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00:00Alanis Morissette
00:29And these are my words in music
00:31I'm broke but I'm happy
00:46I'm poor but I'm kind
00:50I'm short but I'm healthy
00:53Yeah
00:54I'm high but I'm grounded
00:59I'm sane but I'm overbound
01:04I'm lost but I'm hopeful
01:07And what it all comes down to
01:12He said everything's gonna be fine, fine, fine
01:19Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
01:27And the other one is giving a high five
01:31I'm drunk but I'm sober
01:40I'm young and I'm underpaid
01:44I'm tired but I'm burned
01:47Yeah, yeah
01:49I care but I'm restless
01:53I'm here but I'm really gone
01:58I'm wrong and I'm sorry
02:01Baby
02:03And what it all comes down to
02:06He said everything's gonna be quite high
02:14Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
02:21And the other one is flicking a cigarette
02:25Yeah
02:27And the other one is GitHub
02:31And the other one is giving a cigarette
02:33And I'm sorry
02:34I know
02:35And the other one is living
02:37You know
02:39I know
02:39You know
02:40You know
02:40It's all
02:40You know
02:41You know
02:42What all comes down to
03:02Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
03:09I'm free but I'm focused I'm green but I'm wise
03:32I'm hot but I'm friendly
03:36Baby I'm sad but I'm laughing
03:43I'm brave but I'm chicken shit
03:47I'm sick but I'm pretty
03:50Baby
03:52And what it all boils down to
03:56Is it no one's really got it figured out just yet
04:03Yeah, yeah, yeah
04:07Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
04:11And the other one is saying I'm piano
04:15And what it all comes down to
04:23My dear friends, yeah, yeah
04:26You said everything is just fine, fine, fine, fine
04:33Cause I've got one hand in my pocket
04:38And the other one is having a taxi cab
04:43guitar solo
04:48guitar solo
04:49Yeah, yeah, yeah
04:51Yeah, yeah, yeah
05:44I think we wrote Hand in My Pocket
05:45in about five minutes and the vocals
05:49were the first take vocals for the demo
05:52and we actually attempted to re-record it.
05:56We didn't attempt to, we did re-record it
05:58and then we wound up using the demo itself
06:00because it had this sort of ineffable quality to it
06:03and that set a precedent for us to use
06:06the first or second take vocals from all the demos on the record.
06:10Glenn Ballard and I who wrote it together,
06:12we hadn't formally begun yet
06:13and I just wrote all the lyrics to Hand in My Pocket
06:16and I just thought it's an interesting portal
06:19into the conversation around how multitudinous
06:21we can be as humans, you know,
06:23that we have all these parts,
06:25you know, one part of me can be really inspired,
06:27another part can be exhausted on the floor,
06:29another part is pissed off at somebody
06:31and they're all happening at the same time
06:33so in some ways it's an invitation
06:36into investigating for lack of a better term
06:40who's in here, you know, what's going on in here
06:45and part of being an artist for me
06:46is really getting into and tilling the soil
06:49and this interiority, it's terrifying in here
06:51and I remember my son who's now 14,
06:54when he was four, he was feeling all our feelings
06:57and I said, let's see what's going on inside
06:59and he said, I don't want to go in there,
07:02it's terrifying and I said,
07:03well, you don't have to go in alone,
07:05I'll go in with you, you know.
07:07So in some ways, Hand in My Pocket,
07:09all songs really for me,
07:10but is an invitation to know
07:13that we can be multiple things at all times.
07:16It's what makes life interesting to me.
07:18These songs, when I write them,
07:20I'm not thinking and I'm alone in a room
07:24so it's incredibly vulnerable
07:26and I'm not in any kind of editing mode
07:28while I'm writing,
07:29I'm just, the music and lyrics
07:30are all happening at the same time.
07:32And I don't write them with a goal in mind.
07:35There's no manipulation around sharing it
07:38other than it just feels mandatory
07:40to not only express myself
07:41because I get depressed if I don't,
07:43but also just to share it.
07:45There's some elements of my calling
07:47that feels like public is okay,
07:49even though my temperament says,
07:52don't.
07:53So there's that inner conflict again
07:56of, you know, I'm a poodle
07:58inside of a black stallion body.
08:01Like when I wrote Hands Clean,
08:03the verses are about,
08:06I'm being spoken to by this person
08:08who the song's about
08:09and then in the chorus is,
08:12it's basically a dialogue captured.
08:13And I love doing that in songs
08:15where I can embody someone else
08:16and voice their voice
08:18and then have a communication with it.
08:20So the only thing about songwriting for me,
08:23at first I thought I was going to get away
08:24with having all my healing happen
08:26in the songwriting process,
08:28but I quickly came to see
08:30that art making is very cathartic,
08:32but it's not healing
08:33unless it's relational.
08:36So that plan didn't work.
08:37It's an imperative to write.
08:41So there's an urgency to it,
08:42even if the subject matter is soft or tender.
08:45There's an urgency to get the song out.
08:48And Glenn Ballard used to use the metaphor
08:49that he felt like I was hooking up
08:51to an IV unit when I was writing.
08:53Or Guy Sigsworth,
08:54I collaborated with him.
08:56He would say to me every day I came in,
08:58he'd say,
08:58well, what horse from the apocalypse
09:00is coming in today, Aless?
09:02And that's when they asked me
09:03to write a song that was a party song.
09:05My record company was like,
09:06we think it could be time
09:07for you to write a party song.
09:09I was like, oh, yeah, I'll write a party song.
09:11I'll write about what it's like
09:12to be an introvert at a party,
09:13losing your mind.
09:16Anyway, that's when I covered my humps.
09:21It won't be my song that I wrote,
09:22but I could do someone else's party song.
09:24So when it came time
09:27to shoot the video for it,
09:29my record company sat down with me
09:31and they said,
09:31we really, we think it'd be really sweet
09:33if we brought in a bunch of like 12-year-olds
09:34and then it's karaoke.
09:36And I said, have you heard the song?
09:41So there were 12-year-olds in the video,
09:43but the empowered 12-year-olds.
09:46And I love hearing other people's
09:48interpretations of this song,
09:49hands clean in general.
09:50I remember someone came up to me
09:51and they said,
09:52I love that song you wrote
09:54about your lesbian teacher.
09:55It's so good.
09:59And I was like, which teacher?
10:00Because there were a few.
10:03But yeah, I don't correct anybody.
10:05It's not mine to be interpreted
10:06after it's out in the world.
10:09But when I'm writing,
10:10it's just sort of this channeled,
10:12unfettered experience.
10:13And then the sharing of it is just,
10:15you know, if there's something in this
10:16that resonates with you, use it.
10:18It's for you.
10:22If it weren't for your maturity,
10:31none of this would have happened.
10:34If you weren't so wise beyond your years,
10:37I would have been able to control myself.
10:40And if it weren't for my attention,
10:43you wouldn't have been successful.
10:45And if it weren't for me,
10:48it would never have amounted to very much.
10:53Oh, this could get messy.
10:59But yeah, yeah, yeah,
11:00you don't seem to my eye on them.
11:05Oh, don't go telling everybody.
11:09And overlook this supposed crime.
11:17And we'll fast forward to a few years later.
11:21And no one knows except the both of us
11:28And I have honored your request for silence
11:35And you've washed your hands clean
11:40This, you're essentially an employee
11:44And I like you having to depend on me
11:48And you're a kind of protege
11:50And one day you'll say you'll learn all you know from me
11:54And I know you depend on me like a young thing would to guard me up
12:00I know you sexualized me like a young thing would
12:05And I think I like it
12:07Oh, this could get messy
12:12But here you won't seem to my eye
12:19And oh, don't go telling everybody
12:24And overlook this supposed crime
12:30And we'll fast forward to a few years later
12:36No one knows except the both of us
12:44And I have honored your request for silence
12:49And you've washed your hands clean
12:54What part of our history is reinvented and under rug sweat
13:06And what part of your memory is so active
13:15And tends to forget what with this distance it seems so obvious
13:22Just make sure you don't tell on me
13:26Especially to members of your family
13:29And we best keep this to ourselves
13:32And not tell any members of our inner posse
13:35And I wish I could tell the world
13:38Cause you're such a pretty thing
13:40When you're done up properly
13:41And I might want to marry you one day
13:44If you watch that weight
13:46And you keep your firm body
13:48And oh, this could get messy
13:53But you, you, you don't seem to mind
14:00And oh, don't go telling everybody
14:05And overlook this supposed crime
14:11And we'll fast forward to a few years later
14:18And no one knows except the both of us
14:25And I have honored your request for silence
14:30And you've washed your hands clean
14:35Of this
14:37Oh, oh, oh
14:45Oh, oh, oh
14:51Oh, oh
14:57Oh, oh, oh
15:21Oh, oh, oh
15:22Jagged Little Pill, the musical
15:24allowed me to live my values pretty explicitly.
15:28And what I mean by that is I was just working with people
15:31who I could lean on and they could lean on me.
15:33And there were times where I would zoom in
15:34because I could see I was needed.
15:36Might have been a moment of psychological opinion needed.
15:40So I would weigh in when I could see that they needed support.
15:43And when they didn't, I would just lean back
15:46during the making of the musical.
15:48I just remember being in front of a whiteboard
15:49with Diablo Cody and Diane Paulus and Tom Kidd.
15:53We were all in the room together.
15:55And we'd be talking about the story.
15:57And Diablo Cody is the first person to say
15:59that these characters were born from the songs.
16:01So I think that's why there's a cohesiveness to the musical.
16:05It was a dream come true in terms of collaboration
16:07and relaxing because in some ways I wasn't carrying at all.
16:12It was us as a collective.
16:14We all really collaborated in a way that I had always spoken about
16:17and talked about it being the ideal relational artistic experience.
16:21But this took it to a whole other level.
16:25When Glenn and I wrote Ironic,
16:27this was the first of the songs written for the whole record.
16:31And I wasn't writing wildly autobiographically quite yet.
16:36More sort of storytelling, getting to know Glenn.
16:38And at one point I didn't want the song in the record
16:41because I thought that it was sort of,
16:43for lack of a better term, our warm-up, you know.
16:46But I loved the song, so it's not that I had any issues with it.
16:49But I just thought that was one of the last songs
16:52where I wasn't entirely talking about
16:53sort of that inside-out approach.
16:56So, um, but people got really triggered
16:59by the malapropism or whatever the word is.
17:03I am a linguist.
17:05I'm obsessed with linguistisms.
17:07I also love making up words, and I also don't care.
17:12So navigating those three is fun.
17:16Where I go when people are triggered by anything
17:19is I quickly go to what's at the epicenter of this?
17:22What is everyone really up in arms about?
17:24Why is everyone laughing?
17:26Um, and I think we're afraid to look stupid.
17:31So I think, because who is a linguist
17:35and then misuses a word?
17:38You know, what kind of person does that is where I go.
17:41Um, but I wasn't being precious about it,
17:43and I think a lot of lyrics around the planet,
17:46many, many artists, most of us,
17:48aren't being wildly precious about it.
17:49Um, so I'm 90% grammar police,
17:53which is the real irony.
17:55Uh, and then 10%, I really couldn't care less.
17:59So I think the 10% won over on that song.
18:02An old man turned 98,
18:08he won the lottery and died the next day.
18:27It's a black flag in your Chardonnay.
18:34It's a death row of pardon,
18:36two minutes too late.
18:39Isn't it ironic?
18:41Don't you think?
18:43It's like rain on your wedding day.
18:50It's a free ride when you've already paid.
18:56It's the good of yours that you just didn't take.
19:03And who would have thought it figures?
19:09Mr. Play It Safe was the freight fly.
19:14He packed his suitcase and kissed his kiss goodbye.
19:20He waited his whole damn life to take that flight.
19:26And as the plane crashed down,
19:29he thought,
19:30well, isn't this nice?
19:33And isn't it ironic?
19:35Don't you think?
19:38It's like rain
19:40when you're wedding day.
19:44It's a free ride
19:46when you've already paid.
19:50It's the good of yours
19:52that you just didn't take.
19:57And who would have thought it figures?
20:03Well, life was a funny way
20:05of sneaking up on you
20:07when you think everything's okay
20:09and everything's going right.
20:15And yeah, well, life was a funny way
20:17of helping you out
20:19when you think everything's gone wrong
20:21and everything blows up in your face.
20:27A traffic jam
20:29when you're already late
20:32and no smoking sign
20:36on your cigarette break.
20:39It's like 10,000 spoons
20:41when all you need is a knife.
20:45It's meeting the man of my dreams
20:48and meeting his beautiful husband.
20:52And isn't it ironic?
20:55Don't you think?
20:58A little too ironic.
21:02And yeah, I really, really, really, really
21:04think it's like rain
21:06when you're wedding day
21:10to free your heart
21:14when you've already paid
21:16to death for yours
21:20that you just didn't take
21:23and who would have thought
21:26it figures.
21:28a little too ironic.
21:43You know what?
21:44Oh yeah.
21:45Yeah.
21:45Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.
22:06Someone the other day asked me,
22:09so, tell me some of the differences between performing in the 90s and performing now.
22:13And there are many differences, but the only one I really thought of off the top of my head was,
22:18now when I'm on stage, I do things like this.
22:21Woo!
22:23Whereas in the 90s, I was just like, help me.
22:26Somebody help me.
22:27Now I'm just partying, apparently.
22:31There was a period of time in the 90s where I couldn't even look at anybody,
22:34and I was really happy that the rooms were dark,
22:36because the intimacy invitation was too much for me,
22:40and now I can look at people for three seconds.
22:43For next month. No, I'm just kidding.
22:46No, there's more intimacy now, and rest is just a declaration of what I wish for those I love the most,
22:54especially those who are mired in work addiction and productivity and achievement.
22:59You know, we live in a culture that says we're supposed to be productive,
23:01and we're supposed to be all these things, and yet all of these things,
23:04all these brass rings we're chasing can be debilitating to take that on.
23:11And so we're caught between what we're being told externally to do
23:15and what our whole internal somatic body experience is telling us.
23:18So the best gift of getting older for me is that I implicitly trust my body now.
23:23So if I hear a request or anything and my body says no, well, then there's the answer.
23:31I used to think I had to sort of intellectually back that up,
23:34and now I just, if the body says no, then we're done.
23:37And then this song was also inspired by a lot of my acquaintances and friends,
23:46some of whom passed away just based on how intense it is to be an empath
23:50and an introvert in the public eye and a really sensitive person in the public eye.
23:55It's like there's this muscle of interiority and sensitivity that allows for art being made,
24:00and I remember Sinead O'Connor said this too, where she said,
24:02everyone loves the songs and the yields from us artists, but we're suffering, you know?
24:09So for me, this song was sort of marking the suicidality that comes from how intense it is
24:18to feel so deeply in a world that sends a lot of very confusing messages to us.
24:24And there's no handbook for that.
24:25There's no handbook for fame, and there's no handbook for how to navigate fame
24:28if you're Kurt Cobain or if you're a sensitive creature, you know?
24:33I used to run around hoping to get a mentor of a kind, you know?
24:36I remember seeing Annie Lennox at the Brit Awards going,
24:38hi, you know, in the back of my mind thinking, will you be my mommy?
24:42She was like, so lovely to meet you, and then runs off, and I was like, oh, okay.
24:47I'll try again next time.
24:49What I kept, 90s were not about the sisterhood as such,
24:53but I kept trying to find someone who I could vent with or lean on,
24:58and it took a couple decades.
25:01So to me, that speaks to what the song, Rest, is about,
25:04that, you know, this one human being is giving so much,
25:08and then isolate in a way, because I thought fame would bring us all closer,
25:14but in some ways it can actually kind of create this othering,
25:17which was really painful at first, but more on that some other time.
25:21I have a lot of empathy for so many artists,
25:27and I have a really sweet, now in 2025, 26 era,
25:31I just feel like I have a really sweet relationship
25:33with very sensitive artists, all genders.
25:37Just, um, we do have a community now,
25:39and a lot of people who are in the bubble,
25:42I am challenged, I just invite them to reach out to me.
25:45Because I would be so happy to support you.
25:48All these relief givers
26:00The needle sure revs in the red
26:04Chemicals like hugs from
26:15Inside they feel like my best friend
26:20You think me a coward, but I am a warrior
26:31With many voices in my head
26:35When I looked around and I reached on
26:45I saw no alternative
26:49God rest
26:58God rest
27:01Our souls
27:03And this substance
27:12Is the only comfort I know
27:17He's been pushing for a while
27:26Can we cut this man some slack
27:30And let him lie down
27:33Let him lie down
27:37We are a country dead
27:43Spread for the embryonic
27:47I'm cold and I'm hungry and
27:57I yearn for a hand
27:59I yearn for a hand on my forehead
28:01I yearn for a hand on my forehead
28:04You think it's a walk in the park and it's easy
28:12She's got it
28:13She's got it as good as it gets
28:15She's got it as good as it gets
28:19This misunderstandings
28:24A line between living
28:26And being the walking dead
28:31And God rest
28:36And God rest
28:38God rest
28:41God rest
28:41Our souls
28:42And the more I take
28:51The more I take
28:52The less comfort I know
28:58She's been pushing for a while
29:07Can we cut this woman slack
29:10And let her lie down
29:14Let her lie down
29:18The more that you hurl at me
29:24The more I will curl up in my bed
29:28Where's the humanity
29:38Aren't we all hovering around the same end
29:45Door number one, two, and three
29:52Heaven promises
29:54That aren't real enough to be kept
29:58You wish me a speedy recovery
30:07But when you turn, I climb the depths
30:13God rest
30:20God, please rest our souls
30:26This is the surest exit I have known
30:40We've been hurting for a while
30:48Can we cut ourselves some slack
30:52Let us lie down
30:56Let them lie down
30:59Let her lie down
31:03Let me lie down
31:07I always feel like forgiveness is pushed too early
31:25I'll be really upset about something
31:29And someone will say
31:29Well, you're going to need to forgive
31:31Let me be angry for seven minutes
31:34And then I think forgiveness emerges naturally
31:38It's not something that I have to will myself
31:40And on a spiritual level too
31:42Is there something to forgive?
31:44We're all just running around
31:45Stepping on each other's toes
31:47And some of us take responsibility
31:48And some of us don't
31:50And just effects and consequences to that
31:53And I'm just telling my kids how exciting it is
31:55To take responsibility
31:56How fun it is
31:57And how easy
31:59I just love anger so much
32:02It gets such a bad rap
32:08I think it gets a bad rap obviously
32:11Because we often we think
32:13When we hear anger
32:14We think destruction
32:15We think harm
32:16We think bullying
32:17We think murder
32:18Genocide
32:19Hate
32:20But it's inaccurate
32:23Because anger moves worlds
32:25Anger sets boundaries
32:26Anger underpins all activism that I do
32:28So it's really about transmuting it
32:32For our purposes
32:33And our goals
32:34You know
32:35And it's a fiery emotion
32:37And yes, it could have people
32:39Want to punch people
32:41Or turn tables over
32:42But I always say to my kids
32:44I'm like, yeah
32:45I do want to punch that person
32:48But here's why I'm not going to
32:50So validating the emotion
32:54And then going in
32:55To be a socialized creature
32:56And play well in the sandbox
32:58With other people
32:58We don't actually punch people
33:00So
33:01I think the record company at the time
33:04Wanted hand in my pocket first
33:06And I just remember thinking
33:09Women get reduced a lot
33:12Or women, whatever
33:14Humans
33:14We get reduced
33:15Like, oh, that person
33:16Is the funny person
33:17And then we move on
33:18Or we just kind of reduce
33:19In general sometimes
33:21So I just thought
33:22If I'm going to be reduced
33:23To a feeling
33:24Which at the beginning
33:26If I'm going to be
33:27One-dimensionalized
33:28Which is the
33:29It's inevitable
33:30In the public eye
33:31What would I want to be
33:33One-dimensionalized as?
33:34Would I rather be
33:35Seen as the angry woman
33:38Or the people-pleasing woman
33:40And all these are true anyway
33:41And I said
33:43I think anger
33:44Would be the most fun
33:46So I really
33:49I mean, I say
33:49I fought for it
33:50I didn't have to fight
33:51I just was really
33:52Excited about
33:53You ought to know
33:53And I remember
33:54Writing the song
33:55And then I turned to Glenn
33:56And I said
33:56Obviously we're going to need
33:58To play with those lyrics
33:59And he said
34:00Why?
34:03And he said
34:04Is that what you mean?
34:05And I said
34:06Yes
34:06And he said
34:08Okay, well let's keep it
34:09And I said
34:11Okay
34:11So we didn't change anything
34:14And we didn't change anything
34:15With any of the songs
34:16I remember writing
34:17You ought to know
34:17And I waited ten years
34:18And I wanted a response song
34:20From somebody
34:21And I never got one
34:23So I wrote the song
34:24Called A Man
34:25As a response to me
34:28Here's what you do
34:31When no one's talking to you
34:32You talk to yourself
34:33I got excited
34:35To be the spokesperson
34:37Very briefly
34:38On behalf of anger
34:39And that was really fun
34:40Because it was a nice catalyst
34:41For me to talk about it
34:43With people
34:44And actually get into
34:45Real
34:45The real emotions
34:47That we're feeling
34:48And we live
34:48In a culture in general
34:50That
34:50Is terrified of feelings
34:53And this isn't just men
34:55Women often are told
34:56Don't be
34:57Definitely don't be angry
34:58Don't be scared
35:00Always scared
35:01Scared right now
35:03And so don't be scared
35:04Don't be angry
35:05And some moments
35:06Of messaging
35:07That looked like
35:08Don't be happy
35:09So I was like
35:11Okay
35:11So what's left
35:12So anytime I can be
35:15A support
35:17Or a champion
35:18For feelings
35:19I am
35:19And I'm not talking
35:20About the destruction
35:21And the acting out
35:22I'm talking about
35:22The raw feeling
35:24And it creates art
35:26It creates all the things
35:27We love
35:27It creates movies
35:28So
35:29And you can advocate
35:31For your child
35:31By being pissed off
35:32About something
35:33So
35:33I just want to
35:35Turn the frown
35:36Upside down
35:37On anger
35:37As I got older
35:38Anger didn't go anywhere
35:40I think anger
35:41Just showed up differently
35:42So whereas in my 20s
35:44I may have been reactive
35:46Took things personally
35:48You know
35:48Sometimes
35:49As I got older
35:50It was like
35:51It just turned into activism
35:54It turned into me
35:56Realizing that
35:57It would move worlds
35:58My anger moves worlds
35:59It has me show up
36:01You know
36:0250% of the time
36:03I'm showing up
36:03Because I'm pissed
36:04About something
36:05And I want to
36:05Be part of the change
36:07I want you to know
36:27That I'm happy for you
36:32I wish nothing but
36:37The best for you both
36:42I'm no diversionary
36:45Is she perverted like me
36:48Would she go down on you
36:50In a theater
36:52Does she speak adequately
36:55And would she have your baby
36:58I'm sure she'd make
37:00A really excellent mother
37:03Cause the love that you gave
37:06That we made
37:06Wasn't able to make it
37:08Enough for you
37:09To be open wide
37:11No
37:12And every time
37:16You speak her name
37:17Does she know
37:18How you told me
37:19To hold me
37:20Till you died
37:21Till you died
37:23But you said I died
37:25And I'm here
37:26To remind you
37:30A mess you left
37:33When you went away
37:35It's not fair
37:37To deny away
37:40Of the cross I bear
37:43That you gave to me
37:45You, you, you
37:47Ought to know
37:49You seem very well
37:52Things look peaceful
37:57I am not quite as well
38:04I thought you should know
38:08Did you forget about me
38:12Mr. Duplicite
38:14Mr. Duplicite
38:15I hate to bug you
38:17In the middle
38:18Of dinner
38:19But it was a slap
38:22In the face
38:23How quickly
38:24I was replaced
38:25And I am thinking of me
38:28When you
38:29Fuck her
38:30Cause the love
38:32That you gave
38:33That we made
38:33Wasn't able to make it
38:35On her foot
38:36To be open
38:37Wide
38:38No
38:40And every time
38:43You speak her name
38:44Does she know
38:45How you told me
38:46To hold me
38:47Till you died
38:48Till you died
38:50But yes
38:51And I'm here
38:53To remind you
38:57I'll miss you
38:59Left
39:00When you went away
39:02It's not fair
39:04To deny away
39:07A cross I bear
39:10That you gave to me
39:12Girl, girl, girl
39:14I don't know
39:16I don't know
39:32Love
39:33Love
39:35Oh
39:58Is the joke that she laid in the bed that was me and I'm not gonna fade as soon as you close your eyes
40:05And you know
40:08And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
40:16Well, can you feel it?
40:32To
40:35I
40:37Gave to
40:38Me
40:39Yeah
40:40Yeah
40:41I don't know
40:42I am here
40:44To remind you
40:47I'm a mess you left when you went away
40:52It's not fair to deny you lay a cross-eyed bear that you gave to me
41:02But you're, you're, you're, you're, I don't know
41:08I'd like to introduce my bandmates to you
41:17I'd like to introduce my bandmates to you
41:21I'd like to introduce my bandmates to you
41:33This is Julian Coriel on guitar
41:36Jason Orm on guitar as well
41:41And Mike Farrell on piano, trumpet
41:48Touring with these gentlemen has been a very healing experience for me
41:58We were driving in a country somewhere and the driver was being really mean to me
42:05And I said, uh, please stop the car
42:09And they, and he's yelling at me
42:12And then I said, please stop the car
42:14And he's like, I'm gonna stop this car
42:16And then I said, yeah, that's what I'm asking you to do
42:19Just let me out
42:20And so I got out and my bandmates, all of you, were behind me
42:24And they switched cars so fast with me
42:27And when they were jumping into the car
42:30I, I turned to Steve and I said, um
42:32Don't let this driver say anything terrible about women
42:36And he, the second you got in, he said
42:40Women these days, that feminist movement, they're talking too much
42:44And then Steve said to him, yeah, we love Alana
42:49She's our favorite boss in the world
42:51And then there was an awkward hour and a half ride after that for them
42:54So thank you
42:56Thank you
42:58The more I traveled as a child
43:05I lived in Germany for a few years
43:07Canada
43:07Traveled all over Europe as a child
43:10Spoke German and French
43:12And just my parents and my dad in particular
43:16My mom's Hungarian escaped during the revolution in 1956
43:19We were just in Budapest together
43:21And went into her apartment as a child
43:24Where she would hide people
43:25And it's just a beautiful story
43:27She's actually writing a book about it
43:28So I'm excited about her sharing her story
43:30Um, and my dad is French-Canadian, Irish
43:34Um, so I think they come by it honestly
43:37There's a, there's a traveling willabury element
43:40To their approach to life
43:41And it's just been instilled in us kids
43:43That this is a planet
43:45And that's one of the best parts of traveling
43:47Is I get to just see the food and the fabric
43:49And the fashion and the prayer
43:51And the mosques and the politics
43:53And the, just really get inside
43:55As much as I possibly can in short amounts of time
43:57I wrote Thank You with Glenn in the studio
44:01After I had come home from spending some time in India
44:04And it was just really incredible having been there
44:07I, I actually went to India
44:08To kind of escape from the wildness of everything
44:10And for the most part
44:12I kind of blended in with
44:14All the other international tourists
44:16Every once in a while on a train somewhere
44:18Someone would be staring at me
44:20And I would go
44:21Um, but for the most part
44:28It was pretty unfettered
44:29And it was very healing to just
44:31Go to a country where my interpretation of it
44:35Was that everywhere I turned
44:36It was an invitation to pray
44:38An invitation to go in
44:40An invitation to be still and present
44:42And it was really inspiring for me
44:44Uh, to be there
44:45After having toured, um
44:47For almost a year and a half at that point
44:50So
44:50So I came back and wrote Thank You
44:53And it was this really sort of
44:55It felt very, uh, surreal in a way
44:58It just felt like I was graduating
45:01On a consciousness level
45:03I don't know what was happening
45:04It was pretty overwhelming and beautiful
45:06Um, and then I went
45:08And then that eventually went away
45:10And then I've chased it ever since
45:11But, um, yeah
45:13The gratitude too
45:14Because I always think of myself
45:16In go mode or planning mode
45:18Or
45:18But that rest
45:21That transition into resting and reflecting
45:23Is the time where I get to say thanks
45:25Right, as opposed to what I used to do
45:27Work addiction
45:28I would go
45:29Plan, go, plan, go, plan, go, dead
45:31Nervous breakdown, you know
45:33So then I just included a little more transition
45:36A little more reflection
45:37And having come back from India
45:39Where I had more time to really reflect and meditate
45:41Uh, I was just overcome with gratitude
45:44And then that song was written in about 15 minutes
45:47How about getting off
46:07How about stopping eating when I am full of
46:19How about them transparent dangling carrots
46:30How about that ever-elusive kudo
46:40Thank you, India
46:45Thank you, terror
46:48Thank you, disillusionment
46:53Thank you, frailty
46:55Thank you, consequence
46:58Thank you, thank you, silence
47:02How about me not blaming you for everything
47:11How about me enjoying the moment for once
47:22How about how good it feels to finally forgive you
47:32How about grieving it all at a time
47:42How about me not blaming you for everything
47:42Thank you, India
47:44Thank you, India
47:45Thank you, terror
47:46Thank you, disillusionment
47:50Thank you, frailty
48:00Thank you, consequence
48:02Thank you, thank you, silence
48:05Thank you, thank you, silence
48:06The moment I ain't let go of it
48:11Was the moment I got more than I could
48:16And all the moment I jumped off of it
48:21Was the moment I touched down
48:26How about no longer being masochistic
48:34How about remembering your divinity
48:43How about unabashedly bawling your eyes out
48:55How about not equating death with stopping
49:04Thank you, India
49:10Thank you, Providence
49:13Thank you, disillusionment
49:18Thank you, nothingness
49:21Thank you, clarity
49:23Thank you, thank you, silence
49:28Yeah, yeah
49:31No, no
49:37No, no
49:43No, no
49:47No, no
49:51No
49:53No
49:55No
49:57No
49:59No
50:03No
50:05No
50:07No
50:09No
50:11No
50:15Oh
50:17No
50:19No
50:21No
50:23No
50:24No
50:25No
50:26No
50:27No
50:28No
50:29I don't want to see it.
50:59I don't want to see it.
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