their buzzes are wonderful Melanie goes.
00:59What a wonderful woman.
01:03Roisin goes.
01:04The wonder of you.
01:07Patrick goes.
01:09What a wonderful tonight.
01:13And Alan goes.
01:16Wonder woman.
01:21I love that.
01:23Right, now that we've all warmed up, for question one, let's have a jolly good wink.
01:30Okay, so my question is how does that make you feel if I wink at you?
01:35I felt many things inside when you winked at me, Sandy.
01:37Okay.
01:38I was mainly thinking that maybe in uni it wasn't a phase, but...
01:41LAUGHTER
01:44No, no, straight away, two points.
01:46That's absolutely fine.
01:48It depends how long the wink lasts.
01:51I think a quick wink and you think, oh, I'm enjoying that, but a slow, long wink.
01:56Wow.
01:57Yeah, you're going to get killed.
01:58LAUGHTER
01:59A quick wink just sort of says it's a sort of like, how you doing?
02:02It's like a kiss on the cheek as opposed to a Frenchie.
02:04LAUGHTER
02:06It depends who's doing the wink.
02:07I mean, you're winking at me.
02:09Now, that kind of makes me feel that you mightn't really be a lesbian.
02:14And...
02:15LAUGHTER
02:16OK.
02:17I'm doing well on both sides here.
02:18LAUGHTER
02:19They did a study on this, right?
02:21So, in 1999, the researchers approached different strangers,
02:23asked them what time it was and then thanked them with a wink.
02:25And they interviewed them afterwards.
02:27And strangers usually had positive feelings towards the winker
02:31as long as they were of the opposite sex.
02:34What I liked is, so, 11% thought the researcher fancied them,
02:376% thought the poor person had something wrong with their eye.
02:40LAUGHTER
02:42I always think you're getting sort of a bargain at the market.
02:45You just pay full price but they wink at you and you feel like,
02:47I must have got some sort of bargain, some deal.
02:49It just means that it's stolen goods.
02:51LAUGHTER
02:52But how would that work with the time?
02:55So, someone goes, it's 3.30, then you think,
02:58they've given me an extra couple of minutes.
03:00LAUGHTER
03:01OK, see, so people have a dominant and a non-dominant eye
03:05and usually you leave the dominant eye open
03:08and you wink with the other eye and two-thirds of us are right eye dominant.
03:11So we wink with the left.
03:13What about you?
03:14I've got very good winking skills.
03:16To scare my sister as a child, I would just go like that.
03:19LAUGHTER
03:21Because your other eye doesn't move!
03:23So I could do...
03:24And that's not with the winking, you do need to scrunch.
03:26Yeah.
03:27The wink has to have the scrunch like of a...
03:29That means you're not getting killed.
03:31That's just...
03:32Paddy was...
03:33Paddy was putting it in a bit of a nod.
03:35Yeah.
03:36And a scrunch.
03:37What if you do one with a back?
03:38You go...
03:39LAUGHTER
03:40That honestly looks like a stroke, yeah.
03:42LAUGHTER
03:43And having a stroke and having a wink can sometimes be the same thing.
03:49LAUGHTER
03:50But your dominant eye and your dominant hand,
03:53they're often linked together so if you write with your left,
03:55you probably wink with your right.
03:57Do you two, Mel and Rasheen, know what I mean when I talk about mascara face?
04:01Yeah.
04:02It's just a weird thing.
04:04You're putting on mascara, your face is perfectly normal,
04:06and you suddenly go...
04:07LAUGHTER
04:09Like that.
04:10Lots of people do it.
04:11Nobody's really sure why.
04:13But here's a weird thing.
04:14Did you know that our anuses wink?
04:16LAUGHTER
04:17No-one saw Mel come!
04:19LAUGHTER
04:20If you had told me a few years ago,
04:22Melanie, you've got to come on QI
04:24and Sandy Toxberg is going to ask you if your anus winks,
04:26I don't know if I would have believed.
04:28LAUGHTER
04:29I'm doing it.
04:30Nothing's happening.
04:31Nothing's happening.
04:32LAUGHTER
04:33I've done ten on the bounce.
04:34LAUGHTER
04:35Yes.
04:36LAUGHTER
04:37Apparently, when your anal sphincter is touched,
04:40it contracts, and that is anal winking.
04:43Is anyone else clinching hearing this?
04:45LAUGHTER
04:46I think I can actually...
04:47There's so many people in this room,
04:49I think I can actually hear anuses winking.
04:51LAUGHTER
04:52Like, it's quite...
04:53I'm like, what's that noise?
04:54Oh, it's everyone trying to wink their anus, in a sense.
04:57LAUGHTER
04:58If Ellen and I do it at the same time,
05:00is there an anal blink?
05:01LAUGHTER
05:03OK, if you do it at the same time, I'll give you £10.
05:05LAUGHTER
05:07Because we're both doing it right now.
05:08We're both doing it right now.
05:09Right, you've got some objects under your desk.
05:12How can they help you survive in the wild?
05:16You've got a pair of trousers?
05:17I've found a watch.
05:18Patrick, you've got some condoms.
05:20But never mind that.
05:21What's his object?
05:22LAUGHTER
05:23This was not on my bingo list for QI.
05:27Sandy, I don't have my condoms.
05:29LAUGHTER
05:30In my whole life, I've never helped a boy look for condoms.
05:33LAUGHTER
05:34See this, darling?
05:37That's a condom.
05:38LAUGHTER
05:39That was brought-up Irish Catholic?
05:40LAUGHTER
05:41That's a QI-branded condom.
05:42I know, isn't that cute?
05:43It's so exciting.
05:44Am I allowed to open this room?
05:45Do you want to open it?
05:46Yes, sure.
05:47I don't know.
05:48You've only got one saving.
05:49LAUGHTER
05:50That is an impressive one.
05:51LAUGHTER
05:52That is an impressive one.
05:53LAUGHTER
05:54That is so exciting.
05:55That's so exciting.
05:56Am I allowed to open this room?
05:57Do you want to open it?
05:58Yes, sure.
05:59I don't know.
06:00You've only got one saving.
06:01LAUGHTER
06:02That is an impressive one to put out.
06:05The QIY.
06:07All of the following tricks.
06:08They're in the Wilderness Survival Guides, OK?
06:11As we had such a fuss with the condom, let's start with that.
06:14Yes.
06:15How do you think that might be useful?
06:16If you are stuck in the wild, you're on a desert island.
06:18No.
06:19When you say the wild, you mean like a remote forest,
06:21not a night out in Newcastle?
06:22LAUGHTER
06:23No.
06:24You're by yourself in some remote place.
06:26Yes.
06:27You find you've got just that condom in your pocket.
06:29How useful would it be?
06:30You could carry water in it.
06:32That is the correct answer.
06:33Oh.
06:34Wow.
06:35APPLAUSE
06:40That's what I normally do.
06:41I think it sounds like someone who went into the wild very optimistic
06:47and then went, no, no, it's just for water, actually.
06:50Yeah.
06:51Right, darling, you can carry four litres of water.
06:53Oh!
06:54Oh, my God!
06:55Oh, my God, he's doing it.
06:56OK.
06:57There we go.
06:58Yes, so you can carry a lot of water in a condom and it is...
07:00I mean, don't get the lubricated kind.
07:02LAUGHTER
07:03It's also very good for waterproofing.
07:05You could use it to store Tinder or electronics.
07:08Oh, my God.
07:09Are you going to throw that?
07:10I've got a horrible...
07:11I mean...
07:12We have a six-year-old and a nine-year-old at home,
07:14so I think we know where this is going, Alan.
07:16LAUGHTER
07:17Oh, my God, I'm nervous, I'm nervous!
07:18Oh, oh, oh, oh!
07:19Oh!
07:20Oh!
07:21APPLAUSE
07:22Woo!
07:23That's fine.
07:24Oh, it's turning into semen.
07:26LAUGHTER
07:27What else can you do, what else in the wilderness might you do,
07:28apart from water?
07:29Is it, um, if you are, like, one of the last people on Earth
07:32and you're supposed to...
07:34LAUGHTER
07:35LAUGHTER
07:36What else can you do, what else in the wilderness might you do,
07:39apart from water?
07:41Is it, um, if you are, like, one of the last people on Earth
07:45and you're supposed to...
07:47LAUGHTER
07:49I mean, there's your TikTok right there.
07:51LAUGHTER
07:52I don't know why that's...
07:53LAUGHTER
07:54Sorry, Mel, I'm sorry, Mel.
07:57But is it, like, if you're one of the last people on Earth
07:59and you need to repopulate, but the first person you meet
08:02is a bit of a munter?
08:04LAUGHTER
08:05LAUGHTER
08:06No, so they make great fire lighters.
08:08Oh!
08:09Once set on fire, they should burn for a few minutes.
08:10Really?
08:11And...
08:12Hopefully not with friction.
08:13LAUGHTER
08:16Is that all scary?
08:18LAUGHTER
08:20Get the water filled one! Get the water filled one!
08:22LAUGHTER
08:23That's the episode of Cast Away for Total Banks
08:25we all want to see.
08:26LAUGHTER
08:29Cocks on fire!
08:30Cocks on fire!
08:31LAUGHTER
08:32Let's move on to your one, Alan.
08:33A watch.
08:34What might you do in the wilderness to save yourself with a watch?
08:36Well, obviously, the, er, time's very important.
08:41LAUGHTER
08:44Any thought what you might do?
08:45Er, you could use it to direct sunlight.
08:49Yes.
08:50And, er, burn ants.
08:53LAUGHTER
08:55Like a fire?
08:56Like that?
08:57Well, you could.
08:58You'd have to take the convex lens cover off and use it to direct sunlight to create some fire.
09:02You could.
09:03OK.
09:04It has to be an analogue watch and not a digital one.
09:06But the main thing that you can do is use it as a compass.
09:08Oh, can you?
09:09Yes.
09:10So, if you point the hour hand at the sun in the northern hemis...
09:15LAUGHTER
09:16Imagine that's the sun right there, darling.
09:19Right there.
09:20OK, so you point the hour hand at the sun and we are in the northern hemisphere.
09:23The point between the hour hand and 12 o'clock roughly faces south.
09:28In the southern hemisphere it roughly faces north.
09:30Oh, wow.
09:31Doesn't that depend what time it is?
09:34LAUGHTER
09:37I still think my idea's best using it to tell what time it is.
09:42Just to tell what time it is.
09:44LAUGHTER
09:46Rasheen, what have you got?
09:48I've got some trousers.
09:50You're trying to save your life with a pair of trousers.
09:52How might I do that?
09:53Save my life?
09:54Mm.
09:55You could make a hammock out of them.
09:56Ooh!
09:57And then you could be in the trees while below you,
10:00poisonous snakes and insects were looking up and...
10:03Oh, shit!
10:05LAUGHTER
10:06Trouser hammock.
10:08The only one who knows what the time is.
10:10LAUGHTER
10:13Watch out for burning condom, arsehole.
10:15Imagine that you are on an island.
10:19Say your ship has gone down and you want to get to the island
10:22in the first place.
10:23The trousers might be very useful.
10:25A sail?
10:26You make a sail?
10:27Do you inflate it like a life jacket?
10:28That is correct and you get five points.
10:30Oh!
10:31Yes, absolutely correct.
10:32APPLAUSE
10:34So...
10:36You need to make them wet, first of all, right?
10:38OK.
10:39Then you need to trap the air, so swing the waist over like that.
10:41Is that mine alone?
10:42Or is that somebody else's legs round his neck?
10:45LAUGHTER
10:46I mean, I wouldn't need these cos, I mean, I'd just blow up me condom.
10:50Yeah, there is that.
10:51There is that.
10:52Trap air in the trousers by swinging the waist overhead,
10:54pop your head through the hole of the two trouser legs
10:57and it should...
10:58Have you ever had that where you've got, like, togs
11:01and then somehow there's been air in it
11:03and you look like you've got massive testicles?
11:05Yes.
11:06No-one's had that before?
11:07Yes, I've had that.
11:08LAUGHTER
11:092019, it saved a sailor's life.
11:11His boat's boom knocked him off the boat
11:13off the coast of New Zealand
11:14and he remembered seeing this thing.
11:16He floated for four hours in his life jacket trousers
11:19until he was rescued.
11:20So it is a thing.
11:22You set about using it for a hammock.
11:23You can tear it apart, of course, for the fabric,
11:25but mainly if you were saving your life on an island
11:27you might use it as a tourniquet.
11:29Use one of these as a tourniquet as well, by the way.
11:31Yes.
11:32LAUGHTER
11:33I don't know which bit of your body is that small.
11:36LAUGHTER
11:38If you had a nasty cut on your finger.
11:40Oh!
11:41100% wasn't what I was thinking.
11:43LAUGHTER
11:45That's so unsettling to just have that left out on the...
11:48It's really creepy, isn't it?
11:51It's a little stress toy, isn't it?
11:54Argh!
11:56Argh!
11:57Argh!
11:58I don't know why I'm wincing.
12:00LAUGHTER
12:01Right, Mel, what about your bubbles?
12:03How stressed are you?
12:04Oh, my gosh.
12:05Ah, bubble wrap, bubble wrap.
12:06Oh, it's quite just fun to play with, isn't it?
12:08What would you use it for in the wilderness?
12:10OK, bubble wrap.
12:11Is it if the condom breaks?
12:13You can MacGyver another one.
12:15Um...
12:16Wow!
12:17Can you imagine using bubble wrap?
12:19That would be just...
12:20Like, in the actual moment of its use,
12:22just here, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.
12:24LAUGHTER
12:25Keep you warm, you could wrap up in it.
12:28Is the correct answer.
12:29Oh!
12:30OK!
12:31APPLAUSE
12:32Yeah.
12:33That's also how they store Alan in between series.
12:37LAUGHTER
12:39So, used to ward off hypothermia,
12:41and lots of people do it, the air ambulance service
12:43sometimes wrap patients in bubble wrap on the way to hospital.
12:46Then they'll be fine if they accidentally drop them.
12:48Yes.
12:49Yes!
12:50That's a very good point.
12:51Although, they have now done scientific studies on this,
12:54because I think people presume the trapped air is going to provide
12:56some kind of insulation, and you might as well put people in a blanket.
13:00Apparently, it doesn't make any difference whatsoever.
13:02Sorry.
13:03That's OK.
13:04Although, people who collect bubble wrap for the air ambulance,
13:07get them a blanket.
13:08Wrap artists.
13:09LAUGHTER
13:10How dare you!
13:11How dare you!
13:12You're not exactly pulling your weight, you know.
13:13LAUGHTER
13:14If you're heading into the bush, don't forget to bring a condom.
13:15LAUGHTER
13:16Wow.
13:17I literally just realised what I said.
13:18LAUGHTER
13:19Right.
13:20Describe a normal working day for Amy, the human fly.
13:22Woke up.
13:23Took a shit in the marmalade.
13:24At the shit in the marmalade.
13:25At the shit in the marmalade.
13:26Flew into the window.
13:27Hurt my head.
13:28Went to sleep again.
13:29Does she keep, sort of, heading against a window,
13:30and then realising it's the glass ceiling?
13:31Is it that?
13:32Oh, no.
13:33I like that.
13:34That's very good.
13:35That's very good.
13:36That's very good.
13:37A colourful?
13:38APPLAUSE
13:39How dare you look?
13:40Have you looked at the really good Hunter?
13:41I look at the beauty of it.
13:42They look at the marmalade.
13:43So are they come and eat?
13:44I don't know.
13:45But, what about your record?
13:46I mean, I don't know.
13:47I just looked at the marmalade.
13:48I ate the shit in the marmalade.
13:50Flew into the window.
13:51Hurt my head.
13:52Went to sleep again.
13:53Does she keep sort of heading against a window,
13:56and then realising it's the glass ceiling?
13:57Is it that?
13:58Ohh, no, I hate that.
13:59That's very good.
14:00Oh, cool, cool.
14:01Good!
14:02I've got to avoid Dave the human spider.
14:04This was a real person.
14:05She was a novelty act.
14:07the ceiling oh with suckers well so at first nobody knew and it was a secret as to how it
14:12worked but she would walk upside down up to 90 feet in the air so there she is a ceiling walker
14:17mademoiselle emmy surnamed the human fly she was from london but apparently sold more tickets
14:24australian novel oh that's so classic australian and she's upside down yeah that's exactly right
14:30anyway 1887 she's doing her act and she got stuck to the ceiling because the suction on
14:35her shoes proved too strong so how did they get her down it was a real problem she's very high up in
14:41the light spray how long was she up there for do we know she was up there for several hours and they
14:50couldn't get a ladder to take her shoe off she took her shoes off i mean it's so simple she fell into
14:56the safety net yeah i thought that you'd be in the audience going just take your bloody shoes off
15:03just but you're right mel they were known as an antipodean apparatus because of the idea that
15:08you were upside down they were invented by an american mechanical engineer called walter hunt
15:12and he tried to keep it secret but i mean fundamentally not difficult moistened leather suction caps
15:19moistened leather suction cups can you say that again please for tick-tock
15:22oh my gosh i'll say that and you play with the condom
15:35you ready moistened leather suction
15:38this is a really interesting guy i always love this on qi's that you you you go down
15:57a rabbit hole and then you find something more and more curious this guy walter hunt the one who
16:00invented the shoes for amy the human fly he also invented all sorts of things he invented an ice
16:05ice-breaking boat a street sweeper a pedal activated coach alarm i have here his most successful
16:11invention of all time and it is this he is the guy that invented the safety pin wow i know he also
16:20invented a mechanical sewing machine but both his wife and daughter were seamstresses and said please
16:24don't put that out there because we'll be put out of work and later sewing machine inventors uh made
16:30millions and he didn't make any money but he made one yeah but this we have uh water hunt to thank
16:35would you like to have a go i did i would have a go what i don't think i'm that agile okay and also
16:40i've got a massive head have you i think it's bigger than average like hats are a problem
16:46well you could get a moistened leather suction
16:48i'd hate to see that right what might you get up to on a bulgarian pleasure wheel
17:02what's the bulgarian pleasure wheel do you wear it or insert it no so it used to be another term for
17:07those big wheels that you see at the fairground that people ride off wheel yes that is right
17:13they were of course invented by billy ferris peter ferris peter ferris billy's his brother no billy
17:18ferris billy ferris no faye ferris mickey ferris pan ferris no no no no
17:26i think they just claxened you then i think that was i'm very upset i think i just lost
17:37you've never been 10 points behind ever this is very upsetting for me uh george ferris
17:45old georgie ferris yeah but in fact they've been around for hundreds of years and there was a very
17:48famous one in a place called plovdiv in bulgaria about 16 20 something like that and as a result
17:54until about the 1800s they were known as bulgarian pleasure wheels or bulgarian ride
17:58and that was the name for them in lots of countries around the world the very first sighting of one
18:02in england 1728 at the bartholomew fair in smithfield where it was called the ups and downs i don't really
18:08like them don't like them why i don't like when you get stuck at the top when it's rocking a little bit
18:14and you feel like well this could go over surely this are we still talking about the furious
18:18and i think it's a lot to call it a pleasure wheel i think you need to be getting like a massage
18:26a donut yeah it's an endurance wheel it's an endurance well you're absolutely right alan you know
18:31what we should call a pleasure wheel which i think has a harsh name a lazy susan that's a pleasure wheel
18:37oh i love a lazy susan yeah many a meal i've gone round on one of those
18:46were you wearing moistened leather suction
18:50you think i stayed off
18:58clinging on to the soy sauce one was built in earl's court in 1895 rather aptly named the great
19:05wheel uh it was the largest wheel in the world the tallest structure in london at the time other
19:09than i think st paul's cathedral 380 feet tall one occasion 70 people were stuck in it overnight and
19:15they were compensated five oh are you okay i don't want to be stuck in it overnight so what happened
19:20was the people who got stuck in it overnight were compensated five pounds which was a huge sum of
19:24money in 1895 and so people rode it even more hoping it would break
19:29how do they have a wee can you open the window i'm going to need a wee i'm up twice a night needing
19:36a wee you really want to get stuck at the top of the wheel then don't you you don't want to be at the
19:41bottom like cap hold it in you know the people who go on who live their retirement years on cruise
19:48ships because it's cheaper than living in a flat what could you get a pod on the london eyes you're
19:54just living it living it for the rest of your life going round and round you've got your bed in there
20:02you've got your tv obviously you've got curtains okay you can't use that one he lives in that
20:08but maybe probably if you get struck by lightning that would be a shocker wouldn't it
20:12could you get me a pint these are the sort of conversations you can enjoy if you're trapped
20:21with ellen on the london eye okay moving along um what's the most fun you can have with a wok
20:32you can spin in a wok yes kind of yeah there used to be one in the park it's like a wok you put the
20:38kids in it and then you spin it round and round and they can't stop it
20:44arms and legs are out their bums in it and they're going round and round
20:50like yeah it's a bit like that okay so we are heading in the right direction
20:54i don't know if there's big enough in my bottom oh you can go down a mountain in it yes yes you can
21:00walk racing oh my god yes it's a winter sport wow that's why it looks like he knows that's a bad
21:09idea look at his expression i'll go for those two died by the way so it's a proper sport there's a
21:16world championships and everything so they've got a bit of padding around the edge but that is basically
21:20just a kitchen quality chinese wok it started as a joke in 2003 so the guy on the right is a german
21:28comedian called stefan arab and he was on a game show called won a bet and he quipped that he would
21:33do this idea there have been 15 world championships since then the most successful walk racer is the guy
21:40on the left he's a three-time olympic gold medalist at the luge and he's called gail cattle but he is a
21:47phenomenal walk racer he's got little rocks on his feet look they're ladles they're ladles yes
21:58individual races can reach 60 miles an hour wow and then they also have a four-person walk
22:04sledge where they have four walks in a row connected with by wood and they get up to 75 miles oh my gosh
22:12they do is on a proper luge run well of course i mean obviously you would wouldn't you yeah you
22:17wouldn't do it down a high street no i mean if you do the race and at the end it shouldn't end
22:23when they get over the line they then have to cook a stir fry on it so yes you sit on a stir fry
22:29and by the time you get to the bottom that's cooked
22:34well let's get on to the cooking because we've got the wok here does anybody know what is the best way to
22:39toss a wok you go down you go down and then up down and up it's a down and up motion okay but it's
22:47i don't know it's not like that not like that it'll go everywhere you gotta go up like that right it's
22:52really heavy can i just say so this is a proper professional one so have a go darling because it is
22:56really a heavy thing
23:02oh god my my anus just winked
23:11take me to your leader
23:14it is heavy though isn't it no it's not heavy sandy okay it's not heavy at all
23:18just so like that you go down and up and then it goes i'm imagining it okay going up okay could you
23:24use it as a hat would that work oh
23:28i feel you've been as stupid as you can be
23:36and then something happens
23:42it's deceptive it's not as deep as you think
24:06i think i'll be all right i mean i might get a lump you know
24:14so you won't remember any of it
24:20i'll talk to you later
24:26you look like a real old-fashioned photographer oh yeah
24:34marilyn this way marilyn
24:36can i just say it's all right for you three because you go home after this i stay here with him
24:42we live together in the london eye
24:52and now we wade into the whirligig that we call general ignorance fingers on buzzers please
24:56what is in this dish
25:06seaweed
25:07they call it seaweed it isn't seaweed never seaweed no it's never seaweed
25:10what wait what are you telling me here sandy
25:14why do they call it seaweed though it was originally an algae specifically called thai chow which is kind of like a seaweed but in this country it is typically kale or spring greens and salt and sugar
25:24Spring greens and salt and sugar and Chinese five spice so I could make it. Yes. So what are we saying? Are we saying crispy duck is chicken?
25:33It seems to be pretty much a British Chinese invention Chinese crispy seaweed is not seaweed nor is it really Chinese
25:41Now here's a history question King Ethel red wasn't
25:46Someone say I'm not saying it
25:49Touching himself
25:54He looks like he's a stuck above the top of the wheel and he just sat there for the night
26:00That hat is definitely a moist and leather suction
26:11Are you wanting ready is that what you wanted?
26:17So what do we think it means he was known as Ethel red the unready what does it mean it has nothing to do with being ready?
26:24Okay, he couldn't read
26:26No
26:28Actually the walkers made him smarter. I will say that that was good. Yeah, that was good
26:32Yeah, he was ill-advised is the thing. That's actually what it means. So he wasn't readied
26:37That's what I say when I'm late
26:43Counselor advice so if you were unraid you had no counsel or you had bad advice
26:47He ruled England from 978 to 1013 and then again from 1014 to 1016 from 980 the Danish Viking
26:55I feel I should apologize at this point and the Danish Vikings regularly raided the English shores and his first thing to do
27:03Was he paid the Danes loads of money to stay away and that didn't work?
27:05Then he tried massacring Danish settlers and then he lost his throne to Denmark's swine fork beard
27:14We thought it was a perfectly sensible name
27:19He doesn't look very smart if you're the king and then someone shows you that as your painting. Yeah, and you don't go. Are you joking? Yeah
27:26It's not gonna go well on a coin is it so it's about 150 years after he died
27:32He was first called unready, but it just means bad advice red is advice
27:36So for example Ethelred the unready translates as noble counsel. No counsel another obsolete meaning of the word unready is to get naked
27:45I'd say I'm unready when I'm naked not ready at all. I'm unready
27:48Unready? Unready!
27:49I don't
27:50Come in
27:51I don't
27:53Whenever I end up naked I normally say I'm ill-advised
27:58Then you turn away with embarrassment and your arse winks it's very it's all
28:02All of which brings us to the weird and wonderful matter of the scores
28:07Let's take a look in last place. I mean blinking useless with minus 21
28:11it's got no brains left. It's Alan
28:14In third place, marginally better than a poke in the eye
28:20with two whole points, Mel.
28:24And in short, first place, nudge, nudge, wink, wink,
28:27say no more, it's Paddy and Rasheen.
28:40Now, that's it for this edition of QI.
28:42Thanks to Rasheen, Patrick, Mel and Alan.
28:45And I leave you with this reflection from the writer Gene Kerr.
28:49I feel about aeroplanes the way I feel about diets.
28:52It seems to me they are wonderful things for other people to go on.
28:55Good night.
29:09APPLAUSE
29:13APPLAUSE
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